Jeremy Maddux > Recent Status Updates

'The vulture waddles to your side. You take Dave’s twenty and pocket it. “We good?” “We’re good.” Gary pauses to catch his breath. “Go get your misery on.”

"You had two jobs, Milton. Keep your ex happy and shit your pants. Your wife left you, so you’re down to one job. One thing expected of you, and you can’t even do that. You can’t even complete a basic human function.” “Fuck you, Gary. You rent porn to registered sex offenders on welfare central and barf into a burning barrel with a gang of derelict fuckwits under the local bridge. Who are you to talk!?”

“Because I’d assume it wasn’t your dick in either case. If it was his fantasy, he’d make it smaller than his, and if it was your fantasy, you’d make it bigger than it actually is.” “What exactly are you getting at here, sir?” Bob asks. “That one of you has a tiny dick. And we’re about to find out who."

'Zeng Xisheng lost his position, and later his life, not for causing the death of so many people but for introducing the reforms which saved many more lives.'

Bizarro Pulp Press has been on a roll as far as releasing quality weird books lately. Expect them to pick up Eraserhead Press' endless slack, and maybe even surpass them.

“Some people call him the Kurt Cobain of ornamental fruit carving!”

“Some people call him the Kurt Cobain of ornamental fruit carving!”

"You killed him because you knew I was going to leave with him, once I got out. He masturbated me, at the hospital. And I masturbated him. God, what a strong, hard cock he had! A young cock!” ​Harry, eyes on the road, started blinking. “We’ll stop by the cemetery later, dig him up, and you can jerk off his corpse. Hopefully, his strong, hard cock won’t break off in your hand. But for now, shut the fuck up.”