Jeremy Maddux > Recent Status Updates

'He imagined several skin cells up close, pressed against each other. And he imagined the giant wall of the stainless steel blade, colossal and blunt, intruding so rudely upon this wall of cells, separating them, ripping the cell membrane, popping the nucleus and causing the endoplasmic reticulum to wobble through the torn jelly.'

Dam grabbed Frank's head and screamed at his expressionless face.
"Hello, Frank! You taste GREAT!"

"Take a good look at Frank, Flan! Look at him good! Part of him is in your belly, my belly, the belly of my wife and daughters, the belly of your fish and the belly of my zebra dog. He's quite generous, don't you think!?"

This hissing, it is a sound that us brothers, we have never heard mud make this sound ever before. Listen with us now to this mud burning. The mud, it is alive now with flame and with fire. No, Brother, there is nothing slow and just smoking away about the way that this fire is burning. Us brothers, we are jumping back now just to keep our boots from catching on fire. The mud, it is good and it is burning.

'A stuffed polar bear on a hydraulic jack allowed visitors to replicate the “polar bear fell on me” scene from Roadhouse, and snap a selfie while being ‘crushed’ beneath the beast. Diners could settle who paid the check with a match at the arm wrestling table from Over the Top; or be chosen at random by the Predator’s tri-laser targeting system.'

'But when that darn old sun comes out again in the heavy morning, it will be the same old rotting flesh in the trainyard, the same rotting positions of ragdoll surrender to gravity, the same rotting pouts on their pus dripping faces.'

'In a lengthy discourse that was bleeped out, Sullivan maintained that Buzz was left in the hot desert and “crawled through the hot sand until he met the she wolf who gave him the breath of life."'

Sullivan would then give one of the most bizarre interviews ever aired on national television as told the listening audience that Sawyer was birthed from a werewolf mother who squatted in the desert and shitted Buzz out of her birth canal.

“There was nothing wrong with his work,” Cornette said when trying to encapsulate Sawyer's career. “He was just a lunatic.”

Chaplin, James. Tale of a Mad Dog : Wrestling Legend Buzz Sawyer (pp. 22-23). Kindle Edition.

“Sylvester Stallone?” “An underrated comic talent.” “Jean-Claude Van Damme?” “I can’t understand a word that fruity little Frog says.” “Steven Seagal?” “I need to be careful what I say here, for national security reasons… but having worked with Agent Seagal on numerous highly classified operations, for a certain intelligence agency which will remain nameless, I can confirm he’s the real deal.”

'He was a Sloth-from-Se7en-sized man-child with a neckbeard and long thinning hair raked backed in an unkempt ponytail. He wore sneakers and jean shorts and a T-shirt with a silkscreen print of Chewbacca boning Leia from behind, with the legend WOOKIES DO IT BETTER.'

Every time I read something from this series and author, I have to laugh out loud a lot yet I read on anyway.