Jeremy Maddux > Recent Status Updates

“You might be an old hag, but I’ll put a deformed baby in you yet!”

'Old ladies were the nicest beings in all the land. That someone could harm one was one of the red flags of demonic possession, as were: a). harming animals, b). harming developmentally challenged people, c). harming physically impaired people, and d). enjoying wasabi.'

“See, these restaurants have started sellin’ fancy bottled water instead of regular tap water. They wanna make sure you still pay for what you can get for free.”'

Wow, I never thought about it like that... And I WORK in a restaurant.

'Seconds of silence passed, then Hobart said in an out-of-the-blue fashion: “I’m gonna use this knowledge to stick my dick so far up Ellis’s twat she’ll give birth to a retarded alfalfa.”'

'Derek was living the life he’d always fantasized of: he was now the Michael Myers/Jason Voorhees/Chucky/Freddy Krueger/whoever the fuck that dude in Angst was named/whoever the fuck that dude in Maniac was named/whoever the fuck that chick in High Tension was named/etc. of his own movie: the movie called Real Life.'

“God, these platypuses sure are ugly. Whew! She smells, too. God,” said Ruckus, looking toward the mine’s ceiling, “why did you have to make platypuses so ugly, smelly, and stupid?” From Possessed Angie: “AUUUUUUUUGH!” “What was that? I couldn’t hear ya. I guess them beaks God gave ya make it hard for you to get words out.”

This dude is absolute scum, but my curiosity made me give this goofy ass with the Spock eyebrows money for coffee.

“Any chance of you two getting back together?” “You know, when you wind up in a straitjacket in a jail cell in your ex-boyfriend’s dungeon, any chance of reconciliation is probably off the table. Unless he brings me flowers. Then I’d totally be his again.”

'“I could tell you, but what the fook difference would it make? You don’t know anything. I’d probably have to explain a bunch of basic stuff, like what a man is and what a piece of scum is and how a man can lie to your face for years and we’d be here all day.” “Aren’t we going to be here all day regardless?” “I’d still rather not.”'

'“I could tell you, but what the fook difference would it make? You don’t know anything. I’d probably have to explain a bunch of basic stuff, like what a man is and what a piece of scum is and how a man can lie to your face for years and we’d be here all day.” “Aren’t we going to be here all day regardless?” “I’d still rather not.”'

This series is one of the most maddening I have ever read. The details and political intrigue, as well as the sizeable backstory of this sprawling world are impossible to keep up with.

'Jorge Vallejo Corona, the Placenta Eater. 24 outworlds. He has set up a chamber in his radiation shelter twenty meters underground. There, his kidnapped victims give birth: he kills them after extracting and eating their placenta; finally, he immerses them into a sulfuric acid bath. In some cases, before the baths, he removes their livers, which he eats as well. Self-mutilated tongue, in order to split the muscles:'

'Only the survival of the fittest ever made it out of the hole.'

I'm fairly certain this is a grammatical blunder.

'He fumbled in his pocket and produced a small round box. “What’s this?” I asked him. “Another magical trick?” He opened the lid. “Kind of. It’s a compass.”'

Masterton, Graham. Charnel House . Open Road Media. Kindle Edition.

“The Ordeal of Three involved cutting open a woman’s stomach and sewing up into her stomach a live reptile, like a Gila monster, then cutting open a horse or a cow and disemboweling it, then sewing up the woman inside the horse. The art of the torture was to keep all three victims, lizard, woman, and horse, alive as long as possible.”