Jeremy Maddux > Recent Status Updates

I just want to say that the alternate cover for this is shameful. No one should have a book cover that could make readers mistake them for Captain Underpants. That artist should do better or do something else.

This dude is one social coke bump away from having an Adult Swim show. 'I remember telling my first-grade class that my parents raised me as a LaVeyan Satanist, and I once met Charlie Manson when he was playing bass for a Beach Boys tribute band at a bar show in Playa Del Rey, California.'

Seriously... Is this the same J Peter W that wrote Luciferin? I knew he'd finally realize his full potential and write a masterpiece. This one is too early to call, but it's shaping up to be that book.

'They went on joking and moving boxes into the early evening when they paused to perform the contemporary house-breaking-in ritual of ordering delivery pizza and then sex on the unadorned floor. After the sex they shifted their attentions to exploring the new abode. Doors led to rooms all over the house: upstairs, a kitchen, two bathrooms...'

“Sssshhh,” Schiaparelli says. “I have already delivered another dose of scent to his Sanitarium. I’ve also seen to it that your husband is treated by the most respected respirologist in all of Asheville. His name is Dr. Acula.”'

If I'm being honest, this one is slightly improved compared to Well Dressed Wound. At least the gibberish SORT of applies to a plot, arc or narrative, formless as it may be.

Coco Chanel and the Carter Family crawl from the Maze. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V. V.'

This is exactly what the guy did in Well Dressed Wound. Just random breakaway typed gibberish. STOP, PLEASE!

'“It appears they’ve formed a team to try and beat you fellas out at getting the Stanley Cup Trophy. It took us at the Bureau a minute to find them out: they’re calling themselves the Ashdale Bad Ominous Masked Badguys, or A BOMB! And boy they are mean, mean, mean! It’s scary but okay. Watch out on the ice out there Mac. Everybody at the Bureau is counting on you boys.”'

“Terrorists, Mac. They’ve gone and planted a bomb in the highest award you can win for hockey, the Stanley Cup. We’re putting together a federal hockey team to try and stop them. We’ve gotta win that trophy and disarm the explosive bomb, Mac. You are the first call I’ve made. I’ve never known a finer agent – or offensive forward center. Your country needs you one . . . more . . . time.”

'Just as he was about to pen his thoughts in his notebook, his cordless phone rang. “Bleeen bleeen!” It went. “Oh great! Just when I was about to write some more of my thoughts about dolphins, truly amazing creatures that they are, my phone rings.” He straightened himself up and he answered the phone, all business. “Hello. This is Bogus.”'

'He gulped a handsome gulp and began, “Chief it’s – terrorists, they’ve – they’ve planted an explosive bomb in the Stanley cup! It’s set to go off at the end of the season at the precise moment the winning team is declared the champions for that year!”'

Luman, Art. Federal Offense . Horrible Vacuum International. Kindle Edition.

'Brad, if you want even one opportunity to live through this, you’ve got to give me one example of something women are good at, and fast!” She grabbed his throat, and shoved him against the wall, eyes wide with fire! “Uhh…uh..” Brad mumbled, his brain going a million miles…an hour! “Well, women are good at sewing, right?” Brad used a free hand to imitate sewing a delicate pattern; perhaps a flower, or hummingbird.'

Upon turning a corner, Brad met Milmonda face to face! She looked pissed! “Milmonda! I can explain! We never did the vertical mambo! Our ticket for the bone zone was never punched! Your warm goopy zonko never even got near my fire column! I faked the whole thing!”

Gunk, Mark. The Best Thing Since Sliced Brad . Horrible Vacuum International. Kindle Edition.

they all began chanting “We love roofies! Sex at any cost! Men men men! We rule the world!”

Gunk, Mark. The Best Thing Since Sliced Brad . Horrible Vacuum International. Kindle Edition.

Angela continued, “Brad? Are you ok? You just…I think you blacked out!” She knelt down, looking into his face. “Look, if you’re ok, I should really be going. Be careful though and maybe a doctor could be the kind of thing you talk to next. Byeeee!” With that, Angela skipped down the sidewalk, off into the distance.

Gunk, Mark. The Best Thing Since Sliced Brad . Horrible Vacuum International. Kindle Edition.

Heard this guy on Coast to Coast AM this morning and had to buy a ticket, take the ride because Eisenhower & aliens. When Dwight Met Glorp

I've read Steve Stred's work before, and it was okay. But this is on the way to being genuinely compelling.