Status Updates From My Grumpy Billionaire (The ...

“It is amazing how my body still functions on autopilot, even though my heart has been ripped to shreds.” ❤️‍🩹

“Being alone always sucks.”

“If she told me to do a cartwheel so we could fuck, I’d do it.” 🤣

Pregnancy announcement! So far I’m seeing green. Please don’t kill my mood please don’t kill my mood 😩

“People say they don’t care who you’re related to. That’s a lie. Ask any family member of a serial killer.”

“My cycle is highly irregular, so I try to track it just in case it’s important for my doctor to know to make a diagnosis.” <<< same girl, same.

“Expectations bring nothing but heartache.”

“I bet you could grate cheese on his abs.” 🤣

“All the good men aren’t just taken. They also aren’t local.”

“The world is full of good people. We just need to be strong for each other.”

“…And given Prince Charming’s obsession with that slipper, I suspect he had a foot fetish.” 🤣

“…I’m not looking for a long-distance we-only-meet-on-weekends thing. I want somebody I can see every evening and share moments with.”
“I’m looking for somebody to share my life with, not just have sex on weekends when our schedules work out.”