Sapphyria

“How would you like your eggs?"

I tried. I really did. But I glanced at his crotch and it came out anyway. "Fertilized?”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light

“Time-out,” I said. He twisted his hand around and wound his fingers into mine. “You‘re putting me in time-out?”
“Yes,” I said as a shaky sigh slid through my lips.
“If I don‘t go, do I get a spanking?”
― Darynda Jones, Second Grave on the Left

“And you went out,” he said, his tone pleased.
I said through the bubbles of toothpaste, “Had to. I got a case.”
“Want to tell me about it?”
After rinsing, I headed back that way, still looking over the file. “That’s a negatory. But I’d like to keep that option open. You know, if I get in trouble.”
“So, you’ll be telling me all about it by tomorrow afternoon. Have you talked to your dad?”
― Darynda Jones, Fourth Grave Beneath My Feet

“You still owe me a million dollars." I'd presented him with a bill for proving his innocence and getting him freed from prison. He had yet to pay. Couldn't imagine why.

"Yeah, I was hoping we could work that out."

"The interest alone is going to kill you."

"What do you charge?"

"Three hundred eighty-seven percent."

"Is that ethical?"

"It's as ethical as my dating the son of Satan.”
― Darynda Jones, Fifth Grave Past the Light