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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives > Little Things for Dutch- Not a Farting Troll! Sallers remains dubious.

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message 1: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments If you're having a bad/boring/unenergized day, what are a few small things you do to reframe your existence more positively?

I'm thinking of work in particular...but I suppose weekends have some of this as well.

If I'm at home, cleaning generally makes me feel better. Yes, I know that sounds weird.

At work I'll just go for a walk around campus and look as if I have a purpose...but coffee is probably my purpose, or just looking for people in the other buildings who have the latest good gossip.

I'll sneak to the library at lunch and read for a while in one of the study areas way in the back where no one can find me.

Sometimes I'll close my office door and pretend I'm not there as well.


message 2: by Jessica (new)

Jessica (jesstrea) coffee coffee coffee...

message 3: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Masturbating helps.

I'm masturbating right now...

message 4: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments You type well with one hand.

message 5: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Who says I'm typing?

message 6: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
I'll leave my office and walk over to the library, pick up a New York Times and go up to the sitting area to read it. They have these big, comfy chairs that just bask in the sunshine. That usually lifts my spirits.
Just getting up and moving usually helps - I'll take a walk in a big loop and breathe deep.

When I'm at home...funny you should ask that. I just went through this last night. Baking or cooking is the best way to get me out of a funk - although that didn't even sound good to me last night.
We have some friends who live really close who'll often pop over for some cards, and they never fail to cheer me up either. I'm a game dork. We've been playing Phase 10 lately and I LOVE IT!

message 7: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Masturbation (seriously) does improve my mood. Of course, that's not a good solution at work (at least not at my work)...

Caffeine. And naps.

Gus, how else would you be communicating with us unless you were typing?

message 8: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
I think he is trying to suggest he's diddling the keyboard with his peen.

message 9: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Wow, that's...

well, it's interesting that the penis types so precisely.

message 10: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
He must have built up a lot of strength in it. Perhaps he's taught it to shake.

message 11: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments I bet he's got one of those vinyl keyboard cover things, though. For when it shakes, ya know.

message 12: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Today when my friend Cathy left her office door open I sneaked in and wrote "I just farted on your chair" on her computer and made the letters really big on her screen.

I'm easily entertained. I did the same to my friend Terry earlier in the week.

That made me feel better.

message 13: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
Great, now I have to think of you as "the chair farter". ." ". Please tell me once and for all which it is.

The music of Ani helps me through my days. I carry my iPod at all times in case I need a lift.

message 14: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) My penis is quite talented. He's working on writing his own novel. I'm so proud of him.

Funny story, RA: a project manager I used to work with always had the goofiest comic-book wallpapers on his desktop monitor. We decided to screw with him royally by changing his wallpaper. This, however, required us to write a script where we could do this remotely. Long story short - for weeks at a time, we were changing his wallpaper behind his back. You should have seen the looks he was getting when "My Little Pony" and "Rainbow Brite" suddenly appeared on his monitor.

Oh, and I like farting in elevators.

message 15: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Silent but deadly or the audible kind?

I would kill to be able to remotely change wallpaper. That's awesome, Gus...

message 16: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Audible, of course.

message 17: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Oh Gus, that's awesome, you are my new hero! (But I'll never join you in an elevator now.)

message 18: by Gus (new)

Gus Sanchez (gussanchez) Last night was a banner evening in my household. The deadly combo of baked pork chops, okra and cabbage made me fart so bad, the EPA showed up in full hazmat gear.

My daughter though my farting was hilarious. My wife, not so much.

message 19: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
I find nothing funny about farting. It actually makes me angry.

message 20: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Oh no, Sally! I'm crushed! I think farts are hilarious.

Why do they make you angry?

message 21: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments My six year old son gets angry if people fart within about a ten foot radius of his food.

message 22: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
THAT would make me angry.

I don't know, Mindy! Perhaps it is some unexplored region of my youth. I just find it very uncouth.

message 23: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments I can understand the uncouthness, but anger?

Now, I would get mad at my ex-husband when he farted, but that was mostly b/c I was just mad at him in general and his farts came to symbolize everything I didn't like about him. Mostly, farts make me laugh. A lot. My Mamaw called them "toots."


message 24: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
That is funny, Minds.

Sweeter uses toots as weapons. If I squeeze him too hard (I'm much shorter) or climb on him somehow he says "you'll squeeze a toot out of me!" and I'll run, because he can toot on demand and I hate it.

Back to the subject on hand:
Maps brighten my day. I will often check weather.com just to watch the radar map scroll the clouds over the whole country. It soothes me considerably to be reminded how small and insignificant the current moment really is in the big scheme of things.

This is a cool site I just discovered through a colleague in the English dept. Enter "Newseum | Today's Front Pages | Map View" into a search engine and see what comes up. I've been mesmerized for a good while with this one.

message 25: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Wait, what site?

I love maps, too, but I think it's some kind of security thing for me. Knowing where everything is. Boundaries. Also, I just like lines. Lines please me.

And yep, your Sweeter toots story totally made me LMAO!

message 26: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Toot on demand! I'm gonna laugh about that all night!

message 27: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Toots as weapons!

message 28: by Meen (new)

Meen (meendee) | 1733 comments Sounds like Gus' are!

message 29: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments I was obsessed with maps when I was a kid, and my son Skylar loves them as well. I have a Chicago map from the 1800s hanging in my hallway. I love it.

I would high-five Sweeter were he here:)

message 30: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
I was wondering why this thread was dead...now I know.

Nothing will clear the room faster than an inane discussion of tooting etiquite.

I came here to say: It gives me an inordinate amount of sprit-lifting goodness to nod/wave to my neighbors. It is like being part of a grown up tribe or cult: Hey, I know you. We both reside in this general vicinity."

message 31: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Well said. I need to emulate that. I really do.

message 32: by Sarah (last edited Feb 02, 2009 02:06PM) (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments RA - did you see the AMAZING maps exhibit that's been touring for the last couple of years? It went to the Field Museum before it came here. http://www.fieldmuseum.org/maps/highl...

This one was a house by house map of Chicago -ethnicity and wages. When it's large enough that you can read the key, you can tell which ones are brothels...
[image error]

And this is one of the coolest maps ever:

message 33: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Oh, man, that looks really cool, Sarah Pi..no, I missed it...I never even heard of it. I'll check out the link.

I am a huge fan of courtesy and saying hi to the neighbors. I know most of my neighbors pretty well except this weird lady across the street who says hi but doesn't seem to want to interact otherwise. I guess I'm ok with that. But I try to say hi to everyone on the street and the like. This is acceptable in Wisconsin, but if I did it in Chicago I'm afraid they'd think I was a pervert, mentally unstable, or some combination of both.

message 34: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart 1) Masturbation
2) Knowing that I can take a nap whenever I damn well feel like it
3) going to the library, getting a book that's not assigned and reading a chapter or two 'cause I just don't feel like reading Donne's Meditations right now
4) Jamba Juice/Fruit Smoothies

message 35: by [deleted user] (new)

1) sleeping.
2) experimenting in the kitchen.
3) prank calling strip clubs with a friend...immature i know.
4) and in true nerd fashion, studying for something.

message 36: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Uh, welcome, uh, Dutch...

I think you can usually tell by force/wetness if they'll be a shit stain. Shit stains are pretty rare.

I assume you're fucking with us otherwise. Well done.

message 37: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Aren't 2 and 4 sort of the same? I really appreciate the delicacy with which you've dealt with the matter in 2, though. Very nice.

message 38: by Barb (new)

Barb I get angry at my husband when he does it. Especially when he does it on purpose, or does shit like do it under the blankets, then swoosh them around so it poofs right up in my face. That's not cool.
My daughter is a pretty good farter ... it won't be cute forever though.

message 39: by Phoenix (new)

Phoenix (phoenixapb) | 1619 comments My husband and FIL have some sort of ass rot problem, when they fart, people run away. I'm pretty sure their stink sinks to the ground and devours oxygen as it rises.

message 40: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Welcome to TC Dutch.

message 41: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5981 comments Dutch wrote: "Wait, I'm sorry. I forgot to add, that women are creatures of beauty and we don't fart."

Well, you're half right.

message 42: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17319 comments Mod
Hmmm, I see my comment about hating farts from the days pre-Leah. Being a mother has changed my opinion, it would seem. Farts can be funny.

message 43: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5981 comments Dutch wrote: "Clark.. this might be matter of opinion! :)

Barb, I wanted to mention, I would be angry too. My exboyfriend used to do that to me, and it completely spoiled my environment. (See #2 of my list ..."

Indeed. My wife is lactose intolerant. Need I say more?

message 44: by Michael (new)

Michael RandomAnthony wrote: "I think you can usually tell by force/wetness if they'll be a shit stain. Shit stains are pretty rare."

Not as rare as you'd like to think! The thought of a scale that measures force/wetness in relation to shit stains cracks me up.

Fart Lover

message 45: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart eww

message 46: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I really wish this wasn't the first thread that pops up.

message 47: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart I revived this thread totally focusing on the other side of the slash.

Who is the fart troll?

message 48: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments hello dutch, i am THE dutch.

message 49: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I wonder if Dutch is Dutch. She has a private profile so it's hard to tell. Her spellings are European/Canadian.

message 50: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments i wondered that too.

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