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FAIL and such.

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message 1: by Nikki (new)

Nikki (cielamara) | 16 comments So, what have you read recently that was just...BAD. So bad you couldn't finish it, or else so bad that you wish you could get back the hours of your life wasted on it. Feel free to include exerts demonstrating just how asstastic it was.

I present to you these two excerpts from my personal contribution to the FAIL and such category:

"What's your name?" Kiya demanded, jabbing the tip of her blade into his side, but not enough to penetrate the skin. It made the man jump in anticipation of the pain.
"C...Carl," he stutteed.
"Well Carl...," Kiya allowed her tone of voice to soften. "Guess what?"
She whirled around and faced him.
"I like it when they cry too,"
With her lines delivered, Kiya sliced Carl's right arm completely off...

"What kind of a God has my fiance slaughtered just two weeks after he proposed to me?" On shaking legs, Kiya rose. "And what kind of a God has my loving, pure-hearted fiance mercilessly executed in front of every citizen in this shit-hole of a city, twenty-seven hours before I discover I'm pregnant with his child?!"

This comes from Destiny in Blood.


message 2: by Teddy (last edited Jan 15, 2009 04:15AM) (new)

Teddy (theo_harrison) | 3 comments Song of a Manchild, by Durrell Owens. To be fair, I only read it because I was told it was the 'worst book ever,' so I wasn't going in expecting to find good reading material, but holy crap, it's bad.

I can't even bear to re-read it to get excerpts, but it reeks of self-insert fantasy. Self insert male-pregnancy fantasy at that. All the characters apart from the protagonist seem flat and two-dimensional and appear to exist solely to make the main character look good and the twist at the end just ramps the OMGWTFBBQ to ludicrous speed.


message 3: by Miranda (new)

Miranda Honestly? the last REALLY BAD BOOK I read was in fact Twilight. Usually I'm very picky about what I read, but a coworker recommended that little gem to me before I had heard about it on the internets.


ConfectionQueen | 1 comments Nikki wrote: "So, what have you read recently that was just...BAD. So bad you couldn't finish it, or else so bad that you wish you could get back the hours of your life wasted on it. Feel free to include exerts ..."
EXCUSE ME WTF DID I JUST READ.

My current worst is anything by Margaret Atwood and The Stone Angel. The third book in the Twilight series is coming up hard though. I genuinely don't think I can read this whole book. It's SO AWFUL.




message 5: by Alana (last edited Jan 15, 2009 08:30AM) (new)

Alana (bookslide) What's wrong with Atwood? OMG, Cat's Eye. <3

Here's a list of some of the books I didn't finish last year:

Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, and Emo, Andy Greenwald - "Here's what you should listen to, emo kids! Listen to your Uncle Andy, he's one of those guys who knows everything about music! And if he doesn't, he'll make fun of that thing!"

In Hoboken, Christian Bauman - More male music/musician posturing, but fiction. I just couldn't take it, especially right after that.

Quite Ugly One Morning, Christopher Brookmyre - It starts with all sorts of people slipping and sliding in vomit and blood. No thanks.

Mother of the Bride, Lynn Michaels - The usual romance bullshit where I hate everyone involved enough in the first chapter for me to put it down.

It's REALLY difficult for me to give up on books, so that was a lot for me.

Recently, I didn't like The Dark Tower: The Gunslinger Born graphic novel adaptation (see icon). I thought reading it as a graphic nove would make it easier but...no. Turns out the older I get, the less likely I am to read something where all the women are abused and called whores. Go fig.


message 6: by C (new)

C "The Used World" by Haven Kimmel. I usually love Kimmel. I love "The Solace of Leaving Early" and "Girl Named Zippy" and "She Got Up Off the Couch" and "Something Rising (Light and Swift)", but "The Used World" was just awful, so purposefully esoteric and ridiculous. Blech.


message 7: by Caitie (new)

Caitie (frocutio) | 1 comments I tried to read "The Other Boleyn Girl" for sfd_bookclub and couldn't get through it. (Hell, I even voted for it). I'll try again once I'm done with Inkheart and Oscar Wao, but the whole plot so far is:

Mary: "I'm 12 or some shit and want to sex the king!"
Other Boleyn: "We are your family and we're going to help you do it! Yay! Sex!"
Mary: "Hello Mr King I am so innocent, but totally want you anyway."
King: "ilu bb and want to sex you right now"
Ann: "MARY YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG, YOU WHORE, YOU'LL NEVER WIN HIS HEART THIS WAY!"
Mary: "New tactic! Hello Mr King, I am trying a new tactic!"
King: "I'm a bipolar psycho and I don't like you any more! WHORE!"
Other Boleyns: "Well, now you've fucked it up."
Mary: "Oh no! I love him even though I'm 12 or something and am already married and barely know him! Now he will never look at me again! I want to die!"
Ann: "Oh ho ho, I am so clever, but also a huge bitch, I will help you through this."
Repeat ad nauseum.


message 8: by C (new)

C Caitie wrote: "I tried to read "The Other Boleyn Girl" for sfd_bookclub and couldn't get through it..."


This is an excellent summary.


message 9: by Nikki (new)

Nikki (cielamara) | 16 comments I liked the Other Boleyn Girl (y halo thar bandwagon) but that is an excellent summary of the story overall.

I still maintain that Phillippa Gregory is a good writer.


message 10: by Lenora (new)

Lenora (jettakd) | 4 comments Don't Die, Dragonfly by Linda Joy Singleton. Amazon summary:

"After getting kicked out of school and sent to live with her grandmother, Sabine Rose is determined to become a "normal" teenage girl. She hides her psychic powers from everyone, even from her grandmother Nona, who also has "the gift." Having a job at the school newspaper and friends like Penny-Love, a popular cheerleader, have helped Sabine fit in at her new school. She has even managed to catch the eye of the adorable Josh DeMarco. Yet, Sabine can't seem to get the bossy voice of Opal, her spirit guide, out of her head . . . or the disturbing images of a girl with a dragonfly tattoo. Suspected of a crime she didn't commit, Sabine must find the strength to defend herself and, later, save a friend from certain danger."

I swear, it's even worse than it sounds. There are violet eyes, mysterious strangers with spirit-bonded hawks, dark family secrets, and it's generally a horrible book.

Also, "So Yesterday" by Scott Westerfield. Great plot utterly ruined by horrible editing. He even at one point called a character by the wrong name in the narration.


message 11: by Jay (new)

Jay (finding_jay) | 1 comments Submission by Marthe Blau.

I'm the sort of person who has to finish every book I start, but this book nearly had me throwing it down, setting it on fire and letting it turn into ash and blow away in the breeze. It's awful. If you have any basic knowledge of the BDSM scene or a BDSM relationship, you'll be able to tell from the get-go that Blau has no idea of it whatsoever.

It reads a lot like somebody who heard about BDSM, thought it sounded edgy~ and decided to write a book about it. But, not wanting their name to be related to it, put it under a pseudonym and decided to make it sound even edgier~ as though this happened to them.

The whole novel infuriates me. It's not a book about a kinky love romance, it's a story of abuse and violence and a woman not wanting to leave. This isn't a case of battered wife syndrome, either, this is a very twisted case of Stockholm Syndrome. This book disgusts me and I'm disgusted by the amount of people who praise this book on Goodreads and the people who call it accurate. It's an accurate case of domestic violence, yes, but not an accurate case of a BDSM relationship.

God, I want to gouge my eyes out.


message 12: by Tea (new)

Tea (prettylives) I know it's the obvious answer but twilight, urgh, started reading it about 18 months ago and I'm only half way through it, I'm determined to finish it as I don't like the thought of a book defeating me... I may resort to finding an audio version just to say I've read the damn thing!


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