Proceedings of the Royal Academy of Humore discussion

Hey guys, lets all be rappers...

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message 1: by Stephen (last edited Aug 25, 2016 02:10PM) (new)

Stephen | 27 comments I've recently come to understand that by watching Scarface and Godfather I & II you gain the necessary insight required to write quality rap lyrics, so what are we waiting for? Lets watch those movies and assemble a stupendous rap battalion!

message 2: by Micah (last edited Aug 25, 2016 02:10PM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Hey Stephen,

I totally agree. Rap groups are my favorite squadrons next to odd shaped ball and net ball bouncing game. Here's a little sample of my rapping:

I'm like scarface
Leaving bodies up all over the place
I like the social commentary
Its kinda scary, but its real
Do you want to know how I feel
I'm scary in a non-threatening way

message 3: by Stephen (last edited Aug 25, 2016 02:11PM) (new)

Stephen | 27 comments From my upcoming album The Dentist is In:

I am the Godfather
Though I used to have bad tarter
Then I went to the dentist
So now I am a menace
I'm also the Godfather II
Along with my whole crew
They also see the dentist regularly...

message 4: by Micah (last edited Aug 25, 2016 02:11PM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Nice! Here's a little something from my debut album: "Homophobia is Gay"

Godfather is good, but Carlito is better
I'll jack an 80-year-old man for a cardigan sweater
Or rob a gang of hells angels, cause I look good in leather.
Or shoot a corpse in the head, just to make sure he's dead-er

I also like to watch movies starring Robert Deniro.
Like Taxi Cab, where he played an anti-social, pop hero
He played a masturbating cop on a fast track to hell
Come to think of it, that might have been Harvey Keitel.

People want to battle me, but I don't like to bother
I'm Inigo Montoya, and you killed my father
You say you like gangster movies but I have to suspect
That you're a fan of any movie starring Ben Affleck

message 5: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Here is a snippet off an earlier EP titled: "Although the Dentist is In, He's Working with another Patient, so if You could Fill out these Insurance Forms that'd be Great. Okay, I'm Done with the Forms. Thank you, Just Have a Seat and He'll be with You very Shortly."

I once had a dentist named Annie Mae
But she was more like Kaiser Soze

Along time ago I went to the dentist
And that's where I met Annie Mae
Even though I can't prove this
That's what I'm going to say

Unless you are Serpico
And digging up my shit
You'll never really know
So just listen a bit

It was her and an assistant
Acting like Showalter and Grimsrud
Neither were complacent
Suspect they were smoking on bud

How did I know?
You mean how I found out?
They stopped and went to the store
Buying munchies without a doubt

Then Don Rickles and Kevin Pollak showed up
They were in Casino together
Pollak's part was short and not funny
I think they walked in the wrong door

message 6: by Micah (last edited Dec 13, 2007 06:02AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
This is a short section from my original song for the upcoming film "The Doctor is Sin: The Story of Rap-elzebub's Son: The Return, Part 1"

Kool Moe Dee was my Doctor
Ice Cube my my nurse
MC Ren tried to operate
But my condition got worse

They opened up my chest cavity
to remove my rap bone
They found Robert Deniro
Acting like Al Capone

That when they knew I was gansta
And it's a modern day fable
Cause I wrote an epic rap
On the operating table

Also I'm a fair scrabble player
But we'll talk about it later


message 7: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Awesome rap, M-izzile, that reminds me of this experimental B-side, remix tape I did just after the aforementioned EP, the tape was called: "Sicko:Dentist Why You Trying to Jack-up My Co-Pay Mofo? Yeah Micheal Moore Stole My Title, And I Hope He Burns In Hell!"

Do you remember State Property
You know, that movie with Beanie Sigel
Had something to due with coke philosophy
Oh wait, you didn't see it either

How about State Property 2?
It was directed by Damon Dash
Yeah you're right, it was poo
But just slightly better than Crash

I mean Matt Dillon as a cop?
You're right, even as an actor
Wild Things was his top
Richards mackin' Campbell's a key factor

Damon Dash also directed Death of a Dynasty
Ummm no of course I didn't see it
But "Sexy Woman #1" was Chloe Sevigny
She must've needed cash or some shit


Jules Winnfield is my hero
Shooting people eating hamburgers
He's up there with DeNiro
Cuz they both like committing murders

My dentist, well he's like Joe Pesci
Yelling 'dance dance, fuckin dance' while shooting
But instead of suits, his scrubs are meshy
And he just yells at the receptionist while commuting

He's got some decent skills
He's got alot of drills
He issues many bills
He prescribes a bunch of pills

Lord of the Rings is a good movie
But Frodo is no gangster
He's not a midget, actually they're called Hobbits
The movies are too long Peter Jackson, it's not a Pirates of the Caribbean movie for Christsakes!


message 8: by Micah (last edited Dec 16, 2007 03:37AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Stephen, your rap skills are awesome! Here is a little sample of a compilation album featuring me and entitled: "Clinical Microbiology Perspectives: The Hip Hop Remixes."

Remember Better off Dead
Cause I'm just like Lane Meyer
Except I don't ski or date French girls
Ok, I guess I'm a liar.

I'm more like Denzel
Like when he was in Glory
Except I'm white and middle class
Same basic life story

I like movies with meaning
Like Apocalypse Now
Martin Sheen goes crazy
and they slaughter a cow

I don't condone violence
Except cannibalism
and murder and disembowelment
and also killing children

I guess violence is alright
If its key to the plot
Or if its just for fun
Or even if its not

Wait I think I got it
I'm like that guy in The Departed
Except for that lame love story
Which was pretty retarded

I'm also like Antonio Banderas
though some may criticize
cause that musical with madonna
was like rubbing feces in my eyes.

I'm also kind of like Jack Black
Except he's a lot fatter than me, and more successful.


message 9: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Dude, great display of your rap talents. Here is a rare piece from an album that I came out with during a short period when I left the rap game and attempted to be a depressed indie-rocker. The label I was on at the time, Sup Plop Records, pulled it down last time I posted it on here, because it was such a limited pressing they want to cash in on the rarity and force you to buy it at jacked up prices. If you can find it, the album is: "Dedicated Exploration Never Thoroughly Intercepting Said Target."

I'm running through a field
Avoiding all my foes
Much like Cary Grant
Minus the dancing toes

Down in the mud
Deep in the muck
Trying to take off this flannel
But having little luck

Penning up my anger
Wish I was Tyler Durden
But never any luck
Usually I'm like Eddy Norton

Not Norton from History X
His character from Fight Club
Of course you would know that
But you tossed out the ticket stub

I want to be Holly Martins
But also Harry Lime
Want to be the good guy
But also the one doing the crime

Sometimes I'm like Alien
The little baby alien thing
I know that I'm part Irish
Constantly bleeding green

There are other similarities
I like to incubate in people's chests
Then I bust out after meals
Leaving the kitchen a mess

Mostly I have down times
Similar to Forrest Gump
Sans the cool life
I'm just an ostracized chump

Then I can be sequels
I'm often Aliens
Paul Reiser you died in that movie
And then your career died after Mad About You, what's the deal with that Paul Reiser?

message 10: by Micah (last edited Dec 16, 2007 03:34AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod

Again you've proven that your musical talents are seemingly endless. Speaking of experimenting with other genres of music, I went through a brief period where I recorded Delta blues. Here's a sample of a song I wrote called "Devil Be Criticizin' Movies."

I woke up in the mornin'
Fight Club, on T.V.
I woke up in the mornin
Fight Club is all I see
Why do white people fantasize about beatin' on each other?
It's a mystery

I done changed the channel
Penelope Cruz on the screen
Said, when I changed the channel
Cruz is all up on my screen
She should only be in silent movies
That girl's as dumb as can be

Speaking of shitty movies
Mission Impossible three
Said in the pantheon of crappy movies
Mission Impossible number three
I wanted to pull my eyes from their sockets
So I could no longer see (the poor cinema they were showing me)

(Guitar solo...)
(Still soloing...)
(man in audience heckles...)
(gunshot sound)
(return to guitar solo...)

Oh Lord, some movies is good
Others hurt me deep inside
Some movies is really good lord
Others hurt me down inside
If I have to see another romantic comedy starring Sandra Bullock
I might be thinking suicide

I did like that one movie starring that guy from Northern Exposure, where he was crazy but sort of brilliant and stuff. I think he wrote it. Oh Lord. Yeah.
I said, I really did like that movie, the name of which I can't remember that starred the guy who was also in Quiz Show. You know what I'm talking about?
Whatever the hell that movie was called
It was truly excellent

(Guitar solo)
(fade out)

message 11: by Stephen (last edited Dec 15, 2007 03:23PM) (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Man your skills are make Muddy Waters look like a clown. And not a happy clown like John Wayne Gacy Jr, more like one of those sad hobo clowns like Donald Rumsfeld. Here is a portion of a song I did right after I went back into rapping, it was in the mid-nineties and I was forced to pick a side in the "rap-war." Not something I wanted to do, but those were the days when your alliances meant everything, now my subject matter is somewhat ironic seeing as I'm living where I formerly dissed. That may be the equivalent to having eaten where I shat, though I'm not sure. Oh how I've matured, finally making amends with my young self. If you can find it, the album is called: "So You're Brother-in-Law is a Pediatrist? Well He Can Look at Your Teeth and Refer You to One of His Dentist Colleagues Since All of Those Guys Hang Out Together and Basically Do the Same Stuff: A Unique Cover Album." And all I could remember were the partially edited lyrics, if you find the unedited version feel free to update this.

F*ck the Northeast
Coming straight from the overground
Young white guy got it bad
Cuz I'm West Coast bound

Yeah f*ck that shit cuz
All that nice architecture
Don't want no great museums
And no cool ass lectures

The Northeast f*ckin' with me
Just cuz I'm a mean stranger
Or you think I'm Keanu Reeves
Like a Point Break danger

You'd rather keep me in the waves
Than in the Twin Towers
But you won't cross the Mississippi
Cuz you're all mark ass cowards

Don't know if you're not rad or what
But you probably wont get my groovy cut
Not only don't you have San Diego or L.A. either
You aint got San Francisco or Seattle neither
'N ya wish you had Meg Ryan in that Sleepless shit
Go ahead and reel back from that latest hit

What you all missing aint in short supply
What else you don't got? Ridgemont High!
Yeah we had Whitaker when he first came out
You didn't get him till that Blown Away bout
The bunch of you can keep what you call "culture"
I'll stick to the deserts and the bald headed vultures

F*ck the Northeast
F*ck the Northeast

F*ck the Northeast

F*ck the Northeast

message 12: by Micah (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Hey Steve,

Your skills pay the proverbial bills. I wish that they would pay mine.

Here's a song I wrote in tribute to the Midwest entitled, "From the Heart of the Vast Cultural Wasteland Between New York and Los Angeles."

I come from gateway to the west
Where things are never the best
We have white castle burgers and nelly's crew
But there's really not much else to do.

Sometimes people say we're cultureless boobs
Makes some feel we've got something to prove
So we rep our city with the utmost pride
But we're really sad, deep down inside

The west coast invented gangsta rap
silicon breasts and other crap
The midwest is famous for its agricultural glory
Soybean farming makes for some really good stories

The east coast invented metropolitan life,
housing projects and racial strife
We've also got problems so shut the hell up
We've got racial tension and stuff

Lots of 1950s movie starts come from our cities
So I guess you'll have to admit its not so shitty
Musically we may be at a disadvantage
But I don't even care what yall think cause your just a bunch of jerks.



Oh, also we've got lots of minivans
and they're pretty sweet.

message 13: by Renee (new)

Renee | 5 comments Hey Micah and Steve,

This rapping duel is the total shit! I wish that I could join in but my iambic pentameter is a bit rusty. Keep it up because it is f'in awesome!!!!!!!! I'm your #1 fan!!!

#1 fan of Micah Sutra
#1 fan of the Philly Dueling Rappers

message 14: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Thanks for the props R-dizzle and great rhyming skills coming out of the mid-west there Micah. Here is this rap I did very recently before I moved out of my last neighborhood. Although you can't hear the beat (that's probably a good thing) think back to the Wu Tang song on the Belly soundtrack. Remember? didn't like that movie? What, rappers can't act for the most part or something? Well there was, in fact, a soundtrack and the song I'm calling attention to is called Windpipe. Why? Because they use a windpipe throughout the whole song. As you can imagine it's totally moe-f'n awesome! This song was on the last of my releases in what will be known as the Fairmount era by historians who comb through my work. The album: “Level 5 Dentist.” The song: “Drum circle level 5!”

So I got me a circle
Nah it aint for jerkin'
Got me a circle
Now this shit's workin'

Lead by this mop head
Red sweat pants wearin'
Diatribin' on political shit
And aint a soul carin'

Name a band, any band
Alright how 'bout the Beatles!
Maybe a level 2
Aint shit but boll weevils

Oh, so that's right?
Ah, then what's good?
Name another band
But not one from this hood

Aight then lets say
Bob Marley and his band
Yo! Rasta is the shit!
C'mon man lets jam!

Marley? Are you serious?
Yeah he's the bomb
But he sings out of tune
And his songs all sound wrong

Well if he's so good
Then what's his rank?
He's up there with us
Level 4 no mistake

So what you're saying
I'm rapping along with
The best drum circle ever
That could only be a myth

So let me have you stop
Really, knock off that racket
Here's the real deal
I'm giving you the real tip

Cuz who you really are
Is Mariah Carey in Glitter
Instead of drums it's more like
You're pounding one out in the shitter

Why's your hair curly?
Where're the hippy dreads?
You're as bad as Rodman
When he did Simon Sez

And don't ever forget
House Party 3
They actually made that?
I guess...apparently

You know who doesn't do bad movies
His name's Kevin Pollak
Actually, not to be a dick or anything
But he was in The Whole Ten Yards
Yeah but...
And Juwanna Mann
Sure but...
And Santa Clause 2
And Santa Clause 3
Okay, okay...point made

message 15: by Micah (last edited Dec 29, 2007 06:11AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Awesome rhymes Stevie-chops. Here is a rhyme entitled "I used to be a wall street trader when I was about fourteen, shortly before I began working as a crocodile wrangler in the Australian outback."

I've done too much
Too mizzle for my age
I've been a wall street trader
and a congressional page

I've dated women who were models
and girls under fourteen
I may seem young
but I'm older than I seem

Each year to me is two
a lifetime for every five
It might seem hard to do
But I'm the best man alive

They say I'm gay, but really I'm not
I've never had sex with a man
Really, seriously.
I'm not in the closet

I may seem inapproprate
Talking about nipples and amputee porn
but women like it
At least I hope to meet one who will

message 16: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Dude, that rhyme totally hits home because I remember when you debuted it down in the streets. The streets of Fairmount. Specifically 26th and Brown, it's totally f'n awesome! Here is another track from “Level 5 Dentist” it's called “Comfortable Chair Level 5!” It starts slowly, then picks up and then slow again etc...basically it's an opera piece.

There is that chair
Over in the corner
Oh yes that chair!
Fit for a mourner

Falling to pieces
Right before the eyes
Armrests are threadless
Makes it look wise

Everyone loves it
Some more than others
The color of moss
The warn spots are covered

Coffee can't stain it
If it does you don't see
Nor any other liquid
I doubt even pee

For it's been there forever
And will out live us all
Even when the living dead
Storm the last mall

It will still be there
Past a Battlefield Earth
Alien general Travolta
Where bad becomes worse

Even if they make
Lawnmower Man Three
The chair will still exist
Never failing to be

It's made it through arguments
About Harry Potter
Compared to Nietzsche
That took lots of solder

Here comes Al
So I must get up
He's got his bagel
And his green coffee cup!

message 17: by Abby (new)

Abby (afg5) | 1 comments Oh my god, this is the funniest thing I've ever read. I can't believe I thought you two were actually posting about books this whole time!

message 18: by Renee (new)

Renee | 5 comments Thought I'd join in on some of the fun.

Ode to the Saucerites

There once was a time
When I just moved to philly
The flying saucer just opened
No dogs in the shop tho, so silly

Now I’m definitely not shy
But had no idea how hip
So many people who came by
The shop for coffee to sip

There’s the dude who owns
His name is Troy
I’m a bit scared of his DVDs
At least they’re not with a boy

Can’t forget about Annie
Soon she’ll be off at her own shop
Those tattoos are super badass
Baz’s Romeo & Juliet is on her tops

Now who’s with alfie and sammy
Oh yeah that chick named Abby
Her texting is the fastest
That Trevor dude is definitely not babbly

Micah our fearless moderator
He’s got the flirting down
Open micah night at the shop
Oh what a beautiful lefty sound

Stevie chops in from Vegas
He’s definitely quiet and nice
But he’s got vonderful music taste
And loves that coffee iced

message 19: by Micah (last edited Jan 11, 2008 06:08AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Wholly Shit. Both Steve and R-Dizzle up in the house with the raps. Goodreads is blowin' up.

Here is a little sample of my rap called "The White Hole: Starring Dr. Whitenstein, White Jack the gambler, The White Widow, Whiteface, Whiteula, White and Blue."

I love the subway in new york city
but the one in Philly is totally shitty
Its not even a subway, more an underground wagon
Spitting toxic fumes withs its carriage draggin'

I'd rather ride a camel or an overgrown rat
Or a mutated Pigeon, who wouldn't like that
I like the idea of horses and all it entails
But not cleaning what comes out their entrails.

Sometimes I take cabs, though it can be spendy
If we had pay-for-ride yaks, that would be trendy
Or rickshaws powered by robot chinese
Robotic slaves who live only to please

Theres also the buses, the poor-mans car
Stops all the time and smells like a bar
Sweet nectar of beer from the drunk in the seat
and an odor that is best compared to ripe feet

What about gangs of segeways--super high power
Elderly gangsters, at five miles an hour
segeways are sexy, you can't deny it
Blowjobs on segeways? Everyone should try it.

The transport system, all over the town
Maybe its crap, but I shouldn't put it down
I should be happy that I'm allowed to ride it
Its nasty inside but its colder outside it

Or you could just buy a car. I should have thought of that earlier.


message 20: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments We got another rapper, we've got more raps, this thing is really taking off. I think the three of us should invest in a bandwagon to cart around all the people who will eventually like us and jump on it. I mean, we don't have to buy one, but what will people jump on? As long as they don't jump on me that's cool. Well, maybe I'll let the hot girls jump on me, everyone else get in the goddamned bandwagon or bandwagon replacement vehicle! This track is also from “Level 5 Dentist.” The song, “Bar that I don't Particularly Like Level 5!”

I'm all about giving
Respect when it's due
In light of that I'll keep
My chin checks to a few

But I got to boost up
My none chin checkin'
You know I'm making contact
Full fledged decking

Who's my current target
Focus of my anger
I'm bringing up Krupa's
No place for strangers

So you want a Pabst
Well this is your place
If you're a non-white person
They may not like your face

The owner lady seems nice
Enough not to swing on
But some patrons are dicks
So the song continues mon

Did I say mon?
Yeah just like a Jamaican
Why did I do it?
Cuz of Bob Marley man

But then I went back to man
Gotta keep it fresh
Can't be Jamaican forever
My rhymes really mesh

Back to the focus
Wouldn't want to dupe ya'
Remember who I'm slammin'
A bar called Krupa's

The mosque is that way
Said one of the drunks
Didn't even turn my head
Didn't acknowledge the punk

A couple weeks later
What does he utter?
Talking straight at me
Asa lama lakim motherfucker

I've got no beef
With them Muslim peeps
But I'm not one
Religions give me the creeps

Then I overheard them
Chatting on races
Not the Belmont
But on people and places

They don't like hippies
But there's fish on Friday
I think they hate happiness
Anger is more their way

This is no bar like Cocktail
Doubt you'll ever see Cruise
Imagine they hate Scientology
Man they're just rude

Lager's are two bucks
Guess that ain't bad
Better than watching Gigli
Yo that's just sad

Think I wont go there
Nah I don't like it
I'd be like seeing Surf School
Which sounds like shit

message 21: by Micah (last edited Jan 17, 2008 04:57AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod
Rappers abound and our goodreads fanbase continues to grow. Here's a little sample off an obscure EP that I put out earlier this year. The album was called "Danger bait" and the song is called "The Things that Rappers Rap About."

Move your heads, move your heads
Throw your hands up, throw them hands up
Now move your pectoral muscles
Yeah! Move them muscles

Rappers always rap as if addressing their foes
Interspersing self aggrandizement with critical flows
Sayin' look how good I am and the money I make
And take a look at all those phoney bastards, aren't they fake.

In the rap world, intellect is self-proclamation
And accomplishment is based on your level of compensation
I've got a nice car, a nice bitch and 20-inch rims
In the 90s it was moet and timberland, or, "timbs"

Sometimes a juxtaposition of intellect and toughness
Like I'm a mad, super genius with a penchant for roughness
They always have mad props, mad loot and mad clout
But in a street fight they claim that they'll knock a person out

In the realm of poetry, rappers are Dr. Suesses
Simple rhymes, simple topics, intellectually useless
How many ways can you find to declare yourself superior
By declaring in rhyme that everyone else is inferior

The cleverest rappers make pop culture associations
Rhyming "dick" with "Michael Vick" doesn't take much imagination
You could say you're awesome like hats worn by sitcom star blossom
Or my foes are annoying like ray ramano and his mother, brother and wife. Basically that whole show.

It's not even necessary to use real words when you flow
There are few real words that some rappers know
Missy Elliot, for instance, feels her music is profound
But she mixes one-syllable words with guttural sounds

If I decide to rhyme "guns" with the semi-word "unnn"
Master P might like it, cause he's profoundly dumb
But there are few rappers out there that combine crowd pleasing sounds
with lyrics and ideas that are also profound

If I was a rapper, I'd rap about complex things
Like calabi-yao manifolds and super-strings
Or behavioral ecology of African thirteen-striped squirrels
Not only would it be awesome but it would get all the girls.

I also think the Black Eyed Peas should be eviscerated at a public function.
That would be fantastic.


message 22: by Renee (new)

Renee | 5 comments Holy Shit Micah. That was one kick ass rap! So intellectual, using words most common philadelphians don't even know. I knew there was a reason I was your #1 fan!!!

message 23: by Emily (new)

Emily Lopizzo (emilyreads) | 4 comments all you'all raps suck.

message 24: by Jestis (new)

Jestis | 2 comments I disagree. I think all of your raps are awesome. The first rap I write is going to go out to my homey Emily.

message 25: by Jestis (new)

Jestis | 2 comments Alright Emily, this one's for you

Eating cheez-doodles off a cement floor
it ain't a laughing matter
no, it ain't a laughing matter

got shin splints dancing with the neighborhood moor
it ain't a laughing matter
nah, it ain't a laughing matter

now everybody wanna ride with me
blastin' hall and oates from my iroc-z
I'm singin' real pretty got saliva on my chin
just found out it's vomit...much to my chagrin

and no, it ain't no laughing matter

message 26: by Shawn (new)

Shawn | 1 comments Hahahahaha...

message 27: by Stephen (last edited Jan 18, 2008 03:02PM) (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Yeah! The Battalion continues to grow. One more rapper and we'll be able to challenge Bone Thugs to a rap off where we will totally serve them. That is the correct terminology right? Here is a track off an album I did with Lil Jon as my executive producer. I just had to try my hand at some crunk shit, if you know what I'm saying. So here is "Wall Dancin!" off my album "The Dentist's got His Drill & is Ready to Rock Shit!"

Cram the mo'fucka's
In a little box
'N you turn off the air
So the place gets hot

Then you get a DJ
To pump some crap music
Talkin' all pop 80's
Go on 'n do it!

If you got some beer
Then you gonna serve it
You gotta have crunk juice
Go on pour that shit

So when I say YEAH!
You all throw your hands up
N' when I say DANCE!
Y'all go 'n hold the wall up

Go 'n find a corner
A side with a speaker
Jump all over the place
Just like you're a tweaker

Shake your damn wrists
N' throw out them blows
Then yell out loud
So everybody knows

I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'
I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'

I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'
(YEAH!) I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'

Pack them motha's in
Get their asses prancin'

If alcohol aint workin'
And the music don't cut it
Put in a dance movie
N' play a couple clips (YEAH!)

Throw Turbo on the screen
We're going Boogaloo
Breakin' then we skatin'
Give 'em all a clue

'N if they don't get it
Give 'em more of the juice
Throw Bacon on the screen
Bring out the Footloose! (YEAH!)

And even though I don't like
I'm not a big fan
Throw Dirty Dancing up
Swayze is the man

'N then put Willow on the screen
Cuz I like that movie
And Kevin Pollack's in it
That's totally groovy (UMMM OKAY!)

Then put on a random movie
Make sure it has Walken
There's a good chance he'll dance
And sounds funny when talkin'

I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'
I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'

I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'
(YEAH!) I'm wall dancin'
Wall to wall dancin'

message 28: by Renee (new)

Renee | 5 comments Obi Wan Steve.... I am merely a jedi apprentice to your master rapping skills. just don't turn all vader on me ya hear!

Your #1 fan

message 29: by Micah (last edited Jan 23, 2008 05:13AM) (new)

Micah Issitt (micahissitt) | 22 comments Mod

We got an abundance of raps up in this piece. All ya'll bitches better recognize. Jestis kickin ass with the short and sweet shit and, as always, Steve bustin out with the epic Gilgamesh type shit. Here is a little rap I wrote called "Anatomically Correct: A Guide to Being a Rap Fan"

Think about your hands
Think about raising their elevation
Move your hips to the beat, in a gyration
This is, no moon its a space station

Think about your head
On a vertical pivot coinciding with the bass
Put that animosity directly in your face
Represent for rap fans, in here and everyplace

When I rip shit, I have requirements of my fans
I motivate and you create the environment, that's the plan
I give you urban observations and lyrics that tell a story
Then you mug me from the dance floor and say "this rapper bores me."

It'll be so ill, we still, got time to make it happen
You can judge me from the safety of the shadows while I'm rappin
and when someone goes to dance, you can laugh and hold your penis
You've heard it all already, you've been here, and seen this

Its a mutualistic relationship, the troubadour and the muses
Synergistic back and forth, electric surges, blowin fuses
Takin the chance to bust a rhyme, especially off the dome
Drop a line, miss the beat, and you're on your way home

So be supportive when you go to a show, though you might hate it
Half the rappers in the world that you know, are overrated
And these MC's are trying to buy shoes for their babies
And maybe give out illegitimate children to the ladies

Just a few observations, a guide for the childrens
Underground sound needs the fans to build the building
The energy we create, can bring the truth to the light
And remember it all started with two tables and a mic

Also Kevin Pollack is a huge rap fan, but I'll tell you more about that later.



message 30: by Renee (new)

Renee | 5 comments Here's an Ode to the Coffee Shop Dancing Club:

Ok yo, move to the music
really doesn’t matter where
700 club, fluid, the cafe
so long as you bring your “flair”

oh how I love 80’s music
c’mon you know you do
sonic youth, pil, sugarcubes
prince is the shit too

stay clear of abby when dancing
oh micah loves to get close to her
jestis and stevie chops cutting the rug
and I just turn into a sweater

now gotta find some raves
even sweeter would be some reggae
south street or maybe west philly
because it’s time to par-tay


message 31: by Emily (new)

Emily Lopizzo (emilyreads) | 4 comments I guess its because I dont rap that I didnt know about the birthday celebration?


message 32: by Stephen (last edited Feb 22, 2008 11:09AM) (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Sorry for the huge delay in song posting, I've been working on re-mastering one of my earliest CDs for its 15 year re-release, which basically means I'm broke and I'm trying to get someone to buy the same CD again just for the sake of pure consumerism. This is “Chicken Wing*” and it came off an early '90s album called “What Happened to the '80s Steve Guttenberg? Did You Leave Acting to Become a Dentist After They Couldn't Make a Third Cocoon Movie or What?”

*And any similarity to LL Cool J's “Milky Cereal” is purely coincidental and the suggestion that I copied him is ridiculous seeing as chicken wings are obviously not a breakfast item and only stoned conspiracy theorists eat cereal for dinner or at happy hour.

So if there was a mirror
And it was on my wall
'N it just started to talk
That takes some balls

It's strikin' up a convo
Chattin' on some bullshit
But it wants me to ask questions
Like who am I to dis it?

Alright Mirror Mirror on the wall
If that's really your name
Like me being Person Person
It's a bad start to our game

Something I want to know
It'd be useful to figure out
I'm thinking about investing
Which stock's on a rise, no doubt?

You don't compute that?
Or you just don't want to answer?
But we could spend all night
Discussing the best back-up dancers?

Okay then lets rap on somethin' else
Lets compare women to food
That works and it's hot
I'm in a happy hour mood


Wing (4x)

So Mirror Mirror
Please wont you tell me
Who's the baddest girl of all
What sauce would she be?

The most original of all
Is simple salt and vinegar
She's easy to please
Just don't f with her

To be totally honest
Not trying to be rude
But when she's frying in the skillet
She kinda smells like feet dude

Alright then, there must be another
Oh there is, she's a hottie
She tends to be sticky
Her name is Teriyaki

Is she rolled in sesame seeds?
Sometimes if she wants to
That makes her seem classy
Yeah she's quite the beau

Another is Buffalo
And as you might suspect
She's got a little heat
'N she'll creep on your neck


Wing (4x)

Are there any movies
That site Chicken Wings?
Something starring Kevin Pollak
Or referencing the dynasty of Ming

Will Smith used to say
Aint no thang but a...
But a what? I must know
C'mon, a chicken wing, duh

Is that it, can't be all
Actually it is, more or less
I'm only using imdb as a reference and they didn't find much
Not too many people talk about chicken wings in movies you know

message 33: by Stephen (new)

Stephen | 27 comments Wow...almost a full year after the rapping explosion ended...someone needs to direct a video montage and have it posted here before the 5th of February. (I'm looking at you, person who isn't me)

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