Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion

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Weekly Short Story Contests > Week 126 (June 15th - June 22nd) Stories: Cheese

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message 1: by Edward (last edited Jun 20, 2012 08:17PM) (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments You have until June 22nd to post a story and on the 23rd and 24th we’ll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don’t use a story previously used in this group.

Your story can be as long or short as you wish (keep in mind that stories longer than 3,000 words are less likely to be read).

Mention if your story is PG-13 or R, stating general content (language, violence, sexual themes). Only these factors require a rating.

REMEMBER! A short story is NOT a scene. It MUST have a BEGINNING, MIDDLE, and END.

In honor of G.K. Chesterton, this week’s topic is: Cheese

"Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese." - G.K. Chesterton

The rules are pretty loose. You could write a story about anything that has to do with the subject. I do not care, but it must relate to the story somehow.

Have fun!


message 2: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments .- -. -.-- --- -. .
.... .- ...- .
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message 3: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments -. --- .--. . --..-- / -. --- -. . / .- - / .- .-.. .-.. .-.-.-


message 4: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments ??????????


message 5: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Morse code :D


message 6: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments OH! Wowwww....


message 7: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments That's almost as unfair as me and Ally signing to each other in public. Heheh.


message 8: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments You sign? ME too! I've just started to, though, so I'm not very good at it yet.


message 9: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments Really??? That's awesome!


message 10: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments :D I've been learning VERY VERY slowly for about four months XD


message 11: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments I've only been learning a few months :) I don't know a bunch, but as soon as ALLY starts coming over again...we can learn more. I learned a bunch more signs but she's the only person I sign with, so I'm starting to forget a lot of them.


message 12: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments ... .. -. --. / .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . / ... . . -- ... / .-- --- .-. - .... / .-.. . .- .-. -. .. -. --. .-.-.-


message 13: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments -.-- . ... --..-- / -.-- . ... / .. - / -.. --- . ... .-.-.- / -... -.-- / - .... . / - .. -- . / .. / -.. .. . / .. / .-- .. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / .-.. . .- .-. -. . -.. / ... .. --. -. / .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . --..-- / .- -. -.. / .- .-.. .-.. / - .... . / --- - .... . .-. / -- .- .. -. / .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . ... / .. -. / - .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. .-.-.- / .- -. -.. / .- / ..-. . .-- / -. --- - / -- .- .. -. / --- -. . ... / - --- --- / -..- -..


message 14: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Cheyenne. I don't have anyone to teach me....:( Now I really wish I lived where you did.


message 15: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments Me too!! Google ASL pro. It's a really good sign language website. You can learn there :)


message 16: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Okay. I'll go look it up :D


message 17: by Cheyenne (new)

Cheyenne | 815 comments Awesome :)


message 18: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments -.-- --- ..- / ... --- ..- -. -.. / .-.. .. -.- . / -- -.-- / ... .. ... - . .-. .-.-.- / ... .... . .----. ... / --- -... . ... ... . -.. / .-- .. - ... / .-.. .- -. --. ..- .- --. . ... -.-.-. / -.-- .----. .- .-.. .-.. / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / - .- .-.. -.- / ... --- -- . .-.-.-


message 19: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments - .... .- - / ... --- ..- -. -.. ... / ..-. ..- -. / ---... -.. / -.. --- . ... / -.-- --- ..- .-. / ... .. ... - . .-. / .... .- ...- . / .- / --. --- --- -.. .-. . .- -.. ... ..--..


message 20: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments ... .... . .----. ... / ... .- .. .-. .- .-.-.-


message 21: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments --- .... .-.-.- / .. / ..-. . . .-.. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- / ... - ..- .--. .. -.. / -. --- .-- --..-- / -. --- - / -.- -. --- .-- .. -. --. / - .... .- - / ..-. --- .-. / .- .-.. .-.. / - .... . ... . / -.-- . .- .-. ... / -..- .--.


message 22: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments . .... ..--.. / -. --- / ... ..- .-. .--. .-. .. ... . ..--.. / .-. . .- .-.. .-.. -.-- .-.-.-


message 23: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments -. --- / ... ..- .-. .--. .-. .. ... . --..-- / .--- ..- ... - / . -..- - .-. . -- . / .. -.. .. --- -.-. -.-- / .... . .-. . / -..- .--. / .- -. -.-- .-- .- -.-- --..-- / .. .----. .-.. .-.. / .... .- ...- . / - --- / -.-. .... .- - / .-- .. - .... / .... . .-. / ... --- -- . - .. -- .


message 24: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments -.-. --- --- .-.. .-.-.-

I'll have a character named Cheese ...


message 25: by Sarah (new)

Sarah (sarahraza101) Well here is my story please do not judge me on grammmar.
Cheese
This story is rated PG-13 for violence
Once upon a time there was a mouse named cheese. He lived in the town of Ghost Town. You see everybody had left this town because this small mouse had brought in an army of ghost mice to dig up some gold, or what he thought was gold. At the moment however the army of mice had taken a lunch break in a dining house, and Cheese was all alone on the digging the cite, and that’s when it happened a cat came with his gang and told the mouse to give the code to the huge cave which held the gold, the mouse kept denying to give the code, and then the cat took the mouse and by the neck and glued him to a cutting board, and then the cat slowly cut off each finger and toe of the mouse, and when the time came for the tail the mouse yelled NO! The code is cheese is great. The cat then took the mouse and told him to say it louder but Cheese had bled too much and now was dead. As the cat opened the cave up saying the words he saw that the gold was just cheese.


message 26: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments There isn't much to say about it. It's a quick tale with a (honestly predictable) twist at the end. The grammar and syntax are the only things that are there to comment on - and they're important since it made you story go from "short and sweet" to just "short."


message 27: by Alec (new)

Alec (downearth) | 38 comments how do you write a story about cheese?


message 28: by Kyra (new)

Kyra (Nikara) | 1221 comments (shrug) I can't give advice on that. Sorry, but I'm stumped too.


message 29: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments It doesn't necessarily have to be about cheese; it can just include cheese in passing. That's a good standby if you can't work the subject into the core of the story.


message 30: by Kyra (new)

Kyra (Nikara) | 1221 comments Yeah... maybe a romantic dinner and one of them orders an appetizer with cheese. Or someone owns a pet mouse named Cheese who loves cheese. Or... or...
My creativity levels are zero right now.


message 31: by Alec (new)

Alec (downearth) | 38 comments OR someone throws cheese at a ufo! (asdf movie)


Kayla ~The Mirthful Messiah~ (Chucklevoodoos142) | 41 comments XD I LOVE THAT THING!!!!


message 33: by Kyra (new)

Kyra (Nikara) | 1221 comments Megan wrote: "OR someone throws cheese at a ufo! (asdf movie)"

LOL, or that... XD


message 34: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments XD


message 35: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Cheesecake is fine; I look forward to it. My story will stumble in at some point.


message 36: by Alec (new)

Alec (downearth) | 38 comments i have no idea what to write about! UUGGGHHHH!!!!!


message 37: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments I just read “The Queen of Strawberries.” For me, the feelings come across clearly, and the story makes me feel as though I’m in the narrator’s mind, seeing through his eyes.

I like this kind of phrasing: “It was quiet this time of week, this time of day . . .”


message 38: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Megan wrote: "i have no idea what to write about! UUGGGHHHH!!!!!"

... At the climax, a school kid needs a distraction; his best friend starts a food fight in the cafeteria by flinging his macaroni and cheese. You can probably fill in the details.

"The Queen of Strawberries" did do very well in conveying emotion and allowing us to understand the protagonist. You might want to find an editor for the grammar; it's "sought" not "seeked" and "I´ve felt lonely" is at odds with the past tense that most of the narrative uses.


message 39: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments By the way, it's G rated. Unless there is violence, cursing, or some sexual content, don't even think about the rating.


message 40: by Tim (last edited Jun 20, 2012 11:06PM) (new)

Tim Still Life with Iceberg

        Albert was never one for making conscious decisions. There’s probably a psychological reason for this, but Albert never held much truck with psychologists. Trick cyclists, he called them.
        Recently our three kids put their money together and bought us an Alaskan cruise to celebrate our fiftieth. Albert wasn’t sure if he wanted to go. We were having our morning cup of tea in bed when he expressed his doubt.
        “On the one hand there’s the cold,” he said thoughtfully, gazing at the cloud of milk quietly storming in his cup. “But on the other hand the kids would be disappointed if we stayed home.”
        I didn’t say anything, just nodded and waited.
        “It might be an adventure, though.” Albert sipped his tea noisily.
        Has he always sipped so noisily? Or is he losing motor control? Or inhibition?
        “Do you think we’ll need excess medical coverage?” I wondered aloud.
        “Tell you what,” Albert smiled brightly, “We’ll listen to the radio and if anybody mentions Alaska before lunch, we’ll do it.”

        People have called me patient, so I suppose that’s how I must appear from the outside. The thing is, I really wanted to go on this cruise. Eighty is just around the corner and I haven’t been anywhere or done anything.
        I was the one who first planted the seed of an Alaskan cruise in my kid’s heads, indirectly you know: sighing at the poster outside the travel agent when out shopping with Karen; asking Billy whether the capitol of Alaska was Fairbanks or Juneau; telling Stephen that I’d wanted to marry a sailor when I was a girl. Stephen laughed and whistled the Old Spice TV jingle, but I could tell the idea had lodged in his brain.

        Fate is all well and good, but sometimes you need to give it a helping hand.

        It took quite a while to get through to the radio station. Fortunately, Albert seems to be taking longer and longer to shave in the morning.

        Once, I caught him just staring into the mirror, completely transfixed, not even bothering to pretend to shave. I cleared my throat to get his attention and he jumped, looking as guilty as a school boy. “Guess I’m just gathering wool,” he said.

        I was starting to get worried when there’d been no mention of Alaska by 11:50, but I focused on making the cheese sandwiches for our lunch. The knife almost slipped out of my hand when the disc jockey announced: “And now a request from a young lady in Cloverdale: Johnny Horton’s North to Alaska.
        Albert looked up from the crossword puzzle. “I guess that’s it, sweetie. Better pack your bags.”

        It’s funny the way a city you’ve known most of your life can suddenly become exotic and strange. When the Princess Anne pulled out into the harbor and I looked back at Vancouver it was as if I was on the wrong side of the mirror. Albert and I held hands as the ship swept majestically under the Lion’s Gate Bridge. “Look at me!” I wanted to yell, but of course I didn’t. I just squeezed Albert’s hand tighter. The ship rounded Lighthouse Point and the houses on the shore started to thin out as the light began to fail.
        Albert turned to me. “You think they have any food on this barge?”

        It turns out that there's more food on a cruise ship than there are people to eat it.
        Somewhere along the line Albert must have spilled red wine on his white shirt, and it looked as if blood was seeping out of a wound in his chest. “You need to be more careful,” I chided, annoyed that I would be the one rinsing out his shirt in the tiny sink in our cabin, a sink more suited to a dollhouse than an apartment for full size humans.
        “Now you tell me,” Albert joked. At least the words sounded like a joke, but he wasn’t smiling. That was odd.

        Some of the older gents onboard wore tuxedos to the formal dinners in the evening, but Albert didn’t own one. Though I thought he looked presentable enough in his grey suit, I did notice it was hanging off him more than it used to. That’s age. Some of us get thicker and some get thinner. I’m of the thicker persuasion myself.
        Albert doesn’t mind. Or so he says. “There’s more of you to love,” he used to tell me when I was bemoaning the weight I just couldn’t seem to shed after my second baby. He was probably lying, but if your husband has to lie it’s best if the lies are well intentioned.

        A small combo was playing on the Lido deck one evening as we sailed past Wrangell. A couple even older than us had requested The Tennessee Waltz, one of my favourites. I pulled Albert onto the dance floor and we sashayed around. I don’t know if it was the stars we could see through the skylight or the reflection of the candles on the tables, it didn’t matter. I took off my glasses and snuggled in closer to Albert’s neck.
        “You know, Ellen, if I were to pass away, I’d want for you to find somebody else to dance with.”
        This is not the kind of thing you want to hear when you’re on a romantic cruise. I pushed him away and took a good look at his face. “Albert Michaelson, is there something you’re not telling me?”
        “Now Ellen, don’t get all suspicious, I’m just saying that I wouldn’t want you to just give up and spend your days pining for me.” He smiled ruefully. “Well, all right, you can pine a little, but then you have to go out dancing and have some fun.”
        “And who exactly am I supposed to go out and have some fun with?”
        “Oh, I don’t know.” Albert got a faraway look. “I know you always liked that Italian fellow, Fabrizio.”
        Fabrizio? I haven’t seen him for maybe twenty years. Oh, so maybe I flirted with him a little. I liked his soulful brown eyes. They reminded me of a dog we used to have when I was a kid.
        Albert coughed and scratched behind his ear. “I just thought maybe, well, maybe you regretted things.”

        The next morning was cold, really cold. The ship had entered Glacier Bay. You could hear ice scraping on the hull as the ship slowly cruised past icebergs of the prettiest blue. Of course, not all of them were pretty. Some just looked like chunks of asphalt broken off a freeway.
        Albert was hanging over the rail watching one of the glaciers with the little binoculars Stephen had given us. “I think that chunk is going to fall,” he said excitedly. “And if it falls, that will be that.”
What will be what? I wanted to know. Albert didn’t say anything, just kept staring and staring.
        It was cold. A kind of frozen mist hung over the water, and I really wasn’t wearing enough clothing. Who would have guessed you’d need a parka in August? “I’m heading in,” I said, but Albert didn’t pay me any heed. Fine.
        Just as I reached the door I heard a surprisingly loud crack, a rumble and an enormous splash.


message 41: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Writing is a bit dry in the beginning, but effective in the end. Good story, good job.


message 42: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments .. / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / .--. .-. .- -.-. - .. -.-. . / - .... .. ... / .-- .. - .... / ... --- ..- -. -.. ... / .- -. -.. / ..-. .-.. .- ... .... . ... / --- ..-. / .-.. .. --. .... - .-.-.-

Hopefully I'll finish my story today.


message 43: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments -.-- --- ..- / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / .--. ..- - / - .... . / ... --- ..- -. -.. ... / .- -. -.. / ..-. .-.. .- ... .... . ... / --- ..-. / .-.. .. --. .... - / .. -. / .- ... / ... - .- --. . / -.. .. .-. . -.-. - .. --- -. ... .-.-.-


message 44: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments .. ..-. / .. / . ...- . .-. / -.. .. .-. . -.-. - / .- / .--. .-.. .- -.-- / - .... .- - / -.-. --- ..- .-.. -.. / .-- --- .-. -.- .-.-.-

Friendly - the most poorly defined adjective. It supposedly means nice, affable, pleasant, but think about your friends for a moment. In any given setting, are they typically the nicest people to you or are they the people who are comfortable being rude to you? In my experience, it's the latter.


Kayla ~The Mirthful Messiah~ (Chucklevoodoos142) | 41 comments Cheese Lust:
Izzy looked hungrily through the store window. The golden bricks on display were making her empty stomach rumble and her normally brown eyes turn a dull yellow. She pushed open the door, making a small bell ring, and walked over to the heaven that was her life. At first, she couldn't decided which kind to get, there were so many.
Sharp cheddar, munster, swiss, her stomach grumbled, and she remembered that she hadn't fed since the previous morning. The person behind the counter looked at her impatiently, as if they had anything better to do, and she glared at them.
"What would you like?" the girl grumbled.
Izzy flipped her thick, curly, black hair over her shoulder, "One pound of sharp cheddar, munster, and swiss."
The blonde sighed and began to get the requested items, "Here, that'll be twenty-five dollars."
"Here," Izzy careleslly dropped the money on the counter, snatched up her needed life, and rushed out.
Once outside, she quietly nibbled on the sharp cheddar, and vanished. She reapeared in a small, but neat, apartment, and sat down at the pine kitchen table.
"Okay. Sharp cheddar sharpens the senses," she muttered, eating some, "Munster keeps the others away," another piece of cheese flew into the awaiting mouth, "And swiss is for a miss."
She ate another piece and her eyes turned back to brown. Her hair flattened slightly and she appeared to be ten times more beautiful. The swiss was already taking effect, as well as the sharp cheddar, and she could never be sure if the munster was working. The apartment was a lot dirtier than she'd thought, now that her senses were growing stronger, every piece of dust was vulnerable.
She immdiatly started to vigerously scrub away the mess and soon the whole apartment appeared to shine. With inhuman speed, she tossed an empty thing of Clorox wipes into the trash, and checked her pantry to make sure there were still more. A whole side of the wall was covered by various colored packages and she sighed with relief.
As she walked by a mirror and only vaguely saw her appearance, it was a reminder of what she was. An immortal creature that was kept alive by dairy products, mostly cheese. A cheese vampire, in a sense, and an oddity in the world.
Probably the oddest thing about her kind, was the fact that they were neat freaks. Mostly because of their sharpened senses, any sign of dust made them sick, and so they were paranoid about dirt. Izzy shuddered a little and sat down on the couch.
She clicked on the television and watched, not really paying attention to the flickering images. Suddenly, she saw something that snapped her back to reality.
"This man was caught...I'm not sure if I got this right, drinking blood!" a short haired news reporter exclaimed.
Izzy smirked, stupid blood vampire. Another good thing about cheese vampires, they didn't need to harm humans for their food.
"He was arrested and sent to a mental institution. As of now, we are not sure of how well the victim is doing," the reporter looked a little sad as the camera switched back to the regular news.
She kicked her feet up, leaned her head back, and sighed contedly. Being a cheese vampire was awesome.


message 46: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments Practice, practice indeed.

Yeah, English had more varied influence from other languages than any I know of, so we have a lot of weird quirks.

Kayla, fun little bit. I didn't notice any outright mistakes and the facts were conveyed clearly, as well as much of the intended ambience. I don't think it quite qualifies as a story, but it was fun to read anyway.


message 47: by M (last edited Jun 22, 2012 02:52PM) (new)

M | 11047 comments I just read “Still Life with Iceberg.”

I love the title.

When I read the sentence in which Albert spills red wine on his shirt, I thought, “Oh, no. He has cancer.” The next paragraph confirmed my suspicions.

The clues seem artfully placed (the blood on the shirt, Albert’s thinness, his rueful comments to Ellen about Fabrizio), and the symbolism seems effective yet not heavy-handed (the voyage into a realm of ice, Albert’s hints that Ellen may someday need a new dance partner--i.e., in the “dance” of life, the breaking off of the glacier).

I think the ending works very well. Albert’s death, his plunge back in to the ocean of the unconscious, of the eternal, will cause a big, upsetting splash in Ellen’s life. It wasn’t clear to me whether the narration intends me to think that Albert has died at that moment, but to me that enhances rather than weakens the story.

I think the paragraph “Fate is all well and good, but sometimes you need to give it a helping hand” is very effective.

I enjoyed Ellen’s comment about Fabrizio’s eyes: “They reminded me of a dog we used to have when I was a kid.”


message 48: by Tim (new)

Tim Thanks for the comments. I'm sorry I don't post more, but I do appreciate the feedback and enjoy reading all the fine stories of this group of talented writers.


message 49: by Edward (new)

Edward (edwardtheresejr) | 2434 comments The end of my story is coming along slowly due to noise around the house. I'll try to post before the morning, though ...


message 50: by M (new)

M | 11047 comments Try Mac’s earplugs. They reduce the noise by twenty decibals. Available at most drugstores.


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