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Fun Stuff > FARTING DURING SEX: ARE YOU GUILTY?

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message 1: by Hazel (new)

Hazel | 309 comments of course I have. If you can't fart during sex and both partners fall about laughing over it, then you're with the wrong person ;P


message 2: by Hazel (new)

Hazel | 309 comments I've even farted while receiving oral sex...I said nothing till he noticed >:-)


message 3: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Good Grief! Good Grief! Farting is such sweet sorrow that I shall retch 'till the stench be gone with the morrow.


message 4: by Emily Iliani (new)

Emily Iliani (emilyiliani) | 5 comments Queefing is the same with farting? No?


message 5: by Emily Iliani (new)

Emily Iliani (emilyiliani) | 5 comments THERE IS OBAMA AND MICHELLE'S (NOT-SO)SECRET TAPE? Must see, even if performance as bad as Paris Hilton's.

*I guess queefing only for those receiving.


message 6: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Emily Iliani wrote: "Queefing is the same with farting? No?"


No, not the same. Farts are waste gases from the anus. A queef is just air from the vagina. So, Emily, we can both fart, but only you can queef.


message 7: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Just wanted to make sure everyone was on the ball

...so to speak.


message 8: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Or as Charlie Brown said, "Good queef, Lucy"


message 9: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments I think we might have an idea for recycling an old TV game show. How about: Queef for a Day


message 10: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Father Confessor: "Go thou, and queef no more."


message 11: by John (last edited Jun 04, 2012 02:48PM) (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments .
.
"Queefing, nothing more than queefing,trying to forget my queefing when we make love.

Laughter, breaking out on your face, trying to forget my queefing when we make love.

(sorry, the meter sucks, but then again I never professed talent for poetry)


message 12: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments ...and to my favorite boy toy, Ronald, I bequeef all of my vast fortune...


message 13: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments "PussyFarts Galore", a new movie starring Queefer Sutherland.


message 14: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Fourscore and seven queefs ago, our forefingers brought forth an expulsion of air from the quim we were diddling...


message 15: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments "Old Yellow Pffft" better known as Captain Queef of the USS Caine.


message 16: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Kyle ~The Rebel Leader~ wrote: "LMAO, John! Those are hilarious.

Here's queef in your eye. Cheers!"


If you get it in your eye, you may be doing it wrong. Be that as it may, I live for an appreciative audience. Thank you kindly, Sir.


message 17: by Emily Iliani (new)

Emily Iliani (emilyiliani) | 5 comments CLAPS!!!!


Outside of a dog, a queef is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to queef.

(just had to!)


message 18: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Emily Iliani wrote: "CLAPS!!!!


Outside of a dog, a queef is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to queef.

(just had to!)"


You dog, you (just had to!)


message 19: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments "Balls!" said the Queen, "had I two, I'd be King. But then, I couldn't queef, could I? Best forget the whole thing."

Once a King, always a King. But once a knight is enough.


message 20: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments And of course, the quintessential question of the age, having nothing whatever to do with a queef or the act of producing one: Why do farts smell?


Answer: So that deaf people can enjoy them too.


message 21: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments And the ever popular etiquette question: Should a lady happen to fart at the dinner table, should the gentleman to her immediate right or her immediate left take the blame?

Related question: Should a lady's vis-à-vis happen to fart at the dinner table, under what circumstances is it acceptable for the lady to notice?

These are important questions given the propensity in this day and age to diet windily.


message 22: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments And back to the original question posed. Consider the situation where a lady, while enjoying an act of oral sex being performed by her lover, breaks wind so odiferously that the stench would knock a buzzard off of a shit wagon. What are the gentleman's obligations in the instance where the culmination of the act has not yet been achieved?


message 23: by Emily Iliani (new)

Emily Iliani (emilyiliani) | 5 comments John wrote: "And back to the original question posed. Consider the situation where a lady, while enjoying an act of oral sex being performed by her lover, breaks wind so odiferously that the stench would knock..."

Take one for the team! Keep your perfume near your bed, ladies


message 24: by Melki (new)

Melki | 3515 comments Mod
Don't true ladies get the vapors?


message 25: by Hazel (last edited Jun 05, 2012 04:19AM) (new)

Hazel | 309 comments is this like sweating? In that horses sweat, men perspire and women glow.


message 26: by John (last edited Jun 05, 2012 06:38AM) (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Chris wrote: "I'm determined to raise the tone of this thread. Here's an extract from Macbeth, Act I, Scene III:

2nd witch: I'll give thee a wind (she farts)
1st witch: Thou'rt kind.
3rd witch: And I another. (..."


I'm afraid that such a performance would leave me flat(ulent). Furthermore, (she farts) as a stage direction is a bit vague. Are we talking about a little ladylike 'pfft' where the aroma is somewhat delayed from the expulsion, or perhaps one of those little cheek rattlers -- not too loud, not too soft, but just right (c.f. Goldilocks), or are they full blown rectal rippers putting the performers in mortal danger of a pant load?

Just sayin'


message 27: by Hazel (new)

Hazel | 309 comments Kyle ~The Rebel Leader~ wrote: "Queef on , me Ladies! "

thank goodness for correctly used grammar...


message 28: by John (last edited Jun 05, 2012 11:21AM) (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Chris wrote: "Surely it isn't necessary to tell an experienced actor the right kind of fart for a given occasion. Here in the UK, I'm sure they're al..."

I have to admit that I have gone through more than 63 years of life blissfully unaware of the existence of a Royal Academy of Dramatic Farts. Apparently my ignorance is the result of a dissipated youth and an incomplete classical education. {Ri-i-i-i-i-p} Ah! Now that was a stinker! Well aged.


message 29: by Setton (new)

Setton | 1 comments A man and a woman meet for their first date. The man, while very "excited" over how things are going, confesses to the woman that he is a virgin and will not have sex before marriage. The woman asks about oral sex and he says, well I've never tried it, but I guess that's ok. So they go back to her place and they both undress and she tells him to lay on the bed. She starts to play with him and then asks him if he would like to try 69ing. He says ok, and asks what he has to do. She tells him, and as he's about to start, the woman lets out a huge fart. She apologises and says that has never happened before, but the guy says it's ok and to wait for a minute or two. Then he tries again. The woman rips another fart, and this time the man is brought to tears. He grabs his clothes and begins to get dressed. The woman is trying to get him to stay and try again, but he turns and says "Screw you lady, I'm not sticking around for 67 more of those."


message 30: by John (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments Setton wrote: "A man and a woman meet for their first date. The man, while very "excited" over how things are going, confesses to the woman that he is a virgin and will not have sex before marriage. The woman ask..."

Is the fact that I would have stuck around into the high 50s an indication of a flaw in my character?


message 31: by Harlowe (new)

Harlowe Pilgrim | 25 comments 'Fess up ladies and gents: how often have you farted during sex?

Never, if there's anyone else in the room.


message 32: by Martin (new)

Martin (oldfossil) | 353 comments Mod
I revive this dead thread just to put on record a traditional Old English limerick. It is so old that it should be revered with other classics of English literature, such as the works of Jane Austin and Dorothy Parker.

Victoria once said to Lord Pim:
"Does your wife keep champagne in her quim?"
He replied: "No such luck;"
"Do you fart when you fuck?"
... And he thought that was 'one-up' to him.


message 33: by John (last edited Dec 30, 2016 11:39AM) (new)

John (noel_efturn) | 110 comments .


A foolish young couple named Kelly
Were forced to live belly-to-belly.
Because, in their haste,
They used library paste,
Instead of petroleum jelly.


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