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Past Group Book Discussions > Goodnight Dear - Discussions/Spoilers

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message 2: by Darren (new)

Darren Humphries (darrenhf) | 6980 comments OK, I just thought that I would pop in and say right at the start that I want everyone to feel completely comfortable discussing any aspect of this at all without fear that I will see it and be upset. I am happy to answer any questions, take any comments or criticism or anything at all. Sparking a discussion between people was the purpose of the book after all.


message 3: by Simon (Highwayman) (last edited Jun 02, 2012 01:51AM) (new)

Simon (Highwayman) (highwayman) | 4698 comments One of the most curious things about death is that it has become a taboo subject. We are all going to die and we are all going to be affected by the death of others but talking about it is reserved for the elderly or terminally ill.


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments So Darren. How do you feel about Simon taking it upon himself to rename your book?


Simon (Highwayman) (highwayman) | 4698 comments Oops


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments Teehee.


message 7: by Elle (last edited Jun 02, 2012 03:54AM) (new)

Elle (louiselesley) | 7913 comments People where always shocked by my immediate family after all my grand parents died because we talked about it so openly. It's never been sugar coated in our family, mainly because we seem to have a lot of sick children in the family. It's a harsh reminder for a parents that death comes to us all.


message 8: by Kath (new)

Kath Middleton | 25061 comments In some ways I feel if you don't talk about the person who has died, that person is 'even more gone away' if you know what I mean. I always used to think that you make it worse by talking about it with the bereaved but when you stop and think, the worst hads already happened. You can't make it any worse and often the person wants to talk about it.

I loved this book, not because it's a 'nice story' but because it is so true, honest and open. It has certainly affected how I talk to bereaved people.


message 9: by Mo (new)

Mo (mobroon) | 797 comments Just finished it in one sitting. Amazing! it makes you appreciate your own relationships. Also how difficult one parent families have it. My husband was away Mon- Friday when my children were wee but I had support on the end of a phone and at the weekend. This is totally different. And still having to cope with bereavement.


Rosemary (grooving with the Picts) (nosemanny) | 9081 comments I lost my sister in very tragic circumstances and I was very aware of people avoiding me because they simply didn't know what to say, or they were worried about my reaction perhaps? And that was upsetting too.


message 11: by Anita (new)

Anita | 3758 comments Someone once gave some very sound advice to a group of my friends,

" If we never talk about Barney then he will be very p****d off, he was so loved & I for one don't ever want to forget the pleasure he brought me"

He was right, my special little boy would have been a bit miffed ( to say the least) if he was never mentioned. To this day Barney is still bringing smiles to peoples faces with all the mischief he got into & in a way through other peoples own memories he is still with me all the time. The lovely old gentleman who gave this advice has sadly passed himself but is still a big part of our lives because of the advice he gave out so many years ago.
I loved your book Darren. The honesty & open way you have written this book is a wonderful tribute to a lady who was loved so much. I have a feeling that Maite is a huge part of your lives & always will be.


message 12: by Kath (new)

Kath Middleton | 25061 comments That's a lovely comment Anita. We are right to be scared of losing our loved ones but if we're scared to remember them and speak about them we lose them twice.


message 13: by Anita (new)

Anita | 3758 comments I agree totaly Ignite, it is such a shame not to remember isn't it. You are right not talking about them is like you loose them twice.
I do think it is personal to everyone as I am sure not everyone wants to be reminded of the intense pain we feel when they leave us but for me I love photo's all around me & when someone says " do you remember when Barney......." I find it brings back even more happy memories, one's I had frogotten.


Simon (Highwayman) (highwayman) | 4698 comments The 'avoiding' thing was very strange. I think it must happen to everyone in bereavement. A friends daughter was murdered some years ago. When I met him and his wife they were so grateful that I talked about it with them. I never avoid the subject especially after being 'avoided' relatively recently....


message 15: by Elle (new)

Elle (louiselesley) | 7913 comments Gosh, I'd think in those circumstances it's probably be even worse.


I love reminiscing about insane things older relatives used to do. We still kill ourselves laughing at some of their old stories!


message 16: by Oak Tree (new)

Oak Tree | 50 comments Just a discussion point or two from the Review Group.

There is a review (not by us) suggesting that the book was cold and trivialised the loss. Do you think this is a valid point?

Has the book made you consider how you respond to those who are bereaved?

Has it made you take any steps to 'be ready' in case the unthinkable should happen in your own life?


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

Oak wrote: "Just a discussion point or two from the Review Group.

There is a review (not by us) suggesting that the book was cold and trivialised the loss. Do you think this is a valid point?

Has the book m..."


I don't agree with that review at all! It certainly did NOT trivialise Darren's loss.

I thought that the book was very well written and touching. I learned a long time ago that people want to talk about a lost loved one and this book confirmed that. I have heard of people crossing the road because they are embarrassed that they don't know what to say to a bereaved friend, but I think that is unintentionally cruel. I'm not sure that there is just the right words to say but it must mean a lot to people to know that you care about them.


message 18: by Kath (new)

Kath Middleton | 25061 comments I don't think it trivialised his loss either. It was emotionally restrained, I'd say. It had to be though. How else could you bear to write about it?


message 19: by Ruth (new)

Ruth (ruthcargill0204) | 39 comments I loved this book. It made me laugh and cry. The hassles he encountered sorting out things after his wife's death are unbelievable. I was particularly moved by the huge efforts he made for his children, so important and so hard. A beautifully written book and I am sure it would be very helpful to someone experiencing similar loss.


Rosemary (grooving with the Picts) (nosemanny) | 9081 comments I suspect that review may have been written by someone that has never suffered a close bereavement, or else they don't appreciate that everyone will cope with such a situation completely differently. Anyway the word Unsentimental in the title would have given them a pointer you would have thought. This book easily conveys deep emotions without gushy nonsense - far more moving (and indeed useful) in my opinion.


message 21: by Ruth (new)

Ruth (ruthcargill0204) | 39 comments I hope I did not cause offence with my review.


Rosemary (grooving with the Picts) (nosemanny) | 9081 comments Oh Ruth I wasn't referring to you! But further back to Oak's comment (message 16) sorry I wasn't clear


message 23: by Elle (last edited Jun 15, 2012 04:27AM) (new)

Elle (louiselesley) | 7913 comments I think Rosemary that some people have an attitude that death should bring about pain, misery and life long suffering and if you don't go through that then you are indeed disrespectful. I certainly know some people like that /:


message 24: by Ruth (new)

Ruth (ruthcargill0204) | 39 comments Phew! I was worried I might have offended someone. Death is such a sensitive issue. I agree with all the people that say talking about the person they have lost is important. It keeps their memory alive. I love talking about my beloved Grandparents and all the fun and laughter they gave me.


Rosemary (grooving with the Picts) (nosemanny) | 9081 comments Ruth wrote: "Phew! I was worried I might have offended someone. Death is such a sensitive issue. I agree with all the people that say talking about the person they have lost is important. It keeps their mem..."

You're so right Ruth, it is a sensitive issue, and it really shouldn't be!


message 26: by Jud (new)

Jud (judibud) | 18537 comments It's almost a taboo subject (at least it was in my upbringing) but it's a part of life, the only part of life that is certain, so it's funny how no one really talks about it.


message 27: by Kath (last edited Jun 15, 2012 08:14AM) (new)

Kath Middleton | 25061 comments Death and Taxes. The only certainties in life.
Oh and the fun and friendship here. :)


message 28: by Aunty Janet (new)

Aunty Janet (janetauty) | 297 comments I thought this book was a wonderful tribute by Darren. I thought the messages from friends and family were particularly moving. The book made me feel sad, but Darren's sense of humour shone through for me. The book also made me think about the practicalities of death, which is something that is often difficult to face up to.


message 29: by Darren (new)

Darren Humphries (darrenhf) | 6980 comments Didn't know it, but the kdp promotion on this has just become available again, so the book will be free for five days starting at some point tomorrow. Please take advantage of the offer.


Simon (Highwayman) (highwayman) | 4698 comments Not free yet. I will bring the old amazon thread alive when it goes free.


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments Should be any minute. I'll open the freebie thread now.


message 32: by Darren (new)

Darren Humphries (darrenhf) | 6980 comments I just checked and it is now free for five days.


Patti (baconater) (goldengreene) | 61757 comments Yes, just posted it in today's freebie thread.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Goodnight-Dea...


Simon (Highwayman) (highwayman) | 4698 comments I bounced my amazon thread but I am public enemy number one and it crashed and burned.

Do I care?

No. This is my forum home where I hang my ihat


Gingerlily - The Full Wild | 36808 comments its your iHome Simon. or should we call you iSmon


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