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Helping You To Know The News > Now that's honesty! <poop>

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message 1: by Sally, la reina (last edited Jan 03, 2009 09:38AM) (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod

Girl Calls 911 on Self

She told them her life was "spinning out of control" because she'd spent the majority of the past two weeks drinking alcohol.

I have two thoughts on this:

What else is there to do in Bismark?
and
Welcome to the adult holidays!

But both make me a little sad and ashamed.


message 2: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24191 comments Reaching out for help for sure. Very sad -- but hopefully a turning point for her.


message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Good for her for doing what needed to be done. A very good step indeed.




message 4: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Apparently Fargo is a great city, growing, etc. Bismark...never been there.

I want to go to North Dakota, though. I love isolated places. I read Klosterman's Downtown Owl not long ago and wanted to go even more. I hear some of the grasslands are pretty, too, although maybe I'm easily impressed.


message 5: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
Oh God, RA. Don't go to North Dakota. That is where bad shopping malls go to die. Bad fashion, bad stores, bad food bad weather.


message 6: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments It's really that bad? But they're selling me, Sally!

:)

http://www.ndtourism.com/


message 7: by Shelly (new)

Shelly My old (as in former), insane landlady got drunk one night--well, she got drunk every night but this one night she got so drunk she called the cops on herself b/c, she said, she was a danger to herself or others. She was dangerous, alright. Dangerously irritating.


message 8: by Jessica (new)

Jessica (jesstrea) I give the girl credit for doing that. Can't be easy.


message 9: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
ha


message 10: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
::chuckles imperceptibly::


message 11: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
Is that in the vein of "so funny I forgot to laugh"?


message 12: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
No.


message 13: by Barb (new)

Barb *is not clicking the mystery link*


message 14: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
A Minnesota state trooper pulls over a little old lady and discovers that she has a conceal and carry permit. She keeps pulling out firearms from various places in the car. He asks her what she's so afraid of. She says, "Not a f--king thing!"


message 15: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Lopez | 4728 comments It's actually very funny.


message 16: by Helena (new)

Helena | 1058 comments I like that lady.


message 17: by Barb (new)

Barb I was afraid ... what with vagina cupcakes and lobster erections popping up all over the place today.


message 18: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) | 3192 comments Funny story, Lg.


message 19: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Paschen | 6985 comments I can't read Sally's original link but this reminds me of a film at Sundance called "Smashed." It looks terribly sad--a married couple trying to drink themselves to death.

The thing that was shocking to me was the female character, who drank so much that she would Lose Control of her BOWELS. Good God.


message 20: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
I read that as BOWLES, because of the juxtaposition to Sally. Sally Bowles, the character created by Christopher Isherwood who became the character in Cabaret.

I'm not a heavy drinker, so if I lose control of my BOWELS it will be because of chorizo sausage, or rage.


message 21: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments We had a bartender who called in once to say he was going to be late because he had woken on the couch and needed to clean himself off because of the abovementioned issue.
I personally say that if that is an issue, you are an alcoholic.


message 22: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "I'm not a heavy drinker, so if I lose control of my BOWELS it will be because of chorizo sausage, or rage. "

Not that they are mutually exclusive.


message 23: by Lobstergirl, el principe (last edited Jan 30, 2012 11:05AM) (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
Or being executed.

If I ever go to the gallows, I will fast for a couple days beforehand...


message 24: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5946 comments Sarah Pi wrote: "We had a bartender who called in once to say he was going to be late because he had woken on the couch and needed to clean himself off because of the abovementioned issue.
I personally say that if ..."


I can honestly say that as drunk as I've been on occasion, I've never browned my shorts.

I mean c'mon... Have a little dignity!


message 25: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
Thanks Clark for ruining the verb "to brown" for me.


message 26: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5946 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "Thanks Clark for ruining the verb "to brown" for me."

I'm here for you, LG.


message 27: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Paschen | 6985 comments Browning my shorts -- If this EVER happens to me, someone please call the Betty Ford Clinic and tell them to save me a room.


message 28: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
::sets speed dials::


message 29: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Paschen | 6985 comments Thanks LG.


message 30: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 3207 comments Seems like the adult diaper industry could capture a niche market among alcoholics.


message 31: by Cynthia (new)

Cynthia Paschen | 6985 comments But who would be the one to change their diapers, Amber?


message 32: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 3207 comments Cynthia wrote: "But who would be the one to change their diapers, Amber?"

Depends.


message 33: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
A HAHAHA! Hee.

::feels guilty laughing at diaper wearers::


message 34: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
Poop. Yes. This story makes me angry!

Crappy Teacher Tells Kindergartner Who Pooped Her Pants To Sit On It

http://gawker.com/5903087/crappy-teac...

The girl was going to sit for a test. (In KINDERGARTEN?? The news report says that these tests don't begin until 3rd grade, but the teacher wanted her KINDERGARTEN class to get a feel for it.) The teacher told her to go to the bathroom before the test. But the girl couldn't poop on demand, and when she did need to poop, it was in the middle of the test. She asked to go to the bathroom and the teacher said no. She crapped her pants. The teacher made her sit in her poo for the remaining 15 minutes of the test, then her mother was called to come get her.


message 35: by ~Geektastic~ (new)

 ~Geektastic~ (atroskity) | 3207 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "Poop. Yes. This story makes me angry!

Crappy Teacher Tells Kindergartner Who Pooped Her Pants To Sit On It

http://gawker.com/5903087/crappy-teac......"


What a bitch. And they wonder why bullying is a problem in our country when teachers can bully students just as much as their peers.


message 36: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
The teacher gave her a garbage bag to wrap around her until her mother got there. It was very messy.

Do you think any kid in that class is ever going to forget about this? Not to mention the girl, who is going to have nightmares about it for years.


message 37: by Cyril (new)

Cyril | 493 comments In fairness to the teacher, there's only one side to the story in that article. It's also possible the kid was sent to the school with diarrhea, and the bag was for her dirty clothes. I find it hard to believe a kindergarten teacher would act like that.


message 38: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
Well, I watched the TV news clip and the reporter said they weren't allowed inside the school. So the school didn't want the teacher speaking on camera, and my guess is the teacher would have declined to as he/she would have become an object of hatred. The TV clip does present the school's side in that at least one school official was quoted.

Even if the kid was "sent to school with diarrhea," that's all the more reason to let the kid go to the bathroom when the kid asks to. Holy moly.


message 39: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
I know I teach high school and not kindergarten but I rarely let kids go to the bathroom when they ask. I'm sure the teacher in this case wasn't intentionally trying to humiliate the child, but simply teach her some self-discipline.


Granted, she failed. But still.


message 40: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
I hear you, but it's not like high school kids can't get diarrhea too. Sometimes when you gotta go, you really gotta go. The rectum doesn't always respond to self-discipline.


message 41: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24191 comments TW . . . oh never mind.


message 42: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
Yeah, but the little fucker should just go during passing period or not ask me in such an obnoxious manner while I'm trying to explain an assignment or we're reading aloud.


message 43: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5946 comments One summer during high school I worked maintenance at a local public pool, a job which entailed testing the chlorine and pH levels, making sure the pumps and filters were functioning properly, and a lot of sleeping and girl watching.

Unfortunately, someone kept dumping in the urinals in the men's shower room - someone we quickly dubbed The Mad Crapper. We'd draw cards to see who had to blast it out with a high-powered hose. Whenever some ill-mannered brat did a number in the baby pool, we also drew cards to see who had to fish it out with a long-handled net - a practice we called pearl diving. Then we drained the thing and started over from scratch.

That is all.


message 44: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
A girl named Julie wet her pants in first grade. We were lined up to come back into the classroom after recess and as we came into the room she lost control.

I threw up in kindergarten during story time because my teacher didn't believe I felt sick. After the deed, when she came over to see my pile of sick on the brightly patterned carpet all she clucked was "what a mess." I was horrified.


message 45: by Dr. Detroit (new)

Dr. Detroit | 5946 comments Sally wrote: "I threw up in kindergarten during story time because my teacher didn't believe I felt sick. After the deed, when she came over to see my pile of sick on the brightly patterned carpet all she clucked was "what a mess." I was horrified. "

I can't top that.


message 46: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11436 comments Clark wrote: "I can't top that. "

Don't you have at least one story about a middle school teacher calling on you to write something on the board, but you didn't want to because you were sporting a massive woody?


message 47: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17305 comments Mod
Was PhilClark hot for teacher?


message 48: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11436 comments My story is about someone else.

There was a girl in my fourth grade class who never really fit in with any group. She had a crush on me that was very obvious. One day she peed herself in class.

A year later her family moved away. When they returned six years later, they bought a house on our street. The girl had completely outgrown her awkwardness and dorkiness and was absolutely stunning. If only I had known all those years earlier!


message 49: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) | 24191 comments If only.


message 50: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 23358 comments Mod
I'm grateful I never pooped myself at school because I had very high levels of shame. I probably would have killed myself (literally) if that teacher had done to me what happened to that little girl.


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