teen writers discussion
Stories F-P
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Janelles turn!
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Very very intriguing. Quite a few typos, like cant instead of can't. Also, a few funky sentences.... like, for instance this one. [“Ok!” I laugh also, she is just trying to get him out of my mind, but hey it’s working!:]Maybe say something along the line of, ("Okay!" I said, laughing also. I know she is just trying to get him off my mind, but you know what? It's working.)
Also, If you do go farther with this, you'll have to explain everything, who it was that fell, what Poseidon wants with them, etc.
I know I need to explain everything more thuroughly, I didnt plan on writing more but everyone was saying I should, so yes I do plan to edit and revise and explain more, but I wanted it to be sort of like a cliffyis situation at the first chapter, I find that to draw people in.
I really liked it, and I totally get that it was a short story. Have fun with it! That's my advice for everything.
I m working on that one, I started it for a contest, but I m going to write more for it!