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by
Barbara
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Aug 22, 2012 07:35PM
Liberating! That's how it felt to take a semester off in College. I felt like I had a choice whether or not to continue my education after going to school straight from age 5 to 19. It had actually been my best semester of college ever with 13 credit hours and an A+ in every class. I was very drained and I don't think it was just from working so hard in school. I would have other semesters where I did not attend for various reasons, but this one was a great turning point for me. Also, I would drop classes from time to time. I am not a believer in never quitting. Sometimes quitting is the right thing to do. I am grateful for every semester and ever class that I took.
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Eat everything on your plate because there are starving children in (insert distant location) has said many a mother through the years to her child. I think my mom might have ever said that a time or two. While I think it is ever so important to have awareness of others and their problems, I have a problem with telling others that they need to be grateful. Yes, we need to all come to this and maybe during teaching moments that aren't laden with guilt so we can realize how very blessed we are. But we all have a right to "count our own blessings" in our own due time and to work through whatever issues we may have in our own time.(I don't encourage people to let bad seeds fester just for the sake of it and all).I know that a person can at times relate their traumas of the past and have another person say how they are fortunate that they didn't have it as bad as other people. Yes, it is important to know things could always be worse. However, it can be so hard to confide and you may be sharing what you have bottled up and to have someone minimize your real pain even in the slightest can inhibit your healing process. When people have compassion, it can make you feel that the injustices that you received matter and that you matter. Some of the people that I know who have lived through nightmares that I don't think I would have been strong enough to survive are the first to recognize others pains even if they pale in comparison to theirs. These people want to stop suffering and help that person seek help if needed.
It is important to vent at times. Sometimes we need to commiserate with others. We need balance and studies show that to much of commiserating in the case of breaking up with a significant other can lead to depression in youth.
But still we do need someone to accept us and maybe even say, "That is awful!" I feel your pain! You aren't alone. You aren't crazy to think that. And I still like you. And I will help you in any way I can. Sincere and heartfelt listening to others can go a long way.
My parents have never said that...It's been almost a week with no comments on my blog. Please comment on my blog.
I must have been commenting the same time you were here.
I have been online seven years less the span of about a year that my computer was crashed. It is interesting to me how there are blogs that I was drawn to and would revisit while others may have been interesting but I only stopped by that one time or so. With friends, it has been interesting how some I may email more often and others who I like may not receive an email for a long time or maybe even not at all. I don't know if there is a purpose why our energies are drawn where they are. Of course, there is some choice in the matter. To paraphrase C.S.Lewis of the fictional Narnia fame, we don't have as much control as we think over our friends as God may help us in hidden ways as to help us move in a certain area or to have something in conversation come up during an initial conversation. I love it when people strike a chord with something that matters to me. I love thoughtful people. Of course, there is an advantage online that I will probably visit a person more often if they have a way with words. I will be more likely to visit if I think the person has good attributes that I like as well. We can't be friends with everyone because there just isn't enough time in the day. If I could comment on my friends blogs when I am not here and yet thinking about something interesting they said or about a situation, then it would be a lot easier and I could befriend even more people. I have become closer to family, neighbors, people from Church, people from school from my online contact that supplements the face to face visits(for the few I see face to face). I do feel attached to people and close to people even if it is not probable that I will ever meet them. I have many that have blessed my life. At times, I feel I have experienced things or have insights that may help them too. Oftentimes, I read and ponder the words but don't always have the right things to say. I wish I could express that I care about their plight or understand more than I might say in words that may come out rather feeble or lame. If I could give back to them how I really feel as a gift, I think they would have a much better day knowing they are respected and valued by me. This is so true of so many of my female and male friends of all ages online. We live in an amazing age when we can communicate online!
Well, I just consumed a lot of garlic so my friends here are probably lucky they is a computer screen separating us. I am going to have to sign into my work computer soon and I never surf the web on that computer(could get in big trouble if I did and got a virus on it). I probably will not be online again until Monday. At least I should be safe from Vampires in the meantime with all the garlic I had(or am I confusing that with some other legend). I don't believe there are real vampires at least I hope they aren't real. Later gators!
I do think that friends can help one another see silver linings too. Perspective is something that I gain when I talk things over with others.
The poems that I most like to write are whimsical. They are an escape. Writing the style I like best is not something that I can do very well if I am not in the mode. I actually have very few poems that I really like that I have written of this style and I think it has been about a year since I wrote one that I really liked of this manner. I do not have a goal to be published or to win a contest. I did want a work of mine to go down through the generations. The following poem is in the family history book that my second cousin compiled and I already have a rough draft of the book with many pictures and family data. Here it is:Do caterpillars wonder why they crawl on the ground while older family members fly?
Do they wistfully await for wings with colorful patterns like they have seen?
Do they think of the day that is coming soon when they will emerge as a butterfly from a cocoon?
Do butterflies think of memories stored when they frolicked and crawled among leaves that are no more?
Or have the caterpillar and the butterfly figured out the secret how of looking forwards and backwards while living in the now?
I didn't set out to write a poem with any meaning. I was just trying to rhyme something with why the why of the first stanza and the rest followed. And I like the prosody and imagery. :)
There are some people who I know online who I wish that those more up close and personal would read their writing and get a glimpse of the beauty that I see. One of my friends has no shortage of friends in her area and elsewhere. She jokes something like she has to shake a stick to keep some of them away. Yet, I think there are tender feelings she has and love for the sacred that her local friends may miss as she sometimes plays roles in her life of sharing the contrary view etc. She has been such an amazing friend and has made such a difference in so many lives. She is very respected among many of the bloggers who I know. Like me, she seldom gets lonely. Another friend has often yearned for acceptance and I think self-stigmatizes herself. I just wish she could step back and see what I see. Of course, I could tell her until I am blue in the face and she may question if I know what I am talking about. I have read her blog for years and we have exchanged emails. Although she has had a lot of ups and downs and has cycled a lot in a short time from extreme high to extreme low, I see a constancy of her as a caring and kind person who at times has had to fight her severe depression to stay alive. I know people are aware of her writing talent given what she did in school. And yet, I think some people who she keeps her blog private from would see a side of her that she may not reveal as she is so afraid of rejection that would make them respect her all the more.
Another person writes about his traumatic brain injury. While I am aware of deficiencies that people in his day to day life may not know because he writes openly how he often can't follow what a person is saying because of his brain injury but knows how to fake it well, I also may see some of his brilliance that those who don't read his work may not see.
I encouraged him to share his writing with family, which he shared would defeat the purpose of revealing his private thoughts in a blog. I replied that he doesn't have to let them read that particular blog, but could write on other subjects to give them a sample of his writing.
I have had local friends and family read my writing online and I have felt more connected to them as a result. I am sure they have learned things about me. I have also learned more about my sister who I have been close to since she was born by reading her blog.
Through all of the friends, I have seen them go through some very dark days. I have seen growth and increase in strength.
I think people may be more open with their feelings and thoughts online so it really is a great way to get a glimpse of a person.
I am going to link to a review I did of Dr. Deb Serani's book about living with depression. I have been following her blog for years and am grateful to count her as a friend. I am also a "fan" of hers at Good Reads. http://population-we.blogspot.com/201...
My statistics for Friday at work were way over goal! I'm thinking today was another great day. I had some low days over a week ago so this helps so much.
Here is a post that I wrote about Goldie who was my next door neighbor from age 3 to 13. She was a very special lady!
I had a lot of anxiety about the future in high school and this made me depressed at times. I also had depressive symptoms. At a young age, my mom encouraged prayers before going to bed and I continued this practice although I am sad to report that many of my prayers were selfish in nature. I did often pray for world peace though. In the midst of my struggles as teen that seemed all to real to me, I felt inspired one evening around the time of prayer that God had a purpose for my life. I think I my life has had purpose since then. It scares me to think that I may not have done everything I should and that in the future I may not be up to the task of what I should do. However, I have already done more with my life than I ever imagined as a painfully shy and backwards teen.
I think that praying, the kind you do before bed, is selfish in its nature. And that's OK. Being selfish isn't bad, not in default. If you want something for yourself - even if it isn't something you should want, or even if it's a gadget or a new phone - you're allowed to want it. At least by Jewish law, what's wrong is to want THE phone that belongs to A, instead of just wanting A phone LIKE the one that belongs to A. Get it?I'm just... annoyed. I shouldn't be and I can't explain it, but I am. BE SELFISH! Life is short, and sinning and living is better than being a prude and merely existing. I think there's more to life than world peace. Live for yourself, the people you love, and your family. Not for people you've never even met; Once you're done with your stuff you can get to that. If your life's all about others, to whom does it really belong to?
I do think we can ask for righteous desires for ourselves. I think the sphere of self and family is more important to us than the world and you are right that we need to start with those closest.
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/3...Cuz there's a new chapter:)
We're missing you and you're slightly less active this passed month. Are you busier than you were?
I like your blog, Barbara. I've only read the first and last pages so far, but you have a really nice way about you. I shall read the rest in due course. (My eyes and head start to hurt if I read too much on the computer in one go!)All the best! :)
Pirl, I'm going to check out the link. I may have taken more time offline than usual as I have been reading a book to prepare for an upcoming post. Thanks for making me feel welcome.Thanks you for your kind words, BL!
I thought I would mention that I do not knowingly accept friend invites on social media from minors unless I am friends with their family. I enjoy conversing in the open public with all age groups though from young to young at heart.
My family and those closest to me seem to appreciate my sense of humor. I have people who were not as close tell me that I made them laugh a lot and even that I should be a comedian. Well, I wasn't really trying to be funny much of the time. It was just me and the way I express things at times. Then, there are times when I am joking and people who do not know me as well may think I am serious. At any rate, I wouldn't want to go through life without a sense of humor. While I've always had a sense of humor, I have learned to laugh at myself more in recent years. That doesn't mean that I am huge into self-effacing humor. From time to time, it is a good thing. As for what makes me tick when it comes to humor, the new series "Go on" made me laugh so hard last night!
Not sure what self-effacing humor is.But I know your situation. I'm bug on laughing about myself and my "downsides" and I'm really sarcastic, and apparently that doesn't blend well. Nobody ever gets my supposedly funny comments in a conversation.
Sometimes online.
Self effacing humor is making fun our yourself.I get the humor in some of your writing. :)
I like it as cultures evolve and sometimes there are even inside jokes(as long as you don't make others feel like an outsider around you).
With the trees in my neighborhood displaying their Fall hues of reds, oranges, and yellows, I don't have to travel anywhere to immerse myself in ideal scenery fit for a postcard. However, a ride is on the agenda today and I am looking forward to seeing even more of the city and the splendor.
Thought some of you might enjoy my sister's account of the "Zombie Walk." It took place just blocks from my home. http://population-we.blogspot.com/201...
Barbara wrote: "With the trees in my neighborhood displaying their Fall hues of reds, oranges, and yellows, I don't have to travel anywhere to immerse myself in ideal scenery fit for a postcard. However, a ride is..."I love autumn. I can't walk past fallen leaves without stepping on them and hoping for a satisfying crackle. Hope you enjoyed your city ride.
Fall here came and left, but winter didn't - a sort of gloomy summer came back. Basically, in every way it's summer - except that the sun goes down earlier and there are clouds every once in a while.
Buffy, I love the images you conjure up when you say that you can't walk past fallen leaves without stepping on them and hoping for a satisfying crackle. The ride was great!Pirl, if it seems like Summer maybe Fall is coming again soon. Hopefully, you'll skip the winter next time around and go straight to Spring. :)
Then, I wish for a long winter for you.
I mean Israel needs the water after all.
I certainly hope that over a years time that Israel will have water at the most optimum times.
I think I have good rapport with people from all walks of life. That's not saying that I connect with everyone and my shyness does at times make things hard although I am not the shy person I was in my teens and early twenties. I can relate well to people who may be perceived as slow. Well, I am slow in some ways and we probably all have our shortcomings. As I have had a chance to get to know slow people, I realize that the pain of bad experiences feels the same for all of us. Horrible! They grapple with the same feelings and with having to forgive others. I know people who are highly intelligent who grapple just the same despite their education and learning. We are really more alike than different wherever we go and whatever our faith may be or our aptitudes.
In case you didn't know, November is a month to show appreciation for Native Americans. Here is a blog post I did about honoring Native Americans.http://population-we.blogspot.com/201...
I like it when I have a good rapport with someone who I am making their hotel reservation for or assisting in some way. I really connect with some people and we seem to have mutual respect. I meet some very interesting people. One older lady said she was blessed with a sunny personality by God and that she felt her purpose was to share it with others. I meet people in different fields who sometimes share about their work. As I am working, I can't just stop and talk to my heart's content. There are some people who I would love to get to know even better. I have had fun people who have worked as comedians. I have also had real humanitarians on the other end. There are some people who are very business-like or others who are in a hurry. While I try not to engage in too much conversation outside of the job at present, I am never someone to do anything in life fast. And I have many a customer who will commend me for being helpful and thorough. I sometimes will go to a mental chalk board in my mind and draw another line when someone says that I am helpful. I don't know what the actual count it, but it means a lot when someone appreciates me. As I may have shared here, I thought I would be too spacey to ever hold down a good job. I have worked for my current company for 12 years and receive good pay and benefits. Meeting neat people is a favorite benefit!
There are some great female characters in literature who I wish were real people. Jo of Little Women fame has her flaws including a short temper. Yet, she is so creative and intelligent. I love how kind she is to Beth. Speaking of Beth, I do love her gentleness. I had a friend compare me to Beth. At one time, I think that would have been a fairly apt description although I have come out of my shell a lot. She was saying how I was reclusive and working from home and not the one to have big dreams. At that point, I had become social but was home bound for other reasons. And I had done many out of my comfort zone things in my life to date.Anne of Anne of Green Gables is so impetuous. Her lows are so low. It is her highs that are so high that make her so endearing. Plus, her love of nature and over all enthusiasm for life make her a favorite.
I don't remember much about Harriett of Harriet the Spy. I do remember feeling sad for her after her journal was found. I think I related to her character as a whole.
Scarlet of Gone withe Wind is a very strong woman and a force to be reckoned with, for sure. I wish she didn't spend her time pining for a man who was totally wrong for her and already married when she could have been so happy with Rhet. His wife Melanie is a beautiful character. Although she was weak from illness for much of the show, she is a woman of virtue who knows what has to be done to survive at times. She is so loyal to Scarlet. As much as I don't like to think of the conflict of her finding out about Scarlet's feelings for her husband, I would like to have seen her accept her feelings and show that she was not jealous. She could know she was very much loved by her husband. While Ashley was an amazing man and a man of virtue, I thought he lacked the manliness for a woman like Starlet in the first place.
I've read a lot of books where the female characters are not nearly so memorable, of course.
I just heard "Let It Be." It was much needed. I had a call yesterday by someone who I will probably never talk to again unless random chance brings it about. I bent over backwards to help him and he was happy in the end. But I hate anyone threatening me when I wasn't the one who created the problem and I was helping him. In the end, someone helped me solve his problem and he seemed quite happy. That was because the other person who helped was wonderful. I don't want to go into specifics but they aren't friends and they aren't family. And I lost sleep. I need to let it go!
Let it be... great song. I hope you feel better and catch some sleep.
Happy Hanukkah. Even if it is the end almost (it ends on Sunday, started last Sunday).
I do love the traditions of the holidays. Some change but are still in my heart as we continue on and add to traditions. Some years we decorate a lot inside. We have a very scaled down version this year, but it is still festive. I enjoy the harmony and peace that my family often experiences at this time of year.
Hey there (:Can't you have a non-professional one now or is it not that simple? I don't know how these things work...
Amy, we might have contact from time to time. He is a very decent person and it is has been great to get to know him some.
