Clean Romances discussion
General Chat
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I can't remember when I've been so angry.
Sorry that happened to you, Anne. There are so many of us sweet romance/sensual romance writers out there. I have no idea why someone was so nasty to you! I think a scene like that would absolutely be enjoyable and romantic.
I believe, in a world where sex and porn are so prevalant, anything less might seem lacking to those who are used to the explicit sex scenes. I think sex scenes are as addicting as other kinds of porn, and will make a good, clean romance leave you hanging. Most romances these days (oh, please! I feel old saying that!) are very detailed, and leave you feeling dirty afterwards. No way can a "Real" husband keep up with all that. Just like a wife trying to compete for a man who looks at porn. The scenes are not reality, and the feelings are not the same. If the romantic scene leaves you feeling hot and steamy, it was probably crossing the line. Lots of good, creative, romance authors can make your stomach flutter just describing a kiss. There is no need to know every detail in the bedroom...or where ever ther are doing it. Good luck to you. Unfortunately, I have many friends who would agree with not reading it unless the sex is included. Sad, but true NOW DAYS. I spend much of my days searching out the Clean romances, and often get suckered into the wrong ones. Good luck, I will read it if it's clean!
That's bizarre. I must say, I've written a few romantic scenes with kissing, sharing beds, and no sex. And I feel completely credible as an author!!!Hang in there and write what you want. Everyone has a different opinion of what constitutes "romance", and if you like it, someone else is bound to as well.
So sorry you had a bad experience like that! People can be so rude sometimes. While I read and write both kinds of romance (with and without sex), my opinion is that nobody has a right to tell you how to write your own story. Nor can they possibly predict that it would hurt your credibility as an author, particularly if you become established as an author of stories containing no explicit material. As I've read here on these forums, there are plenty of readers out there who prefer 'sweet' or 'clean' books, finding books heavy on sexuality to be totally unnecessary. In answer to your question, yes, a bedroom scene where there is hugging and kissing but no sex is perfectly acceptable and can be undoubtedly very romantic under the right circumstances. Speaking as a wife, there are lots of occasions when I find my husband romantic outside of having sex. Love and sex are NOT the same thing.
I agree with Alyson and others. Sorry someone said that to you. As long as you're true to the characters and write a compelling story, I don't see how it matters whether or not characters have sex.
I'm sorry that happened to you. Stay true to yourself! I write romances and mine aren't filled with detailed sex. ;o) lol...I keep it clean enough so that my 72 year old mother won't be embarrassed! lol
If someone wants 'detailed oriented' love scenes, they can look for books labeled 'erotica'.
As for the person who said they wouldn't read a book without the detailed scenes? Really, who cares? I wouldn't. That person isn't worth wasting your energy on. If you spend your life trying to please everyone, well, you'll just go bonkers. Can't be done. Be true to yourself and don't worry over people like that.
That's just my two cents. ;o)
Suzan Tisdale
Hi Anne,
I wouldn't worry about one person's negative comments. As others have said, everyone is entitled to their opinion and this person didn't express their's professionally.
What concerned me about what you said is that your topic was deleted. What group was this? If it was a "clean" group and you posed the question as you did in this post, I don't see anything offensive. I'd be questioning the moderator on that one.
It would make me feel banned. You might want to consider your membership in that group and stick with other groups that aren't so biased and close-minded.
I know it can hurt. I wear my heart on my sleeve so things like this bother me too. You know you didn't say or do anything wrong, so let it go. Get back to what you love to do, which I'm sure is writing. ")
I wouldn't worry about one person's negative comments. As others have said, everyone is entitled to their opinion and this person didn't express their's professionally.
What concerned me about what you said is that your topic was deleted. What group was this? If it was a "clean" group and you posed the question as you did in this post, I don't see anything offensive. I'd be questioning the moderator on that one.
It would make me feel banned. You might want to consider your membership in that group and stick with other groups that aren't so biased and close-minded.
I know it can hurt. I wear my heart on my sleeve so things like this bother me too. You know you didn't say or do anything wrong, so let it go. Get back to what you love to do, which I'm sure is writing. ")
That's awful. I'm sorry you had to experience that! I would love to read a scene like that. I've written a number of those and think they're very romantic :) It's a shame some people can't understand romance without sex. I had some comments from a reviewer recently who was in disbelief that my 20-year-old heroine and 26-year-old hero were waiting until marriage for sex. I thought it was sad that it was so hard to believe.
Keep writing what's true to you!
Jennifer Comeaux
Life On the Edge
That is crazy! I think it's amazing that not long ago a lot of people were scandalized by explicit scenes anywhere and now they expect it in order for it to be accepted. It makes me wonder what is going on in their lives that they feel they need that. Most of the best works written don't have any scenes in them and may have one kiss, but they have sold millions of copies. Obviously that commenter was fairly uneducated to state anything about credibility based on if your writing had sex or not. Plus, if all writing did include that, what would our children read? I don't want my daughter reading that stuff at all, but if she does come across it, it definitely belongs in the adult or erotic sections and not anywhere else because really, what is the point of that being in the book anyway? Is it just to get a rise? Then it needs to be where readers who want that can find it, but not the rest of us. ;) No offense to those who write those things. There is a lot of demand for it and a lot of publishers who won't publish without it.
You should get in touch with that group's mods and ask what's up. Seems downright uncivil.
Sorry it happened, Anne. I think L.H. is right. You should find out what the heck happened.
Wow, I am blown away, and humbled by all the support here. As Mark Messier said at his retirement ceremony, thank you, Thank You, and THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!
It was the 'contemporary romance' group by the way.
And here's the thing. I've written sex scenes. Most of them however, I share only within my very small circle of friends.
Some of that, yes, has to do with my belief system. And honestly, when I write them, I'm very...well, for lack of a better word, careful in my descriptions. So sick of reading about roosters and kitty kats..IYKWIM...:P
I LOVE roosters and kitty kats! SO CUTE!!
I try. :) Here's the thing. When my two main characters finally get hitched, the sparks will fly. I only hope I can do that scene justice. Another thing, I'm not adverse to reading some sex scenes, if they are done tastefully.
Sigh. Now I want to show you all the scene in question, not the wedding night, but the non sexual one, and get some feedback.
I have a little time to read right now. If you'd like to send it to me as a message, I'll take a look.
When I get a chance to look over it again, I'll happily send it. Thank you for your offer!!
Oh, wait, I read that wrong I thought you said you had "little time to read." I'll see if I can shoot that off to you today.
BTW I asked why my post was deleted at the other group.
I know! I'll bet you five to three they'll ignore it.
@Ginger. Ok, have it.Will send it to you in a sec.
I really don't understand what the problem is. Your scene was sweet, funny, and engaging, and completely validates you as an author. I couldn't say what happened in the group, because I did not participate, but it makes me wonder if perhaps someone was simply having a very bad morning. I think you should ignore the whole thing and continue on your merry way! Keep writing, girl!!
Anne wrote: "I try. :) Here's the thing. When my two main characters finally get hitched, the sparks will fly. I only hope I can do that scene justice."I know exactly how you feel. I've been toying with my couple's wedding night scene forever, trying to make it perfect!
Coming in late to this, but your experience validates why I've been hesitant to join any contemporary romance groups. I'm so sorry you got hit with such vitriol. And then the thread disappearing? Can you privately send me the name of this group, please, so I can avoid it if I ever change my mind about joining a contemp. romance group?On credibility, I know there are some women out there who feel sex scenes validate a particular feminist viewpoint they're trying to encourage. Not including them (and I know this sounds twisted) can be construed as denying women their sexuality and, therefore, being anti-women. Since romance is targeted toward women, it's possible (I haven't seen the thread obviously) that that's what the poster meant when she said you would lose credibility as an author.
It's a stretch and I hesitate mentioning it. It's also possible she's just crazy. Either way, like Ginger said, best to just forget the whole thing and move on.
The scene itself sounds interesting. Please let me know when your story comes out.
(One more thing...LOL'ed at roosters and kitty-cats!)
Amy wrote: "Coming in late to this, but your experience validates why I've been hesitant to join any contemporary romance groups. I'm so sorry you got hit with such vitriol. And then the thread disappearing?..."It was the "Contempory Romance " group. I so wish the thread hadn't been deleted.
Anne wrote: "Amy wrote: "Coming in late to this, but your experience validates why I've been hesitant to join any contemporary romance groups. I'm so sorry you got hit with such vitriol. And then the thread d..."Thanks!
Amy wrote: "Coming in late to this, but your experience validates why I've been hesitant to join any contemporary romance groups. I'm so sorry you got hit with such vitriol. And then the thread disappearing?..."I know. So strange. I inquired into why, so far, no response. If you are interested in reading, I can shot that scene over to you Amy. Let me know. I'm a feedback whore. :P
Oh Anne, I'm so sorry you were hit with such negativity. Sex isn't required for validation of any situation when writing. Your credibility doesn't depend on the amount or intensity of sex (or language or violence for that matter) contained in your novel. I think a scene can be enjoyable and romantic and passionate without any details.I hope you continue to be true to yourself and your vision of romance. (I'll be watching for your novel when it comes out)
Thanks so much. I'm beginning to get over my hurt. It's not going to stop me from writing how I want.
Anne wrote: "Thanks so much. I'm beginning to get over my hurt. It's not going to stop me from writing how I want."Truthfully, there is a bigger market for clean romance than most people realize. I also write clean romance and I enjoy reading them as well. Good luck with your writing. I'm sure your stories are great:-)
I hope it is. I just have to finish it. Am hoping to have a first draft done by the end of the year.
Anne wrote: "I hope it is. I just have to finish it. Am hoping to have a first draft done by the end of the year."Well, if you ever need a reader, I would be glad to help out:-)
If you'd like I can send you the scene that caused all the controversy...I can PM it to you..:)
Anne wrote: "If you'd like I can send you the scene that caused all the controversy...I can PM it to you..:)"Sure:-)
jewela40@gmail.com
I'd also be a reader if you would like Anne. I'd be pleased to help you.
Thanks so much! You can PM me your e mail.
Anne wrote: "Amy wrote: "Coming in late to this, but your experience validates why I've been hesitant to join any contemporary romance groups. I'm so sorry you got hit with such vitriol. And then the thread d..."I'd love to read it. :) I'll PM you my email.
You know what? Just write the way feels right for you. Don't bother worrying about what other people think. As I'm sure you've realised from feedback here: there are plenty of readers out there who don't particularly enjoy graphic sex scenes and insisting they be included is every bit as bigoted as previous generations who insisted they shouldn't be!My short stories are ALWAYS clean and the magazines that publish them are sometimes derided for the kind of fiction they publish, but there is room for a wide range of fiction out there. We should all just live and let live. :)
www.lydiajones.co.uk
What magazines are you published in? I would love to read your stuff, as well as look at them as possible places to submit!
I am sorry that happened to you, unfortunately I think most of the romance readers on here prefer "Romantica" or something to do with vampires.. sparkly or otherwise. I think the suspense of them in the bed is a great concept but my mother has always called me a prude! lol Heather-
http://bookwormrflects8.blogspot.de/
I hate when people say just because you don't like to read or write explicit sex scenes, you are a prude. God forbid then, that we call people who like that, perverts...:P
lol @ Anne I actually do call them perverts (just those who call me a prude which is usually family lol!) and since it's my mom who calls me a prude I just ignore her, besides she says I am a prude for far more reasons than "self-editing" romance books lol!
Any thoughts as long as no nastiness is involved would be welcome. I'm so confused right now. :(