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Writing folder > Raven

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message 1: by Evee (new)

Evee My story begins when I was young. That was so very long ago, when I was that young and innocent. I knew nothing of what was happening in the world around me then. My parents were good at keeping secrets, even stuff that was happened before my very eyes. But they could not keep me from what was to happen. My parents were one of the few who knew magic, so in an act to protect me they taught me magic.
When I had my first taste of magic I loved it. My parents taught me little at first, only things that would help me against normal things like thievery. Then they saw what talent I had. So they advanced me fast and carefully. They didn't know the future so they didn't know how long we would be safe. In the kingdom where we lived life was short and dangerous. My parents took terrible risks. Helping people trying to escape the tyranny of the kingdom. I didn't think much of the strange things and people. I didn't noticed the slim bodies and ribs on everyone including me. I had no idea what close calls we had and the trouble we were calling even when I found out what had really happened when I turned eight. I never suspected anything. Our family was of and old long line a hunted and supposedly dead line. Every bit of notice we got could bring us closer to death. That's what eventually happened thats how I ended up here shivering in a dark cell wishing I was dead.

As I sit in the darkened cell miserable I remembered that day when I first
experienced magic, I was only three but I was full of questions of everything I saw. A man sat by some sticks surrounded by tall beautiful trees: my father was trying to make a fire. He had decided to take me with him on the hunt. I sat on a rock watching him hit the rocks together time after time. As he hit again and nothing happened he sighed. Then a humming bird flew by I watched it for a moment I heard him whisper something, a tiny flames sprang before my eyes. My eyes went wide “Papa how did you do that!?” he looked uncomfortable I spoke again “Can you teach me?” he frowned and said “Raven I think we should go back now.” puzzled I said “Why?” I open my eyes and stare at the gloomy walls of the cell. After that we had gotten home, he sent me to my room and had gone into another with my mother. They had decided to teach me.

There is a creak as the cell door opened. I felt my heart pound with anger, and fear at the same time. I hated this man “What do you want?” I felt sick as I looked at him. He was a trickster. “I'm giving you one last chance to live.” he said with a sneer.

I was in a grove in the middle of the forest, I felt like all the butterflies in the forest were in my stomach. Today my father had said he would teach me first. My father
smiled obviously aware of my nervousness. “We are going to start with levitation. Now before we start I need to tell you two things. One there is something you should know you can't use magic casually because magic is a very powerful force a force that can kill. It shouldn't be taken lightly knowing it.” I nodded solemnly my three year old face threatening to burst. “Two we need to get you calmed down. I want you to sit here and just blank out your mind for a while.” after five minutes I had calmed down a bit I heard him say “Now say iser with me say it again and again. Now focus on something... Close your eyes and see it in your minds eye. Now imagine it rising into the air, focus! Now say iser. Concentrate! Don't let anything distract you!” I imagined a blade of grass. I opened my eyes. Nothing. I tried again, still nothing. I tried so hard for so long finally I opened my eyes and said “I can't do it!” my father was smiling. The ground around me for about five feet was completely bare. My dad grinned “Well done” my father explained later that some people had tried for years to do magic and were unsuccessful. The fact that I could do it this young so well was amazing. I felt awkwardly proud.

As I came to I heard a man say “She fainted of exhaustion and hunger.” I heard another voice say “I don't care just tell me when she wakes up.” I made my breathing calm. I felt him pinch my nose he said “I know you're awake.” I opened my eyes and glared at him he said “You know my offer so have you finally come to your senses?”

“What makes you think my answer is any different?” I said .

Then he spoke calmly like he had said it a thousand times. “ Because if you don't your parents probably wont live very long.” My heart went cold. I knew he wouldn't even hesitate to do it. I hated him so much. “I'll give you some time to think it over.” he left and the door closed with a boom like it was taunting me telling me I was helpless now that it was closed.
I closed my eyes remembering my parents. It had been so long since I had even seen them. They had been rebels, only minor rebels, only doing quiet things here and there. Things that I had never noticed. I remembered now some things that if I had seen now I would have definitely known was an act of rebellion against the tyrant king that held the throne. I closed my eyes remembering when they had come to take my parents away. I was eight when it happened. That day had changed the course of my life forever. It started a few days before when my parents were tending to the field as usual. I was practicing my magic with my father. He was trying to break into my mind while I was trying to do the same on his. I was concentrating as hard as I could. My father stopped doing his work and concentrated too. I dug hard, I worked hard at it. I started to sweat. It seemed like we did it for hours. I was getting weaker and weaker, and the moment I thought I was going to fail I gave one last hard push. Suddenly the doors of my father's
mind opened. Surprised, I immediately withdrew, but a moment before I did a few images flashed before my eyes.
It was my father. He looked much much younger than he was now. He held a sword and was fighting a man. My father was drenched in sweat, like the other man. Suddenly my father lunged forward, and in one swift flick of his sword he disarmed the man and pointed the sword at his throat. The man started pleading. My father hesitated.


message 2: by Emma (new)

Emma | 99 comments Great job! Great storyline in your plot so far.


message 3: by Mary (new)

Mary | 16 comments i agree but make sure your reader has a very clear idea of what is memory and what is really happening. also you might want to capotalize the spells.at first i thought you spelled a word wrong ,so i was very unclear of what it was.


message 4: by Evee (new)

Evee Thanks for the advice! I never noticed that before!


message 5: by Evee (new)

Evee He was uncertain. The man took advantage of this. I heard him cry out something; I could not quite hear it before my vision blurred and turned black.
As I came out of the vision, I wanted to ask my father what it meant. I opened my mouth to speak and saw the expression and my father's face and shut my mouth again. The expression disappeared in a moment, but I could still see it in my minds eye. He had clenched teeth, his face was white and his eyes reminded me of a wounded animal.
My father smiled weakly and said, “Good job, Raven.” during the next few days my parents talked alone in hushed voices when they thought I wasn't looking. When they saw me they went silent. Once I heard them in their room, whispering.
“Do you think he'll have felt that?”
“I don't know. We've been hiding so long that I have just run clean out of ideas. We can't leave with Raven, she'll never make it, and we can't stay, it's too much of a risk.” I put my ear to the crevice to hear better as their voices went down. I got a splinter
in my ear. I yelped and ran outside. I didn't look behind me and didn't come back till nightfall.
They never spoke about it after that. A week later I was outside playing on the hill by my home when I saw riders off in the distance. They were heading toward my home. I suddenly got scared. Was this anything to do with the strange way my parents were acting? I ran full speed to my house. My mother was going out the door when I reached it. She took one look at my puffed up scared little face and knew. Her voice shaking she still asked.
“Raven, what's the matter!?”
“I was out by the hill. There are some men riding right our way.” Our house was the last before endless forest.
My mother took me firmly by the shoulders her face pale white and said “Nicole, you must go and hide. Under no circumstances are you to leave your hiding spot unless I call you or someone finds you. If someone finds you then run as fast as you possibly can to the woods and hide there. If we aren't back by tomorrow then leave and head for Daray, and find a man called Druce. Tell him that Jem and Mcgrim need his assistance.” I was terrified. She only spoke to me by my real name when she was angry or scared. My mother was not easily scared at all. My father walked through the door, saw my mothers white face and said “It's happened?”
“Yes.”
My father spoke to me, “Nicole, take this; it is special to me and always gave me comfort. Keep it.” He handed me a gold ring with tiny crystals encrusted all around it. It hung on a thin silver chain. He dropped the ring into my hand, and before I could say anything he went outside with my mother.
I ran to my hiding spot, clutching the ring and the chain. My hiding spot was almost impossible to find. It was a crack in a wall that if you moved it ever so slightly you could fit a small child inside. The wall was empty there, as if it had been made for that purpose. I had lived here all my eight years and I had only found it a few years before. I pushed it, careful not to make a sound.
I had this deep nauseated feeling inside me. I felt like throwing up. I pushed the wall closed behind me. I put my head to the side of the wall that was to the outside. I listened. I heard something that made me really afraid: the sound of my parents hitching the horses and leaving. I heard them go past the house. They were heading for the woods. I heard the clomping of horses and clanking of bits. They stopped in front of my house. An oily voice said, “Check if anyone is in here.” Then I heard the sound of the front door crashing down. I heard them overturning the table, throwing the chairs outside, and breaking dishes everywhere, wrecking every inch of the house looking. Then they went outside and everything went quiet.
It seemed like hours. I wanted to get out of there and run but I remembered my mothers one specific command. Those words echoed in my mind. I felt as if I would burst from waiting so long. Soon I heard the familiar clank and clump of the horses returning. I stayed completely quiet, hoping that my parents were safe and that they weren't with the group of horsemen.
Something bothered me. When my mother told me to hide she had been shaking and she had taken sharp short breaths. What did my courageous brave mother have to fear? I felt an icy feeling as I heard the oily voice saying, “Check the house once more for more of them.” I was terrified that they would find me. I clutched my fathers ring close to my face. It gave me comfort. I felt like I had fallen down a dark deep black endless hole. Then I heard my mother's voice. She was saying, “There's no one in there.”
Then I heard that oily voice. he laughed “Now lets see whether that is really true.” he spoke a word “HEYHERU.” Even inside I felt the air thicken and grow hot with sweat as the truth spell did it's work.
“Now that that is done we will get on to the fun part. Is there someone else in that house?”
I could feel my parents trying to resist. I was so terrified that it was hard to move. Then I realized that the magic had been trying to ensnare me in fear. I used my mind in to push it back with all my might. It left. My father, who was tired from his work finally
gave in. He whispered under his breath “Yes.”
I could hear the oily-voiced man laughing. The men started for the house to continue when my mother did something that I never ever understood how she did. “No.” she yelled triumphantly. Then silence, immense silence. At that moment I understood why my mother had said no. While she was trying to confuse our enemies she was also telling me to get out of there, fast. I crept out of my hiding spot as silently as a fawn sneaks away from a hunter. Then the magic came back loud and trying to overcome me. It felt like I was drowning in magic. Getting my strength back I used my mind to push it back hard. A moment after I heard the man with the oily voice say, “Get looking!” The other men who had hesitated before started into the house. My heart was beating overtime. Then I ran. I ran through the back door. I could hear the soldiers looking through our house. Then I was in the safety of the green forest trees.
I was out of view of my parents but I could still hear the peoples voices. I heard the soldiers tell the man with the oily voice that no one was in there. He screamed “You think you've won. I know someone else is here.” then he yelled, “Then I will find them myself!” and then he said “MFINITH.” I tried to get my mind ready for anything, but as soon as the magic found me it receded. I was puzzled, then I realized my mistake. A tracking spell. They were new, and only a few people knew them. The man laughed nastily. He strode toward the forest. Frightened I froze and I held my breath, more afraid
than I had been ever before. Then I realized I couldn't freeze I had to run.
I raced away into the forest, trying to get away before he caught me. I heard him running after me. He said, “ONRROI”
I heard and only had a few minutes to put up a protecting spell. I cried “OPRATOCTM” just a moment before the spell might have hit me. I cried
“ONFROI” but I missed, then I got an idea. I attacked his mind. He hadn't expected it but he was only barely able to stop it.
I fought to do it again when, at the same time as he was holding his mind, threw a freeze spell. He muttered “ONFROI.” I was not ready, and I was concentrating on getting in, so it hit me full. I was frozen and I could not fight. And I was exhausted. He smiled an odd smile and said, “Such a little thing with so much power.”



message 6: by Mary (new)

Mary | 16 comments beastly. just plain beastly gurl


message 7: by Evee (new)

Evee Here's the next part. Vwala! The end of the Chapter.

He stepped in front of me, and for the first time I actually saw him. I wished I could do something, I was so surprised. It was the man from the vision! He had silky brown hair he looked young and kind. I was not fooled. From what I had heard and the vision he was evil. He took my wrist and let the spell fade away. He held on to me tightly. He pushed me towards the house, where my parents were with a group of soldiers. He eyed my parents sneering and said “Who is this?”
My mother was white and had scared and wide eyes but she said “Please don't harm her. She has done no crime. And your fight is with us. Leave her alone.”
He smiled, leaned forward and said “I didn't ask if she has anything to do with this, I asked who is she?”
My mother just stood there for a moment and then said “She is a girl that we found from a passing family that had died of starvation.”
I felt weird. “Why did she lie? What would me being her daughter have to do with this? In fact what were these men doing here in the first place? How were my parents involved with this man? Who was the man? What was the thing they were talking about that involved them with him.” my head was filled with so many questions that it hurt. Suddenly I was jerked back to reality when the man said “ I do quite need an apprentice. She has incredible powers that will do perfectly” he smiled as if he had said a joke. My mothers face was white. I got so infuriated that I did something that I only could do now. I wanted to cause him pain.
He started yelling when I kicked him in the leg. I screamed
“Leave her alone!” and kicked him again. I felt as angry and fierce as I acted. He was so surprised when I did it again that he let go of me.
My mother screamed “Get out of here Nicole!” I ran as fast as I could. I used a spell that I knew to I tried to free my parents as I ran. As soon as my mind touched the chains that held my parents my head exploded with pain. I stumbled and almost fell as I ran. There was a spell on the chains. The spell was closing on me. I tried destroy it.
Using as normal voice as I could at this point I yelled
“” It let go when I started really pushing. I was free. But I couldn't do it I couldn't leave my parents. I couldn't. I stopped running. My mother suddenly realized what I was doing. She got all calm I saw her lips move, I listened. Trying to hear what she had said. Then it hit me full force. It felt like time had stopped. Everyone was frozen in midair. I couldn't move.
A voice in my head said “Nicole LEAVE. If you get captured there will be no hope for anyone. You are my last and only chance. You must promise me to run from Xenos. He is the man who found you. Your father and I have met him many times, we can take care of him. At times he might act kind and gentle but he really is very greedy and evil. You must get away as fast as you can. If you are poisoned by him no one will every be able to get away from his evil. Nicole you must go to the graveyard in Daray in there you will met the man Druce. He will help you and teach you more than we have until we return. Good-bye.” Suddenly the world surfaced.
I ran as fast as I could. I felt shameful for doing it but I had to. I heard the man with the slick voice, Xenos, yelling for someone to get after me. I sped up. Soon I heard them behind me. I used my skill to help me I whispered “Ehol” I heard someone fall into the hole I had created. More were catching up. Again I whispered a word that would help me“Poi” I heard a few people trip behind me. Then I ran full speed. Soon the
sound of them faded and gradually disappeared.
I ran for several hours stopping only in short rests. It was night. I felt scared. There had never been a night when I hadn't been with my parents. My sleep was fitful during the night. I barely got any sleep because my thoughts and because of the hard tree. The next morning I woke up the moment the sun had risen. I started walking. I walked for hours in no specific direction.
I felt exhausted from running from the hunters, I kept on looking back in the direction I supposed my house was I let some tears fall down my face. I was alone and there was no shame in that. This was all new to me and I was only eight, I couldn't take it. I fell down exhausted. I was asleep before I hit the ground, not caring who or what would find me while I slept.


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