Best Calvin quotes

[Lulu]

"Ok Jack, prepare for your lobotomy." (standing over the pumpkin with a huge knife)

[Chris]

Why can't I ever build character at a Miami condo or a casino somewhere?

[Lulu]

Don't you hate it when your boogers freeze?

[Chris]

Hobbes: Shouldn't we read the instructions?
Calvin: Do I LOOK like a sissy?

[Lulu]

It's mean and it's arbitrary, but either way, it gives me the heebie jeebies.

[Zoab]

"Sooner or later she'll ask herself whether it's really worth the trouble."

[Chris]

“- "I've been thinking Hobbes --"
- "On a weekend?"
- "Well, it wasn't on purpose..."”

[Meridee]

You know, Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help.


"Any monsters under my bed tonight?"

"Nope." "No." "Uh-Uh."

"Well there *better* not be, I'd hate to have to torch one with my flamethrower!"

"You have a flamethrower?"

"They lie. I lie."

[Lulu]

"Mom, can Hobbes and I rent a VCR and a tape tonight?"

"I don't think so, Calvin. It's a school night."

"What if we got an educational tape?"

"Like what?"

"Cannibal Stewardess Vixens Unchained."

**

"Now she won't even let us go into the store."
"I think we'd learn a lot by watching that."

[Lulu]

People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.

[Lulu]

Susie: "Talking with you is sort of the conversational equivalent of an out-of-body experience."

[Lulu]

If you don't get a good night kiss, you get Kafka dreams.

[Lulu]

Hobbes: "Did you make any resolutions for the New Year?"

Calvin: "Heck no."

"I'm fine just the way I am! Why should I change? In fact, I think it's high time the world started changing to suit me! I don't see why I should do all the changing around here! If the New Year requires resolutions, I say it's up to everyone else, not me! I don't need to improve! Everyone else does! How about you? Did you make any resolutions?"

Hobbes: "Well, I had resolved to be less offended by human nature, but I think I blew it already."

[Vicki]

Hobbes: I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each others dreams, we can be together all the time.

[Vicki]

Calvin's Dad: "Oh look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer.... Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?"

[Tya]

Calvin (right after being surprised by Hobbes face hovering inches above him when he opened his eyes first thing in the morning):"How can you stay mad at someone who misses you when you are sleeping"

[Kayla]

Calvin "wanna go catch some fish?"
Hobbes "sure"
Hobbes "UGH. I do not want to touch worms. You put one on my hook?"
Calvin "ME? I'm not gonna spear any worms!".....

[Kayla]

Calvin=c
Hobbes=H
C OOPS! I forgot to read chapter five for school tomorrow.
H What are you going to do?
C He opens the window. Catch a quick cold.
C COUGH COUGH
Mom You sound terrible, Calvin. I'll go get you some cough medicine.
C It was not me it was Hobbes!
H ME? It was not me!
C I know but that syrup tastes awful.
H So you are going to have ME take it? Nothing doing, buster. I refuse!
Mom Here you go, Calvin. open up.
C NOT ME GIVE IT TO HOBBES! HE"S THE ONE WHO *GLOOMP*
C ACKTHP PBTHBBPPTH!! HACK HACK!!
C MMMM! that cough medicine is GOOD! You should try some! REALY!
H You are not fooling me one bit, you stinker.

[Abby]

Calvin: hey hobbes want to go to the zoo?
Hobbes:sure, after lets tour a prison.

[Call me Random]

Downtown Tokyo!
ARRRRGH!
Godzilla.
I love that comic!

[Eastofoz]

(Calvin and his mother in the living room)

Mom: Calvin don't just throw your wet coat on the floor! Hang it up where it belongs! I'm not looking for extra work around here.

Calvin: Oh, Like I am.

*******

(Calvin banging like crazy on pots)

Mom: Will you stop that racket!!! You're driving me crazy!

Calvin: ..and a checkmark for Tuesday.

********

(Calvin taking a test in school)

Test: What important even took place on December 16, 1773?

Calvin's written answer: I do not believe in linear time. There is no past and future: all is one, and existence in the temporal sense is illusory. This question, therefore is meaningless and impossible to answer.

Calvin: When in doubt deny all terms and definitions.

*************

(Calvin taking a test)

Test: Where is Plymouth Rock?

Calvin's written answer: I am not presently at liberty to divulge that information as it might compromise our agents in the field.

Calvin: I understand my rests are popular reading in the teachers' lounge.

[Eastofoz]

Anyone know which book is the strip where he's in school and they get their report cards and Suzie yells out that she got all A's while Calvin, who got D's and C's says something like "my life is easier when I keep everyone's expectations low" or something like that?

[Abby]

sounds familiar.

[Eastofoz]

Kathrynn the hardcover set is in the Amazon cart already :D I just have to decide what else will be joining it (lol!) I didn't even know it existed until I was adding books to the shelf for this group. GR is a dangerous place I tell you (lol!) It's a very good price too (this helps with the decision to buy see ;). I got a Peter Rabbit boxed set like that too. I love box sets --I need new shelves!!!!

[[deleted user]]

i've read each book at least 3 times... and they never get old!

[Abby]

ya, thats whats so awsome about them.

[Sarah]

hobbes: do u think there's a god?

calvin: well someones out to get me.

[[deleted user]]

ok, this is as good as I can remember it...
C: where do you think we go when we die?
H: I think we go to an all girl jazz careet in st. louis (or maybe new orleans?)
C: so you believe in heaven?

[Abby]

omgosh, i juzst bought a calvin and hobbes book and it was only 25 cents!!!!!

[Sarah]

lucky.....

[Kayla]

LOL :-)

[G.H.]

Hobbes: "Tigers have panache!"

[G.H.]

As best as I can recall ...

Calvin: Nothing is more terrifying than the horrible roar of the mighty Tyrannosaurus ...

Mom: CALVIN!! Stop that clomping around!!

Calvin: ... except the blood-curdling roar of it's mom.

[Kayla]

:-)

[Anna]

hobbs: “What fun is it being cool if you can't wear a sombrero”

[Timothy]

Hey Suzie, you ugly bucket of boogers!

[Timothy]

"weekends don't count unless you spend them doing something completely pointless.

[Justin]

Calvin - My likely historical significance is a terrible burden.

[~♥Alyssa♥~]

Hi! You probably don't know me, but I love Clavin and Hobbes so I joined!

Probably my favorite one:

*Calvin and Hobbes in the woods, looking at a cut down tree and a pile of garbage*
C: Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

[Timothy]

Ya i loled when i read that one!

[Joshua]

Calvin: "You can't just turn creativity on like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood."
Hobbes: "What mood is that?"
Calvin: "Last minute panic."

[☠ Tiger Lady II ☠]

C:(looking around the house) I lost my marbles.
H: We suspected as much.
C: Then why isn't anyone helping me look for them?!

(LATE AT NIGHT) C: HEY!!!

[☠ Tiger Lady II ☠]

Eastofoz wrote: "Anyone know which book is the strip where he's in school and they get their report cards and Suzie yells out that she got all A's while Calvin, who got D's and C's says something like "my life is e..."

Oh, yah...

S: Oh, boy! I got all A's!
C: I feel sorry for you.
S: Why, what did you get?
C: C's
S:WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU RATHER GET A C THAN AN A?!
C:I find my life is easier the lowere i keep everyone's expectations.

[Kayla]

Lol :-)

[[deleted user]]

"You know Hobbes, some days even my lucky rocketship underpants don't help."

[~♥Alyssa♥~]

I love that one. :)

[κίρστεν (Kirsten)]

Calvin: Hobbes, I've been thinking.
Hobbes: On a weekend?
Calvin: Well it wasn't on purpose!

[Kayla]

That's a good one. :-)

[[deleted user]]

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.

LOVE CALVIN! <3

[Em~Lost In A Dream~]

"Don't be so dysfunctional,Mom"
"The problem with tigers is they have no setting between "off" and high"
"Being a parent must be nice"
"What makes you think I did it??"
-All from The Days are Just Packed
I'm a new member. One of my grandfathers introduced me to Calvin and Hobbes a while ago and I've been a fan ever since.Found out about this club from the Authoritative Calvin and Hobbes from where it was shelved.