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More taboo topics > More than one baby daddy

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message 1: by Redman (last edited Dec 11, 2008 05:39PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Why do some women have multiple baby daddies? If you already have a baby from one man and it doesn't work out with him,should you have a baby from another man? Why do some women have a baby with everyman they get with. When does it stop? Or does the women somehow think having a baby with this man will hold him in the relationship?
I think they think it might hold the man. Just my opinion.Want to know what you think.
Why do they do it? I personally know a women who has six babies from six different men.

message 2: by Brad (new)

Brad (wwwgoodreadscomblue) Dumb.

message 3: by Margaret (last edited Jan 03, 2009 02:36PM) (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments First off, I am 100% for birth control. In my opinion, most of the "multiple baby daddies" happen to younger women. Most are so full of love for loves sake that they fail to take necessary precautions thinking the person they are with will be there for the long haul, when most often, it's far too temporary for a number of reasons. Ignorance is a possibility. Failure to use proper birth control. Sometimes, Shit just happens for no other reason besides that. Just to give even time to the other side of this issue. Men seem to think that birth control is not their problem. They don't have to worry about getting pregnant. They can deny claim to a child and having been with the mother. Some men think woman are here for one reason, and they tend to use their share and more to prove their manhood. They lead women on(especially young women) by talk of love and forever after when they really mean for sex sake and for now. Women are not the only reason for this growing epidemic. Another question might be..Why do men always want more and more partners? or why can't most men commit and take care of their own kids? Just an idea!

message 4: by Redman (last edited Jan 04, 2009 06:00PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Margaret wrote: Why do men always want more and more partners? or why can't most men commit and take care of their own kids?
My response to why men want more and more partners. I can't speak for all men. Some men just want something new all the time and they want to go after their fantasy meaning they try to conquer as many women as they can. They are cold hearted. Another reason is due to the fact that ladies make it easy and fast for men. Sometimes a woman can teach a man how to treat her.
For the men that don't take care of their kids, they are irresponsible. It seems to me like these irresponsible men are the ones most women fall prey to and take seriously. A woman should be able to discern decent men and if they can't, either they are young or by chance just like the man they are with.
I heard a woman talking about how they met this guy and they thought he was the one. And they haven't known him for that long. Within a month they are in the bed with him and they think that the man is gonna marry them,be faithful and have a family. Not so. Wake up from that fantasy. Most men are trifling and are after one thing now.
Intelligent woman who are able to discern men check them at the door. Meaning they do a full investagation of the man because they want to know who they are dealing with. Men are the preditors and the women are the prey. Don't forget that. Be wise and safe.

message 5: by Margaret (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments Thank you Redman for your input regarding my questions. I have fallen prey to that type of man myself, so I'm not casting stones. I have finally woke up to the conclusion I deserve better than that, and won't settle for those types of men ever again. While I know men and many women are trifling, people(men and woman) will continue to fall for the BS because it's what they want to hear. Only when they do some soul searching will they see that the ones that are that way, are not worth their salt.

message 6: by Brad (last edited Jan 04, 2009 07:57PM) (new)

Brad (wwwgoodreadscomblue) Sex is an urge. And the only reason that it’s wrong to have multiple partners is because society deems it wrong. I haven’t found it written nowhere in African history where it states that a man should only have one wife. In fact that one man to one women theory is Eurocentric way of living. Women out number men six to one, so mathematically something is not right.
Who wrote the book on love in the first place because love is a choice, not something that you accidently step in. Besides, most people try to live their lives like the television shows that come on today and that’s all fantasy...

message 7: by Redman (last edited Jan 05, 2009 06:37PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Love is not a choice. It's your choice to take first intrest in a person but what it grows into no one knows. Thats how love works. No one knows what level that feeling is gonna take them to.

It may not be written that a man should have one woman,but common decency should keep you with one woman. That theory is why we have a lot of teen preganacies and men not taking care of their children. If men start treating women like women and not like a tool or a piece of meat we would see teen preganicies decrease and marraige increase. We would see families growing. Life is more than debauchery.
I'm sick of men running around behaving like animals who can't control themselves.Every woman that walk by,they got to have them. A man should treat a woman the way he treats his mama and daughters. Just as a man wouldn't want different men disrespecting their mama',daughters and sisters,they should return the same example to other women.
Lets give the women who are down a sense of pride and ambiton again. We are all guilty. Wheather we did it or not. Even if you conversate with someone else whos doing it.
Margaret, I commend you for your growth,that is what life is about.Growing and learning.

message 8: by Margaret (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments Again, Thank you for your words. You sound like one of those 'good men' that are hard to find. Kudo's to you!

message 9: by Redman (last edited Jan 05, 2009 07:04PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Margaret ,you also seem like one of those "good women" that are hard to find. Women can learn learn a lot from you.

message 10: by Margaret (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments All that I know, I have learned the hard way and I'm always learning something new. Thank you for your compliment.

message 11: by Brad (new)

Brad (wwwgoodreadscomblue) If someone is born with a brain and they know how to use that brain then they would know that love is in fact a choice.
What is love if it is not a choice that a person makes because I’d like to know?

The brain is not a leader, it’s a follower. And it obeys the ego explicitly. When you met someone that appeals to your sense then you tell yourself that you love that person. It’s that simple.

I just told you’ll that you watch too much TV. I just told you’ll that sex is an urge, and it’s up to the individual to control themselves. The main problem with women is that they always want to be number one, but what is she giving besides her body that qualifies her for that position.

Women fail to realize that they don't own anyone...

message 12: by Lil (last edited Jan 06, 2009 03:29AM) (new)

Lil (lilmar) | 28 comments What does owning someone have to do with anything? Who said anything about owning someone? I have been married to the same man for 22, going on 23 years, longer than either of us were with our parents before we got married. Does that mean he owns me or that i own him? No, it means that I fell in love with him, I asked him to marry me and we have 3 great kids and one grand daughter. It means he chose to say yes when I chose to propose and that we choose every day to be together. What qualifies me to be number one? I have no clue, you'd have to ask him. What makes him number one in my eyes is that he has always, no matter the mistakes I've made, stood by me, he is the one person that no matter what, I can count on. He puts me first and always has.

message 13: by Redman (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
The brain is a leader. Everything starts as a thought WHICH IS IN YOUR BRAIN.There is a such thing as Feelings Brad. You get angry, happy and sad and sometimes you have no control over it. The same with love. If you have feelings for someone long enough,you will fall in love with them.
Why shouldn't a woman be number one? And if a woman can't be number one,I'm the type of man that can make her feel like she's number one. Not only mentally but physically too.Thats a part of being a man. And my woman wouldn't have to want for anything.
Are you a mosogonist? Because your views about women bringing one thing to the table is disrespectful. Did your grandmother or mother bring one thing to the table? And what do you have to bring to the table other than your brain, because that appears to be obsolete. I don't know how a woman married you.
Listen I've been to 35 states and three different countries that I can prove. I have 55 men who follow me. I'm a leader. You can't tell me anything when it comes to life. You are the first man I've heard say something this ignorant.
What is a woman bringing to the table that should qualify her to be number one,her mind and soul. You know what Brad, you scare me. Your thoughts on women are small thoughts. Wake up from that world you're in and face reality. The things I know will make a world to you.
Well there it is ladies,just when you think it can't get any worse with men,Brad shows you it can. Be aware of men who think like Brad. Oh, I mean boys who think like this because men don't.
One more thing,do you have a daughter?Is this what you will teach her, that she can only bring one thing to the table? Men no Boys who think like you Brad are the reason why we have strippers and hookers because they think they can only bring one thing to the table.
Lil your husband is what I call a good man. He puts you first and always has and thats the way every woman should be treated by a man.

message 14: by Margaret (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments I really couldn't have said it better Redman. One person does not own another. In a relationship two people come together because they care, respect and want to be together. It's a fifty/fifty proposition. I'm not saying that money has to be split down the middle to be active partners, but each puts in and adds to the relationship other than just a body. They care and respect the other enough to stand by them and support each other through good and bad times. Lil, you lucked out and I wish you and your husband the best. Then again, looks like you already have that. Brad, yes, love is a choice but there is a big difference in love and sex. As far a women wanting to be number one. Yes, some do. But in a real love relationship, each puts the other first, last and always. It is a give and take situation. Not all take from one person. I don't know what type of women you associate with, but you should think about raising your standards if all you get from woman is their body (or should I say they should raise theirs). As it is now, I think your lucky to even get that with your attitude and perceptions regarding women. It must be a lonely place in Brad's world.

message 15: by Brad (new)

Brad (wwwgoodreadscomblue) 1 Love is an unrealistic expectation.
2 The brain is a follower it is not a leader.
3 Most people go into a relationship by speculating. I mean really, how long should you to date someone before know if they are the one that you want to spend the rest of your life with. My wife and I dated for one day. That’s all it took. We met in April and got married it May. Geez… come on people with the bull. I told ya'll to stop watching Channel Zero

And as for redman watch who you call a boy… and stop being a TRICK

message 16: by Redman (last edited Jan 06, 2009 06:18PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
You gotta be a BOY Brad. Your wife might need a real man to take care of her,Not you BOY. Trust me I can be broke and busted ,which I'm not, and still have more women who want and respect me more than you'd ever dream of.
Someone ask you this before and now I want to know. Do you have something to hide. I just don't believe you are married.That's just a front. Theres no way a decent woman would be with you with the mindset you have LITTLE BOY. Now go get you bottle and suck on it.

message 17: by Margaret (new)

Margaret (LoveMyFrogs) | 35 comments I personally wonder what your 'wife' brings to the table. Does she know she's only there for one reason and you feel the need to spread yourself around as well? The whole one man to six women philosophy thing.

message 18: by Redman (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Margaret,I don't think Brad has a wife.That is just a front. Because all the men I know love women thats all they do is talk about women. Everything a man do is for a woman.And he suppose to be married.What is he worrying about what another woman can offer. He need to just worry about his wife. I wonder what his wife brings to the table that other women don't have?

message 19: by Diva (last edited Jan 07, 2009 11:32AM) (new)

Diva (divalong) | 44 comments Mod
Holla Redman...You on point with what you saying...a lot of men need to take your advice...You said If a woman can't be #1 you the type of man that can make her feel like# 1... Now that's what I'm talking about...You the ideal guy a woman looking for...I don't know if you mean it or not lol...You got that many men working up under you...You a womans dream man...You successful and you know how to treat a woman...that is hard to find in this day and age...Do you really treat woman like that or is it just talk...Inquring minds wanna know...Even though some women do put theyself out there using they body... a lot of us are not like that...By the way turned me off...What do a man have to bring to the table? Holla... let me know.

Jiaka1981 Winfield | 42 comments On the topic of multiple baby daddies, (although this other arguement is good too) I have a 6 year old daughter. I loved her father and thought we would be together forever (overly romantic views) It didn't work out. My daughter was concieved using birth control, sometimes it happens. Now, six years later i'm in love again, i've been with my new Boyfriend for 3 years and we plan you have more children some day. i don't consider myself a slut for having 2 baby daddies. I'd bee a fool to stay with my daughters father just because he fatherd my child.

message 21: by Lil (last edited Feb 01, 2009 05:54PM) (new)

Lil (lilmar) | 28 comments [quote:]Lil your husband is what I call a good man. He puts you first and always has and that's the way every woman should be treated by a man.[/quote:]

You're absolutely right, Redman, I have a great man, one of the best in the world.

I, also have one slight misconception to correct on strippers. I was a stripper after we married, while my husband was in the military. Most of us are not looking for the next "baby daddy" or a "sugar daddy" or anything similar. What we are is entertainers. Yes, there is the odd one who is looking for those things, but on the whole, most of us, the honest ones, anyway, will tell you that we are there to make money. Similar to a waitress, we work off of tips and tips alone. Some will do whatever it takes to make those tips, because out of those tips we have to pay, the bar, the bouncers, the DJ, the house and if we don't make enough, we go home with nothing.

That is why strippers seem so aggessive when guys come in. I personally didn't have to worry too much about money. I did it because I was young and it was fun, loud music, drinking. I didn't go home with guys and in fact, that was highly discouraged among the girls.I only worked when my husband was off-duty and he was in as a bouncer those nights. It was fun. But I digress, sorry.

Thank you for the compliment.

message 22: by Donneil D. (new)

Donneil D. Jackson (donneil) | 13 comments Some women have multiple babies daddies because they think things are going to be different with the next guy. I don't know how many chances some women are willing to take but thats why it happens. I don't think anyone says I want to have more than one baby's father. It just happens that way.

message 23: by Redman (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Donneil & Lil thanks for posting.
Donneil I don't know what a woman may think in her mind about it working out with the next guy. How do woman plan for it to work out when they are choosing men the way that they choose them? First off some choose men because of their clothes,cars,jelwry. Simple frivolus things like that. They don't look to see if the man will be with them for the longhaul. And I don't understand why a woman will have a baby from a man who they know can't take care of the baby. First of all most of the men move in with the woman,he don't have a job. That is the stopping point there. Every man should have his own place that he's paying for or that he brought. I hate to sound blunt but the men I'm decribing those are the ones woman are looking for. If you have different baby daddies nine time out of ten none of those men aren't succesful. I give you the first time making a mistake. Shame on the man. Next time, shame on you. You are a grown woman. I don't know who's worse men who make the babies and leave them or the women who have babies by these sorry bums. That's the reason why they wanna cut out walfare for stuff just like this.And the woman who really need Welfare suffer because of the ignorant ones.
I know women who tell me stories about why they got pregnant form a man. One said it was because she was mad at the man's wife who she was dating so she got pregnant on purpose. Another wanted to get pregnant because the man had good hair. Another said she got pregnant because the man sold drugs and had rims on his car. It boils down to education. These woman don't have education. The woman who dose these things bring more stress on the system. This is my thing. How are you gonna have babies from a man and you can't take care of the kids. You have to get on welfare because the man you chose can't take care of the child. Some say it's their buisness what they do. Not when I and others have to pay to take care of you and your child. If you don't have to depend on the system then it's your buisness, but when I and others have to pay it's everyones buisness. Now if you are Brittany Spears or Ericka Badu then that will past.People don't look at that because theyrich and can take care of the children. But there is no excuse why a woman keep having babies by different men and they can't take of them. It's about education. At some point the woman has to say I'm not gonna experiment with having a baby because I think he's the one. Stop going on your feeling and go by your education. This post is not to offend anyone but to educate. The point I',m trying to make is you can have as many babies as you want as long as you can provide for them legally.

Jiaka1981 Winfield | 42 comments Wow redman you said it all but many women out there don't want to face the truth about this topic.

message 25: by Donneil D. (new)

Donneil D. Jackson (donneil) | 13 comments Alot of women are stupid, and have babies because they got pregnant. As alot of you have mentioned no one considers birth control at the heat of the moment. Hence pregnancies and multiple babies daddies. Its unfortunate, my one day I will be one of these women that you are discussing. I have a child by a man that I was with for over 10 years, my high school sweetheart. Things didn't work out but life goes on. So if I were to meet a man and it has been determine that we are going to be together for the long haul and we decide to have a baby then we are having a baby and technically I will have two baby daddies.

I am not your average whore, no where near a whore. I am not they type of woman that chooses a man because he dresses nice either.

But like I said before things happen.

message 26: by Redman (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
My point is -when will it stop? Why must a woman have a baby with every man they get with? As long as a woman will give it up to a man- he will take. Some of them will have a baby from a 100 women if they could-they don't care. You know what Donneil, I don't have any children and I'm almost forty. But if I were to meet a woman, of course first we would have to be marride- and then I would have a baby with her. But If it didn't work out -I wouldn't have any more babies. Prorities in a lot of women are wrong. They have a baby out of passion and infatuation over a man. They don't think beforehand about the future of the baby they might be bringing into the world.Donneil by no means do I put you in that catogory.It seems like you learned from what happened to you. This is just for the women who keep having baby after baby like they don't have any self restraint and only think about themselves and not the life they will be bringing into the world and shaping.

message 27: by Iemanja (new)

Iemanja | 5 comments I would have loved to be married and have all of my children by one man, but the reality is there is no one to marry! My Catholic church is full of women! There are very few Catholic men of color at my church. Many men in my race are in jail, gay, or simply do not wish to marry. How long is someone supposed to wait? Some women have more than one father for their children out of having a low tolerance for bullshit. Instead of staying in a substandard relationship they take the good and shake off the bad. I have three kids by three fathers. And I was married once only for the person I married to be deported. I could not find anyone in the United States too marry!!!! Why should I let my dream of having a large family die because I am not married. Don't you think that gives men too much power? We can't do anything without the good graces of a man? Is that what you are implying? If the universe or GOD had wanted everyone to be married first he would not have tipped the scales to favor more women than men on earth, more women outlive men in old age, and more women survive men at birth. I love and support all of my children. They are who they are because I love them not because they have different fathers. I would shoot myself in the head if I had to put up with the crap Tiger Woods wife is having to put up with.

To me it is more validating for women to do what they want than to do what people think they should do.

Jiaka1981 Winfield | 42 comments I applaud you, but you must know that you are in a very small minority. most women with multiple fathers don't do it for the reasons you do. You are totally awesome, always follow your dreams. our comments are for the women out there who just can't keep thier legs closed or the ones who have children they can't afford.

message 29: by Redman (last edited Dec 15, 2009 10:20AM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Iemanja wrote: "I would have loved to be married and have all of my children by one man, but the reality is there is no one to marry! My Catholic church is full of women! There are very few Catholic men of color ..."

First off, this is an education matter. What you wrote, I can go through briefly and break it down word for word.
You mention that you are in a catholic church. Is this what they teach you? I know hundreds of women who i've encountered:some doctors, lawyers teachers,and etc., who don't have the mindset you have.
Men know who to marry. If a woman has what it takes, a man WILL NOT leave her. By the post that you've written, shows that you are uneducated and don't deserve to be a mother, and you don't have what it takes to keep a man or make him want to marry you. You are not marriage material.
I'm not trying to be rude. I'm just telling the truth based upon your post and if this is the way you really think. A man wants a woman he can have pride in. He don't want to say: "Mom this is my wife and here are her three children by three different men."
You said: in your race many men are in jail, gay, or simply do not wish to marry. You can't be choosey. Go in ANY RACE and try to find Mr. Right who will stand by you for the rest of your life- that is, if you have what it takes.
And you said:some woman have more than one father for their children out of having a low tolerance for bullshit. WHAT SENSE DOES THAT MAKE?! THAT IS THE STUPIDEST THING I'VE EVER HEARD!!!! Do you and the octupelet mom share the same DNA?
I just can't go on any more. Your mindset is too special Ed for me.
I hope you can find a man, but in the meanwhile: go back to school and give your body a break.
This is Redman signing out.

message 30: by Iemanja (new)

Iemanja | 5 comments Women only have a small window of opportunity to have children. I waited as long as I could for Mr. Right to come along. This does not imply something was wrong with me. It just means during my childbearing years I did not find "the one". Maybe I will not meet Mr. Right until I'm 50.

If you have had sex with at least 3 women than you too could in theory have 3 children by 3 different women. This is hardly an educational or class issue. You want to find fault with me because I'm assertive enough to my sexual rights, my human rights?

I know that a child needs at least one person in the world to care about him or her. It could be anyone, but in my childrens case it is me. A husban and a wife may be the traditional ideal, but not the magic formula for happy, healthy, well adjusted children.

Men are only as important as they make themselves. If you are a father and you dedicate your mind, body and soul to your wife and supporting your children then kudos to you... But you must know that is not the reality of most women. And even after dating outside my race I have found that many men have the idea that women are just supposed to fall for any line of B.S. they dish out. I cannot do it. If you think that it is stupid some women would rather be alone or move on than to be with a man who is full of shit than you must be one of them. Moving on from a bad relationship is better than staying. Simply realizing someone is not for you is better than pretending just to fit the sterotypical ideal of what a family should look like or be.

Waiting on Mr. Right to marry was not an option for me. Finding someone who had qualities I would not mind seeing in my children was better for me.

If you truly love a woman what difference does her sexual history have to do with you introducing her to your mother?

You are right a man will not leave a good woman- I never said I was left! I could not find what I needed in a husband.

Many religious teachings under the topic of sex have less to do with morality and more to do with sexual oppression of women.

I have a working relationship with each of my childrens fathers. It does not mean I wanted to marry them. You assume I am just whoring it up and my body needs a break from something. I never said I was with a lot of men. I was with at least 3. But I never said I was with more than that. As a woman who is nearly 40- that is not a lot of men.

I suggest you become more aware of your surroundings and realize women really do not need men. We do more work than anyone and a few hours of pleasure is not worth all the stress. Men may know who to marry, but maybe it is time women did too. Maybe it is time women not just up and marry for the sake of fitting into a mold or hoping they do not age out of their childbearing years. Finding a man is easy. Finding one worth a damn is the hard part......

For my purposes: I could get it, I got it, and for what I wanted it was good. The End.

But thanks for your enlighting views on my lifestyle Redman...

message 31: by Redman (last edited Dec 16, 2009 03:23PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Iemanja wrote: "Women only have a small window of opportunity to have children. I waited as long as I could for Mr. Right to come along. This does not imply something was wrong with me. It just means during my ..."

The entire post you've written is useless. You talk about mr. right all the time. Are you going above your standards and running after men who don't want you? You said that this is not the reality of most women. What? Are you kidding me? For good, decent women, who have respect for their bodies, and have enough commen sense to know not to have a child out of wedlock from different men it is.
Now I'm not saying you are the worst out of the women because they are far more worst than you. I've heard some crazy, silly things from women, but you are one of the statistics. And the sad thing about it is you don't see anything wrong with it.
You said that maybe I am one of the bull shiting men. I have had many nice woman who proposed to me. And I'm not lying, I can prove this. They want to marry me. I can find GOOD women. Why can't you find a good man?
I did not say that a woman should be with a man who is full of bullshit and not move on. But ask yourself a question:why do you keep attracting these bullshiting men.
And it's not that the good men are in jail or don't want to marry.
There are a lot of Good men, but they JUST DON'T WANT YOU. Because a good man is looking for a perfect woman. He is not looking for a imperfect woman. When I say perfect I mean with no history of sleeping around and no kids. Bascially this what most men want. They want a good, wholesome woman. And that is why you maybe can't find Mr. Right because in there mind ,you are tarnished.
That is the significant of having children out of wedlock. Sorry it's that's way, but this is how most men think. I know sorry men who want a good, wholesone woman, so what does that tell you about the good men. You know they want a good women. And you said: women don't need men. Hey, men don't need women but is that the reality that is going on? Do they act like they need each other. Yes. The only time a woman thinks this way is when they feel useless. Then they go to saying such nonsense because no man doesn't want them.
I can't believe you are 40 talking this way. I thought you were a teenager. Do you think you are attractive in some way? Because I'm sure I am and I want what I am. And the problem is: some people want what they are not. Exspect to attract what you are. If you keep getting bull shiting men then you must be a bull shiting woman. Alretha franklin said it best: If you want a do right all day woman you gotta be a do right all day man. And if you want a do right all day man you gotta be a do right all day woman.
And this is an education issue plain and simple. Education and common sense would not allow you to keep making such poor decisions.
This post is really not for you but for women who have the same mindset.
Remember honest and decent is the way.
Redman signing off.

message 32: by Iemanja (last edited Dec 16, 2009 04:49PM) (new)

Iemanja | 5 comments I do not speak of Mr. Right all of the time. I don't even worry about Mr. Right. That is the whole point; which is not useless because this is a discussion site. We just do not agree.

I too have been proposed to, but did not want to do it. You just cannot believe that this is true. I am not saying marriage is not a beautiful thing, but there are far more Tiger Woods and David Letterman's than their are wholesome decent men out there. Beauty, money, class, or style have nothing to do with someone who cheats- male or female. It is a about wanting something new, different, etc.

But even in praise of all of the good men who are out their, being good does not mean that someone is right for you. Having a relationship that lasts 50+ years takes more than being "nice". Being amiable is just the tip of the iceberg of making a relationship work.

Marriage takes a lifetime of partnership. Since I did not find the right man for me in my window of opportunity to have kids, I opted just for the babies. The reason I did not stick with any of them is complicated, but not so much that any are M.I.A. We are all respectable of each other. We just were not meant to be married to each other. In fact my first child's stepmother is the Godmother of my last child. It is about the children not about the relationship I had with any of their fathers. All of that Baby Mama Drama you hear about on ghetto fab reality tv shows does not exist here.

I am discriminatory about who I choose to have sex with because I would not want to get pregnant by someone I did not see having a child with, but that is not to say I am trying to have a child everytime I have sex. The children I had were planned, not opps I forgot to use a condom or take a pill babies. Their fathers were fully aware... All are well educated- two have Ph.D's. All make a good living. All were kindhearted men who I knew would not abuse me, any woman or child. But all were a bit too selfish for marriage. So I took the best of them and turned it into my children. I took the good and left the bad.

Now what lasts longer than love, marriage, prestige, or wealth? DNA. In a way the decisions I have made are more important than marriage. You can divorce a spouse, you cannot divorce your biological lineage.

And really I don't have a history of sleeping around. I have had a few, maybe this is too much for some mens egos, but that is hardly my problem. I would hardly marry someone who could look into my mind and heart and think of me as tarnished.

On the whole people do need people of course this is true, but women DO NOT need men as they used to. I did not have to be married to have my children. I did not have to be married to attend school or provide financially form my children. This is progress, this is choice. That way a good man does not have to marry someone just trying to escape their parents or to have the things I have without marriage. They can marry for someone who truly loves them as well!

The only reason why you thing my choices are poor is because you have an image in your head of what women with babies daddies is supposed to be. But I am not what you imagine.

My children have well rounded lives with me and bonding relationships with their fathers and their families. They are healthy, well mannered, educated kids... Swee as can be!

If I ever decide to marry it will be for love and true commitment; all will be invited. Even you. Wanna come?

In the meantime I hope you do find what you want in a mate. I would hope your lifetime will be full of love from someone you deem worthy of loving.

message 33: by Iemanja (new)

Iemanja | 5 comments Oh I forgot to answer one of your questions- YES I am attractive. And all of my babies daddies were fine too. Self esteem is on a full tank here. Each child looks primarily like me but has a hint of their fathers. You wouldn't even know they had different if I did not acknowlege it. And that is saying something. They are not even all the same nationality, race, or ethnicity.

message 34: by Redman (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod

Merry Christmas. Enjoy the group and happy new year. This is all in fun.
Sincerly Redman

message 35: by Iemanja (new)

Iemanja | 5 comments Thank you very much! Merry Christmas and may the new year bring many blessing for you and yours:)

message 36: by Redman (last edited Feb 28, 2010 04:31PM) (new)

Redman | 55 comments Mod
Well I'm back. I hope your New Years resolution is to not have any more children. Because you've had enough for every woman who couldn't have any. Did the same judge who talked to the man who impregnated 11 woman and had 23 kids handle your child support hearing too. Obama said spread the wealth-not spread the kids. This is Redman signing off. By the way I visited your profile.Its full of information.

message 37: by MG (new)

MG Hardie | 10 comments Come on people these
"Most men are trifling and are after one thing now."
"Love is a choice."
are not even close to the issue. The real issues that there are very few of us who know ourselves. That being the case how can you know what you want in a mate.
This an issue that is discussed in my upcoming book.

message 38: by Diva (new)

Diva (divalong) | 44 comments Mod
All I gotta say is baby daddy is enough...three...holla

message 39: by Rachel (new)

Rachel | 4 comments I rather agree with Iemanja; it’s difficult to find an available man who shares key beliefs and values. I went to college for an education, not a “Mrs. Degree” as some of my roommates called it. I had a serious long-term relationship with a man I liked, but ended it once I realized that I couldn’t truly love him the way he wanted and needed to be loved.

Now I’ve started my career and all the men I meet are married, engaged, gay, or seem to be in a contest to come up with the most pickup lines in the least amount of time. Incidentally, most of the ones I’m attracted to are in the gay category.

I don’t care about dating or finding the right man to marry anymore. At one point I did, but I’m happier without all of the added drama dating brings. I can take or leave the sex; it’s better in my fantasies anyway (and much safer!).

When I’m 35—if I haven’t found a man I truly love—I’m planning to look at sperm banks as an option, assuming that I’m financially able to support a child alone. From a financial point of view I’d prefer having, well, a surrogate father, if the term makes any sense. I don’t have any male friends I’d feel comfortable doing this with at the moment, but that might change in the next ten years.

I guess my main point is this: for a woman, having biological children has an age limit and marriage doesn’t. Perhaps the only man I’ll ever fall in love with I’ll meet when I’m 80. Perhaps then I’ll crave the companionship that I don’t really want now. Why wait and risk not being able to have biological children? I don’t know what will happen in my future, but I do know this: I don’t want to settle for a man I don’t love just because my biological clock is ticking away. It isn’t fair to him, me, or any children we might have.

This might not be the most common reason for having children out of wedlock, but it would be mine. As far as multiple children with different fathers, I’d prefer to avoid this. Even if all I had as a reference was a number at a sperm bank, I’d like any children I have to be full siblings (unless I decide to adopt a child as well). This is just a personal preference of mine though; as long as a woman can support her children I don’t care how many different men are involved.

As far as sexual purity goes, anyone can look through my dresser drawers, nightstand, or bookshelves and come to the conclusion that I’m “tarnished”. I’m certain there are many mothers who would at least consider doing so. If anything, having healthy, well-adjusted children should be a positive for me. But again, I’ve got to agree with Iemanja on this; if a man can’t look past a woman’s sexual history, why would I be considering marrying him?

message 40: by Kelly (new)

Kelly | 1 comments "There are a lot of Good men, but they JUST DON'T WANT YOU. Because a good man is looking for a perfect woman. He is not looking for a imperfect woman. When I say perfect I mean with no history of sleeping around and no kids"
I know this thread is old and probably no one else is gonna read it now but this is such bulls-it-how come when I was a virgin I couldn't find a good man-all I got were men thinking I was only good for sex and trying to use me,this was before I'd even been kissed-how much more perfect can you get than that lol,all I got were men chasing me for sex,not relationships these were grown men not teen boys and I didn't dress/dance like a hoe or flirt with everyone either-some men just like to blame men's bad behaviour on women,if a woman asks why can't I find the right man or why don't any of my men ever treat me right the answer is it's your fault or there's something wrong with you because they don't want to admit most men are not good people

message 41: by Jennifer (new)

Jennifer Keller | 1 comments What would be the proper term for a woman that marries a man to have a baby with him then divorces him and gets custody and child support from the dad then repeats her actions with someone else not long after her divorce?

message 42: by Rajji (new)

Rajji | 1 comments Very Interesting Topic.
Untill now I was of the view that 'Tis American Culture'To Marry as many Times as one cannot even imagine...But How wrong i am as a recent indian survey coinciding with international womens day reveals that a womans first priority after marriage is a Man!
I think that is what drives a woman to have as many children as she can as she considers her self esteem to be not worthy of or take a back seat without a man ruling her life and her brood of children!
Please dont scoff at me for taking an extreme stance in matters related to my own life..I have come to a point where i believe that there are already enough children out in this despicable world all waiting to be adopted into loving homes..if only we could understand that how marriage has become insignificant and family becoming more and more dysfunctional..more n more children can be saved and given a bright future.After all, Reality is all in the Mind.

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