5. Love, marriage, men, women

[Meghan]

To Rosa men were just a pawn in her overall end game. To her daughter she was trying to desperately gain approval of her mother, but also rebel and seek outside love. When her husband left to Israel and Rosa derailed her plans to follow, Sulfia had a shot at a real life and happiness, yet she was unable to overcome the grip her mother had. Overall I thought the author used men to show how utterly powerful Rosa was in the whole family and how the men she choose were always submissive and maleable to her every whim. Even at the end when she settled with here new man, he refused to engage her delusions about aminat or question her life choices. To Rosa marriage is a means to an end.

[Julie]

It was interesting how the men in the story were portrayed. All of them seemed to be content to play second (or third) fiddle in the relationship. Many men would not respond kindly to having their entire lives directed by a wife (or worse, mother-in-law), but perhaps Rosa is able to seek out men that she can control. If this is the relationship that was modeled to Sulfia, then she may have also gravitated toward this type of man as well (though Rosa seemed to take it upon herself to find Sulfia a husband).

Overall, the mother (or mother-in-law) was entirely too involved in the marriage(s) of the younger generation. Maybe it's cultural. I'm sure we all have at one time experienced someone who had way too much interest in our personal relationships. I know I have :)

[Meghan]

oh boy I have had that as well....where we might be different is our ability to take control of our lives and overcome that intrusion. Where Sulfia can't. To Rosa the men were just a means to an end instead of a way to connect and form a bond with.

[Ashley]

I think the reason Rosa has NO CLUE what a decent marriage entails is that she cannot function in relationships, period. She doesn't participate in a give and take--she just dominates. She has no concern for anybody else's happiness, let alone anybody else's agenda. For her, marriage isn't even a neccessity. She's better off without it. Still, she uses marriage to suck in helpless, inept guys and moves them around like little chess pieces.