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message 1: by Dani (last edited Feb 14, 2012 03:11PM) (new)

Dani (czarinaking) Well, I have had much romance history myself, but I have a poster that dares you to do things. One of the dares says..."Dare to Kiss and Make Up." Maybe you should give your boyfriend one more chance, but be cautious! Make him delete his account on the website he was dating on in front of you. Save up for a little while, and then if you want to get a place, go right on ahead. Think about it first because once you leave, you might not be able to go back.

If you want to move on you get a fresh start and a (sorta) new life. Keep moving forward. But remember the past for the future. :)

Hope that helps!!

message 2: by Carolyn F. (last edited Feb 14, 2012 11:00PM) (new)

Carolyn F. | 721 comments Let's see - I have had those passionate, devastating romances, and none of them have lasted, mostly because once that passion ended, there wasn't much left.

I've been married for 27 years to a man who wasn't a great passion. We've had some horrible times too, when he was actually cheating physically. Awful! So devastating the pain and betrayal. I kicked him out and said "See ya!" He wanted to get back and would do whatever it took, I had this opposite bucket list which did include counseling. The counselor wanted me to go and I went to only one visit which included me pointing and swearing at my husband - not very productive but I felt better. You do it all or it's completely over. Well he did it all and I was still not healed enough to take him back. My mother, who is a "men are all sons-a-bitches" woman, told me that everyone deserves a second chance. Blew me away that she would say that.

So I did take him back with the caveat that if he ever did anything like that again, if he was still alive I'd kick him the f**k out and file for divorce the next day. That was year 8. The man who came back in my house was so different. He became nicer, more attentive, less criticizing and it's lasted 19 more years.

But I will say I'm glad it's good but I'm not expecting forever. If it lasts, great. If it doesn't, I tried. I love him, but I'll never love him as much. And I'll hurt if we separate, but it won't kill me. I've also realized I'll never marry again. If he does leave down the road, I'll get a hanky panky friend but this will be my last marriage. Too much work!

So my advice is to take it slow and see how much he's willing to do to keep you. Is it enough for you? Can you forgive him? Give yourself time to figure out if this relationship is worth saving. As for the ultimate passionate relationship, it never like the books and it doesn't always end with a happy-ever-after. Sometimes it ends with horrible heart break. And sometimes it just ends and you don't know why. There are men I've loved and they still make me sigh, but we were horrible together. I envy people who can keep it going and can make a long term relationship like that work.

I hope things turn out better either way for you Ashley.

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Wow Carolyn ....
Your Mom must be a great lady.... as are you. To forgive .... as best as you can... that is a miracle .... to take a chance... to gamble.... what a strong wonderful women you must be and what a blessing to your husband.
I believe you and your Mom have given the best advice from your experience.
I have been married 36 years. Marriage is a roller-coaster ride as is life. I have been blessed with mine. But even when you have the "perfect mate" you still have hot and cold seasons. Life and marriage and relationships all take work. Love can hurt... even if it is all good. We are exposing our hearts.
I hope all works out HEA for Ashley and Carolyn.
And I believe it IS possible.
I have been married for 36 years and love my husband more now than ever. I know there are HEAs to be had.

message 4: by Lama (new)

Lama Noureddine | 20 comments hey.. I hope I'll help. I think you should really discuss things at first and you have to know the reason behind this "betrayal".
Step 2: Go deep deep down into your heart and ask yourself: Is this the man I dream to live my love story with? Go somewhere quiet like to the beach or even to the park to be able to think clearly.
I hope my advice helped you. Good luck!!

message 5: by Bitchie (new)

Bitchie (matron) Ok my advice on this one (and I know, I'm not a regular poster here, so you don't know me from Adam) is this: think LONG and HARD if you can live with how things are before you commit any further.

I am married to a great guy. A wonderful guy. A guy who treats me like a freaking queen, and would do anything in the world for me. And I love him. Like a best friend. And really, it's always been that way. He took care of me, he was good, he was safe, so I stayed with him. I married him. I had three kids with him. And mostly, things have been good. Safe. Contented. But I often have that feeling of wanting more. Wanting that grand passion. That love of a lifetime, weak in the knees feeling. I know it's out there somewhere.

But, I have three kids, seventeen years invested in this marriage, and, like I said- the guy is really, truly, a DREAM man, who puts up with my moods and crap, and I can't imagine ever finding someone who would treat me any better. I always feel STUPID for dreaming about more, so I never leave. I've tried, we've talked about splitting up 3 times over the years, and it's always because I start to feel- lonely, smothered, and like something is lacking. What? I don't know. Maybe I'm like you, Ashley, and I'm dreaming of something that isn't real. Maybe I live too much in my head and in my books, and not enough in reality.

But my advice to you is- think LONG and HARD before you commit to anything more. Right now, it's just the two of you. Once kids get into the mix, the whole world changes- it's not just you any more, it's not so easy to just walk away. And for my own part, at least, those feelings of discontent, of "more" don't go away. Sure, they get pushed down, set aside, but they always bubble back to the surface eventually. Right now, things are really good between us. No, that grand passion isn't there on my part, but maybe that grand passion just really doesn't exist, at least not for me. Only you can decide if you can live with what you have, or if you really should just move on.

But don't, DON'T stay just because of financial security. Hell, look for a roommate, if that's all that's really keeping you guys together.

message 6: by Carolyn F. (new)

Carolyn F. | 721 comments Can some of your married friends go out with you? You don't have to go clubbing - movies, comedy shows, anything to get you out of the house. Just getting out of the house and doing something should help some Ashley.

message 7: by Jane (PS), Moderator (last edited Sep 23, 2012 05:02PM) (new)

Jane (PS) | 19827 comments You definitely need diversions and a new focus to re-absorb your mind elsewhere, Ashley... But I'm not sure what would work well for you. As Carolyn suggested, just dinner together with your married friendds could help.

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