Art Lovers discussion

986 views
Just For Fun > Art Jokes

Comments Showing 1-50 of 90 (90 new)    post a comment »
« previous 1

message 1: by Heather, Moderator (last edited Feb 07, 2012 07:42AM) (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Jokes brought to you by... http://www.workjoke.com/artists-jokes...

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time.

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings."

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"The guy was your doctor..."


message 2: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a better understanding of the female body and was able to really make his paintings shine.

After a month, the artist had become very weary from this non-stop effort and decided to take it easy for the day. Since his model had already shown up, he suggested they merely have a glass of wine and talk - since normally he preferred to do his painting in silence.

They talked for a few hours, getting to know each other better. Then as they were sipping their claret, the artist heard a car arriving outside. He jumped up and said, "Oh no! It's my wife! Quick, take off your clothes!"


message 3: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments After his wife divorced him, Joe asked his best friend, Bill, to fix him up with a blind date. Bill obliged. The next day Joe called up Bill and shouted at him angrily: "Bill, what kind of a guy do you think I am. That girl you fixed me up with was cross-eyed; she was almost bald; her nose was long, thin and crooked; she had hair growing on her face; she was flat chested; and her ankles were as thick as her thighs".
Bill answered: "Either you like Picasso, or you don't like Picasso."


message 4: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"


message 5: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Heather wrote: "An artist had been working on a nude portrait for a long time. Every day, he was up early and worked late - bringing perfection with every stroke of his paint brush. As each day passed, he gained a..."

bhahaha! love it!


message 6: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 1794 comments The Department of Unemployment?
Oh, that's headed by a guy named Art Majors.


message 7: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments Art Jokes: You Must Be An Artist If...
A humorous look at the things you do that indicate you're an artist.

"...The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel...."

See:
http://painting.about.com/od/inspirat...
for more...


message 8: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Ruth wrote: "The Department of Unemployment?
Oh, that's headed by a guy named Art Majors."


"LIKE"


message 9: by John (new)

John Karr (karr) | 76 comments good stuff!


message 10: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Welcome back, John! Good to see you again!


message 11: by Albin (new)

Albin Winters | 98 comments Heather wrote: "How many artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten. One to change it, and nine to reassure him about how good it looks.

How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four. On..."


A Keeper!


message 12: by Hady (new)

Hady Gómez (hadytangible) | 5 comments omgggg ha!


message 13: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments A motorcycle cop approached a motorist stopped in the middle of the road holding up traffic just before a river overpass. The officer noticed the driver wearing a beret and scratching away in a sketchbook frantically. He asked the driver, "What in the world are you doing?"
The driver replied, "The sign says Draw Bridge!"


message 14: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments What did the artist say to the dentist?- Matisse hurt


message 15: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments And finally:

A young couple Wilier and Kay, were exploring the exhibits at the
new Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles one Sunday afternoon, when they
came upon the museum's famous collection of Eighteenth-Century French
Impressionist Art.
Suddenly Wilbur, unfamiliar as he was with the fine points of the
period, came across a well-known painting which he mistakenly thought
was an example of pointillism. He immediately called his wife over
and naively exclaimed, ... Kay, Seurat! Seurat!
She took one bored look at the painting and replied, ... Whatever,
Wilby, Wilby.


message 16: by Albin (new)

Albin Winters | 98 comments Ed wrote: "And finally:

A young couple Wilier and Kay, were exploring the exhibits at the
new Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles one Sunday afternoon, when they
came upon the museum's famous collection of Eig..."


Ed, you have quite an art joke collection! :-) I especially like 'Wilier and Kay'!


message 17: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Those are great! I needed my laugh for the day as today is...quite an interesting day at work! Thank you!


message 18: by Ed (last edited Oct 17, 2014 11:19PM) (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments Sort of a humorous exhibit:
http://hyperallergic.com/156505/using...
"Using Artist Statement Generators to Make Art"

Here's part of an artist statement written by computer with my settings:
(remember I just checked a few boxes and a computer wrote this in "International Art English" :) )
...His works sometimes radiate a cold and latent violence. At times, disconcerting beauty emerges. The inherent visual seductiveness, along with the conciseness of the exhibitions, further complicates the reception of their manifold layers of meaning. By rejecting an objective truth and global cultural narratives, he finds that movement reveals an inherent awkwardness, a humour that echoes our own vulnerabilities. The artist also considers movement as a metaphor for the ever-seeking man who experiences a continuous loss.
His work urge us to renegotiate painting as being part of a reactive or – at times – autistic medium, commenting on oppressing themes in our contemporary society. By experimenting with aleatoric processes, he creates with daily, recognizable elements, an unprecedented situation in which the viewer is confronted with the conditioning of his own perception and has to reconsider his biased position.
His works feature coincidental, accidental and unexpected connections which make it possible to revise art history and, even better, to complement it. Combining unrelated aspects lead to surprising analogies. By focusing on techniques and materials, he considers making art a craft which is executed using clear formal rules and which should always refer to social reality.
His works doesn’t reference recognisable form. The results are deconstructed to the extent that meaning is shifted and possible interpretation becomes multifaceted. By emphasising aesthetics, he creates intense personal moments masterfully created by means of rules and omissions, acceptance and refusal, luring the viewer round and round in circles....


Oh and if you are bored, you can try it yourself:
http://www.500letters.org/form_15.php


message 19: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Well, I'm not really sure where to post this particular article but I found it a bit humorous. There seems to be one member of this group in particular who only posts cynical and pessimistic negativity regarding a lot of art. I found this article quoting some 'anonymous' critical quotes regarding diverse pieces and their value. I do agree with a lot of the sardonic opinions, but come on, why be so negative to everything. Maybe some members have different opinions, maybe some agree, but it gets irritating and I actually have no interest in reading these particular opinions of this member.

11 Obnoxiously Funny Amazon Reviews Of Famous Artworks
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/05...


message 20: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments Heather wrote: "Well, I'm not really sure where to post this particular article but I found it a bit humorous. There seems to be one member of this group in particular who only posts cynical and pessimistic negati..."

That's really funny.
I like the "only ONE horse" review especially.


message 21: by Dvora (new)

Dvora Oh I don't know. There is one person I can think of who posts criticism of contemporary art, and for the most part, I think he/she is right on. Not everyone has to admire the King's New Clothes, and we are here to discuss. I often think that people tend to take negative views as simple negativity when in fact, they are often the result of critical thinking.
As far as these reviews go, they are mildly amusing, I particularly liked the idea of hanging the Marilyn on the wall of the RV, but none got me laughing out loud.
Heather wrote: "Well, I'm not really sure where to post this particular article but I found it a bit humorous. There seems to be one member of this group in particular who only posts cynical and pessimistic negati..."


message 22: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments


message 23: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments


message 24: by Heather, Moderator (last edited Nov 04, 2016 04:16PM) (new)

Heather | 7662 comments love this!




message 25: by Haaze (new)

Haaze | 131 comments "Recently a guy in Paris nearly got away with stealing from the Louvre. However, after escaping with the goods, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of fuel. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: “I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh.”


message 26: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Why did Van Gogh become a painter?
Because he didn't have an ear for music.


message 27: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments What did Michelangelo say to the ceiling?
I got you covered.


message 28: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments What do you call a painting by a cat?
A paw-trait.

What does a painter sing when he's in Dire Straits?
Monet for Nothing".

Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
Because from a distance they looked like hares!


message 29: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Which barnyard animal is a famous painter?
Vincent van Goat! (or Pablo Pigcaso!)

What did the artist say to the dentist?
Matisse hurt!

How do Japanese artists bid farewell?
Cyan-nara!


message 30: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments You might be an artist if ...

--The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
--You've ever cleaned your fingernails with a palette knife.
--You butter your toast with your fingers, just to feel its texture.
--You've ever considered framing your palette instead of the painting.
--You notice the burnt umber in the background of the Playboy centrefold.
--Your children are forced to share a room so you can have an art studio.
--You routinely drink the rinse water instead of the coffee.
--The suggestion that you should “teach” or “open a flower shop” or “go to law school” makes you want to scream and throw things.
--You know the difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
--Your favorite fragrance is eau d' linseed oil.
--You do judge a book by its cover.


message 31: by Ker Metanoia (new)

Ker Metanoia (kermetanoia) | 33 comments Heather wrote: "You might be an artist if ...

--The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
--You've ever cleaned your fingernails with a palette knife.
--You butter your toast with yo..."


"--You routinely drink the rinse water instead of the coffee." --Killed me. Haha! Thanks for the laughs, Heather!


message 32: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Ker Metanoia wrote: "Heather wrote: "You might be an artist if ...

--The only piece of new furniture you have in your home is a $2000 easel.
--You've ever cleaned your fingernails with a palette knife.
--You butter yo..."


You're welcome!


message 33: by Eric (new)

Eric Bickernicks (bickernicks) | 1 comments How about an entire book that makes a joke of the art world?

Here's the funny animated trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPDR...

(will anybody get my joke "nude descending an escalator"?)


message 34: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Eric wrote: "How about an entire book that makes a joke of the art world?

Here's the funny animated trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPDR...

(will anybody get my joke "nude descending an escalator"?)"


That was awesome! Did you write that book? Very interesting twist to the sometimes 'stuffy' critics of art. Thank you, Eric!


message 35: by Ed (new)

Ed Smiley | 871 comments Eric wrote: "How about an entire book that makes a joke of the art world?

Here's the funny animated trailer: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eiPDR...

(will anybody get my joke "nude descending an escalator"?)"


Thanks!


message 36: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments What do you get if you cross a painter with a boxer?
- Mohammed Dali

What did the artist say to the dentist?
- Matisse hurt


message 37: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments


message 38: by Tracey (new)

Tracey (stewartry) | 0 comments

It's funny 'cause it's true.


message 39: by Tracey (new)

Tracey (stewartry) | 0 comments


message 40: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Tracey wrote: "Modern art=...."

This is true, too!


message 41: by Geoffrey (new)

Geoffrey Aronson (geaaronson) | 930 comments Or, you did do that but threw it away.


message 42: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Geoffrey wrote: "Or, you did do that but threw it away."

Or someone else threw it away thinking it was junk. The recognized 'artist' just showed the right people!


message 43: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments "There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.

Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.

During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"

To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'"






message 44: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments How many modern artists does it take to change a light bulb?
Four.

One to throw bulbs against the wall, one to pile hundreds of them in a heap and spray-paint it orange, one to glue light bulbs to a cocker spaniel, and one to put a bulb in the socket and fill the room with light while all the critics and buyers are watching the fellow smashing the bulbs against the wall, the fellow with the spray-gun, and the cocker spaniel.

How many visitors to an art gallery does it take to change a light bulb?
Two.
One to do it and one to say "Huh! My four-year old could've done that!"


message 45: by Geoffrey (new)

Geoffrey Aronson (geaaronson) | 930 comments Ed wrote: "And finally:

A young couple Wilier and Kay, were exploring the exhibits at the
new Paul Getty Museum in Los Angeles one Sunday afternoon, when they
came upon the museum's famous collection of Eig..."


Non existing art. Impressionism didn´t come about until the 19th c.


message 46: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments REALLY corny one-liners!

Q: Where does a cow hang his paintings?
A: In a mooooseum.

Q: What did Michelangelo say to the ceiling?
A: I got you covered.

Q: What do you call a mixed media artist without a girlfriend
A: Homeless.

Q: What did the artist say to the rival?
A: I Challenge you a doodle!

Q: What do you call a painting by a cat?
A: A paw-trait.

Q. Which painting is never happy?
A. The Moaning Lisa

Q: Why do artistic wives love football season?
A: Because their husbands sit on the sofa long enough for them to be sketched.

Q: What's the main difference between an electrician and a painter?
A: An electrician washes his hands AFTER he has gone potty, but a painter washes his hands BEFORE he goes potty.

Q: Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head?
A: Because from a distance they looked like hares!


http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/p...


message 47: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Custer's Last Stand

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business for a week and when I return I expect to see it completed."

Upon his return, the billionaire went to the library to examine the finished work. To his surprise, he found a painting of a cow with a halo. Surrounding this were hundreds of Indians in various sexual positions.

Furious, he called the artist in. "What the hell is this?" screamed the billionaire. "Why that's exactly what you asked for" said the artist smugly. "No, I didn't ask for a mural of pornographic filth. I asked for an interpretation of Custer's last thoughts"

"And there you have it" said the artist. "I call it, 'Holy cow, look at all those Indians!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/p...


message 48: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments A gentleman visits a museum. Suddenly he stops and says to the guide: Ah, it's ugly!

I beg your pardon that's a Picasso, the guide answers.

Further on, he exclaims again: Ah, it's really ugly!

"That sir, it's a mirror!"

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/p...



message 49: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments Adam and Eve

A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden.

"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."

"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so beautiful. Clearly, they are French."

"No way! They have no clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/peoplejokes/p...


message 50: by Heather, Moderator (new)

Heather | 7662 comments


« previous 1
back to top