This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

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2011 Holidays

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message 1: by Rusty (last edited Apr 01, 2019 09:07PM) (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments I know it's not a competition, but if there were an award for shitty vacations, I think I'd place. This weekend I'm getting in the van with two kids, one of whom gets carsick and the other is a spastic four-year-old. Both of them think it's my job to entertain them, regardless of how many times I tell them otherwise. And let's not forget the woman who is decidedly pregnant, and insists on peeing every hour on the hour.

Then I'm going to drive for ten to twelve fecking hours (without factoring in the many stops), so I can stay with my brother-in-law who lives in Atlanta, which as far I know is famous only for shit awful traffic. My bil is a cycling freak. He doesn't compete or anything, but he still thinks it's vital to shave his legs. Everyday at least once, he will take off so he can ride for a couple hours or so. This time period often coincides with his wife's nap time, thus effectively transferring responsibility of their children to us. But let's not skip over the wife - she's about two missed medication doses away from being an animal hoarder. Recently her husband secured a promise that she would keep the number of rescued animals in the house to less than six at a time, but only by threatening to divorce her. I've never been to the house, but I know it's going to smell like a mix of dog pound and convalescent home. I know they won't think it stinks, but there are also vegan assholes who think there exists a mushroom that tastes just like steak.

Then there's dinner. It will be prepared by animal hoarder's mom. All I know about her is that she lives in a trailer in a swamp. That's fine. Whatever. But . I . don't . know . her. Thanksgiving is a special day. It's one of the few days of the year during which adults get to eat like they're headed to the electric chair in a few hours. On that most holy of days, I need someone I know and trust, someone Rusty-sanctioned, to cook. I've had no opportunity to vet this woman. What if she's one of those crazy bastards who puts corn in the mashed potatoes?

And we'll be there for a week or more. Alright, this is giving me chest pains. That's my shitty holiday.


message 2: by Megan (new)

Megan Wow! Sucks to be you. I mean, oh, it won't be that bad.

My holidays are looking better in comparison.

Also, pregnant women have to pee a lot. Its just the way it is. As I told my husband before (numerous times), you made me this way, deal with it! Being pregnant is strange. You can drink 2 ounces of water and pee 8 ounces. Pregnant people are so magical they can defy science.

I do feel bad about the crazy in-laws and the questionable food. And people with too many animals in the house are gross. I hate that. You can't be comfortable there and you are scared to touch or eat anything. Yuck.


message 3: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Atlanta is home to a pretty good aquarium, or so i'm told. There's also a couple of "famous" burger places you could go to.


Personally, my favorite thing to do when i'm in Atlanta is get the hell out of Atlanta.


message 4: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Rusty I'm sorry to add insult to injury but I have to pile on one more negative. Usually I go to Atlanta for Thanksgiving but not this year. You won't get to meet and hang out with me. I'm sorry.

Atlanta has a nice Zoo. That's what we usually do when we're there.

Do you give your carsick kid Dramamine? Because that's what we do and it works like a charm. Not only does she NOT throw up all over everything, she sleeps the whole time! BRILLIANT!


message 5: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Okay, at least I can go on some outings while we're down there.

Smetch, I'm thinking of giving all three Dramamine.


message 6: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments That's a solid plan. I suggest getting hopped up on coffee and doing the drive overnight while they sleep. Then when you get to your destination everyone will be like, "Oh Rusty you must be so exhausted. Why don't you go take a nap?" and then you can miss at least the first 24 hours.

What's the most important food item for your Thansgiving? Can't you just have your wife offer to make that so you can at least get one thing you like?

Where in Atlanta are you staying?


message 7: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Rusty wrote: "Okay, at least I can go on some outings while we're down there.

Smetch, I'm thinking of giving all three Dramamine."


You're going to out yourself? Not that there's anything wrong with that.


message 8: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I said: WHERE IN ATLANTA ARE YOU STAYING?


message 9: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments OK well no matter where you're staying you should go to Stone Mountain. The kids will love it and it's not super annoying for adults either.

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And if you're not in crappy Marietta I've got another cool place.


message 10: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments (damn pregnant women and their constant sleeping.)


message 11: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) When i visit Atlanta, i find that i generally prefer to stay the night in Charlotte, Columbia, Greenville, or maybe Selma.


message 12: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Rusty did your wife wake up and tell you where you're staying yet?


message 13: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments She just woke up. It's Lawrenceville.


message 14: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I got nothing. That's like an hour from the place we usually stay. But if I were going to be there we would TOTALLY make the drive just to bring you joy. I know how you're dieing for someone from THC to meet you and your family in real life.


message 15: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments Perhaps you should cancel your Thanksgiving plans and take your Harry family to Atlanta? It's the right thing to do. Unless you're coming to Tacoma for Thanksgiving... that is more the right thing to do.


message 16: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Passing through Atlanta on I 85 now, Rusty. Not stopping. My sympathies- I hate this town.


message 17: by smetchie (last edited Nov 18, 2011 12:23PM) (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I'm travelling NOWHERE for Thanksgiving. WHOO! My favorite place to go for the Holidays.

What's everyone else doing?


message 18: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments I am going to my aunt's house in Vancouver, Washington. I was SUPPOSED to head down to the beach to meet my other aunt at my grandpa's house to go through some shit, but now that sounds like a dumb idea. I'm staying home and erecting (ha) my Christmas tree.


message 19: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Just got through Atlanta again. Took the bypass this time to avoid possible game traffic. Traffic wasn't bad and I'm not driving. Still hate Atlanta. Hope Rusty's having fun.


message 20: by Cristy (new)

Cristy (warhol315) So hate Atlanta... my sister lives in Alpharetta.. hate Alpharetta. She loves both, but she's not exactly stable.


message 21: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Alpharetta sucks.


message 22: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments I've only been to the airport in Atlanta. I was maybe 21 and crying stoically dramatically because I was super sad to be leaving the place I'd been before.

Why are so many of my clearest memories so fucking embarrassing?


message 23: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Hey, Rusty...are you gonna have a chance to stop by the Chitlin' Strut on your way home? It's practically nearly almost kinda on the way! $8.00 per plate, fried or boiled!


message 24: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) It's just a short drive away from Congaree Swamp National Monument National Park, too. Think of the fun!


message 25: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Rusty, how has no one insulted you yet for a giant, stupid statement in the first post: "Or worse yet, what if she's one of those whores that puts fruit or nuts in the stuffing?"

Now, Thanksgiving wasn't traditional in my household, and I didn't have a good stuffing until a few years ago (twss), but fruit can be AWESOME in stuffing. I'm confident in saying this because I've managed to taste the worst and later the very best stuffing ever made. My experiences bracket all possible other experiences.

Is this a thinly-veiled, anti-gay-hiding-actual-gay-sensations outburst? Whatchoo got against fruit? Explain yourself, please.


message 26: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I'm gonna have to go with Rusty on this one. Sounds like something hippies or Californians would do.


message 27: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Don't you drive a Prius? You've got no standing on this issue. Go on, drive away at 49 mph.


message 28: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I have a gun rack in the Prius, so that makes it ok.


message 29: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Hah! Okay, barely. Fruit:1, no fruit fools:2.


message 30: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I have nothing against fruit but keep it the fuck out of my stuffing please. Along with nuts and anything else that doesn't belong there. I get so pissed off when people try to fuck around with Thanksgiving. Save your fancy cooking skills for your lame dinner parties. Thanksgiving isn't for showing off. It's comfort food made the way you remember it as a child. If you ♥ fruit in your poultry go eat Moroccan.


message 31: by Rusty (new)

Rusty (rustyshackleford) | 2198 comments Tom wrote: "Hey, Rusty...are you gonna have a chance to stop by the Chitlin' Strut on your way home? It's practically nearly almost kinda on the way! $8.00 per plate, fried or boiled!"

I can't believe it's Chitlin Strut time again already.


message 32: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Just like Santa delivers baby Jesus, stuffing isn't complete without dried cranberries. Diced apple works, too. Not much, but enough for little bursts of sweetness. There should be a higher proportion of sausage, of course.


message 33: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments I love stuffing... our stuffing NEVER EVER has a fruit or berry or sausage or anything. Just bread and spices. Delish!


message 34: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments What is wrong with you people!


message 35: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments As always, I'm the minority.


message 36: by Cristy (last edited Nov 22, 2011 09:54AM) (new)

Cristy (warhol315) Kristina wrote: "I love stuffing... our stuffing NEVER EVER has a fruit or berry or sausage or anything. Just bread and spices. Delish!"

I'm with Kristina on this one.. no meats or fruits/berries in the stuffing, never!


message 37: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Eh?Eh! wrote: "What is wrong with you people!"

We're AMERICANS you fucking hippie!


message 38: by Cristy (last edited Nov 22, 2011 10:11AM) (new)

Cristy (warhol315) Tom wrote: "I'm gonna have to go with Rusty on this one. Sounds like something hippies or Californians would do."

Oh, and real Californians would NEVER F with stuffing like that, thank you very much Tommy.


message 39: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments Douches! American is a MELTING POT which is defined as adding cranberries to your stuffing!


message 40: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Eh?Eh! wrote: "Douches! American is a MELTING POT which is defined as adding cranberries to your stuffing!"

If you're melting your stuffing, you're doing it wrong.


message 41: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Eh?Eh! wrote: "Douches! American is a MELTING POT!"

Not at Thanksgiving.


message 42: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments ...which is getting less and less distinct as a holiday of its own, probably because it's based on a pretty blatant land grab from sovereign peoples. I heard kids don't even make hand-outline turkeys in school anymore! It's like people are embarassed about it all.


message 43: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I don't feel Thankful AT ALL this year. I feel bitter and angry and underappreciated. Also grumpy. Very very grumpy. FOR NO REASON! I know for a fact I'm getting a perfect Thanksgiving dinner with no fruit in the stuffing.


message 44: by Eh?Eh! (new)

Eh?Eh! | 443 comments No no, your hormones have addled your wits! Your anger is because of an absence of fruit in your stuffing!


message 45: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments NO DAMMIT! No fruit in the stuffing. The only fruit at Thanksgiving is to be delivered thusly:

cranberry jelly stuff shaped like can
cranberry relish
jello mold
pie


message 46: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I sure as hell was! You saw the look on my face didn't you? But today I feel angry and bitter. I wonder if I'm getting my period or something. Perhaps I should go be alone in the Red Tent with the Grand Cru. I'm going to surround myself with sharp objects in case someone thinks it's a good idea to breathe around me.


message 47: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 653 comments What tasty things are people making?
I'm doing a gingerbread/pumpkin trifle and a smore's tart. I love smore's tart...


message 48: by Cristy (new)

Cristy (warhol315) Kristina wrote: "What tasty things are people making?
I'm doing a gingerbread/pumpkin trifle and a smore's tart. I love smore's tart..."


nothing.. we decided to skip it this year. the kids are too young to care, everything is still in boxes and we're in a rental til the house is built... so chinese food it is!


message 49: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments I'm making red cabbage just like every year.
And maybe a cherry pie because God knows we need AT LEAST 3 pies. And maybe creamed spinach. I'm craving creamed spinach made with BACON GREASE.


message 50: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 5731 comments Teresa wrote: "I am making an apple pie and a chocolate pecan pie. And maybe if I have time some Oreo Bon-Bons. All this talk of fecking Oreos is killing me smalls."

Wait. You didn't say pumpkin pie.


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