Writing Passionates discussion

Too much repetition. HELP!

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message 1: by Josh (new)

Josh | 83 comments So when you are writing a story, and you come to a part where you have to describe the same thing over and over and over again, how do you handle that so you dont sound like a broken record. I mean, you cant say things like "the snow fell to the ground, and it melted on the ground. after that the ground was wet." without sounding like an idiot (poor example) I know that you could use diferent words that mean nearly the same thing like "ground, earth, soil, sand, mud. and so on, but sometimes you get yourself in a bind and other words dont apply. I just got done writing a very sticky section of story and im afraid that ive used too many same words over again.

message 2: by Kenzie (last edited Oct 28, 2008 02:53PM) (new)

Kenzie | 2838 comments You could combine them saying something more like, "the snow drifted down onto the grass, melting as it touched, creating smalls puddles and dewy drops."

message 3: by Josh (new)

Josh | 83 comments Wow, thats good writing, but thats not exactly my problem. I probably didnt explain it well enough. One of the words that im haveing trouble with is indeed 'ground' and ive used earth and soil. not many other words apply in this scenerio. problem is, the event i am describing is such that i have to keep retuning to those words. It just sounds tacky.

message 4: by Kenzie (new)

Kenzie | 2838 comments Oh ... have you tried a thesaurus? Or not refering to the ground?

What's the situation that your characters are in? Do you need to refer to the ground?

message 5: by Josh (new)

Josh | 83 comments haha. yes, the ground is esential.
its kind of wierd but here is the situation:
a girl is in the middle of a vast plane and as long as her feet are touching the ground evil shadow spirits can attack her. but she is rescued by the dead, who can move freely within the earth, and they hold her above the surface of the ground.

message 6: by Kenzie (new)

Kenzie | 2838 comments So she's floating?

How about--if she is--focusing more on what it feels like to float--if you're writing in first person. The weightlessness, the moving without moving (if you know what I mean), and being above the ground.

If you're doing third person narrative how about getting inside her head, having her think things. Or describe what's going on around her instead of just focusing on the ground.

Hmm ... it's kind of hard to think of another word to replace the ground with. If you're writing the ground because you're talking about the spirits holding her above it you could focus in more on what they looked like.

(I hope I'm helping. Let me know if I'm not.)

message 7: by Josh (new)

Josh | 83 comments Your helping for sure, youve got lots of great ideas. thanx.

message 8: by Veronica, What the neck!? (new)

Veronica (v_a_b) | 2889 comments Mod
So you basically have: Grass, earth, soil, ground.

My best advice would be to read it without the words in a couple places, or make a reference to what she is standing on, rather than the ground.

For instance,you could say "The arms of the spirits held me up, my feet touching nothing but air."

YOu could also take Kenzie's suggestion and get insider her head.

message 9: by Josh (new)

Josh | 83 comments thanx guys. I'll get it worked out eventualy. I appreciate your help.

message 10: by Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. >< (new)

Sella Malin | 4530 comments Mod

message 11: by Veronica, What the neck!? (new)

Veronica (v_a_b) | 2889 comments Mod
floor wouldn't work, not in the middle of a vast plane...

message 12: by Kenzie (new)

Kenzie | 2838 comments Ha, ha. Vast plane. That's another he could use. XD

message 13: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ | 5857 comments Mod
ummm ...
earth, soil, dirt, land, mud, sand, terrain

message 14: by Riley (new)

Riley (booksarecool) You could go on an online thesaurus. Hope i helped! lol.

message 15: by Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. >< (new)

Sella Malin | 4530 comments Mod

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