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Reading Room > looking for readers for a romance

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message 1: by G. (new)

G. Bell (gjanebell) Hey everyone
I'm looking for readers for a first chapter that i just posted. Its entitled "A Large Fortune Apiece" Inspired by Jane Austen's Sense and Sensibility.
I would like to get some feedback on it if you think its interesting, not interesting etc.
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 2: by Jeanette (new)

Jeanette Hornby (goodreadscomuser_jeanettehornby) | 16 comments Hi G,
I found the family interesting and there seems to be some good characters in the mix, however I feel the piece has a little too much 'telling' and not enough 'showing'. It's something I've been guilty of myself until it was pointed out.
The omniscient point-of-view can sometimes make events impersonal but if done well, can work.
Also the 'backstory' can sometimes slow the flow of reading.
Do we need to know all the background at once? Or can it come in gradually when necessary?
To relate to the characters the reader needs to get inside their heads. What are they thinking? What are their reactions to situations?
By creating multi-dimensional characters a story comes to life.
It needs a little work but it's certainly not boring
and I don't mean to sound too critical.
I look forward to reading more.


message 3: by G. (new)

G. Bell (gjanebell) Thanks Jeannette!
I posted another story of a er different vibe so feel free to check it out if you want!
Thanks!
G


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