Courtship vs. Dating discussion

Debate Anyone?

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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

Courtship vs. Dating debate

message 2: by Rose (new)

Rose  | 3 comments ok... so how about we define each term?

message 3: by [deleted user] (last edited Oct 07, 2008 05:35PM) (new)

Courtship is an old-fashioned word. It summons visions of men wooing women with small tokens of affection and asking their hand in marriage on bended knee. For social scientists, studies of courtship usually look at the process of "mate selection."

-A Brief History of Courtship and Dating in America, Part 1
by The Rev'd Skip Burzumato

However, between the late 1800s and the first few decades of the 1900s the new system of "dating" added new stages to courtship. One of the most obvious changes was that it multiplied the number of partners (from serious to casual) an individual was likely to have before marriage.

-A Brief History of Courtship and Dating in America, Part 1
by The Rev'd Skip Burzumato

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Which side do you take, Rose?

message 5: by Rose (new)

Rose  | 3 comments hmmmmm... I really just thought that Courtship was an older term for dating...
Anyway, I'm not really sure... I guess my opinion would sort of depend...

message 6: by Kaitlyn (new)

Kaitlyn | 1 comments i agree w/ dating 4 numerous reasons

message 7: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan (jonathane) | 1 comments I think courtship is better because it is usually in public like going to a movie with some other friends. Where dating is usually one on one time which is not the right way to find the right one to marry.

message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

How young do you think courtship should start?

How young do you think dating should start?

message 9: by [deleted user] (last edited Oct 07, 2008 06:33PM) (new)

You don't like the definitions I have right now?

Dating is getting into several casual to serious relationships until "the one" is found.

Courting is finding "the one" when ready for marriage, and staying with that one.

message 10: by Laura (new)

Laura (laurula) ^ I think that a lot of people have differing views of what is "dating" and what is "courting".

I don't think people should date when they're doing it just for the fun of dating. But I think that when you're at an age that you're starting to think about marriage and spending the rest of your life with someone, I have no problem with dating. I just think it's really useless and painful if you date when you're a young teenager, with no "purpose" in mind besides to get to know each other better, or to "get experience" or to have fun. Like Nathan said, I would call that casual dating. If that's all you're looking for, I think you should just hang out with this person in groups. Spending time with someone you like when you're young ALONE can be pretty dangerous...

I think that what Nathan calls "serious dating" is what a lot of people would call courting (or at least I would).

But then I've known people who believed strictly in courting, and I think some of their "rules" were a little legalistic and extreme.
I think you can take both ideas too far.

message 11: by [deleted user] (new)

I absolutely agree with you Laura.

I think that in today's world, it's alright to say that serious dating (with marriage in mind) is the same as courting. You can call it dating or courting, but it's more the idea than the name.

The dating I'm refering is dating to get the experience, might be serious, and trying out different things without marriage in mind.

I think it's ridiculous how even middle schoolers are dating just to feel the feelings with the responsiblity of a true relationship.

message 12: by Laura (new)

Laura (laurula) ^ I'm glad you both agree. :)

I know SO many girls -mostly from my dance class- anywhere between 10-18 who just can't believe that I've never dated, gone out, kissed, etc. When I ask them WHY I would do that, they just look at me like I'm absolutely insane.
I think it's so ridiculous, sick, sad, and disappointing that so many young people now think that they HAVE to date because it's what everyone else is doing, or so that they can brag about it and feel older than they are. It hurts both people in the relationship, especially later when you are at the age to get married.

One of the main reasons I've decided not to casually date is because I don't want, when I'm married, to have this long string of emotional baggage (or maybe just memories of something "innocent") from different guys that I've dated.
When I do get married, I want to be able to give my whole heart to my husband. :) And I know I probably sound sort of corny.... ;)

message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

So what's a good age to get married? And when is the earliest you should court?

I agree with your corniness Laura, very good.

message 14: by Jessica (new)

Jessica | 1 comments i think it depends on the person...some are ready to get married when they're 19 and others when they're 27.

message 15: by Laura (new)

Laura (laurula) ^ Exactly. Though I do think it's a little odd when people get married at 18 or younger. It just seems like you're SO YOUNG... though I guess some people are pretty mature at that age and know what they want.

I'm hoping to get through college before I get married, because otherwise I might be pretty distracted. Though who knows, God may have something completely different in mind for me.

message 16: by [deleted user] (new)

I have a friend who said that she and her husband got married at 18, got through college, and now have no debt because there are certian perks to being married in college. I'd have to ask her for logistics on that. She said that if you're sure you want to get married, and want to go to college, you should definitely get married first. It's actually less of a distraction because the guy's your husband, and not some guy that's picking at your curiousity (lol)

I used to think I wanted to go through college without getting married, but no I'm not sure anymore... *sigh*

message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

For all those who don't know me, I'm The Werewolf's older brother :). All of this is kinda open to personal opinions. I've known quite a few people who just dated for the sake of dating anf wound up finding the person they wound up marrying. Nothing immoral happened either with any of them. on the other hand I know people who dat just to have a boy/girlfriend. As far as the amrriage age goes, it all depends on whether or not you're a man or a woman and what your personality is. I'm 23, and wouldn't think about getting married for at least another 2 years, whereas mine and Nathan's sister got married when she was just 19 and her husband was 20.

message 18: by Laura (new)

Laura (laurula) Camille, that's really interesting what your friend said...
I'm sure it's different for everyone.

message 19: by Rose (new)

Rose  | 3 comments Yeah... it really does depend on all the circumstances and such.
My sister got married when she was almost 21,(that was almost 3 years ago) but my brother didn't get married 'til this year as a 26-year-old... and I'd say they both did an amazing job picking their spouses and with the way they all treat each other.

message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

I know this was a while ago...
But I personally don't think it matters much if you call it 'dating' or 'courtship'. I am in favour of the principles of courtship. Going from person to person in order to 'find' the ONE isn't honouring yourself, your future spouse, the person you are out with, or their future spouse. It would be far better to wait patiently on the Lord for the person who you will marry, there is no heart-break for anyone that way!

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