This is not The Haters Club You're Looking For discussion

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Drunk drivers, and brother in laws.

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Servius  Heiner So I just received a call informing me that my brother in-law was just arrested in my Jeep… Yeah, DUI. 1) Why was he driving my jeep? 2) Why was he driving my jeep drunk? 3) What would an appropriate level of retribution be? I am currently considering this:

Attach 20 Chanel locks to his fingers and toes; bending and twisting till they all fall off. Take all his little {now detached} piggy’s and feed them to Dinah, and make him watch. Then make two small incisions on his knees and then attempt to remove his knee caps with spoons.

Sometime after he passes out from the pain (not the booze), I will have the wife beat up his girlfriend (Which I am sure had some part in him driving my jeep when drunk) Then dump boiling spaghetti sauce all over her. When they wake up I will peel the blistering flesh from her arms and legs and feed it to the brother in-law.

Their screams of exquisite torment will be like Ludwig von’s finest symphony…

Or I could go another route if anyone has any suggestions.

message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

Make him wear a scarlet D.

message 3: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I don't suppose it would be enough to bring it up EVERY TIME YOU SEE him for the next twenty years? Oh, i *would* lend you my wheelbarrow, but you're not really supposed to operate them while intoxicated. A slice of this cake? Oh, you better's got rum in it, and my car's in the driveway... Not your style? How about castration by sandpaper?

Servius  Heiner It's both. I am a professional drunk, and I never drive anywhere when intoxicated.

The monetary loss for me personally is pretty steep. The wife had to get my jeep out of the pound, $4,300, and for some stupid ass loyalty to family reason she bailed him out of jail too. The scary thing is she told my how much it cost to get my jeep back, but refuses to tell me what his bail was.
I really don't know what she is thinking now is not the time to be throwing money away on someone else’s criminal behavior. I don't care if my jeep was impounded for a month he's paying for it. Either financially or I will take it out of his ass.

He is the scoop: Brother in-law was out with his tundra wookie drinking. But they forgot to gas his car before they went out, so they only had enough gas to make it to town or my place. Here is where a normal person would have called for a ride, or you know, STOPED at a gas station! Bu he is not a normal person. He stopped at my house (He has keys to the house cars, and everything else) and “barrowed” my jeep. Didn’t even bother asking. I’m sure if he did ask, the wife would have made them stay and sleep on the couch. Instead he went out and blew 4 times the legal limit. I can’t believe he was even able to start my jeep, let alone make it halfway to his house.

Servius  Heiner I'm not too sure how close to breaking the law I will get when I go home. Perhaps if there was more "cool down" time, but I go home on thursday...

message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

If he wore a Scarlet Letter, the whole village would shun him.

Servius  Heiner This is Alaska; it would be a fucking parade.

message 8: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) Has he got anything to say for himself? Done any grovelling for forgiveness?

Servius  Heiner Haven't spoken to him yet. I wont be home for a couple of days yet.

message 10: by Tom (new)

Tom Foolery (tomfoolery) I'd think you'd want those keys back sooner than a couple days from now...

Servius  Heiner Oh yeah, the wife has been properly briefed on what needs to happen. I don’t think I will be seeing him for awhile. It’s in his best interest to stay far away.

message 12: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) I refuse to read this thread until Original Nick admits that he saw my avatar and decided to copy it!!!!! (making only one small chage so he seems like a genius of comedy or something.)

Servius  Heiner Apparently you missed that admission over in axis. But I will repeat it just for you. You know, since your growing old and all. I wouldn't want you to exhaust yourself jumping from group to group.

My earlier statement over in the non-hateful group:

message 9: by Rusty
20 hours, 50 min ago

Nick, your current avatar is my favorite so far, bar none.

The only thing that might be better is the Special Forces sign that says "Have a plan to kill everyone you meet".
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message 10: by Servius Sextus Heiner
20 hours, 47 min ago

Well I saw Amanda's sign, and a neighbor of mine actually has this sign posted... So I can't take credit for it. But I dig it something nasty too.

message 14: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) Hey. I just read that (and responded) in the poll!!!! I'm having dejavu here. Nick, I drunk posted all over the place. But I didn't drive anywhere.

Servius  Heiner das ist gut. Happy birthday by the way.

message 16: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) Thank you very much!

Servius  Heiner Don't mention it. Though you should feel pretty special, I usually don't complement and congratulate... it goes against my nature.

I better be careful, I might end up using recycled shit paper if I keep this nice stuff up.

message 18: by David (new)

David I would suggest you buy a small squeeze bottle of mayonaise, open it and pour some down a heating vent in his vehicle. After about a month he won't be able to drive it when he's been drinking. Maybe not even when he's sober.

Servius  Heiner I like that idea... I would have to pay someone else to do it however... I hate mayonaise.

message 20: by [deleted user] (last edited Oct 01, 2008 05:52AM) (new)

Nah. If his car isn't working, he'll just drive another person's car.

Servius  Heiner I don't even know if he will be able to drive once I'm through with him...All he will be driving is a wheelchair Maybe I should volunteer to stay on an extra week.

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