Melissa's "Living with LMS"

[Prof]

Let's continue hashing over Melissa's essay here. Remember to keep it in a workshoppy style -- note gestures the author makes that seemed especially effective, gestures that weren't quite working for you, and suggestions for how the author might go about revising to make the essay even hotter.

[Jasmine]

In an effort to seperate the symptoms, it might be funny to format this in an super formal manner-i.e. science paper, etc. That might also help in keeping with chronological order.

[Melissa]

For my revisions, I was considering cracking open a psychological journal and imitating the format I see for diagnosing genuine disorders.

[Colleen]

I, as well, like the idea of using formal psychoanalysis as a starting point for revision. i.e. "the patient displayed rapid onset of the following symptoms..." With your humor, Melissa, this could be super hilarious.

[Kellie]

Melissa, the only suggestion that I have for revision of this extremely comical essay would be to add more explanation of the symptoms. I understood most of them and how the examples directly related to them, but several were a little vague. Spending some time defining symptoms would would give the examples more punch as well.

[Prof]

Do you recall which ones seemed especially vague? If we can give Melissa some idea of which symptoms were better developed in the narrative, it might help her to notice what made them seem more developed -- was it the way they were made concrete in the narrative? The way they were tied to a specific scene of their own? The way they dovetailed into a reflection?

[Karan]

Thank you Klint for pointing out why one of the last characters just suddenly appeared in the story. Melissa, that was an effective way to show the abruptness of the ending, and the sudden beginning, of those relationships. That seemed to be the only thing that tripped me up with your essay. It was fun to read.

[Jasmine]

Feelings of benevolence, for example. I assumed you meant benevolence towards the losers you were dating, but that could be made more clear.

[Klint]

Can't say I have a whole lot I would like to see changed here. I loved the humor in it and it was easy for me to read, so that makes an "A" in my book =P I would like to see the revised work and see what you changed.