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My Writing > Jason Gold

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message 1: by Rosie (new)

Rosie (heckos) There are a few errors, but it is still really well written. Are you going to have it in a creative writing thing? I really like it so far.

message 2: by Felicia (last edited Aug 17, 2011 07:09AM) (new)

Felicia (feliciajoe) This was really good. I actually wanted to finish it, so that's good. I like how you build up the story, so that one only have to read the first chapter to know that they wanna keep reading.

I really like how you describe your characters. The reader gets information about them without you telling us how they are. Show, don't tell. You do that really well.

When that's said, I had trouble finding out where the story takes place. Obviously, we're not in America, but then where are we? I also couldn't help wondering whether it is the real world or a world you created? I think it would really help, if you specified where it is or described the place better. Same goes for qreatures/races. I'm not quite sure what an Ilome is.

But all in all, I really like it. Do you think you'll post the next chapter, too?

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