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Chatterbox > Unexpected Complications of House Sitting

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message 1: by stormhawk (new)

stormhawk | 1184 comments I am pet sitting for a friend, solarhippie (she has a Prius and put solar panels on the house last year). She wanted to go camping, I couldn't go on the trip because I had some other pre-scheduled events already this weekend, and so, here I am, watching two dogs and two cats.

They are all pretty easy to deal with. Cats, after all, are furniture, not pets. They feel all comfy and they make you happy and all, but the sofa doesn't come when you call it either.

The dogs are pretty good ... a beagle mix (who is old and deaf) and a Husky mix. Their human has arranged the house to their benefit, and actually, you can just let them out in the yard and they're good ... there's lots of water bowls out there (I've counted 5 outside and at least three inside), and they have access to a screened in porch in case it rains or is chillier than they like, not that we're having a lot of chilly lately!

So, what could be challenging about this?

One of the cats is an indoor-outdoor cat. He wanders around the neighborhood, kills birds, and eats their hearts, leaving the rest behind.

He has some issues.

I have to give him Prozac every morning.

He does not like being given Prozac, but apparently if he doesn't get it, he pees on mommy's bed. And couch. And pillows. And in all the corners.

So, he gets his Prozac Saturday morning and gives me really evil look, and demands egress. I figure he's earned it. A semi-stranger just grabbed him by the scruff, shoved a tube down his throat, and blew a small, hard object down his throat.

Out he goes. Last I saw of him. Frequently go to the door, call his name, hope he'll show up, check the doghouse and the screenporch in case he's out there waiting to come in, no go. solarhippie was pretty calm about it ... "did you see his body on the street outside the house? No? Well, he's probably okay then, and if not he's had a good life."

Wow. I wouldn't be so calm about that. Maybe she's gone through a lot of cats?

The second cat tries to go outside too, but she's the indoor cat.

Each time I chase her outside and follow her around the yard until I can grab her and bring her back inside. I explained to her I've already lost one cat, so I have to keep good track of the remaining one.

Actually, he did show up, finally, this morning. He got his Prozac and is confined to quarters. Solarhippie's orders. Fireworks tonight will freak him out. He's hissed at me a couple of times already about this.

Okay, so that's like not enough, right?

Just before this whole thing started, solarhippie bought a new window air conditioner for the room where I am sleeping. The house has central air, but it doesn't do a whole lot to cool the upstairs of the house.

The new unit is lovely.

I helped to put it in.

I have no skills in this regard. I have lived in apartments for most of my life. Maintenance and installations are things that other people do on my behalf.

The unit has somehow managed to vibrate itself forward ... into the room. Jumped the lip on the sill that's supposed to hold it in place. So, if it falls, it should fall in rather than out to the back yard. Solarhippie is informed of this. She figures it can be dealt with after she gets back tomorrow.

So, like that isn't enough ...

I'm sitting here in the kitchen, having some coffee, surfing the web a bit and this ungodly sound starts up.

WTF? Reminds me of an air-raid siren. Or the tornado warning sirens from when I was a kid ... why would they have something like that ...

OH FUCK. I AM LESS THAN TWO MILES AWAY FROM A FUCKING NUCLEAR PLANT THIS CAN'T BE GOOD. IT'S INDEPENDENCE DAY, GREAT DAY FOR A JIHAD. I AM SO SCREWED. WHAT DIRECTION IS THE WIND COMING FROM?

Nothing on the news, no emergency broadcast system break-through, nothing on my pager or on the county alert system ...

Oh. Monthly test on the first Monday. okay. hopefully the heart rate will come down soon.

solarhippie will be back tomorrow night.


message 2: by Patricia (new)

Patricia (pg4003) | 148 comments That's hilarious!! I'm guessing this person must be a very good friend? If not, maybe suggest that she board the animals next time she goes out of town??


message 3: by Susan (new)

Susan OMG Stormhawk--too funny!! Bet you can't wait to get back home tomorrow!! :)


message 4: by Roseann (new)

Roseann | 38 comments I have driven through San Onofre when the alarm tests are going off and they are quite loud and frightening!

I have always thought house-sitting would be fun, but your's appears to be a little like a nightmare...the house isn't on Elm St... is it?

I believe most cats are a little neurotic, I never thought of putting one on Prozac!

At least you've only got one more day!


Michelle (In Libris Veritas) (shadowrose) Woow, that cat seems to be a werewolf in disguise. Eating hearts, *shudders*


message 6: by stormhawk (last edited Jul 07, 2011 10:56AM) (new)

stormhawk | 1184 comments Most of the cats I know eat the heads and leave the rest of the little corpses for you to find, so I'll take the werewolf cat over a zombie cat anyday ... Solarhippie is a very good friend, and I actually was quite happy to help her out. Her fur-family are definitely homebodies, though, and they wouldn't do well at a boarding kennel.

Hey, it could have been worse. I could have gone camping.

I am of the unassailable belief that camping is a hotel that doesn't have 24 hour room service.


message 7: by Helen (new)

Helen Camping? Not sure what that means. HIlarious, Stormhawk. I had a flashback to my first job in Manchester (UK), middle of the afternoon and sirens start up, I jumped up thinking 'they sound like air raid sirens, are we at war?' No one reacted. Eventually someone said Oh they test them sometimes. Still no idea what 'them' are!

My big Tom has a new talent. I go to work, he opens the food cupboard and eats through the foil on Sheba cat food and then enjoys the meat. The other cats (I have 4) think he's great.


message 8: by Poppy (new)

Poppy stormhawk wrote: "Most of the cats I know eat the heads and leave the rest of the little corpses for you to find, so I'll take the werewolf cat over a zombie cat anyday ... Solarhippie is a very good friend, and I a..."

Mine usually leave just the heads on the porch. Makes me wonder if they want them stuffed and mounted as trophies.

Thanks for posting your tale! Cheered my day up! Too funny.


message 9: by J.D. (new)

J.D. Stroube | 2393 comments Mod
lol I just looked at this post! OMG, stormhawk you need to keep an online journal about this stuff. You're hilarious! Then you should publish the journal!!!!


message 10: by stormhawk (last edited Jul 10, 2011 09:16AM) (new)

stormhawk | 1184 comments Thank you.

I don't blog, as such, just post stories from time to time.

I do have a collection of nuthouse stories I've been meaning to beat into publication order.

I appear several times weekly at http://www.cellar.org


message 11: by D.D. Chant (new)

D.D. Chant (DDChant) | 125 comments And I thought I was having a bad day!!!


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