The Writer's Club (Clean, Please) discussion

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How I'm going to try and run this

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message 1: by Scribbler (last edited Jul 07, 2011 12:17PM) (new)

Scribbler King (ScribblerKing) | 9 comments Mod
OK, so you may be wondering if I really want everyone to post their whole stories here. I think that would take a lot of room, so instead, if you could put up a link to your CLEAN writing where it's posted on the Goodreads writing page, that would be great.

I'd like to read what people have.

BUT try to keep it small. For example, just the first few chapters of a 500 page book. Thanks!


message 2: by Harris (new)

Harris Tobias (harristobias) | 2 comments Ten poems for children. I write these little pieces of verse for my granddaughters. I'm curious to hear what strangers think of them. I'd also like to hook up with an illustrator who might be interested in collaborating on a children's book.

TEN HUMOROUS CHILDREN’S POEMS

BY

HARRIS TOBIAS


harristob@gmail.com


BAREFOOT

Let your feet go free
Let your feet go free
Oh to feel the Earth beneath your feet
To feel the grass and feel the street
Just let your toes go without their clothes

Let your feet go free
Let your feet go free
It’s such a footsie world you’ll see
If you just let them be
Let your feet go free

Oh Mr. Business man in your business suit
Wouldn’t you look cute if you freed your feet?
Just take off your shoes and socks
Feel the pebbles, feel the rocks
Practice nudity below the knee

Let your feet go free
Let your feet go free
Think of all the friends your toes will meet
If you just free your feet
Let your feet go free
Let your feet go free


Feet

Way down below on the ground are my feet
We seldom have much to say
Without them I know I would be incomplete
And I hope they don’t wander away

When I was a young man my feet were so swift
They would drag me around at a run
Now that I’m old they have started to shift
They tell me the fast times are done

They’re horny and knobby and ugly to see
And I’m happy to hide them in shoes
But when it comes to a stroll by the sea
They are still what I generally use

I don’t know how my feet feel getting old
Though I constantly hear them complain
They’re often too hot and always too cold
And once in a while in pain

But one thing is certain, as long as they’re there
I’ll use them to waddle around
Cause it only makes sense if my head’s in the air
Then my feet must still be on the ground



On the Road to Bimbombey

On the road to Bimbombey
I met a man along the way
One eye was blue and one was gray
He reminded me of a cloudy day

On the road to Bimbombey
I saw a man with a white toupee
He smiled at me with teeth of clay
I got scared and I ran away

On the road to Bimbombey
The merchant’s wares are on display
A nickel each for a fine parfait
I bought a tart from a silver tray

On the road to Bimbombey
I saw some little girls at play
They played tag and keep away
Their motions made a fine ballet

On the road to Bimbombey
The sun was beating at midday
I saw some piles of golden hay
And that is where my head I lay

When I awoke the sky was gray
My hair and clothes in disarray
I looked a sight that much I’ll say
On the road to Bimbombey


Robot ZOO


I went to the robot zoo
I wanted to see what the animals do
When no one is looking

So I hid in the dark
Til they closed up the park
And I had the most marvelous view
And I saw what was cooking

I saw them feed the chimpanzees
On motor oil and batteries
The kangaroo wiggled his metal ears
When they tossed him a salad of wires and gears

I saw them remove the zebra’s stripes
They rubbed them off with Handy Wipes
The robot monkey didn’t swing
In fact he didn’t do a thing
I watched them use a pair of pliers
To replace his monkey wires

The robot bear didn’t go anywhere
He just sat around with a vacant stare
They opened him up looking for clues
Finally replacing a burnt out fuse

The sleek black panther looked fantastic
His coat was made of shiny plastic
They wiped him down with an oily rag
And fed him something from a paper bag

The robot giraffe gave me a laugh
They used metal polish to give him a bath
All in all, I was happy to see
That the robot animals were just like me


DREAMSHIP LULLABY

Shhh go the waves as they wash wash wash
upon the sandy beach
As your dreamship hoists its anchor
And its sails are filled with sleep

The ship sets out to sea and leaves the shore behind
And we sail into the starry night to see what we can find
Goodbye to old familiar things we sail into the new
May your dreams be filled with sunny skies
And may all those skies be blue

Shhh go the waves as they wash wash wash
upon the sandy beach
As your dreamship hoists its anchor
And its sails are filled with sleep

Go to sleep my little one, your fairy ship awaits
Her sails are made of silken gold and pirates are her mates
Her hold is filled with treasure and her masts are trees of ash
A hundred dolphins guide your way see them flash and splash

Shhh go the waves as they wash wash wash
upon the sandy beach
As your dreamship hoists its anchor
And its sails are filled with sleep

Your dreamship floats upon the sea, a sea that’s filled with fish
You’re the dreamship’s captain and she’ll sail where ‘ere you wish
She’ll sail through sunny waters and she’ll sail through wind and storm
And she’ll bring you safely back to me when the sky is pink with dawn

Shhh go the waves as they wash wash wash
upon the sandy beach
As your dreamship hoists its anchor
And its sails are filled with sleep


THE ADVENTURER

I like to race around the Sun
And Swing upon the Moon
I climb the stars
Like monkey bars
Then fly back to my room

I don’t know what will happen
Or what the day will bring
But I can see
It’s bound to be
Filled with happy things

I don't quite know what school is like
It will be something new
But in the end
I’ll take a friend
On an adventure too

I love to have adventures
And see what I can find
I can explore
A distant shore
And do it in my mind

My mommy and daddy
Hope that I become
The kind of kid
Who bravely did
What no one else has done

I’m a brave explorer
I’ve been under the sea
And I’ve seen things
Like fish with wings
And dolphins drinking tea

I like chasing dinosaurs
For that I travel far
And flying things
With colored wings
I keep inside a jar

Another trip around the world
Then home again for tea
Life is fun
When you are an
Explorer just like me

But I’m always there for dinner
To eat my Jam and Bread
I’m filled with tales
Of dancing whales
You laugh at things I said

You’ll marvel at my bravery
And praise the things I said
Then with a laugh
Give me a bath
And tuck me into bed

I like to race around the Sun
And swing around the Moon
I climb the stars
Like Monkey Bars
Then fly back to my room


WHAT CAN I DO?

What can I do?
What can I do?
It seems like my house has turned into a zoo
There’s a giraffe in my bath
Don’t laugh
There’s an owl in my towel
And a mink in my sink
There’s a llama in my pajama
I’m calling my mamma
And if that isn’t enough
Silly stuff
There’s a gnu in my shoe
A goat in my coat
There’s a dove with my glove
And a bat in my hat
How about that?
There are ants in my pants
And a fox in my box
A baboon’s in my room
And a bear’s in my chair
I don’t really care but
A sloth in my broth
And a snake in my cake
Are a little too much
For a child to take
So I’m going to sleep
And when I awake
I hope that they’re gone
Back to the barn
And leave all of my stuff alone
For a bug in the rug
And a whale in the mail
Is not what I want in my home.



STINKY TOES

What’s that smell?
I can tell.
Someone has stinky toes?
Whose toes?
Who knows?
Who has stinky toes?
I’ll use my nose
Here goes
Sniff. Sniff. Sniff.
I got a whiff
Of something stinky
Little pinky toes
Wiggly piggy toes
Funny bunny toes
Teeny tiny toes.
Who has stinky toes?
Who knows?


I Saw The Sea

As I walked along the shore
The sea saw me
And the sea I saw
The sea saw me and I saw the sea
Oh the sea saw me and the sea I saw
As I walked along the shore
The sea saw me and I saw the sea

When the sea saw me
It gave a wave
And so a wave
To the sea I gave
The sea gave me a little wave
And a wave to the sea I gave
When the sea saw me and I saw the sea

As I walked along the sand
The sea it took my little hand
My hand is small and the sea is grand
Still it shook my little hand
As I walked along the strand
Me and the sea, the sea and me

The sea was blue
And the sky was too
And the seabirds cried ta-wit ta-woo
When I saw the sea and the sea saw me
Oh the sea was blue and the seabirds cried
And I felt so warm inside
When I saw the sea and the sea saw me


Big

When I was thin
My waist curved in
And people admired my figure
Now I am stout
And my waist curves out
Leaving no doubt I am bigger

When I was young
I commanded my tongue
And told it enough was enough
But now as you see
My tongue commands me
And is constantly calling my bluff

The result is quite clear
I’m shaped like a sphere
And I no longer care how it feels
While my shape anatomical
Might strike you as comical
It doesn’t interfere with my meals

Some people I find
Can attain peace of mind
From hiking and biking and such
But for people like me
Life’s true ecstasy
Only comes from eating too much


message 3: by Scribbler (new)

Scribbler King (ScribblerKing) | 9 comments Mod
Thank you for stepping up and putting your work out there, Harris!

It's hard to make comments on all the poems because they're different, but I think you have real talent! I especially liked DREAMSHIP LULLABY, THE ADVENTURER, and WHAT CAN I DO? Several others made me smile and think of my own childhood.

The phrasing seemed well done--its flow was almost uninterrupted. There was a spot or two that the cadence was a little off, but it didn't distract from the overall poem.

I SAW THE SEA was a cute one, but it was a little repetitive for my tastes, as was BAREFOOT. Still, especially for children, repetitive can be a good thing.

So all in all, well done. I confess that I've tried to write poetry, but I'm never very successful. Bravo, and thank you again for posting!


message 4: by Scribbler (new)

Scribbler King (ScribblerKing) | 9 comments Mod
One small comment to everyone:

I'm not sure if I made it clear enough at first, but I'd rather we post hyperlinks to our writing (which you can add on the Goodreads writing page) than post it all in the group discussions. That would get messy pretty quickly, so try to remember in the future.

Thank you!


message 5: by A (new)

A (missamber) | 6 comments i liked them realy cute!!


message 6: by Harris (new)

Harris Tobias (harristobias) | 2 comments Thanks for the comments, greatly appreciated.

Harris


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