Book Buying Addicts Anonymous discussion
Neither a borrower nor a lender be
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I'm fortunate to have a friend who owns a used book store. When I have books I'm not interested in keeping, I always pack them up and abandon them on her doorstep.
Since I began writing seriously in 1998, I've met several published authors, even had the opportunity to read and critique drafts of new novels. Several have mentioned my contributions on their acknowledgement pages (what a thrill) and sent signed copies of their first editions. Like Ashley and her favorite writings, I wouldn't part with them for anything.

I've just been burned too many freakin' times when it comes to lending books. And the fact is, many of our books are out-of-print and would be very costly to replace. Last but not least, there's nothing worse than lending someone a book, only to have it returned with the comment, "I couldn't finish it. Too boring."

I am more inclined to lend them out, but rarely do because I don't always get them back. One book I hadn't even read myself, the friend critisized my literary tastes, and still never returned it.

trade on paperbackswap. I give away to various
book sales & to friends. But loaning a book -
I've learned that I don't know when I'll get it
back, so I try keep list of books I've loaned. I don't blame you Sarah. It's just easier just not to loan them out.
What's happened lately is that people have been returning harcover books without the dust cover. What's up with that? A hardbook is not the same without a cover. I started loaning books without the cover. Now is that selfish or petty?
Lorraine



In the last three years I've decided to purchase books for people who seem interested in a particular author resting on my shelves or a title that I'm currently reading. Including my aunt,I rarely lend to her anymore, I just suprise with a great book.


I do have some books i don't lend out, mostly ones my aunt (who is also an author) has given my signed by some of my favorite authors, Madeleine L'Engle, Kathy Tyers, Lee Roddy among them

I am a funny one. I like to be the first to read the book. Well, I do buy from used book stores but the book has to be in great condition (like new). When I get the book my husband or anyone else cannot read it before me. I will lend them out after I read them but people have to take care of them if it is a favorite. I am funny about the books staying pretty. lol


My friends and I often just give each other books we don't want anymore. Then there's no worrying about it. In fact, an online buddy of mine just sent me a book she didn't want anymore and I'm loving it. I hope I can return the favor to her soon.



I learned my lesson a long time ago to never lend books you want back. So I don't. People who take my books like to read but don't have the same reverence for books as I do.
But, as you know, this won't be an issue too much longer! heh

(Not to say I think you're talking about me, I'm just trying to make sure we understand each other. LOL)

and i very rarely end up borrowing a book, just because, if i really like an author or a book i will end up buying it anyway since i love to re-read books. if i end up buying a book that i end up not liking, like you i just end up giving it away to someone that i think might enjoy it.


No, I have people who don't ask (and I haven't offered), they either just take it or they tell me they've taken it (after doing so). I just hate it because I have no real way of knowing if I mislaid a book or if someone else took them. And I don't want to run around accusing people of something that they didn't do. But saying nothing isn't right either. Bleh.

I don't think anyone takes my books, because I don't usually have people over who are around my library, but I think I give books away and then forget that I've done it. There was a time I bought a sequel to a book I'd read over a year before, and I wanted to reread the first book but couldn't find it anywhere. Now I keep everything unless it's something I don't like and know I'll never want to revisit.
Buying books for people is a good idea, especially if it's a book I got off the bargain table (which is where I buy most of them).

Certain books I'll part with. Others cannot leave the premises AT all. Some I don't even want others to touch. LOL

I don't mind lending but I am very careful who I lend to. I also am very bothered when I lose a book because it's never returned, and annoyed when I have to repurchase a book. But sharing books with my friends and family is one of the reasons I like keeping books I've enjoyed.
I only loan books that are replaceable (not out of print, etc.), and if a person doesn't return the book (with only one reminder at the most - I resent having to bug people when THEY borrow stuff), I won't loan books to them again. I once had a paperback, read once, looked nearly new, returned in horrid condition - spine broken, pages bent, etc. I was shocked. I hate that as well. People may thier read paperbacks this way, and that's ok, but should understand they need to treat books belonging to others more carefully. I wouldn't loan to someone who did that either.
I have learned that some people do not understand the desire/need/want to keep books after they are read (yes, this is something I actually had to learn, LOL). When they borrow a book they really do not understand the importance of returning it - after all, we've read it already. They may enjoy books, but not to the extent I do. I think the person who returned my book in bad condition probably also was the same - it was just a book I'd already read, no big deal.
I have a friend now who is very good about returning books I loan him, and when he meets up with me to return them usually buying me lunch, dinner or coffee for my trouble :) I have no problem loaning books to him.
I also will buy books as gifts for family and friends that I think they'd enjoy. Which helps to recommend and share a book you've enjoyed with someone without your own copy being loaned.
Meghan - if someone asks to borrow a book and it's not someone I want to lend to I just tell them I don't like loaning my books because they tend not to be returned. I've found most people accept this, often with a sheepish understanding of my point. If they insist they'll return it I may loan one to them with the friendly warning that if it doesn't come back, without me bugging them, it'll be the last time. But I won't lend to aquantainces. I just nicely say "no", with my explaination. I don't know what to suggest regarding people that will borrow a book from your home without asking or letting you know. Probably they don't realize how that seems to you, don't understand the harm, but it's like they're treating your collection like their private shop. So many people do not understand the value of a book you've already read. They also are ignoring the expense of books, while at the same time being too cheap to buy their own.
I understand not wanting to cause a stink, but you're being more gracious than I would be if anything went missing in my home after someone visited. It's stealing, and that's how I would feel. I've taken a book on occassion when I"ve been to my sister's house because I know she doesn't mind, but I always tell her I'm taking it, and always return it. I just can't imagine someone taking a book from your home without your knowledge or consent. I'd be tempted not to allow that person back in my home. Or, if not wanting to upset the relationship, I might hide books they'd be likely to be interested in before they came over. I also think some people have a hard time grasping the fact that even though we may have hundreds of books, we actually do know what we have and will (eventually) most likely notice one missing.
After losing some books to several borrowers, some of the them irreplaceable, I've decided never to lend any of my books again. I'd rather buy another copy and give it to the person that wants to borrow my copy, or even photocopied the parts she or he needs. My wife and I are now on the same wavelength on this issue.
Actually, I'm not too concerned about minor creases etc., although once a friend returned a book he borrowed from me in "top" condition: blue underlines penned in almost every page, plus lots of marginal notes, also in blue ink, as if the book was his own. I decided then to give it to him, bought another copy, and made a mental note of not lending any to him again.
Since then I really don't care if people call me selfish because of this. Books are quite expensive for the average Indonesians like me, and foreign books are even more so. For me, there's just no other way than not to lend.
Actually, I'm not too concerned about minor creases etc., although once a friend returned a book he borrowed from me in "top" condition: blue underlines penned in almost every page, plus lots of marginal notes, also in blue ink, as if the book was his own. I decided then to give it to him, bought another copy, and made a mental note of not lending any to him again.
Since then I really don't care if people call me selfish because of this. Books are quite expensive for the average Indonesians like me, and foreign books are even more so. For me, there's just no other way than not to lend.


I lend more now because of my teacher mindset. I've found a few kids who love reading as much or more than I do, and I keep them supplied with books. (They are great about returning them, though.) There's something magical about hearing the words, "I need some good books to read--do you know of any? :)

[ see: camelbookdrive.wordpress.com]
Oh my gosh! This is amazing. As we are all book lovers, we should donate books to this endeavor. I am ready to go to Kenya myself!

I like hardbacks and keep the jackets on. I don't like to break the spine or dog-ear a page. I am strictly a bookmark person and instruct my borrowers of how to care for my books.

You know, that this reminds me I have 2 books to read loaned to me by the School Principal! YIKES!~ I have reading to do!!
You know...as I embark on writing I feel ever more strongly that books ought to be even MUST be shared!! In fact...I might not be who I am today was it not for those treasured books lent out to me!


The most painful example of a loaned book was one of my all time favorites, David Grossman's See Under: Love, which is admittedly unusual and perhaps deeply depressing, but a friend at work asked to borrow it when she heard me rave about it. I had been so enthralled that I read the first section (about 100 pages) in one sitting, without even blinking it seemed.
I did loan her the book (a hardback) when she was laid up for a while and I never got it back. She said she couldn't get past the first few pages. I grieved for years and looked and looked in local stores and finally bought a used copy of the paperback.



I don't lend out books because they are mine! Selfish? Yup. Do I care? Nope. I have been known to lend out books when I am making a suggestion to someone else. For example, I want a teacher to read this book so I bring it to him to read. I do let my sister borrow my books though I don't know if I am going to keep that up since she lost one of mine. ::sighs:: I "lend" books to my boyfriend but I don't know if that counts since he lives with me.

"Once a book falls into our possession, it is ours, the same way children lay their claim: 'That's my book.' As if it were organically part of them. That must be why we have so much trouble returning borrowed books. It's not exactly theft (of course not, we're not thieves, what are you implying?); it's simply a slippage in ownership or, better still, a transfer of substance. That which belonged to someone else becomes mine when I look at it. And if I like what I read, naturally I'll have difficulty giving it back."
-Daniel Pennac (Better Than Life)
"I mean your borrowers of books - those mutilators of collections, spoilers of the symmetry of shelves, and creators of odd volumes."
-Charles Lamb
"Everything comes to him who waits but a loaned book."
-Frank McKinney Hubbard


1. No eating while reading them.
2. No DOG EARED PAGES (if they need a book mark I have a large supply on hand).
3. No going to the pool or beach with it (yes I can take them to pool or beach because I KNOW I will let nothing happen to them).
If they get through those rules okay and are not "scared away" I tell them I will see how they do with the first one,if they pass they can borrow more. However,if they borrow 3 they cannot borrow a 4th until the other 3 have made it back home.
Even Patrick knows my schpeal by now. MOst people don't bother and say they will get it from the Library on their own. Which, incidentally,was the main reason for coming up with such harsh rules.

I don't know what it is about books but I just have to "own" them and don't like the library. It is almost as if the books on the shelves waiting to be read are my "To Read" list and the books there that have been read are my "Already Read" list and I like it that way! I also don't like to borrow because then the book doesn't get put back on my shelf as have been read.
This whole book thing sounds like an addiction to me....LOL.

Share the wealth, after all.



In theory, I believe the Aboriginal people of Australia had the right idea about possessions: they weigh you down and make you lonely. But so far I've only been able to apply the philosophy to my books. (It helps that despite this seemingly generous ideology, I possess more books than I will read in this lifetime, and more than will fit in my house.)
I like the idea that knowledge is/should be freely exchanged. There should be nobody without means to obtain it. How, then, could I deprive someone I know from access to something I possess, am no longer actively using, and could easily replace?
P.S. I am not rich, and no, you can't borrow my iPhone.

Excellent comments, Ruby, thanks for the well-worded minority view!

My books tend to fall into two categories: those I love (or iritate me into a new way of thinking--also valuable)and will almost never leave my possession and those that I read for a diversion and am happily ready to pass along. My mother-in-law gifts me with shopping bags full of grocery store romances that are wonderful for a few hours of escapism. Those go on to book drives and USOs and anyone who asks. (And I just discovered paperbackswap--glory be!)
I love to keep books that I enjoy. I do re-read some, but not all, and I especially love to re-read series when a new sequel is released (or before a movie version comes out). That's also why I don't usually borrow books from people or the library.
I take books I didn't like to the used book store or I give them to friends, but I don't like to loan my books.
Is there anyone else as selfish with their books as I?