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Questions for the Opposite Gender

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message 1: by RandomAnthony (last edited Sep 10, 2008 01:14PM) (new)

RandomAnthony Since one of us on the axis was so bold as to ask why women don't like McCain, I thought we could open the conversation to include general questions you've always wanted to know about males/females. Ladies, we need your expertise. My fine Axis brothers will be sure to answer your questions to the best of our abilities.

I'll start! I'll start!

Why does my wife call me on her cell phone on the way home from work when she knows I'm working? Why oh why oh why? Even when I politely tell her I'm busy, or if I'm working for home, trying to use the time at home to do things like clean, which will be harder once the kids get home, she still calls and asks important and compelling questions like "what are you doing?" Why can't she wait fifteen minutes to tell me something? She also, like clockwork, will call ten minutes after she leaves for work, too. Why why why why why?

Don't tell me to ask her, either. You know she'll say something like "Because I want to talk." I need a better answer.

message 2: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony OVERCONFIDENT in my ability to multiask.

But thank you, ladies.

message 3: by Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You. (new)

Charissa (dakinigrl) | 3620 comments Mod
my best friend calls me from her cell phone in the car in between job locations or on her way home... usually it's a combination of that she's bored, and she's trying to de-stress from work by talking to someone outside her job. also... she loves me. : )

so, RA... likely these are at play with your wiffey as well. just be glad she's not calling some other random person of the male gender. ; )

message 4: by trivialchemy (new)

trivialchemy Bunny -- AWESOME metaphor. Way to play to male comprehension models! RA, good forum idea; I might be able to use this...

message 5: by Cyril (new)

Cyril Sent: Wednesday, September 10, 2008 6:37:35 PM


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NASCAR 6.0, NFL 5.1 and Golf Clubs 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?




First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.HTML and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta.

Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck!

Tech Support

message 6: by Ruth (new)

Ruth Heehee.


message 7: by Gåry! (new)

Gåry! (garyneill) modern technology has further enabled codependency

message 8: by Cyril (new)

Cyril That was hilarious! Obviously Rebecca has no idea how to write.

I would like to know why my wife insists on trying to talk to me while I'm trying to doing something else (such as using the computer or reading), or why she'll ask me a question from the other side of the house, forcing me to walk over to see what was said. I don't do these things to her. And, yes, I have asked her why she does such things, but all I get in answer is a giggle.

message 9: by Dave (new)

Dave Russell He's a hunter-gatherer.

message 10: by Lori (last edited Sep 13, 2008 10:02PM) (new)

Lori Because you have made him feel foolish, for shame! heh.

And I have another question. Why can't men find a thing if it's not right in front of their nose? I'm speaking specifically about the refrig, and his accusation that I don't arrange things well. God forbid he has to move something an inch to see what's behind it. Or even to the side in the front. No, if it's not dead center, leaping out at him, apparently it's not in the refrigerator.

message 11: by Dave (new)

Dave Russell He's not a hunter-gatherer.

Tim (Mole) The Gunslinger (Mole) | 62 comments Lets face it all of these things happen because men and women think differently! We only put up with each other cause we have some crazy urge to make our own and there lives hell!lol

Everything I see here is like you took a page from my life! My wife and I are exactly like everyother married couple

I know it sounds cheesy as hell but Men are from Mars & Women are from Venus as incompatabile men and women are we still love and need each other for some unknown reason!

So IMO we will never answer these questions no matter what cause there isnt a answer its life up is up down is down! we are who we are an theres no explanation!

message 13: by Cyril (new)

Cyril Just saying "uh-huh" works most of the time.

Adding to Sherri's comments #21: I've been married 12 years and I still look for things in the kitchen where I think they should be, not where my wife has put them. There must be some pattern in my brain from growing up that is hard to change - and the ironic thing is that pattern is probably from another woman, my mother.

message 14: by RandomAnthony (last edited Sep 14, 2008 06:04AM) (new)

RandomAnthony Ok, even though I TRY to put my things (keys, wallets, phone) in the same place, and succeed about 50% of the time, I still put things down all over the house. I don't have a good answer, Sherri, but it can down to me having to say to myself, "my life is so much fucking better if I'm not running around the house looking for my keys before I leave for work." Alas, he may have to figure that out for himself.

Re 15: I hear you, Cyril. I HEAR YOU. The worst is when she tries to talk to me when I'm working out on the elliptical. Um, honey? Hard to talk from up here.

But I must admit I can also space out, esp. when I'm reading, so I think she's trying to make sure I'm still, you know, part of this planet and she's important, too. I get that. However, I can't promise I won't ask her questions when she's on the phone, then.

message 15: by Cyril (new)

Cyril BW, your cousin is lazy.

message 16: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony I sometimes have different timelines/priorities on issues of this nature. In other words, fixing the shelves in the basement is not high priority for me. But I'm also lazy with these sorts of home repair issues, esp. outside of summer. My wife is just as bad, though. Our house could be a deferred maintenance training opportunity.

message 17: by Kelly (last edited Sep 15, 2008 07:36AM) (new)

Kelly Bunny: I agree with Sherri. Your cousin seems like a lazy, somewhat self-centered guy who wants to be thought of as a good, generous guy without actually being so. There are varying degrees of this in men, in my experience. He sounds like a fairly harmless, if self-indulgent type. Also, I think this is more of a "people" thing. The ones who would rather have something with faults to criticize than something fixed. Sherri, I love the guilt trip. That's great. My guilting Italian Catholic grandmother would be proud. :)

Here's my thing: I live with two boys, the SO and a roommate. They are mostly very well intentioned boys, who often follow through on their intentions to help, specifically, to clean. But why is it that the second they, I dunno, get distracted by something shiny, they "forget," that the mess that they've made exists, and seem to expect that it will somehow disappear by their sheer power of ignoring it. Which it does, because I get so annoyed with stepping on empty chip bags, I do it. I can go out for an afternoon having just cleaned, and come home to an apartment that has absolutely no evidence of that having happened less than 3 hours before. I'm not a neat freak or anything, either! I don't want to have to constantly remind them to clean up after themselves, so often I just clean up without saying anything, but after weeks of that, it gets old.

Okay, so the question is: Am I just doomed to have to be their mother sometimes? Because I feel like it, and am sort of annoyed by having to be that way. Is this just a fact of living with males? Or perhaps it is that they are young males, who are used to having their mothers to do this for them? Do I need to let the place descend into squalor and health violations to prove my point? :)

message 18: by RandomAnthony (new)

Here's my thing: I live with two boys, the SO and a roommate.

Are you pitching us a sitcom idea, Kels? Like a Three's Company for the 08 season?

realizes Kelly is probably young enough to have no idea what I mean by "Three's Company"

Kel, to answer your question, I'm on my boys already to learn how to clean and do their own laundry. I don't want them relying on a girl to clean up after them. But I must say, as I think I've said before, I'm not a psychocleaner, but I'm way cleaner than my wife, who has no "cleaning vision", e.g. doesn't see things that need to be cleaned at all.

message 19: by Kelly (last edited Sep 15, 2008 07:36AM) (new)

Kelly Of course I know what Three's Company is, duh. Don't you know how much journalists and current sitcoms love to make cheesy pop culture references in their titles and jokes? Perhaps if I had never opened a newspaper or magazine, I wouldn't. :)

Good for you, though, RA. Your sons' future wives will be very grateful. :) The SO does clean, but once a week, no matter how ridiculous it gets. Its like there's this set schedule in his head that he's somehow got to stick to, lest the world end! I suppose you're right, it might not be a gender thing, just a people thing. But I never had this problem with any of the girls I lived with, soo.. thought I'd ask.

message 20: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony What are you going to do with the SO and roommate, Kel? If you clean up after them, they're going to assume you're going to continue to clean up after them. But if you don't clean up after them it might drive you bonkers. Comments, anyone?

message 21: by Kelly (new)

Kelly Bunny, Sherri, thanks. I think I might start doing that. Shoving their crap into unknown corners, never to be heard from again. It is somewhat similiar to the "do it incompetently, so she'll do it instead," method that is employed by children everywhere, but I can't fault it if it works. Something's definitely gotta give in this situation, for I cannot stand it!

Servius  Heiner  | 1980 comments Mod
Why it takes so long to fix things around the house... Priorities priorities priorities, I have a honey do list, When I come home I will accomplish 3 projects MAX. Why? Because my wife has this ability to break and destroy things that would make a seven year old boy proud. honestly I get tired of fixing the towel rack that she has somehow managed to tear off the wall on average 3 times a year since I have known her. Or the hole in the wall where she managed to put the coat rack through the wall, or last winter when she power slid up the driveway and right over our above ground heating oil tank (yeah that ws fun 1,200 bucks of fuel streaming of into the snow) Or when I had to crawl in the dishwasher because she put a bread pan in there with bread still in the pan. ( She had attempted to make bread, burn the shit out of it, until it was a solid charred brick of carbs, put in the dish washer to "soften" in up)

The list goes on and on. In the end I fix whatever she breaks, burns, trashes, because it is what I am here for. My question is, some of the things she breaks/does just don't make since... Does she do these things on purpose? Just to make sure I am still willing to "fix" things for her?

message 23: by Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd (new)

Jackie "the Librarian" | 1818 comments Mod
My husband and I are pretty equal on the cleaning/not cleaning thing. Which means I can't get mad at him for not helping out, because he does. And vice versa.
So our house is untidy, but not yucky. Except for the shower curtain, which I just noticed this morning has faint pink mold all over the lower third of it. Dang. I hate taking it down, with all the fussy plastic rings, and then putting it up again.

message 24: by Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd (new)

Jackie "the Librarian" | 1818 comments Mod
I would, Sherri, but one of my kitties likes to jump in the tub, and I don't want him accidentally licking up some bleach.

message 25: by Charissa, That's Ms. Obnoxious Twat to You. (new)

Charissa (dakinigrl) | 3620 comments Mod
you could close the bathroom door while you let it set Jackie. Rinse it off later.

message 26: by Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd (new)

Jackie "the Librarian" | 1818 comments Mod
I suppose. I'd have to move the cats' electric water fountain out of the bathroom, too. But, really, the whole tub needs to be scrubbed, so I might as well make a project out of it.

This is one of those chores that only I ever seem to do, by the way. It makes me wonder just how dirty the tub would have to get before Chris noticed.

message 27: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony Yes, what is it about that shower curtain thing? I could use a new one, too. The worst is when one the holes break and it's all lopsided.

message 28: by Lori (new)

Lori Well, DUH why didn't I think of just spraying the shower curtain? It seems to be a universal: taking down and putting it back up is a most detested job! I guess it's because I have kitties as well, who love to play with the curtain and romp in the bathtub. Yeah, just close the freaking door! *smacks head*

I am untidy and am fairly tolerant of messes but I can't stand it if gets out of control. I'm far less tolerant of dirt tho. My husband is the opposite - extremely tidy but doesn't see dirt at all. He can't understand why I want to paint the house, it looks fine to him. It's been 18 years!!!! So he hates my untidiness but I can't understand how, if left up to him, he wouldn't change the bed sheets for, oh, 6 months.

He also comes from the generation (50s) where his mother lived and breathed to do housework and take care of her boys. When we both worked, he did his fair share, but now that I don't, he's regressed and expects me to do EVERYTHING. I can understand his POV, since I am a stay-at-home Mom, but puh-lease - can't you put your plate in the dishwasher? Plus, I hate housework!

Jake is the worst. His computer area in the living room gets to look like a homeless nest. Lately tho, he will pick up after himself when I tell him to. Before, I would pick up all his mess and dump it in his room! For some time he'd completely ignore it, so that backfired. I've given up on his room, you can't see his floor. All his clothes are piled on it. He claims he knows which are dirty and clean. I make him do his own laundry now, including towels. Otherwise every single towel in the house ended up on his floor. As well as every single one of his sheets. Now he's got 4 towels and 2 sheets, kept in his room, and if he uses the community towels he loses TV/computer time. A fate worse than death!

message 29: by Misty (new)

Misty Yep, it must be universal. Cleaning the tub is the most detestable chore. I don't have to fool with the shower curtain because we have a sliding shower door...but *uuugh/shudder* that track gets disgusting. I have an old toothbrush to help, but it's still a HATED chore.

message 30: by Jackie "the Librarian", Cool Star Trek Nerd (new)

Jackie "the Librarian" | 1818 comments Mod
Whenever I clean the tub, I need a shower afterward to get all the Bon Ami and Clorox Cleanup off of myself. Because I can't reach the whole tub without getting into it, and so I have to put on shorts and an old t-shirt - it's this whole elaborate process just to scrub soap scum and moldy grout.

Servius  Heiner  | 1980 comments Mod
Just hang a trash bag from a tree in your yard, poke a few holes in one corner, secure it with a rubber band, fill with water, get your hygiene gear, remove rubber band, BAM shower with no scum. Well perhaps that creepy neighbor qualifies as scum. But you don't have to clean him promise.

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