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Random Queries > Are you an apologizer?

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message 1: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Last night I was buying beer and the woman in front of me didn't realize the debit keypad was ready her for and she apologized for not noticing. Then I forgot to show the checkout person my license and I apologized. I started to think that we in Wisconsin sometimes view a quick and offhand apology as courteous. Do you see this? Do you do this?

The problem when it goes too far, I think, is when you start to take responsibility for events/things that aren't your responsibility at all, or you don't actually mean the apology but you're apologizing just to move on, or you think something's your responsibility but it isn't. I'm always telling my oldest son, for example, that he doesn't have to apologize for not hanging out with certain kids because they're assholes and he doesn't want to hang out with them. That's his locus of control, if you will, and he doesn't need to feel sorry.

What do you think?


message 2: by Suefly (new)

Suefly | 620 comments I often find my self apologizing as if it's a knee jerk reaction. I'm hyper sensitive, so I suppose I also do it to defuse situations, even if I'm not at fault.
However, I have difficulty apologizing to certain people when I'm honestly at fault...my pride chokes me sometimes.


message 3: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I just thought of NL's European Vacation when the family ran down the bicyclist in London, and the bicyclist apologized for being in the way.


message 4: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments I apologize all the time for things, some for when one isn't needed, but it helps to move the situation along.


message 5: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I am such a sorry lot.


message 6: by Suefly (new)

Suefly | 620 comments Larry wrote: "I just thought of NL's European Vacation when the family ran down the bicyclist in London, and the bicyclist apologized for being in the way."

Ha!


message 7: by Carol (new)

Carol | 1679 comments I read something (probably you made me read it) that said women say "I'm sorry" when they should say "Excuse me" - so I've been noticing that and trying to use the proper terminology ("get out of my way, idjit!") It can be easier to give a perfunctory "sorry" than a needed apology.


message 8: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I know exactly what you mean, Barb.


message 9: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Barb wrote: "I always apologize if I feel like I'm holding someone up or inconveniencing them. I don't do to move things along, I really am sorry."

In all honesty I really am sorry too, it just moves things forward instead of standing there awkwardly.


message 10: by Lori (new)

Lori Depaolo (dewsydaisy) | 60 comments I apologize for EVERYTHING. If something isn't perfect or went wrong. My friend always yells at me for apologizing too much then I say 'Oh my gosh I'm sorry it's just a reflex' and she just stares at me because I said sorry for saying sorry so much.....


message 11: by Carol (new)

Carol | 1679 comments Someone just threatened a new student worker with bodily harm if he apologized again, he said he was sorry. mwahaha


message 12: by Lori (new)

Lori Depaolo (dewsydaisy) | 60 comments And then if my friend says sorry for something that is totally not her fault that's she's saying by reflex herself I just look at her and tell her 'you should be'. :x Basically I'm just a terrible person who contradicts myself all over. :)


message 13: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Well, as along as you are consistent in your contradictions.


message 14: by Ken (new)

Ken (playjerist) | 721 comments I tried apologizing to a pedestrian I accidentally plowed over, but he just laid there as if he were completely oblivious. Next time I won’t be making the effort.


Jackie "the Librarian" | 8993 comments Saying you're sorry isn't always apologizing. I AM sorry if someone is hurting, I wish they weren't. I'm not saying it's my fault, I'm saying I'm unhappy they are hurting.


message 16: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I demand an apology.


message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

I really am very very sorry Larry. In fact I apologise for existing.


message 18: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Lopez | 4728 comments Larry wrote: "I demand an apology."

Sorry, Larry, but I can't oblige.


message 19: by Ken (new)

Ken (playjerist) | 721 comments BunWat wrote: "I demand an apostacy and if i dont get one I will pitch an apoplexy"

Pitching an apostle or an Appaloosa would knock him off his feet.


message 20: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) [image error]


message 21: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Lopez | 4728 comments You're going to pitch that at an apostle?


Stacia (the 2010 club) (stacia_r) I'm sorry that I didn't make it in time to discuss the original topic.


message 23: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Myles wrote: "Wait...is there a Wisconsin law about always showing your license when buying alcohol, or were you carded RA?


I apologize a lot, because it does move a situation along, but I've stopped doing it ..."


You saying I don't look young, Myles?

No, no, that's a good question. I think at some stores they card everyone. At the supermarket they input your birthday into the cash register when you buy beer. I don't think they do that at Costco, though, so I think it's company specific.


message 24: by [deleted user] (new)

It is an interesting term to 'Card' someone.


message 25: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Lopez | 4728 comments I felt flattered the last time someone asked me for ID to buy beer at the ballpark. I think it was the summer before last. Needless to say, it was a very old and nearsighted beer vendor...


Stacia (the 2010 club) (stacia_r) I'm in my 30's but look very young for my age. It's only been in the past year or so that I realized I wasn't getting carded every time I ordered a drink.


message 27: by Jonathan (new)

Jonathan Lopez | 4728 comments Gail "cyborg" wrote: "It is an interesting term to 'Card' someone."

What's the drinking age in Australia, Gail? Is it enforced?


message 28: by [deleted user] (last edited Mar 02, 2011 03:57PM) (new)

The drinking age is 18. It is strictly enforced.


message 29: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24150 comments Mod
Sherri wrote: "I do my best not to use the phrase "I'm sorry" as a catch-all phrase, because if I say it, I think I should actually mean it. It still slips out as a sarcastic remark, however, which is equally as..."

What Sherri said.


message 30: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) It's as easy as one, two, three.


message 31: by [deleted user] (new)

Grrrrr now I am going to have mini Michael Jackson stuck in my head all afternoon.


message 32: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) Sneaked that on in there, didn't we?


message 33: by Jammies (new)

Jammies I'm with Sherri and I try to use Bun's three-step method. My mother, otoh, apologizes for everything.


message 34: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) I'm sorry to hear that, Jammies.


message 35: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments i love it when people use bun's system.


message 36: by Youndyc (new)

Youndyc | 1255 comments I'm sorry that I haven't used Bun's system more often.


message 37: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11627 comments Bun, can I have your shrimp lo mein?


Lyzzibug ~Still Breathing~ (lyzzibug) | 708 comments I use to apologize all the time to my husband, and then I realized I was always saying sorry to end an argument even when it wasn't my fault. I've since stopped that, but my husband still doesn't apologize very often. He likes to leave for a time and when he comes back acts like nothing was ever wrong. Erks the hell out of me.


message 39: by Donitello (new)

Donitello | 148 comments If I think I've wronged a person, I apologize all over their ass. And I do good apologies, too -- that was wrong of me, you didn't deserve it, I really regret it, etc. I actually wish more people would apologize when they've screwed up. A lot of folk seem to think they'd give you an unfair advantage if they did, or maybe that their apology would give you permission to dump all over them, or...? I don't know why more people don't give sincere apologies when they're owed. They're very healing.


message 40: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen The thing is that in Japan, you have to say "sumimasen" for everything. It's not even an apology per se. It's a word that means, I've done something that mildly disturbs the previous order of the universe--it could be as small as obstructing someone's view of something. I hope this one word will help to maintain the oh so tenuous balance of things.


message 41: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Stacia - Registered Cake Offender wrote: "I'm in my 30's but look very young for my age. It's only been in the past year or so that I realized I wasn't getting carded every time I ordered a drink."

That's quite an accomplishment. Congrats on that. I can't say the same for myself.


message 42: by Misha (new)

Misha (ninthwanderer) Daniel wrote: "The thing is that in Japan, you have to say "sumimasen" for everything. It's not even an apology per se. It's a word that means, I've done something that mildly disturbs the previous order of the u..."

I kind of like that. I am an apologizer for things like holding up the grocery line, because I see it as an acknowledgment that I'm cognizant of the world around me and how I move in it and how I affect others. In my opinion, far too few people are aware of those things (hee, I mis-typed that as "thongs" and had to correct it). Everything I do has some ripple effect in the world. I am the butterfly whose wings cause a tsunami halfway around the world, or however that anecdote goes. And if I cause a tsunami, or even just a moment's inconvenience, I think it's appropriate to acknowledge that to the other person.


message 43: by Hanna (new)

Hanna (hcody) | 3 comments I'm sorry IF I did something wrong.
I'm sorry IF I upset you.

Bugger off & apologise when you have taken responsibility for your actions.

Apologise to my face, or if impossible, call me.
NO TEXT MESSAGE APOLOGIES!

Just sayin.....


message 44: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Misha wrote: "Daniel wrote: "The thing is that in Japan, you have to say "sumimasen" for everything. It's not even an apology per se. It's a word that means, I've done something that mildly disturbs the previous..."

I wish instead of a humble sumimasen, I could just say "Aw, no problem, bra." And then if he was offended we would do a ski-off like in an 80s movement, or we could do a race like in American Graffiti.


message 45: by Lori (new)

Lori Depaolo (dewsydaisy) | 60 comments Daniel wrote: "Stacia - Registered Cake Offender wrote: "I'm in my 30's but look very young for my age. It's only been in the past year or so that I realized I wasn't getting carded every time I ordered a drink...."

I'm the same way I'm all about small things ending up as building blocks to the big picture. But yea, it's less of me being a push-over and sorry for everything I do but more of an acknowledgment that I care if I do something to upset, inconvenience, or harm another whether it was on purpose or not. It's kind of like showing that you care about more than yourself when saying sorry for things out of and of course especially in your control.


message 46: by Helena (new)

Helena | 1058 comments I’m Canadian. I apologize for someone else bumping into me, simply for being in their way or taking up space... but it’s a habit, more being courteous than anything.

This is a bit outdated, but a wonderful Canadian apology:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8cDRw...


message 47: by Phoenix (new)

Phoenix (phoenixapb) | 1619 comments I'm not a random apologizer, I'll apologize when I'm in the wrong, and will freely admit to being in the wrong, but I won't apologize for no reason. It bugs me when people feel like they have to apologize for everything (some do it automatically as mentioned previously), no one should feel like they have to excuse their existence.


message 48: by [deleted user] (new)

Oooops already did that in msg 25. Sorry.


message 49: by Phoenix (new)

Phoenix (phoenixapb) | 1619 comments I love you, Gail! Never apologize for being you! :D


message 50: by Daniel (new)

Daniel Clausen Lori wrote: "Daniel wrote: "Stacia - Registered Cake Offender wrote: "I'm in my 30's but look very young for my age. It's only been in the past year or so that I realized I wasn't getting carded every time I o..."

A very Buddhist way of looking at the world. You have to be careful, though. The more you tip-toe through the world, hoping not to cause harm to others, the more you offend the creative-child inside of you. There is an intricate balance I think. But the self and its needs always need to be incorporated into a moral view of the world.


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