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Brittin's Writing~Feedback, please :)
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Here's the prologue for my newest novel, They Shall Not Be Forgotten :)If someone would have told me 6 years ago that two new races unknown and fatal to man were to invade the earth and begin to wipe out the entire population, I would have laughed and teased them for having an overactive imagination. Things are different now.
The fact is that’s exactly what happened. Two completely new, alien races invaded earth on September 16, 2111. We’ve come to know them as the Adracari and the Axsoes.
That day changed the world forever. And not in a good way. Civilizations crumbled, people were killed, declared missing, and to be honest, hiding in terror.
Three years ago, we discovered something vital that could be used against them. They both hated water. And halite. We haven’t exactly figured out why, but we’re working on it. The remains of civilization fled to islands across the globe. It was the only place that seemed relatively safe. Untouchable.
As for me, I have quite a bit more to worry about. I look almost exactly like the Adracari-pale skin, dark eyes, and either really dark or really light hair.
So, many times I’ve been sent across the bridge to find food that the new mayor likes to hoard. I don’t see him getting thin and half-starved like the remnants of New York’s population. The rations were skimpy enough as is, and lately, they seem to have been getting smaller.
But hey, it’s no biggie. I mean, the human population has dropped far enough, what’s a few more? Right. I’m fairly sure that’s the mayor’s motto.
I risk my life every week so that there’s a chance that the human civilization will live to see another day. It’s an impossible dream, and yet I stubbornly clung to it.
What would you do when the world is crumbling before you?
Link for...Chapter One:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
Chapter Two:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
i actually am righting a book the first chapter wont make sense until you read the rest of it but the books still in progress i could give the beginning though. Ok if you wont to hear the first chapter just say u do.In other word write in box below
Oh I have that but only in the second and third chapter.
there are three characters and it bounces around from nariatior to naritior.
mines not like that its one of those hook u in type of beginings
Mine is too just not in the first chapter...
cool(smily face)but let u get a sample of my writing and this is from the top
"What's going on! Koi screamed now confused."Soy didn't move her head but instead her eyes and than put her eyes focus back on the leaf she was messing with. "it's happening."
"What's happening, she said seriously."
"Hell's breaking lose", she said and took the leaf off the shrub the dew fell in slow motion, and with that hell did break lose at that moment.
Fear enwrapped Koi her face frozen. "No", she screamed ripping off her necklace causing it to turn to a blade "this cant happen i promised id protect her".
"Fight for her at least."
Tears welled in koi's eyes I'm going into battle, she thought, and i know I'm not coming out. Fear still in her body she forced herself to move and fight she ran into battle alone without soy.
it's not my best work but still good i guess
Okay you can start your own page thinie right?
haha lotsa posts.......lol
hi guys whats up im abby a new member to this group ps: i like your stories there really good
Woot, new stuff. A bit of poetry I've written..hope you all like :)http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, I'VE WRITTEN PART OF CHAPTER 5 IN SECLUSIVE INFAMY. Please read and review(: Thanxx guys(:
I accept any and all criticism because I believe that it all helps :) I'm not new to the process of critique, or at least I don't think I am.
I'll post everything that I have on my page and leave updates when possible. Thanks for everything!
Loveth,
Brittin & Henry