Weekly Short Stories Contest and Company! discussion

Weekly Poetry Stuffage > Week 67- (January 28th-February4th) Poems --- Topic: A Flickering Candle DONE!

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message 1: by Stephanie (last edited Jan 28, 2011 09:23AM) (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments You have until February 4th to post a poem. On the 5th and 6th, we'll vote for which one we thought was best.

Please post directly into the topic and not a link. Please don't use a story previously used in this group.

The topic this week is: A Flickering Candle

The rules are pretty loose. You could write a story about anything that has to do with the subject. I do not care, but it must relate to the story somehow.

Have fun ye pirates!

message 2: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments A Candle

A candle flickers in the window
calling me home
from the blizzarding snow

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

sounds kinda hard!

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

ahhhhh jamie you can do it!

message 5: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Kristen's poem makes me think of Colonial Williamsburg, where on frosty nights in the Christmas season there are candles in the windows.

Very nice images, Kristen!

message 6: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments . . . Upon a shell beach, evermore,
the waves are crashing, crashing,
gray-blue upon the sunset shore
where time is like an open door,
the autumn waves are splashing . . .

Lonely nights you dream of her.
You see her eyes in candles' glow
and icy skies of stars that strow
their glitter through the nights that were
to be, while thoughts are winds that blow
across the breaking waves to find
her laughing in some window . . .

message 7: by [deleted user] (last edited Jan 28, 2011 07:41PM) (new)

Your Love

Your love is like a flickering candle,
There one moment, and gone the next,
And I'm ready to just blow the flicker out,
But you just don't let up,
Cus your love is getting old,
But your love is a flickering candle,
Fading in and out, casting shadows on my face.

message 8: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments thanks M! and I love yours! So Poe-esque...

love the concept in yours Mclean too!

message 9: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments I thought about making mine longer, but then I decided it was kinda perfect just the way it was :)

message 10: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanx Kristen, i like urs! its cute!

Whats the name of yours M? btw i love it very nicely done!

message 11: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Jamie, I like your image of shadows cast on a face by a flickering candle. It really comes across!

What I posted is an excerpt from a rambling poem called "Where Autumn Ocean Lies," that I wrote a long time ago. I'm surprised anyone liked it! It starts out:

Once you look into her eyes,
you can never look away:
from summer heat and sun-bleached skies
you walk where autumn ocean lies
and seagulls screech above the bay.

Overhead are clouds of gray
that seethe above a darkened shore,
and love was never there before,
but take her hand, and now she'll stay
until you cast her hand away.

Upon a shell beach, evermore,
the waves are crashing, crashing . . .

message 12: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments M, it has perfect rhyme and meter and flows so well. I can almost feel the words rocking me back and forth...

message 13: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Thank you, Kristen. I was very interested in metrics when I was in school, though formal verse was long out of style, and frowned on. I don't write much poetry anymore, but when I do, it usually has strict rhyme and meter. I guess I'll never graduate to contemporary verse!

message 14: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments lol, that's ok. I love formal meters. I just don't often have the patience to work it out for myself. I used to have a big thing with syllables when I was younger, but I've given that up for the most part.

message 15: by Lexi (Pink Jellyfish) (last edited Jan 29, 2011 10:48AM) (new)

Lexi (Pink Jellyfish) (blackjack13) | 66 comments Ok sooo i hope isn't that creepy :)


Dark blood is splashed across the walls-
Ink that writes the stories of her past falls.
Cause in the flickering candle a trained eye can see
A pentagram has trapped the poor soul's glee.
She danced with demons on the music of life-
white pearls and crimson charms...
The devil took her soul, twisting it in his arms,
So nobody can witness what's written in the cards...
crimson pearls and white grave...
Soulless crystal shards.

message 16: by [deleted user] (new)

thanks M!

message 17: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Lexi, this one is loaded with powerful imagery. White pearls (virtue and chastity) contrast with crimson charms (passion and lust); "dark blood" (the ink in which her story is written) "splashed across the walls . . ." Her demons got her.

Lexi (Pink Jellyfish) (blackjack13) | 66 comments M! you figured it all out!! I'm so starting to love you! :) Thank you.

PS: I didn't have the chance to say this yesterday:

Kristen-your poem, well it is short but i liked it it
made me remember of that story "The Little Match Girl" by Hans Christian Andersen

M- i like how you intertwined the ageless waves with the memories. I love: "Upon a shell beach, evermore,/
the waves are crashing, crashing" and tht name of the poem is dazzling!

Mclean- so sad...i like how you compared love with a flickering candle *looks for a tissue*

message 19: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments nice one Lexi, I can really see it coming to life.

message 20: by [deleted user] (new)

thanks so much Lexi! i love yours btw!

message 21: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Thank you, Lexi!

message 22: by Mark (new)

Mark Death comes

Death comes

Like a flickering candle

In a sterile ivory

white hospital room

Like a lost love

A dropped dollar

Staring down on you

Still and unmoving

Sad face

encased by

jet black hair

spread out

like wildfire

Life leaves you

Like a flickering candle

All my hopes and dreams fading

Like a flickering candle

My heart breaks

As you breath your last

And the flickering candle

is extinguished

message 23: by Caitlan (last edited Jan 31, 2011 08:40PM) (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Title: The Beast
Author: Kat

Okay, look very carefully at the bolded letters...

Faster, faster she ran away from the
Loathsome creature trying to consume her.
It grunted, and closed in upon her.
Classandra screamed as she felt its breath and she
Kicked backwards, hoping to catch it by surprise.
Enraged, the beast grabbed her in its jaws,
Ripping, tearing, slashing.
In a few minutes, it was all over;
Nothing was left of the running girl,
Gruesome death had come to her.

Content, the creature slowly walked away,
Ambling into the forest as
Night fell on the place of
Death. It was searching for more
Lean meat, more plump fat to
Eat, to tear, to swallow whole.

message 24: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments clever Kat :) And very nicely written as well. Another one where I can vividly imagine the scene (which is unusual for me cause I tend to feel rather than see poetry)!

Mark, yours is quite potent (no pun intended) and penetrating. It was so stark and intense, which is great because that's exactly what death is.

message 25: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Mark, I like the image "In a sterile ivory / white hospital room," and the way the poem has a sort of trajectory, with death announced at the beginning, then its arrival described as a sequence of images.

Nicely done, Kat, if gruesome! I haven't seen one of those poems in a long time, and if there's a name for them, I never knew what it was. You must be taking a creative writing class.

message 26: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments No, actually, I'm not. We did them in 7th grade I think. They are called acrostic poems. :)

message 27: by Mark (new)

Mark Thanks, Kristen, M.

message 28: by Invidia (new)

Invidia (candleburns) Where Waters Climb Mountains

In the cold morning sky
I walk to the lake
In the fading of dark light
I dance and I wake

In the shame of my sigh
She hides her pretty face
But when the sun goes down again
Her eye loves us the same

As the drums beat their song
A squalid town is shaped
Yet only the drawing of a curtain
Stills the restless flame

Cherries, berries, round and red
Apple pie is baked
Junior coughs his raspy snot
We, none, can eat our cake

The room above darkly glows,
As grammy reads her tales,
Then the hiss sweet, with the candle
Puts out the present day

Today only this swing rocks high
Tears have spent the lake
The candle under which were read our stories
Now flickers with uncertain fate.

message 29: by Invidia (new)

Invidia (candleburns) I absolutely love your poem, Mark!

message 30: by Mark (new)

Mark Thanks.

message 31: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Aishwarya, you can be very frustrating! I've no doubt your teachers each have a hundred gray hairs with your name on them. Let's just pick an image or two (from the many) from your poem. "The room darkly glows, / As grammy reads her tales . . ." The powerful figure of the grandmother (who knows the lore that matters), the room that "glows" in a "dark" way that can only mean children are at risk to learn things that may empower them ultimately in significant ways their mommy might not see as fitting to be learned in childhood. You'll say I'm reading in things that weren't meant. The first two lines are beautiful in the way that, without making literal sense, makes all the sense in the world: "In the cold morning sky / I walk to the lake . . ."

message 32: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Thank you, Al. I couldn't think of one, either. My muse is in the bath and she doesn't want to be bothered.

message 33: by Caitlan (last edited Feb 01, 2011 07:02PM) (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments Thank you Al. And no, Al, don't write another!

message 34: by Invidia (new)

Invidia (candleburns) M wrote: "Aishwarya, you can be very frustrating! I've no doubt your teachers each have a hundred gray hairs with your name on them. Let's just pick an image or two (from the many) from your poem. "The room ..."

Um, thanks? Frustrating people comes only second to my love of reading. ;)

PS - I have no teachers. All my English teachers gave up on me long ago, so much so that they told me to not attend their classes anymore. :D

message 35: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Al, I like these images: "Flickering splinters / Of dancing daydreams" and "Gazing through the grayish lens . . ."

I have a feeling it may have been the mwahaha factor in your stories that led to trouble with your creative writing teacher, who wasn't expecting something quite so dark.

Lexi (Pink Jellyfish) (blackjack13) | 66 comments thanQ Al.! i love yours too Fairies <3

message 37: by Jan (new)

Jan (auntyjan) | 199 comments Awesome poems this week...M...you gave us a poem in two parts. Have we got the whole lot now...or is there more?
If there is...I would like to see it. Have you always been writing poetry? Or were there some gap years. I took up writing poetry last year after a thirty year gap.

message 38: by Maggie (new)

Maggie (magfly) | 87 comments Choice
by Mags

Flame of a candle flickers in the wind
choosing to move over or around it
but the bravest move straight through
whatever you choose be swift
so your choice has no chance to burn
life is short to regret choice

message 39: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments interesting Maggie.... I think I have to ponder that one for a bit.... :)

message 40: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments The poll for the poems is up!


message 41: by Kristen (new)

Kristen Marincic Hiestermann | 519 comments Tough vote this week!

message 42: by mic (new)

mic | 82 comments First thought: Addie Bundren is dead. ("Her eyes are like two candles when you watch them gutter down into the sockets of iron candlesticks...the two flames glare up for a steady instant. Then they go out as thought someone had leaned down and blown upon them.")

Give a shout-out if you like As I Lay Dying too :D

Now I must vote!

message 43: by Caitlan (new)

Caitlan (lionesserampant) | 2869 comments :(

message 44: by M (new)

M | 11384 comments Jan, "Where Autumn Ocean Lies" is long, and most of it isn't very good.

I used to write stories and little bit of verse when I was a kid, but it wasn't until I was in college that something happened that made me decide to find out whether I really had what it took to write. Unfortunately, writing well means writing something that has substance, which means doing some growing up, and I had a lot of growing up to do. I wrote a bunch of bad or mediocre poems and stories. After several years, I realized I'd probably never grow up, and after that I no longer took writing seriously as a future. I never quit writing altogether, though. How do you quit something that seems natural for you to do?

message 45: by Rachael (new)

Rachael (rayle504) | 107 comments Loved ur entry, Maggie.

message 46: by Stephanie (new)

Stephanie (chasmofbooks) | 2875 comments The results are in for the polls!

Alex, you won first place! Congrats!
Mark won second place.
Kristen, Lexi, Mclean, M, and Aishwarya all tied in at third place.
And Kat and Maggie tied in at fourth.

Thanks participating guys!

message 47: by Rachael (new)

Rachael (rayle504) | 107 comments Congrats to all! :)

message 48: by [deleted user] (new)

Good job, Al ;) I loved it.
Congrats guys, this week was hard, they were ALL so good!!!

message 49: by Mark (new)

Mark Yea Alex!!!

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