Writing Passionates discussion

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message 1: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments So, well, I started up something else, sorta. Anyway, I wanted to know what your opinions are on the rather short beginning, yay, here goes!!

It was odd at first, being swallowed by sky, and being surrounded by all that blue. It washed over me like water, drowning me until I had learned how to breathe.
I had only a little while to see what was before me, until my eyes blurred, shoving out all memories of what was before, trapping me where I was then. I gasped, shocked at all that happened. Because I had been whisked away, somehow or other, and I had been swallowed up by the sky.


Wahoo! I was swallowed by sky.


message 2: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ | 5857 comments Mod
wow. that's awesome! XD very original.


message 3: by Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. >< (new)

Sella Malin | 4530 comments Mod
wow!! i would love to know more!!


message 4: by Ashley (new)

Ashley (ashocalypse) That is a very awesome beginning.


message 5: by Catamorandi (new)

Catamorandi (wwwgoodreadscomprofilerandi) that is swifty-cool,nifty-keen. very high accolade.


message 6: by Veronica, What the neck!? (new)

Veronica (v_a_b) | 2889 comments Mod
That sounds cool.

But for some reason, I thought of a baby seeing the world for the first time...


message 7: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Yay! Everyone rather likes it! I am happy now. =)yay!! i shall have to type the rest up, I guess!

And interesting thought, Veronica... huh, never thought of that... hm... yay! ^^


message 8: by T.O.L.I. (new)

T.O.L.I. (taleoflostink) | 1770 comments interesting..........


message 9: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Hm, I have more if anyone wants to read it, but I'm not going to put it up as a story yet, but you know... yay!! Haha.

When my vision cleared and I could see at last, I thought that I was again drowning. The sky stretched onward forever, surrounding me. There were no clouds at all, and I saw that there were strange objects floating about, and reaching out my hand I grasped an hour glass, sleek to the touch. I let it go, and it began to drift about the sky-lands, draining away the hours.
And then, at the edge of my vision, I saw a star, yellow against the blue sky floating gently towards me. As the star became more visible, I saw that a mouse clung onto it, effortlessly swaying to and fro, lounging, as the star brought it closer to me.
“Ah!” The mouse said when the star had come to a halt, stopping just before the tip of my nose. “You are from the Outerlands, yes? The lands where you are bound to the ground, and people ride about in cars, yes?” I nodded slowly, confused by the appearance of a talking mouse.
“Ah! So what brings you to the Sky-lands, the Innerland, sandwiched between the Outerlands, the land beneath all imagination?” The mouse continued swaying back and forth. “Why have you come to this land, of all lands, the Upper-land of the Innerland, the land where things float and drift, the land where nothing is always the same?”

Yeah, not sure what I think about this part, but I absolutely loved writing about the mouse's part, yeah!


message 10: by Brigid ✩ (new)

Brigid ✩ | 5857 comments Mod
wow. XD


message 11: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Yay, thanks!


message 12: by Kenzie (new)

Kenzie | 2838 comments Nice. I like it.


message 13: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Wowwwwwww, thanks!!

There's more, but I'm not sure if I did a very good job on this part at all, but there ya go...

“I – Well-“ I couldn’t think of anything to say, my head filled up with a sea of sky.
“Are you here because you are searching for the candle, the candle that never dies?”
“Th- the candle?” I asked, words coming slowly to my sky-filled mouth, still in shock from speaking with a mouse.
“The candle, oh the candle! Sculpted from an idle mind and an imagination that had been fed too many fanciful stories about immortality, I’d say!” The mouse’s tail straightened, bolting outward, as disgusted as it was. “I can’t tell you whether it works or not, but I can tell you this – “ and the mouse paused. “The Innerlands have been choc-full of people trying to find the candle, and some of them have even resorted to violence, which has been unheard of ever since we were born.” The mouse tapped its chest, as if remembering. “Fact is, there’s always some out there who would do anything to extend their own life, without giving a paw’s worth about anybody else’s.” The mouse stopped swinging, becoming serious. “And let me tell you miss, you want to stay as clear away from these people as you can, if you value your life and health. Now, don’t talk to anyone, and I mean anyone that’s searching for that candle! You can’t trust anyone nowadays, which is a right pity, but that’s how things turn out – ‘cept for me, you can trust me, or I wouldn’t be telling you all this, miss, there’s not a way in the world!” The mouse’s tail swished, and then hung loosely as it began to sway back and forth.

Hey, does it sounds like the mouse had some sort of a personality change? I dunno, but I found that he almost talks differently, after re-reading. Anyway, yeah!

Yay, and thanks again for all the comments!


message 14: by Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. >< (new)

Sella Malin | 4530 comments Mod
Wow! That's really good! I want to know where it's heading!


message 15: by Riley (new)

Riley (booksarecool) Add him paraphrasing a few sentences that he's already said like,
Let me tell you something miss, miss of the outerland, if you value your health and your life, yes, your life and your health,you will stay clear of those people, those people you should stay clear from, for you cannot trust anyone, no, no one can you trust, with the exception of me, see, or I wouldn't be telling you this, no, I would be off looking for the candle, miss.


message 16: by Riley (new)

Riley (booksarecool) Your work is pure poetry, I want to here more, and it's like a strange dream where you're imagining the endings, yet you have no control over it!


message 17: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Woooooooooow, really? That's awesome! Yay, I'm so happy!

And great advice Riley, I may try something like that, yay!!

And thanks everyone, I am rather glad that you all like it. :)


message 18: by Catamorandi (new)

Catamorandi (wwwgoodreadscomprofilerandi) i think the story is great so far. i wanna hear more of it. i agree about riley's comment about your writing being pure poetry.


message 19: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Ah wow, thanks!


message 20: by Tate (last edited Aug 08, 2008 11:50AM) (new)

Tate | 106 comments Yay, I have got more!

I said nothing, but pushed a stray hair from my face. My mind was swirling about, utterly confused about everything. I was in a strange sky-land, somewhere that I had never been before, an Innerland which I couldn’t understand, and could hardly hope to. I was surrounded by sky and stars and umbrellas and hourglasses and doors, all floating about me with no sense or reason.
I shut my eyes, wanting to go back home again, grasping at memories that I had left of it. But because of the strange Innerland, and the blurring of everything when I had first come, all that I could feel was a soft warmth at the edge of my memory, almost into forgetfulness. And I could recall faces too, fuzzy in my memory, drifting away as old memories do, leaving me alone, trapped by sky. I tried to pull the memories closer to me, but the harder that I tried, the harder it was to remember what it had been to back in our world. I felt a tear slide down my cheek, and wiped it away gently, weakly, overwhelmed by all that had happened.
“Miss!” The mouse suddenly exclaimed, reaching out to touch my hand. “Or they’ll hear! The Aumun, dumb things, are the hounds, as rumor has it, of the candle’s creator! They are fueled by sadness and tears and miss – if they find you miss, if . . . if they find you, I have no idea at all of what will happen. But best not to cry, or they’ll come!” The mouse, if it were possible, looked concerned for me, its swinging come to a halt once again. “The Aumun are here in the Sky-lands because as soon as people up and decided that they wanted to be immortal too, the candle’s creator got right mad and sent out the Aumun to make sure that nobody could find the candle for themselves – although the likelihood of that happening is preeettty slim. But the bad thing about the Aumun is that even though they are slow beasts, they don’t have to touch anything to fly. A great advantage if you want to gang up on someone, tch!”



I rather like this part, although I am not very sure of what others shall think... ah well, yay! Happiness!


message 21: by Sella, ov vey! i haven't checked this group in months. >< (new)

Sella Malin | 4530 comments Mod
Wow! WOW!! AMAZINGNESS!! XD


message 22: by Veronica, What the neck!? (new)

Veronica (v_a_b) | 2889 comments Mod
I like it too, the whole thing!

I could tell with your last comment that you seemed to be caught up in talking like the mouse a little bit. When you said "I rather like this part, although I am not very sure of what others shall think"


message 23: by Riley (new)

Riley (booksarecool) YAY! It's very good! no, not just good! It's great. It reminds me a bit of Through the Looking Glass. Maybe you could work Jabberwocky in some how because I think it's a bit like that poem. Kind of confusing but you can really tell what he means to say even if it's just a lot of words that aren't real words.

Wait. Maybe you should just going the way it is.


message 24: by Tate (last edited Aug 22, 2008 12:30AM) (new)

Tate | 106 comments Thanks, wow!! ^.^

Yay!! ^.^

And thanks for the advice on that, I perhaps shall consider that. I've always loved the poem "Jabberwokky" That was spelled wrong... ah well, I don't care!

Yay, thanks again!


message 25: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Yays, I have been inspired to type out some more from my notebook, wahoo! ^.^

“What do you mean, they don’t have to touch anything to fly?” I asked, unsure of what these Aumun were, or whether I should believe in them or not. All I knew then was that I was alone in the sky, without hardly a memory of anything at all.
“Don’t you know how to navigate through this world?” the mouse asked, incredulously, shaking it’s paw. “Although there is no such thing as gravity as it is in the Outerlands, you have to use something or other to pull you along or let it pull you. If you don’t touch anything, you float endlessly, without hardly any control of yourself.” I examined the mouse as it swung to and fro. “I mean, miss, just look at yourself! You’re fallin’ downward just like a leaf in the wind!”
I looked around, at all of the objects that were there with me. And when I looked at myself, I saw that the mouse had spoken the truth – both the mouse and I were floating gently downwards throughout the Innerlands, my hair uselessly twisting about my face. The mouse seemed to have been falling down with me out of respect – although why it would have wanted to respect me of all people, I had no idea. At the thought of falling away, I uselessly attempted at staying up, flailing my arms as if I were a bird.
The mouse laughed, a small short squeaking that was highly typical of a mouse. “That’s useless miss, useless!” The mouse squeaked again. “How can you possibly expect to do anything about yourself now? There are few that can fly, a very small few, and then they have been in this world for a long time. I can’t tell you how they do it, but they always seem about as happy as a butterfly that’s just gotten it’s wings.” The mouse appeared to have thought that this was entertaining as well and squeaked again. “How they do it, I don’t know, but they do it, and that’s what matters, nothing more.”
I thought on this, on how only they could fly this land – and this brought on another thought – how would I ever get back home, if that were even possible?”

Yeah, what do you think about this part? :D


message 26: by Veronica, What the neck!? (new)

Veronica (v_a_b) | 2889 comments Mod
i like it!


message 27: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Thankya!


message 28: by Tate (new)

Tate | 106 comments Yay!! I typed up some more. ^.^

“Ah miss, not another one!” the mouse cried. I felt my cheek and found that it was wet, although I couldn’t recall crying. “The Aumun, they’ll – “
“Mouse?” I asked, my voice cracking as if I hadn’t had any water in a long while.
“I’ll have you know that my name is not ‘Mouse’ it’s Arrett – And don’t you forget my name again, ever, you hear me?” Startled by the mouse’s reaction, I stared at him, unable to think of anything that I wanted to say. Seeing this, Arrett softened and spoke again. “I’m sorry miss, what was it that you wanted to ask me?”
“Um . . . Arrett . . .” I said, desperately trying to keep my voice from cracking again, so as not to let on that I had been crying at all. “How . . . how can I get back home?”
“To the Outerlands, you mean?” Arrett curled his tail again. “It is very hard to return to the Outerlands, and almost impossible if you haven’t learned the way of the Sky-Lands. And this takes a long, long time as the Sky-lands still have many mysteries that have yet to reveal themselves to our hard, hard working experts.”

Yeah! ^.^


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