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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives > Do your friends return your books?

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message 1: by Aynge (last edited Dec 30, 2010 04:29AM) (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments I now only have one friend to whom I'll loan books. It took me a long time to learn that most people I know will not return books I loan to them, even when I write my name in them. I still give out books to friends, but I no longer expect to see them again (except from Camille who can be trusted with signed first editions).

I still miss that hardback of DFW's Supposedly Fun Things I'll Never Do Again (INA!), and that copy of Douglas Adams' HHGG Original Radio Scripts (NOEL!).

Do you loan books out to your friends? Do they return them?


message 2: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments I do. If somebody kept something a long time I'd ask them about it, and I don't mind the same when I occasionally need to be reminded. If it was something irreplaceable, I'd think twice. The worst people for me to lend to are my mother and my sister. My mother just gave me back and Middle Eastern Cookbook she borrowed at least 10 years ago. So eventually I get them back even from her!

The only one I really miss is the novelization of Harold and Maude I got from Scholastic Book Services back in the 70s when I was in high school. My first boyfriend borrowed it and moved away. The book was written by the same guy who wrote the screen play but I really liked the book much better, and last time I checked the second-hand market to see if I could get another copy, it was waaaay out of reach for me.


message 3: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart I've only loaned out one book that wasn't a textbook. Wait a minute, two books. In the 8th grade, I loaned my best friend at the time Just Like Heaven, a Kurt Cobain Biography. Never seen it since.

My closest friend, I loaned him All the King's Men in like, the 10th grade, and he loaned me Oil!, and neither of us have returned the books to the proper owner.


message 4: by Dan (new)

Dan (akagunslinger) Most of my friends return books. I have had four different copies of Christopher Moore's Lamb, though. The first one died somewhere in Mexico with my boss, one fell apart after a trip to Canada with another friend, and one was thoroughly contaminated with cigar smoke.


message 5: by Dan (new)

Dan (akagunslinger) Myles wrote: "My friends are pretty good, but I've had to repurchase I, Lucifer twice and one friend in particular I 'gifted' the books I loaned to her because they were never coming back.

My older sister is no..."


When I loan my brother books, I always end up swiping them back when I go to his house.


message 6: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I don't loan books that I couldn't replace. Some of them come back, some don't. Most of my friends are pretty good about it. One I have to go over and physically take my stuff back from his house, but I can live with that. I'm also not ashamed to say "Yo. Give me back my DVD of The Last Waltz or give me $20 to buy a new copy."


message 7: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments Kind of. If I lend someone a book I'm pretty much working under the assumption that person won't give it back. I don't lend books much, though. I figure I can recommend them and people can get off their ass and go to the library.

I had this kind of loser neighbor who asked to borrow a slew of books once, and that fucker almost moved away with them. I had to intervene on moving day. Fucker.


message 8: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Barb wrote: "Rebecca wrote:

Barb, I'm trying to interpret your faint! Are you fainting on a bed of nails or a bed of feathers?


message 9: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Here's the one I hate: in two separate incidents, long after giving them back, I've had people ask me if I ever returned their book. I assure you, this is no oversight on my part, I definitely did return them, but then apparently something happened between their receiving it and it finding its way back to its proper place. I really hate that. Did that ever happen to anybody else?


message 10: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I hate that too. My library keeps doing that to me, claiming I haven't returned things I've returned. They usually find it later.

I hate when people loan out something you've loaned to them. I lost a lovely electric guitar that way. Who does that?


message 11: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments I agree, that is totally out of bounds. I've even had it when they loan it to somebody else and left the burden to me to get it back from the third party. That's the kind of thing that will get you off my loaning list.


message 12: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments This was my guitar, if anyone ever happens to see it somewhere. It was the first guitar I ever bought with my own money. I've mostly let go, but I still miss it.
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message 13: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Did the phrase "law suit" ever cross your mind, Sarah Pi? This is quite significant.


message 14: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Naw, it's not like it was a super expensive guitar or anything (which I wouldn't have loaned to begin with). I was just sentimental about it, and thought it would be well cared for. I just get grumpy about it sometimes.


message 15: by Kristina (new)

Kristina | 136 comments I let a co-worker's wife borrow Outlander 2 1/2 years ago and it has yet to be returned. I loaned Wicked to my stepmom last year and she still has it. But I have a better chance of seeing that one again.


message 16: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Sarah Pi wrote: "Naw, it's not like it was a super expensive guitar or anything (which I wouldn't have loaned to begin with). I was just sentimental about it, and thought it would be well cared for. I just get gru..."

You have my sympathies!


Jackie "the Librarian" | 8993 comments That's just not right, Sarah!

Mostly, I get the books back that I loan out. Librarians are pretty good about that. All the practice, I guess. :)
And my mom and I share books.

But my copy of Twilight is gone forever. I can live with that, I'm pretty sure I could get another one, if I really wanted to. :)
A lot of times, instead of loaning a book, I'll just give it to whoever's interested. I did that with my Girl With the Dragon Tattoo books. I passed them on to my best friend to read, and I don't need them back. One read was enough.


message 18: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Jackie, do you get to buy books on discount? My first job out of college was in a library and that was one of our benefits, but I never took advantage of it.


Jackie "the Librarian" | 8993 comments I know I could buy through the library when I was working in Corpus Christi, but I don't think my current library system lets me do that, Rebecca. Which is too bad! A 40% discount would be really nice. :)


message 20: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 750 comments Rebecca, is the Harold and Maude book this one?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0380...


message 21: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Wow, yeah, different cover but that is the book! And it's affordable now! Thanks for finding that, Kristina!


message 22: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 750 comments Hooray! It makes me sad when people have that one book that they lost that they still think about.

I had an unfortunate experience in college that ended up with me dashing out of the apartment of the guy I'd been dating and leaving my copy of The Poisonwood Bible, some earrings and my sunglasses behind. During the aftermath, a friend bought me another copy of the book because she didn't think it was fair that I lost my copy because of an assh*le. It was very nice of her.


message 23: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Yes, nobody should lose a good book because of an assh*le. The guy I lost Harold and Maude to wasn't one of those, but he didn't get the book at all. The only part he liked was the car chase.

I really did love that book! If you get it, let me know what you think, Barb!


message 24: by Stina (new)

Stina (stinalee) | 750 comments Now I want to order it too!! Amazon is going to wonder why there's a run on Harold and Maude books!


message 25: by Brittomart (new)

Brittomart I didn't "lose" a book, but when my brother was 11, and I was 3, he claims that I took a crayon to a comic book that is very valuable now.


message 26: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments They have 7 new copies. Well, 6 now. You really made my day! Last time I looked, seriously, the only ones I found were going for hundreds!


message 27: by [deleted user] (new)

No, my friends don't return things either. I just give books outright now, because ideally I want to like my friends.

I have to say Sarah Pi, not returning a guitar is a particularly virulent form of 'borrowing'. It was a cool looking guitar too.

An ex of mine took my computer, all the copies of lit mags I was published in, half my books and all my cds, when I broke up with him. Most of the books I owned before I met him.

The truly sad thing was he didn't even read. I think he read all of two books in the year and a half I knew him. He just wanted to arrange them in pretty rows on shelves to create an illusion of literacy.

Of course in the grand scheme of things, it was worth it to lose the stuff to lose the loser guy.

Oh, and in third grade a friend of mine never returned my collection of my little ponies. That stung.


message 28: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Oh, that reminds me, I loaned my copy of Charlotte's Web to my "best friend" in fifth grade. At the time it was my favorite book. She wouldn't give it back. The kept insisting the copy she had was her own. Now, a replaceable book is not a big deal (although the lying sure would be) but when you're that age, you can't just replace things like that.


Stacia (the 2010 club) (stacia_r) When I was a kid, I had this book Chain Letter by Christopher Pike and I loved it so much that I let everyone borrow it.

Somewhere along the line I never got it back and it made me very very sad. How I still remember this, who knows?


message 30: by Jammies (new)

Jammies Sarah Pi wrote: "Naw, it's not like it was a super expensive guitar or anything (which I wouldn't have loaned to begin with). I was just sentimental about it, and thought it would be well cared for. I just get grumpy about it sometimes."

Sarah, would you like me to find the borrower thief and eat his brains? Rebecca, the same offer applies to the "friend" who kept your book.

I generally only loan hardcovers to people I know will return my books, and paperbacks to anyone I'm not sure about. I've also given away multiple copies of Small Gods, because I think everyone should read it.


message 31: by Aynge (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments Dan wrote: "Most of my friends return books. I have had four different copies of Christopher Moore's Lamb, though. "

My copy has never left me. It's a first edition and maybe one day I'll get it signed. I always recommend this book but I will NOT loan out my copy.


message 32: by Aynge (last edited Dec 30, 2010 08:13PM) (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments I would NEVER loan out one of my guitars. To anyone. Well, maybe if it was James Taylor or Nil Lara or Andrew Bird, but I'd still want it back.

Andrew Bird, BTW, was nice enough to sign my electric Jackson. It had been my least favorite guitar, and now it's my favorite because he scrawled all over it.


message 33: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Jammies wrote: "Sarah Pi wrote: "Naw, it's not like it was a super expensive guitar or anything (which I wouldn't have loaned to begin with). I was just sentimental about it, and thought it would be well cared fo..."

Yes, please, her name was Heidi Blevins and I don't care who knows it. She's probably in jail now.


message 34: by Janice (new)

Janice (jamasc) I have on occasion offered to lend a book to someone during a conversation. By the time I've finished the book, I've forgotten who I was going to lend it to.

I lent Seven Years in Tibet to a friend who had it for several years. I had completely forgotten that I lent it to her and was surprised when it found its way back to me.

These memory lapses happen more and more it seems as I get older. I call them mental-pauses.


message 35: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24357 comments Mod
I don't loan books. I have twice in the past. Once I missed the book and bought another copy, after about a year. Another book was returned to me, but the friend had underlined and scribbled messily on every page. It was only a mass market paperback, but still, rude and self-centered.


message 36: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Good lord, Lobstergirl! Was this out of character, or is this person otherwise so rude?


message 37: by Auntie (new)

Auntie Raye-Raye (fabulousraye) Not always. I don't mind that much. I don't lend all my books out.


message 38: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments i was burned pretty early on the book loaning front. when i was five i had a book with pictures of flowers and small animals in it. it was a cheap book, but i loved it. my best friend at the time decided to claim it and scribbled 'letters' all over it. she then claimed it was hers, but i managed to get it back and i still have it. she was a lousy friend sometimes but we were friends for many years after the book incident. later i heard she was sexually abused by her father. the only people i have borrowed books to since the incident were family. i know where to find them and they respect my property. they will never write in a book that's not theirs, they probably won't write in books at all, and know how to use bookmarks and not to drop books in bathtubs or drop crumbs on them.


message 39: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24357 comments Mod
Rebecca wrote: "Good lord, Lobstergirl! Was this out of character, or is this person otherwise so rude?"

I think it was in character. I think he scrawled in all his own books and probably assumed everyone else did too. I'm sure if he had expensive sweaters he probably took them off and kicked them under his bed to mingle with the dust bunnies.


message 40: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments dust bunnies need love too.


message 41: by Félix (new)

Félix (habitseven) janine wrote: "dust bunnies need love too."

So true.


message 42: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Lobstergirl wrote: "Rebecca wrote: "Good lord, Lobstergirl! Was this out of character, or is this person otherwise so rude?"

I think it was in character. I think he scrawled in all his own books and probably assume..."


Good grief, though, he knew it wasn't his book, and if you wanted stuff written in it, you'd have done it yourself!

When I was working in the audio book studio, for most of us one of the hardest adjustments to the job was getting over our reluctance to write in books. You have to make extensive notes.


message 43: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24357 comments Mod
Some people just have different ideas about private property, and respect thereof.


message 44: by Janice (JG) (new)

Janice (JG) When I was in the 4th or 5th grade I hungered for my once weekly trip to the library where I checked out my maximum number of 10 books each visit. I agonized over the Nancy Drew series because they were always checked out and it seemed I would never get to read them all.

Then the new people moved in next door, and they had a girl around my age. I was invited over to play -- except really I was only invited over to look at her stuff... she was such a snob.

Of course, wouldn't you know it, in the bookshelf over her bed she had the whole freakin' Nancy Drew series in the original 1st edition hardback. When I asked (maybe begged) if I could borrow them, she said -- in her casual, bored, privileged, selfish-little-bitch voice -- "No way."

I was devastated, and vowed then and there that if anyone asked to borrow a book from me, I would loan it to them. And I do. And most of them never come back, but I don't care. If I was a published author and knew my book was being passed around like that, I'd die happy.


message 45: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Same thing happened to me. I had two weeks to return it but they passed. So then I ordered the novel ($.37!) and enjoyed it very much!

I was sure they had it listed incorrectly - different pub date, different cover from what was shown, and I sure didn't remember seeing the word "play." Since it happened to you as well that makes me even more sure - plus the listings at Amazon are much clearer now and the picture has changed.


message 46: by Clara (new)

Clara | 25 comments Everytime I tell myself that I will not let friends borrow my books, I give in. I like to share things I like. Most of the time, they don't return them.


message 47: by Aynge (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments I do, too. I love spreading the joy.

Out of 15 friends, only one didn't become an Elvis Cole fan after borrowing my books. She complained that Robert Crais was "formulaic" and "Every book ends with a shootout!"

What, you want them to go to group therapy to solve the conflict? If there aren't dead bad guys at the end, I'm not happy.

But even she admitted recently that she read every single Robert Crais book.


message 48: by Meels (new)

Meels (amelia) DFW's Supposedly Fun Things I'll Never Do Again

What the heck...I'll have to give it another go. I read a couple of his articles and liked them, but just couldn't make any headway with this book.

I don't loan books to very many people, unless I didn't really like the book. My OCD doesn't like people messing with my books or touching things in my craft room!


message 49: by Aynge (last edited Feb 04, 2011 04:36PM) (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments I didn't get far into DFW's fiction. I just didn't get most of it. I think there was one story in Oblivion that was just hilarious to me. And I didn't possess the upper-body strength to finish Infinite Jest. I guess that would be one for a Kindle.

But Supposedly Fun Thing... I think I've read it at least four times now. My favorite essays are the one about the Illinois State Fair and the last one in the book about the Caribbean Cruise. Especially the part where he skeet shoots.


message 50: by Meels (new)

Meels (amelia) I guess I didn't get that far. I don't remember the state fair or a cruise. I remember what felt like a LOT of mathematical references that made my eyes droop with sleepiness...


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