Bad Advice from Mykle Hansen discussion

I have an unusual fetish

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message 1: by Mykle (new)

Mykle | 22 comments Mod
How frustrating for you! Autoantipriapismic oscillation, the malady you describe, was first described by Jorge Luis Borges in his influential monograph "Penis Labyrinths." This syndrome is widely recognized by modern sex researchers, who titter or chortle when they read about it.

Fortunately, there is a cure! Simply follow these simple, easy-to-follow, step by step instructions -- it's sexual child's play!

1) Construct a time machine.

2) Travel backwards in time to a flaccid moment in your personal history.

3) Convince your past self that he must drop his trousers and expose his genitals immediately, to prevent some sort of hyper-spatial time collapse or something. Just make up some bullshit. Consider buying him a drink first.

4) Affix your gaze upon his lovely limp eggplant, and wank onward! Your own proudly displayed tumescence will guarantee your past self's flaccidity, and vise versa. Just don't look down!

5) Towel off. Assure your past self that this doesn't make either of you gay. Return to the present moment in your slightly sticky time capsule and never tell a soul.

6) It would be a thoughtful gesture to send your past self some flowers.

7) If time machine construction is beyond your skill level, ask a parent or other adult to assist you. But if you are chronophobic, or "scared" of time, consider achieving the same result through human cloning. Consult your high school science teacher for tips on this.

message 2: by Mykle (new)

Mykle | 22 comments Mod
But officer! Half of those people weren't even aroused!

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