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Feeling Nostalgic? The archives > Do you mind if people tell you exactly what to give their kids?

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message 1: by Leslie (last edited Dec 13, 2010 04:57AM) (new)

Leslie (lesslie) Now there's a difference between giving a few suggestions and flat out giving a specific DEMAND, right? I have a relative that ASSIGNS each family member a gift to get her kids and gets mad if you don't participate under those circumstance. If you should give her kids something you chose yourself, it ticks her off. It's like it upsets her whole space time continuem or something.


message 2: by Spellbound (new)

Spellbound (spellboundreads) | 117 comments DEMANDS and ASSIGNEMENTS for Christmas presents? No, thank you. I'd rather spare the money and hassle.


message 3: by Mona (new)

Mona Garg (k1721m) | 350 comments I read an advice column about this issue a while back. Demands and assignments are presumptuous and rude. She's sending her kids the wrong message. Does she make the same demands/assignments for gifts for herself?


message 4: by Leslie (new)

Leslie (lesslie) No, does the martry act, "Oh, nothing for me!" but who would dare NOT give her something. This year I'm not "participating". That is, I've selected gifts myself. Now, I'm scared.


message 5: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments I heard something about this on NPR this morning...did you year it, too, Leslie? Something about kid gift registries...


message 6: by Spellbound (new)

Spellbound (spellboundreads) | 117 comments Me! Me! I would dare!! I love to dare!! Especially when DEMANDING people are involved. Gosh, I love to see their faces when I disobey.
Don't be scared, be proud! Think of the warm feeling you get when you speak your mind and smile burdenfree in the face of the pushy.


message 7: by Mona (new)

Mona Garg (k1721m) | 350 comments RandomAnthony wrote: "I heard something about this on NPR this morning...did you year it, too, Leslie? Something about kid gift registries..."

I always thought buying gifts off a registry was supposed to be optional.


message 8: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments ^^^yes^^^


message 9: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments Barb wrote: "Your relative sounds like a crazy person Leslie.
It's one thing to give suggestions, but making demands on the generosity of your family / friends? That's craziness. To that I say, "Santa doesn'..."


is that what santa gives to misbehaving children? a lump of coal? sinterklaas gives them a bag of salt.


message 10: by smetchie (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments This is why I hate Christmas.


message 11: by Sarah (last edited Dec 13, 2010 07:20AM) (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I wouldn't like that at all. However, I don't mind if someone in my family says "There is one thing that I'd like this year, but it's too big for anyone to get me, so if you'd all like to go in on it together, it's the thing I'd like most."

Everybody in my family went in on my derby skates-n-pads combo, and last year my sister said she wanted a crossbow for target archery.


message 12: by Michele (new)

Michele bookloverforever (lovebooks14) | 1970 comments sounds like a "coal in your stockings" year to me. Or a donation to a children's charity in her children's names.


message 13: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments I've always wanted to try a crossbow. It would probably be good for killing varmints in the back yard.


message 14: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments This was the one I threatened to get her:
but apparently the ones for target archery are very different from the ones for Nugent-style bowhunting.


message 15: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Interesting coloring.


message 16: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Jim wrote: "Interesting coloring."

I think they were calling it the Sarah Palin.


message 17: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17346 comments Mod
I've experienced a family member who numbered the gifts under the tree to give to her two year olds. This way they arrived at particular gifts last. I didn't check in and find out what I should give her boys, so when they willy-nilly unwrapped the train sets I gave them, accidentally identical to the "grand finale" gifts, the whole universe was wrecked and Christmas fun was over.


message 18: by smetchie (last edited Dec 13, 2010 08:35AM) (new)

smetchie | 4034 comments Sometimes I want to tell people exactly what I think of them at Christmas. Complaining about gifts gets my hackles up. You should just be happy someone got you ANYTHING!

There was one year where I got one of my daughters a really cheap baby-doll because I wasn't sure if she liked baby-dolls or not. My mom got her a really NICE one that same year because we hadn't discussed our gifts before-hand. It was FUNNY! No one was mad. And my daughter ended up getting attached to the cheap one anyhow. I can never predict what my childrens favorites will be. They always surprise me.


message 19: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments How awful! That's not about your giving a gift, that's about your funding HER gift-giving.

Of course it's smart to find out what a child wants, and try to avoid duplication, but it's a good lesson for kids that you gifts are about fun and affection, not getting all your wishes fulfilled.


message 20: by Lori (new)

Lori Depaolo (dewsydaisy) | 60 comments That's absurd to me. If you are told what to get someone it's a fake gift to me. It's not carefully thought out and planned etc. My gifts to friends are all inside jokes and things I know they love all together setup to be presente in some clever setup etc. I can't just give someone a scarf that they asked for in a little bag.


message 21: by Leslie (new)

Leslie (lesslie) I didn't hear the NPR thing, but a registry I should think would actually be helpful, IF the KIDS made the selections, not their moms.


message 22: by Lori (new)

Lori Sheesh! It seems like non-Christians get into the spirit more than Christians - ya know, peace and love and understanding and all of that, heheheh. We certainly don't get into presents, except a little something from Santa to Jake when he was little.

As for the double train sets, if the mom had been a bit less controlling, she would have seen the awesomeness of that - double tracks! More trains!


message 23: by Michele (new)

Michele bookloverforever (lovebooks14) | 1970 comments christmas is about giving. not getting. I usually make out a wish list but no one is bound by that. I am just very happy about what is under the tree. I'm just glad someone thought of me.


message 24: by Sarah (new)


message 25: by Jim (new)

Jim | 6485 comments Roadkill toys - Who even thinks like that?

Buzz Lightyear - well that just ain't right


message 26: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments Jim wrote: "Roadkill toys - Who even thinks like that?"

they are out there: http://www.regretsy.com/2010/11/29/wt...


message 27: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments There's always the giant plush microbes, available in herbes, anthrax, ebola, and many, many more.

http://www.thinkgeek.com/geektoys/plu...


message 28: by janine (new)

janine | 7715 comments i'd like the bookworm please.


message 29: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments The safest choice, for sure.


message 30: by Sally, la reina (new)

Sally (mrsnolte) | 17346 comments Mod
Lori wrote: "Sheesh! It seems like non-Christians get into the spirit more than Christians - ya know, peace and love and understanding and all of that, heheheh. We certainly don't get into presents, except a li..."

I think the awesomeness was focused upon eventually, and actually quite vocally, but it was completely clear at first what she thought about the situation with the look that passed between her and her mother.


message 31: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I was once privy to an absolute horrible gift-opening in which the mother mocked every repeat gift and/or card as the child opened them. It was the most nakedly materialistic thing I have ever seen and I was embarrassed to even be in the room.


message 32: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24357 comments Mod
Demands are not acceptable. People are free to give whatever gift they want. It is perfectly acceptable to suggest things a child, or anyone else, might want, as long as everyone bears in mind that there is no mandate.


message 33: by Aynge (new)

Aynge (ayngemac) | 1202 comments Of course. That's so rude. If I give the kid something the parents don't like, tough. They can take it away and be the bad guy. That being said, I wouldn't give a kid anything dangerous or noisy or otherwise inappropriate.


message 34: by RandomAnthony (new)

RandomAnthony | 14536 comments It seems like non-Christians get into the spirit more than Christians

Explain please, m'am.

I will say this...I have defended Fox News as not awful in the past, but if I see one more story about people bitching about a Christmas tree or nativity scene being taken down I'm going to close my eyes at the Y and work out in darkness.


message 35: by Phil (new)

Phil | 11694 comments I picked up a copy of our local paper a few days ago. The very first letter to the editor had the headline, "Put Christ Back in Christmas."

The letter writer was telling people to shop only at places that had signs reading, "Merry Christmas," not at establishments wishing you, "Happy Holidays."

Puh-lease, Jesus, save me from your supporters.


message 36: by Lobstergirl, el principe (new)

Lobstergirl | 24357 comments Mod
Right, because Jesus was so into shopping.


message 37: by Lori (new)

Lori I meant we don't get into the commercialism of gift-giving, since it's not in our families. And we get into the spirit of it, ya know, what Christ actually said.

I shouldn't speak in generalities, but that's the way I and my fellow non-Christians are.


message 38: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments I had someone on the phone yesterday end the conversation with "Happy holid -- no wait, my husband said to say Merry Christmas if that's what I mean, so Merry Christmas."

I said, "Well, I'm Jewish, so 'happy holidays' would have worked nicely for me."

I'm fine with people saying Merry Christmas to me. I understand the sentiment. I'm also fine with people saying happy holidays, or happy Hanukah if they know I'm Jewish. But to start with Happy holidays, and then correct herself into Merry Christmas bothered me.


message 39: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Yeah, that presumption... All my life people have said "Seasons Greetings" and "Happy Holidays" and suddenly it's controversial!


message 40: by Janice (new)

Janice (jamasc) I always thought that it was the use of the abbreviation "xmas" that prompted the "Keep Christ in Christmas".


message 41: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments My thing is that on Christmas, I'll say Merry Christmas. It isn't Christmas yet anyway. It is, however, the holiday season, so right now, I think it's best to say Happy Holidays. On New Year's, I'll say Happy New Year.

I hate this whole thing about "PC" being somehow a negative thing. When I was growing up, what's being condemned now as "PC" was known as good manners. It's rude to assume that everybody celebrates the same holiday.

The Xmas thing is interesting too, since people mistakenly assume that's "taking Christ out of Christmas," when it's actually an ancient Greek abbreviation for it rather than a substitution - the X is the first letter of "Christ." Yeah, you're right, Janice, people have been saying that a long time, but this recent "War on Christmas" thing that centers in on the offense of saying something besides "Merry Christmas" has started in just the past few years, to my knowledge.


message 42: by Kristi (last edited Dec 15, 2010 05:16AM) (new)

Kristi (kristicasey) Leslie wrote: "Now there's a difference between giving a few suggestions and flat out giving a specific DEMAND, right? I have a relative that ASSIGNS each family member a gift to get her kids and gets mad if you..."

I agree with you Leslie, it's wrong.

We've run into a similiar dilemma for ourselves and our kids, bc we have a "blended" family. We never wanted to assign each person gifts, but when kids have 3 sets of grandparents/aunts/uncles, etc it gets hectic. We would give each person, if they asked only, a few suggestions from the kids' lists and didn't make the same suggestions to others.

But we also always told the kids that they might not get stuff on their list, and they most definitely wouldn't get everything on their lists.

If you have a gift idea for someone that's not the assigned gift go for it! It's supposed to be the thought that counts, right? At least you took the time to put thought into your gifts. To me that shows more caring.


Lyzzibug ~Still Breathing~ (lyzzibug) | 708 comments I don't mind being told if I ask for suggestions, but other than that it's my perogative if on what I get them. As long as its appropriate of course.

I had a friend that gave birthday invitations for her daughters 4th party and it came with a list of stuff. None of it was below $20 dollars. I felt offended. Not everyone can spend that much.


message 44: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments I always love telling the story about my father's maiden aunts in Arkansas. We hardly ever saw them and they didn't know us well enough to pick something out based on that, but they gave us the greatest, most surprising and sometimes inappropriate things ever! I never had any clue what we'd get from them, and that was the fun thing about it.


message 45: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Examples?

When somebody says "maiden aunts" I picture Marge's sisters from the Simpsons.


message 46: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments They gave me old books that they or my dad had grown up with: The Little Lame Prince, Five Little Peppers and How They Grew, Hetty (that's not the whole title, it's about a doll that got lost). I never heard of any of these books, but eventually found out that they are all OLD children's classics. You could smell the dust on them, even though they were new.

As far as inappropriate, when I was about 10 I got a piano music box that played the theme of The Godfather. Obviously that wasn't a movie I'd seen, but the music is quite lovely!

I'd never pick these things for myself because I didn't know they existed, but I loved having no clue whatsoever what I was going to unwrap.

You're not far off thinking about Marge's sisters, if you move back a couple of generations. One of them had been an honest-to-got flapper! I ought to write a book about them. They were the dictionary definition of Southern Gothic.


message 47: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments and perfume, I remember...when I was about 8 I got an antique gold-plated bracelet... It's flooding back!


message 48: by Sarah (new)

Sarah | 13815 comments Nice!


message 49: by Leslie (new)

Leslie (lesslie) Hitty! It was Hitty and a lifelong favorite of mine.


message 50: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca White (rebecca_white) | 1028 comments Hitty, that's it! Yes!


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