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message 1: by [deleted user] (new)

yay! my writing .. i'm not exactly sure what to put here .. *goes to check*

message 2: by [deleted user] (new)

ok. here's the link to my story: http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...
please like, comment, read, anything! :D

message 3: by [deleted user] (new)

Alright! Me will do.

message 4: by [deleted user] (new)

Let me tell you something, I liked the first chapter, but it seemed more like telling then showing. But the plot seems pretty cool. And is Claire stupid or is it just me? XD

message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

the first chapter is kind of like an outline for myself. i will go over and add more detail and arrange things better soon.

message 6: by [deleted user] (new)

thank you so much for reading!!

message 7: by Rosalyn (new)

Rosalyn Leigh (t-rose) hello victoria i read Claire's Story today and this is what i've got so far: first things first, it's pretty good. it's different. I like the way it came full circle, but at the same time, i wish there was a little more plot. i think your descriptions of the setting are good but i don't get the feeling that enough of an actual story was revealed, such as what exactly if was that happened to claire at the Delicacy. And precisely who are Michele and Chloe to her? Those particular things are not heartily explained and i think they should be because one: Claire is obviously a new person when she leaves the Delicacy--though, i can not tell if this is for the better or for the worse (i'm banking on worse, to be perfectly honest) and two: Michele and Chloe are the only other characters, at least named, so whatever the point of their presence is in this story could do with a little more attention.

I'm not trying to beat you up victoria, please do not get me wrong. I'm just being honest. For the record, i think your dialogging here is quite awesome. And not oly that, i find the story to be a straight up mystery. it seems as though it deserves a part two to tell you the truth. But that's just my opinion. all in all though, good job.

message 8: by [deleted user] (new)

thank you for your extremely thorough review. i fixed a lot of things. i'm trying to make claire a stronger character. you have a lot of girls in books these days who can't do shit and are whiney and gaspy (bella swan much) and i want claire to be different. tell me if this works! http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...

message 9: by Rosalyn (last edited Dec 04, 2010 04:56PM) (new)

Rosalyn Leigh (t-rose) wow Victoria...

The house suddenly feels different with them in the room. Almost unworthy. I live a simple life, the house reflects it.

these are my favorite lines in this piece hands down. i just love what you've done here, with the entire piece. i am feeling utterly gracious for the fact that you put so much effort into bettering, for lack of a better word, your work. it's quite well done. and absolutely creative and thoughtful. i love claire's wit, as a i do with most characters who have it. you pull it off so well. and the atmosphere that you have swathed your characters in is nice too. the mysteriousness and the eeriness...that's the feeling i get as i picture juliana and alexa...i can't wait to read more of what you have to offer. the subject matter you chose, you know...the beauty theme and how girls see themselves in the mirror can be very personal, but it's also something that people want to hear about in it's truthful form whether they admit it or not, so i applaud you for your bravery and the sheer audacity to produce the idea of writing something like this. in a nutshell, it's original. so...my parting words are...keep on=)

o and if you want to get in the minds of strong minded young girls in realistic situations i would like to suggest that you read my work--that which i've posted on my profile. be sure to read the descriptions first though, my writing tends to maintain an extremely heavy anatomy. peacie =)

message 10: by Rosalyn (new)

Rosalyn Leigh (t-rose) o i forgot to ask: did you rename michele and chloe as juliana and alexa?

message 11: by [deleted user] (new)

yes, i did. and thank you for all the praise, reallly it means so much. i will most definitly read your work! in fact i am going to do that right now. :}

message 12: by Rosalyn (new)

Rosalyn Leigh (t-rose) cool-ee-o. i hope you enjoy =)

message 13: by [deleted user] (new)

it was wonderful rose, really enjoying to read. you don't find many writers on goodreads who write quite as well as you do. :D

message 14: by [deleted user] (new)

just as an update, i am now working on a chapter entirely about claire's view on beauty.

message 15: by Rosalyn (new)

Rosalyn Leigh (t-rose) awesome. keep me posted =)

message 16: by [deleted user] (new)

chapter two is up!

message 17: by [deleted user] (new)

"chapter three" is a note. i will copy the note to this post for those who are lazy and don't want to check ..... and because it is sort of a status update. i wrote it mostlly for my benifit as well. just trying to be organized. :)

If you haven't noticed I have been slacking in my writing. No, I am not completely ignoring the subject. On the contrary I have been doing quite a bit of research. I have been on the internet, searching for information, specifically opinions, on true beauty.

You can imagine that I found quite a few opinions. I have three different "views" of beauty that I have organized for myself that I'd like to share with you. One will be Claire's, one will be Juliana/Alexa & their group, and one will be a soon-introduced character, a boy. (oh yes! This is a part romance story as well! you didn't think I had forgotten that element did you??)

I would like to list a couple of the website articles, videos, etc that I have taken some information from. I hope you find them as intriguing as I did.


Now here are my three views.

View #1: Claire
-if someone has confidence, their beauty shines
-see the best in everything/everyone
-"it's kind of what's on the inside, but people percieve beauty from your looks"
- what people say about you affects your choices
- if you don't know someone, you judge them by their outer beauty first
-"always seems like there's something else that I need to change to be perfect"

View #2: Juliana/Alexa & group
- beauty is everything; beauty is what peopple judge you by
- if someone is beautiful on the outside, then nobody will bother to find out if they are also beautiful on the inside

View #3: Nate (the boy I mentioned earlier)
- makeup is a mask, people use it because they are ashamed of themselves
- true beauty is being natural
- beauty pleases the eyes
- strenght of character, how they treat other people, not selfish or dominant with their power
- beauty of the beholder

Basically, View 2 is people judge you completely by your beauty, View 3 is you should be judged by the beauty within, and View 1 is a mixture of both.

And some specific quotes that I LOVE and wish I wrote myself (from the first website):

"mankinds perceptions of beauty have changed into something similar to ownership"
"[the words pretty, gorgeous, handsome and attractive] do not roll from the mouth and into the surrounding atmosphere as fluently as beauty does."
"[beauty] is a quietness that makes it unnecessary to shout out or to raise your voice"
"not love; love can be unkind and can hurt the one dillusioned into its trenches of humanity"
"not a fairy tale of rescue"
"visual only to the eyes of the eyes of the ones needing rejuvination of faith"
"need in the realization of one's beautiful gift to the world."

And of course there is the whole pretty vs beautiful talk, pretty representing the outer and beautiful being the inner part of yourself. You can be pretty on the outside, but are you beautiful on the inside?

I sort of wanted to share this with you because I find the concept of beauty and the questions it creates fascinating. I really enjoyed reading about it. I hope you did too! :D

message 18: by [deleted user] (new)

another thing i wanted to focus on but forgot to put into this writing is that TRUE beauty is not lying, being deceiful, or being untrue about your beauty which will of course come into play in the story.

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