Chicks On Lit discussion

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message 1: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Don't get me wrong, I love friends but there is something I don't understand here. Is there some kind of contest for people to have the most friends, even if you don't know who they are or have anything in common with them? I just don't get it. Sometimes I get requested from people that have thousands of friends. Am I missing something? I love being friends with people in my groups but I don't get the random selection piece. Anyone?


message 2: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
I wondered about that too. I like to hook up with friends in groups I am in because I can see what they are reading and their comments but I would get requests from people I wasnt in a group with and had never spoken to. That's when I made a question in my friends request list. I like being friends but I want to be sure that they are doing it because we have something in common like this group or weve connected on a thread or topic rather than just someone padding their friend count.



message 3: by Sydney (new)

Sydney (sydneyh) I'm leary of people who have more friends than books. I'm also leary of authors adding people as friends just to get them to read their books. I usually only ask people to be friends if I know them in real life, or if I've bumped into them in a group here. If I don't know someone, I compare books, and if the comparisons aren't even close, then I just delete the request. I don't care if I make someone I don't even know mad by deleting their request! :-)


message 4: by Mandy (new)

Mandy I'm also leary of the same things as Sydney and I try not to be friends with anyone less than 20 books. To start with I accepted everyone but now I'm a bit more selective. It's good in a way because you get more updates when you have more friends therefore hopefully you find more books to add to your lists but now that I'm more active in groups I tend to lean on them for my recommendations now.


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Strange... I have never had any requests except from people I know... IRL!

That would kind of freak me out!


message 6: by Mandy (new)

Mandy Absolutely hit the nail on the head, Melissa.


message 7: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Well the reason for this latest post is someone I never heard of asked to be a friend and she already has 2924 friends, how is this even possible!


message 8: by Mandy (new)

Mandy Erh, just imagine how many birthday presents that is!! (said with tongue in cheek) :0)


message 9: by Bree (new)

Bree (coffeebeanbookshelf) I've got quite a few friends...I add them because I'm either friends with them from different places (IRL, or other sites online), but most of them I've run across through GoodReads and noticed that they've got several books in common with me and a few on their lists that I would like to read...I friend them to catch new books that I wouldn't have found otherwise.

BUT, I rarely approve someone who is obviously using me...like an author of a genre I don't read, or people with 17852 friends and 2 books.

I love reading (obviously) so I want my friends here to be able to introduce me to different books and occasionally genres that I may not look at normally. :)


message 10: by Bree (new)

Bree (coffeebeanbookshelf) LOL, Melissa...I never send a follow-up...I'm a horrible person! I'm pretty much a huge geek without a clue how to interact socially, haha...I'm kinda inept.


message 11: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments I'm glad someone asked this question!! When I first joined GR I thought my profile looked so sad because I had zero friends.

Friends are important to me. I don't want to add to someone's number, I want a friend who wants to get to know me, see what I'm reading and chat.

Who knew friends were turning in to the new it thing to collect!


message 12: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 23, 2008 10:29AM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) I think some on Goodreads views friends much as they do on MySpace ~ they like to 'collect' friends and yes, see how many they can get! (That's where the trend started, I think!)

I don't view Friends like that on here or on any other site for that matter!

I'm also leary of those who have more friends that books as well as author friends requests ~ I have sent friends requests to a few authors when I'm indeed a fan of them or their books! I'm not so sure they send them to me for the same reason! ;)

I delete many of the friends requests I get on here Meg, so don't feel bad about doing so! Some are from collector's, some are from people who seem to have sent the request just because of 1 author or book I've read & there's nothing in common and some give me the creeps!!!

Call me old fashioned, but I think Friends should indeed be Friends!


message 13: by Leslie (new)

Leslie Hickman (bkread2) | 233 comments I have a few of those with only one book, but typically they are in a group I am in...or I made have commented that I liked their review or something like that...I have a few authors as well, usually ones I have read, etc. I was thinking of getting rid of a few that had like zero books as well this weekend.


message 14: by Therese (new)

Therese | 60 comments I have just recently started asking people to be friends on GR and it is usually because they posted something on here that I can relate to or feel I can connect with...y'all are a great group of women! And I love most of your reading lists too!


message 15: by Holli (new)

Holli I feel the same way.....I think the Friend Requests on here are crazily abused! LOL

I request people as my friend if I like something they wrote, if we've had a good conversation, if I see something on their profile we have in common. Otherwise i let them go........

I've deleted some who have never spoken to me at all after requesting me and some who turned out not to be the kind of people I want as my friend. I'm leery of the requests from guy's and I don't know why....I only add them if they don't creep me out.

I have stopped accepting author's requests because I think that's ridiculous and I only keep the ones who actually have had a conversation with me or if I'm a fan.


message 16: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments How do you know if its an author's request. Does it say or does their message have a plug?


message 17: by Cyn (new)

Cyn | 258 comments Jo~ "Call me old fashioned..." I so agree! I also think that this ( the internet) is a great way to "meet" people that we otherwise would never know existed!

I like to see what people choose for their pic..I think that tells alot about them! :)


message 18: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) | 467 comments You can tell it's an author because they have a different kind of profile from the rest of us. It'll say "GoodReads Author" on it. It's obvious once you click on their profile, so don't worry! You'll notice it! :)


message 19: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (cindylouyoung) | 105 comments good thread. I made the mistake and whined that I didn't have friends... now I have alot of people but, I cannot say that I know any of them.

What is interesting about GR is that it is very global. It is kind of neat to meet people from other countries.


message 20: by Sydney (new)

Sydney (sydneyh) see some of the requests from other countries freak me out, because again... why do they want to be my friend? most of the time they don't even have any books posted... and the one's they do aren't ones we have in common.

It's interesting to see people from other countries... I just exercise a healthy amount of caution when accepting and extending friend requests.


message 21: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments Thanks, Amanda.


message 22: by Holli (new)

Holli I'm very selective with my friend list on here now and I tend to only add women and mainly the ones from this group. I've used my "friends" on here to ask about vacation plans quite a bit as it really helps to have people as your friends in the area you are thinking of visiting. To let you know what's good and what's not. I love that we are all from different parts of the country and I wish you were all right in my neighborhood!! I still say we should have a once yearly "meet in the middle" Chicks on Lit girls weekend LOL


message 23: by Angela (last edited Jul 28, 2008 01:08PM) (new)

Angela | 19 comments I'm fairly new to Goodreads. One of the reasons why I joined was to meet other people.

I welcome friend requests, especially if we have books in common or shared interests. I am honored when authors request friendship. After all, I may never get to meet them in person if they do not have a country-wide book tour, and I may not otherwise pick up their book if they are not well-known or well-publicized.

While there can be an abuse of the friendship request (equivalent to spamming), most of the time people are geniune about extending friendship. I have already been offered tips on good books to read, and I have shared a few books that have been life-changing for me.

Books have always been my life-blood. When I need to laugh, I read. When I need to discover answers to questions I have, I read. When I want to learn, I read. When I want to escape, I read.

And if that reading leads to more friendships throughout the world, it's just that much better.

Angela




message 24: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments I would vote for a girls weekend.


message 25: by Spencer (new)

Spencer (spencerafreeman) | 143 comments I completely agree with all of those who don't accept friend requests from people who seem like they are simply "collecting friends." On the other hand, coming from someone who is new to goodreads and has no friends, it would be nice to make a few friends who I can actually talk to and make connections with. If there's anything I love more than reading, it's talking about a book with someone who is just as interested in the book as I am. With that being said, until I get the nerve to ask people to be my "friend" (a skill I never quite mastered in real life because of my extreme shyness) I openly and happily accept all those who are genuinely interested in becoming friends... :)


message 26: by Cyn (new)

Cyn | 258 comments Chicks on lit weekend...I LOVE that idea, holli!

I don't even know how I found this group, but it has to be the rockingest (?) one on this board, no?


message 27: by Holli (new)

Holli OK....you and me Roxy....we're there!! Where do you want to go?? Did you read Tera's "Gammas" post? Its right up this alley...........


message 28: by Cyn (new)

Cyn | 258 comments I just read it...very interesting!


message 29: by Holli (new)

Holli ok Cyn.....you're in :) I would love for us all to get together somewhere.....that would be the best girl's weekend ever!!


message 30: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments I need a shower in order to really get my thoughts together (only 8:30 am here). Right now the girls weekend picture in my head encompasses a bunch of us sitting around a large suit with comfy chairs, in our pjs, holding our morning cups of ambition and gossiping and chatting like a bunch of girls.


message 31: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Count me in!


message 32: by Tabatha (new)

Tabatha (lylathewicked) | 65 comments Sydney - Maybe they just want to find out about new books from a different part of the world. :) Also it's good to make friends with people from other countries. But I always think a good chat is better than a right away friends request. However I have yet to have 1 friends request on GR since I joined.


message 33: by Sarah (new)

Sarah (slkmcb) | 36 comments most of my friends are people I know...family, friends, book club members.
I will occasionally add a friend who has the same taste in books or if I see a profile with a lot of the same books I will request it.
I have a few people in my friends list that I dont know at all. We chat through goodreads etc and have a lot in common.

I am not into having friends to be the Tila Tequila of goodreads. It is not about how many friends you have, it is about books and sharing your books nd love of reading with others,


message 34: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Your Tila Tequila analogy made me laugh!

I hope people don't get the wrong idea, I love friends. I love having friends on Goodreads, especially from this group. So don't be afraid to request!


message 35: by Faith (last edited Jul 30, 2008 08:04PM) (new)

Faith Quick (faithbquick) | 39 comments i am so glad this thread was started! i thought it was so weird when i started to get all these request from people who had 700+ friends! how do you converse with even a fourth of those people! and i am with you holli! i don't take requests from guys anymore. i had the weirdest one with this guy who thought i was his wife pretending to be someone else so i could secretly see what he was typing to other women. then the wife started to write me asking for help to prove i wasn't her. it was so disturbing that i wasn't able to go on goodreads for a week.

i am just like sydney in my selection of friends now. only if we have had a good thread of conversation, or in the same groups with similiar interests, or if our books are in common. and i am sticking to the woman from now on. sorry guys. but i don't want another crazy dysfunctional relationship drama again!

the best, friends i have are from this group and we have some of the most interesting conversations, that i haven't had in years! it makes me sad that as we get older it gets harder to make new friends. i love good reads for that. it keeps my brain activated and engaged in my daily life again. sometimes life can feel like just the motions that we do day in and day out. it's nice to step out of daily "must do's" and remind myself that i have an interesting perspective, that i have thought, and that it is valued.

i hope at least some of the people "collecting" friends have at least 3 or 4 of those "friends" that they can talk to and have fun conversations. that they are not just collecting.


message 36: by Bree (new)

Bree (coffeebeanbookshelf) LOL, hey now...I've got over 300 friends on here. ;) Lots of them are friends from outside the GR community and in real life, but most are from GR itself. Like I said earlier...I have lots of friends so that I can find lots of new and interesting books to read. Authors I friend if their books sound interesting, so I can keep up with if they've got a new book coming out (especially if they're not well-known authors).

Mind you, I have had some creepy ones. There was one guy that went through my entire list of books and marked them all as 5 stars. Lots don't speak or type the same language as me, so I'm like...how is that helpful at all? Lots have nothing in common with me at all (like, they read graphic novels or sci-fi books which I have no interest in). I reject a lot of requests, but never decide only on the number of friends they have...I go take a look in their profile and see what's up before accepting them.


message 37: by Sydney (new)

Sydney (sydneyh) I'm dredging this topic up again... because I've had an inordinate number of friend requests from guys from other countries... and it's creeping me out. (Sending me strange messages that just seem a little off).
I've pumped up the security on my profile... you have to be a friend to see my profile, added a security question. If you want to be my friend, tell me why.


message 38: by Rachelle (new)

Rachelle Me too. I keep getting requests from strange people. Is there someone to report this to? I especially like the people who have thousands of friends and like six books. I'm tired of weeding out!


message 39: by Holli (new)

Holli I had this problem too and then i just started blocking those kind of people. Or the authors who request me and I reject them and then they KEEP requesting? UGH. Blocked those too. I added a security question also which has really helped some.




message 40: by Rachelle (new)

Rachelle How do I add a security question? Can you block certain things here?



message 41: by Holli (new)

Holli Yes you can! Click on "my account" at the top of your screen and you can do all kinds of stuff like that there.


message 42: by Rachelle (new)

Rachelle Thanks! Holli, marvelous! I skimmed there when I opened my goodreads account but never gave it too much thought after, now I secured everything so if you want to be my friend be prepared to knock HARD! Lol! Seriously, I'm open to new friends always but we have to have some kind of middle ground and your 2000 plus friends isn't what I mean. Anyway, thanks for pointing me in the right direction.


message 43: by Holli (new)

Holli You are so very welcome Rachelle.....yeah can you believe the people with 2000 friends? ;) I can see how authors would have that but if you aren't? How does that happen? ;)


message 44: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments I just don't understand being a friend collector to begin with. Why would anyone want to have 3000 friends on goodreads? I seem to be getting an onslaught again. For a while it was very quiet but now they are coming on fast and furious.


message 45: by Brandie (new)

Brandie (brandiemichelle) i've been getting the same thing - totally random requests and authors i've had to block. i didn't have any requests for a long time and then within a month they've been bombarding me. i'm just denying and blocking.


message 46: by Lisa (new)

Lisa | 26 comments I have the sort of personality that I hate to reject anyone that makes an effort to be friendly so I accepted all requests in the beginning, but then I start getting the friend collectors with little or no books. Then I got some from other countries who didn't even speak in English. Now I have to draw the line.


message 47: by Robyn (new)

Robyn (roxy_nj) | 354 comments But Lisa this is the perfect setting to toughen up a little.....its not a face to face rejection and I don't think the original requestor even gets a "you've been rejected" notice. Its just ignoring! I could never do it in person but online.....I ignored someone on Facebook who was in the circle of people I hung out with but never liked. OMG, it felt so good to hit ignore and know I would not have to deal with her BS.


message 48: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
I'll be honest I go through my friends list every now and then and just delete people. If we haven't had any communication in any form and I didn't request them as friends in the first place I delete. they don't get a notice that I removed them. It's usually nothing personal against them but I want my friends list to reflect those I have made friends with.



message 49: by Holli (last edited Nov 24, 2008 12:30PM) (new)

Holli I do the same thing Tera....I try to write a friendly note to all of my Goodreads friends just to say hi and how are you at least once a month if not more. Yes its fairly generic to some extent because its hard to write out a note to 100 people so I tend to stick to what I've been doing and the weather and so forth. When I get a response back from the people I sent that to I answer each and every one with a personal response. I absolutely love getting everyone's responses back and learning about them all. I get a glimpse into their lives somewhat and start building the friendship.

Now if I send a couple of notes out and never get a response back and we never chat back and forth on the message boards...then I delete them. What's the point? I really would like to have people on my friends list that I can say I know who and what they are about. My mom tested me on this the other day actually! She picked people randomly from my friends list and I was able to tell her three things about each of them.

That makes me feel good.....to know I have friends out there in the world that even if I haven't seen them or met them....I can still feel like we are friends in the true sense of the word.




message 50: by Kristen (new)

Kristen (kristen120378) I only approve friend requests from people in the groups I belong to on Goodreads or from other "friends", people that I know in real life.

I'm ok with only having 100 book and 19 friends. I like to keep my life less complicated! And the friends I do have on my friend list I actually communicate with. Authors and spammers bug me...


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