Dangerous Hero Addict Support Group discussion

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message 1: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (last edited Nov 09, 2010 06:43AM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
What are dealbreakers for you, either with a real guy, or a hero (if you don't want to talk about your real life)? In other words, you could not be in a relationship with this person, or complete turn-offs for you?

Please don't be offended if someone's dealbreaker is something that you like in a person.


message 2: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
My real-life dealbreakers:

*Men who spit in public
*Womanizers/smooth operators
*Thug/street-mentality
*Condescending/rude
*Cheater
*Baby daddy (has more than one child with more than one woman he was never married to)
*Narrow-minded and judgmental
*Poor hygiene
*Bad-mannered
*Really bad-mouth


message 3: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Oh, I forgot lying!


message 4: by Pamela(AllHoney), Danger Zone (new)

Pamela(AllHoney) (pamelap) | 1706 comments Mod
What you said! I know there are no perfect men out there but I got lucky and got one who comes close. lol. Oh, he does have a few quirks I could live without. But has none of the above qualities.


message 5: by ~Megan~ (new)

~Megan~ (megadee) | 1084 comments Mod
I agree with all yours, Danielle!

I will add for my personal list: heavy drinkers.


message 6: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (last edited Nov 09, 2010 06:55AM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
I agree with you on the drinking, Megan.


message 7: by Rebecca (new)

Rebecca Huston (telynor) | 28 comments Heavy drinking, absolutely! One interesting treatment of this theme is The Rake by Mary Jo Putney; it was very well handled there.

Adultery -- and lying about it. That was the deal breaker in my RL marriage.

Drug use.

Inability to support themselves, especially financial. If I wanted a pet, I'd get another cat, thank you.


message 8: by Pamela(AllHoney), Danger Zone (new)

Pamela(AllHoney) (pamelap) | 1706 comments Mod
Oh yes, drugs or alcohol use. Definite dealbreakers!


Karen ~ Divhine (karenjs) All of the above - and controlling. First was like that, second is pretty wonderful, 43 years and counting.


message 10: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Definitely drugs.

Agree on controlling. I hate being controlled.

Self-absorbed/selfish.


message 11: by ~Megan~ (new)

~Megan~ (megadee) | 1084 comments Mod
I agree with all these....and I don't like lazy guys who won't go out and work.

I know a man who had "his own business".....this mainly entailed him doing nothing and letting his wife work herself to the bone so they had enough money to scrape by. I'm quite old fashioned in this regard. I need the man to be a provider, and if he happens to make less money than the woman, that's fine as long as he's contributing.


message 12: by Arch (new)

Arch  | 4156 comments Mod
* Ugly Attitude
* Pretty Boy (No man is God's gift to women) and Please no man that take longer than a woman to dress or even loves the mirror too much.
*Drinker
*Smoker
* Tattoos
* A grill
* Piercing
* Poor Hygiene
* A man that cuss
* A filthy mouth
* Wondering eyes and body
* A abusive person that includes emotionally and physically
* A dead beath dad
* An unstable man
* A man that doesn't want to work


Mollie *scoutrmom* (scoutrmom) | 635 comments I agree with all those, plus...
selfish in the bedroom. 'nough said.

In fiction, I don't like characters of any gender who repeatedly mess up in any way and rely upon charm or great sex to get back into their loved ones' good graces. Once or twice, perhaps for the good of the plot, but continually? If they truly loved, they'd change the offending behavior. Otherwise, the forgiving partner ought to dump them.

I drool over dominating male characters in books who I would never continue to allow in my real life. It is funny that I get interested (and sometimes aroused) by men and by scenes in fiction that I would never come close to in life. Examples: dominant Carpathian males in Feehan's work, spanking in erotic romance stories.


message 14: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Smoking is definitely a dealbreaker for me. Thanks for the reminder. I couldn't go for a metrosexual. I'm not sure it's a dealbreaker, but he probably wouldn't be attracted to me because I am not one for excessive primping or focusing on my appearance. I try to look nice and neat, and I care about how I look, but I won't spend an hour staring into a mirror. I definitely don't like that in a man.

Mollie, I agree with you about the dominating hero vs. real life. It depends on how it's done. I love Christine Feehan's heroes most of the time. I think some of Linda Howard's heroes would drive me to murder. In real life, I couldn't handle it. I like being my own person. I don't think a guy should be the boss just because he's the man.

I agree with you about characters who mess up again and again and expect forgiveness.

I can't stand cheating in romances. It's really hard for me to forgive a character who cheats. The writer has to work a miracle for me to get over that.

Another deal-breaker is a character who is needlessly cruel and demeaning to their partner. I can't like that kind of character.


message 15: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (last edited Nov 09, 2010 07:51AM) (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Also, I don't like lazyiness, the inability to work for what you want. I don't think the guy always has to be the breadwinner. It depends on the married couple. But he has to do his part, even if he's a stay-at-home dad.

Another dealbreaker, men who don't take care of/neglect/don't spend time with their kids.


Mollie *scoutrmom* (scoutrmom) | 635 comments I agree about the kids.

I admire high intelligence, stupidity or even average intelligence would be a dealbreaker for me.

Thank goodness for my 32-year marriage, I would hate to be out there "shopping" now and trying to avoid all these pitfalls.


message 17: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
I definitely couldn't go for a man who was stupid, and who didn't spend time on developing his inner man. I don't care if he's a genius, but I tend to be attracted to men who are thinkers.

Honestly, Mollie, the older I get, the more I am thinking about just staying single.


message 18: by ~Megan~ (new)

~Megan~ (megadee) | 1084 comments Mod
Oh man, the intelligence issue is BIG for me! Especially where I live with all these huntin', truck drivin', good ole boys who talk to each other on their CB radios for fun.

You know what else I hate in real life AND in books? LOVE TRIANGLES

It's time to make a decision...there is no way you can be truly in love with two people.


message 19: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Agree with everything everyone said.

Here are my real-life dealbreakers. Unfortunately, I have encountered all of them, some very briefly, thank goodness. Looking back at this, I have to question myself -- Why did I????

1. Arrogant
2. Smokers
3. Poor Hygiene
4. Filthy mouth
5. Cheaters
6. Abuser both emotionally and physically
7. Shallow
8. Can not carry a deep conversation (with me)


message 20: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
I definitely agree with your list, Wan.
Megan I hate love triangles...with a fiery burning passion.


Mollie *scoutrmom* (scoutrmom) | 635 comments Lady Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "I definitely couldn't go for a man who was stupid, and who didn't spend time on developing his inner man. I don't care if he's a genius, but I tend to be attracted to men who are thinkers.

Honestly, Mollie, the older I get, the more I am thinking about just staying single."


I've told my husband that when he's gone, I'm just going to rely on battery-operated-boyfriends. It'd be nice if one could get the good lovin' without all the BS, either within a relationship or not.

Wan, the pottymouth doesn't bother me as long as it's controlled in front of children and the elderly.


message 22: by Zee (new)

Zee Monodee (zee_monodee) | 688 comments I'd say much of the above. Total deal breakers for me are
-controlling
-bad hygiene
-God's gift to women/Preening types
-Drug use
-Know it alls

I also absolutely hate a man who stays a with a woman who's cheating on him/putting him down/bad-mouthing him publicly but he's the wimpy kind who goes, "I can't live without her".


message 23: by Othena (new)

Othena I agree with so many of above. My absolute dealbreakers would be
-taking me for granted
-putting me down


message 24: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Those are good dealbreakers, Othena!


message 25: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Sometimes, I'm just wondering if the "taking one for granted" is wired into all of the male population's DNA. I'm seeing that in men all shapes and sizes including my soon-to-be-ex and my only son. Haha..


message 26: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
It's sad, but people do tend to take you for granted, don't they?


message 27: by Othena (new)

Othena Lady Danielle "The Book Huntress" wrote: "Those are good dealbreakers, Othena!"

Those are my absolute top ones. I could forgive a lot in a person but not those.


message 28: by Othena (new)

Othena Wan wrote: "Sometimes, I'm just wondering if the "taking one for granted" is wired into all of the male population's DNA. I'm seeing that in men all shapes and sizes including my soon-to-be-ex and my only son...."

I know, ha. My ex was like that too and that's why it's such a hot button for me.


message 29: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
That's what my list is made of (things I can't and won't tolerate in a man). There are things I'd prefer he not do or have. For example, I am not huge on tattoos, but I wouldn't mind a couple of discreet ones.


message 30: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments I used to think of Tattoos as "Taboos" but now, I think the discreet ones can be sexy. You know, the for-your-eyes-only ones.


message 31: by Arch (new)

Arch  | 4156 comments Mod
I don't like tattoos. A man would not have a chance with me, if he has a tattoo.


message 32: by ~Megan~ (new)

~Megan~ (megadee) | 1084 comments Mod
Sometimes they're sexy, I must agree.....one or two, though, not a whole sleeve. And I especially hate them on guy's legs. EW!


message 33: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
I wouldn't mind if they meant something to him. I don't think you should tattoo yourself just because you can. It's permanent, and it should have an importance behind it.


message 34: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Exactly, the ones that he did for you and F-Y-E-O.


message 35: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
What does F-Y-E-O mean, Wan?


message 36: by Arch (last edited Nov 18, 2010 06:39AM) (new)

Arch  | 4156 comments Mod
I'm guessing it stands for: For Your Eyes Only.


message 37: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Yes.


message 38: by Pamela(AllHoney), Danger Zone (new)

Pamela(AllHoney) (pamelap) | 1706 comments Mod
I'm also against tattoos but it wouldn't be a dealbreaker if they were small and discreet.


message 39: by Lisa (new)

Lisa | 14 comments On tattoos: I wouldn't go for a guy who looks like The Illustrated Man, but I have to confess that the hero in my debut novel had a small, discreet tattoo on his upper arm to identify him as a member of a gang of smugglers (he was French and the setting was 18th century England). It factored into the plot because he had a twin brother, LOL. I always thought the small tattoo made him very sexy and dangerous (which he was!)

Lisa Marie


message 40: by Wminbc (new)

Wminbc | 19 comments Hmmm, Dealbreakers:

Cheaters
Drug Users
Alcohol Abusers
(recoverying for either is fine...just don't go back our you're out the door)
Liars (especially if lying about any of the items listed above)


While neither I nor DH have any tattoos...I love them on men, especially ones that marked a bad youth that they have now left...odd, but true. Over the top sexy would be full back tattoo of angel wings with names/dates of fallen soldiers that the guy served with in conflict/war.


message 41: by Danielle The Book Huntress , Loves 'Em Lethal (new)

 Danielle The Book Huntress  (gatadelafuente) | 9736 comments Mod
Oh, that makes total sense. Thanks Arch and Wan.


message 42: by Arch (new)

Arch  | 4156 comments Mod
* A man that wears fingernail polish
* A man that wears makeup


Suzanne (Under the Covers Book blog) | 474 comments Dealbreakers for me would be

* Cheaters
* Abuseres
* Weak willed
* Small Minded
* Shorter then me- I know it isn't their fault, but I hate being taller!
* Vain
* Poor Hyigene
* Rude & big mouthed

I have to say I love tattoos and piercings on men, I think it is very sexy!


message 44: by Zee (new)

Zee Monodee (zee_monodee) | 688 comments Lol Suzanne - I know what you mean about the 'shorter than me' part. Not their fault indeed but to me a man/hero needs to have me going on tiptoe or just craning my neck to be kissed. A shorter man makes me think I'm hugging my kids.


Suzanne (Under the Covers Book blog) | 474 comments LOL, that is definately not a feeling that you want for your man! You wanna be the one tiptoeing : )


message 46: by Wan (last edited Nov 23, 2010 10:41AM) (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Ha..Ha.. I'm only 5'3" so no problem for me here.


message 47: by Pamela(AllHoney), Danger Zone (new)

Pamela(AllHoney) (pamelap) | 1706 comments Mod
I'm 5'4" but I've met many guys shorter than me. Just not many in Texas where I was born and raised. I always felt like a little shrimp there. And yes, I'm the shortest person in my family.


Suzanne (Under the Covers Book blog) | 474 comments Maybe I need to come to Texas then : ) I am in the second shortest in my family at 5'8", my sister, brother and dad are taller then me!


message 49: by Zee (new)

Zee Monodee (zee_monodee) | 688 comments I'm 5"3 too, but Indian men don't tend to be much over 5"7. I'm lucky my man is 5"10, but I did date a guy once who was shorter than me, and 'worse', his hips were slimmer than mine! Total dealbreaker there too for me, lol! :)


message 50: by Wan (new)

Wan (wanwaddell) | 252 comments Zee wrote: "I'm 5"3 too, but Indian men don't tend to be much over 5"7. I'm lucky my man is 5"10, but I did date a guy once who was shorter than me, and 'worse', his hips were slimmer than mine! Total dealbrea..."

That's 4 sure. My hero can't be skinier than me.


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