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Middle-earth Generally > Tolkien Joke

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message 1: by Michael (new)

Michael | 453 comments Mod
Last night I dreamt that I had written The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, but I was just Tolkien in my sleep.


message 2: by Elizabeth (new)

Elizabeth (elizabethnovak) Lol, sounds like a nice dream.


message 3: by Sidhe (new)

Sidhe Prankster (sidheprankster) | 28 comments LOL! You know they have sleep clinics for that issue!


message 4: by Connor (new)

Connor (connork) | 38 comments I was kinda hoping for a good joke and I read about a dream of being the coolest author ever. I'm disappointed I don't get my joke, but I'm envious of your dream :-)


message 5: by Molly (new)

Molly Lovelady (penguintraveler) | 16 comments What did Frodo say when he saw the trees dancing?
"That’s ENT-tertainment!"


message 6: by Connor (new)

Connor (connork) | 38 comments Haha! :)


message 7: by Connor (new)

Connor (connork) | 38 comments Michael wrote: "Last night I dreamt that I had written The Hobbit and the Lord of the Rings, but I was just Tolkien in my sleep."

Oh! Haha! I finally get the "Tolkien in my sleep" part! Rofl! I'm so slow!


message 8: by Michael (new)

Michael | 453 comments Mod
Slow burners are the best, Connor :-)


message 9: by Connor (new)

Connor (connork) | 38 comments Haha! Unless you are running late for a job and trying to scramble eggs for breakfast...


message 10: by Connor (new)

Connor (connork) | 38 comments Sorry.... That was kind of lame..... That's a taste of my friends' and my humor.


message 11: by Michael (new)

Michael | 453 comments Mod
Never apologise for your sense of humour - the world would benefit from more laughter :-D


message 12: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Loving the jokes! Here is another...

"Why was Lord of the Rings made into a movie?
The fans were Baggins for it."


message 13: by Larry (new)

Larry Ok, these "jokes" are bad. I am going to have to put my Proudfoot down, or is that my Proudfeet?

I'm loving this thread.


message 14: by Christa VG (new)

Christa VG (christa-ronpaul2012) Hahaha, so funny. Don't fell bad Connor it took me a while to get the "Tolkien in my sleep" joke too.

What is Gollum's favourite bird? A Smea-gull.


message 15: by Christa VG (last edited Sep 03, 2012 12:54PM) (new)

Christa VG (christa-ronpaul2012) Found this yesterday and this thread seemed a good place to put it. I think you all know the tune. To be sung outside the thearter while waiting to get into the Hobbit.

12 Days of Christmas LOTR Style


On the first day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, one ring to rule them all.

On the second day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the third day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the fourth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the fifth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the sixth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the seventh day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the eighth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor, and one ring to rule them all.

On the nineth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the tenth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.

On the eleventh day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, eleven gems from Moria, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor, and one ring to rule them all.

On the twelfth day of Christmas a wizard gave to me, Twelve Elves of Lorien, eleven gems from Moria, ten of Gandalf's fireworks, nine Fellowship members, eight talking trees, seven men of Rohan, six smelly orcs, five undead Wraiths, four little hobbits, three lembas bread, two sons of Gondor and one ring to rule them all.


message 16: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Christa - Ron Paul 2012 wrote: "Found this yesterday and this thread seemed a good place to put it. I think you all know the tune. To be sung outside the thearter while waiting to get into the Hobbit.

12 Days of Christmas LOTR S..."


Wow, that is amazing! I am so going to sing a LOTR twelve days of Christmas this December!!!


message 17: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Christa - Ron Paul 2012 wrote: "Hahaha, so funny. Don't fell bad Connor it took me a while to get the "Tolkien in my sleep" joke too.

What is Gollum's favourite bird? A Smea-gull."


*Laughing* so funny! :)


message 18: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Q: How many quarters does it take to play that new Lord of the Rings pinball game???


A: None: it only takes Tolkiens


message 19: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Celeborn: "Do you always have this much trouble making decisions?"

Galadriel: "Yes and no."

2-
Where did the Elven dentist live?

At the mouth of the Anduin...


message 20: by Christa VG (new)

Christa VG (christa-ronpaul2012) HAhahah!! All three of those are relaly good, I like the Galadriel one the best.


message 21: by Christa VG (new)

Christa VG (christa-ronpaul2012) In a couple of weeks I am going to a ball for english country dancing, this months theme is "Bilbo's Belated Birthday Ball." I am so excited, anyone knew where I can get some hobbit feet?


message 22: by L.M. (new)

L.M. (lmsherwin) | 9 comments If I had been drinking anything while reading some of these, I totally would have spewed water all over my desk! Great jokes, guys!


message 23: by Joanne (new)

Joanne | 79 comments thank you all for the pleasant laughter. I needed that.


message 24: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Brilliant! x


message 25: by Molly (new)

Molly Lovelady (penguintraveler) | 16 comments How did Frodo ruin the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring!


message 26: by Michael (new)

Michael | 453 comments Mod
Molly wrote: "How did Frodo ruin the boxing match?

He tried to destroy the ring!"


:-D


message 27: by Molly (new)

Molly Lovelady (penguintraveler) | 16 comments These aren't mine but I just had to share! Here are some amusing puns...



Sauron has apparently become sore from hanging at Barad-dûr and will install cushions. They will call them eyePads.

Treebeard needs to get to the root of the problem with the Entwifes. Or am I barking up the wrong tree here?

Gandalf walks into a bar. The bartender says “good, we could use some more staff here”


message 28: by Melissa (new)

Melissa (lostunicorn) An elf walks into a bar. A hobbit laughs and walks under it.


message 29: by Arok (new)

Arok | 23 comments Melissa wrote: "An elf walks into a bar. A hobbit laughs and walks under it."

Lorilol. (Elvish for LOL)


message 30: by MCTTAN (new)

MCTTAN | 4 comments What happened when Sam pulled Gandalf’s finger for a second time?
Gandalf released Morwen.


message 31: by L (new)

L | 132 comments To enter the Tower of Ecthelion, one has to pass through a series of doors. When young Eomer was visiting Minas Tirith, Boromir took him to the tower and taught the ritual for entering. They go through the first door and a normal walk, they march through the 2nd, they goosestep throught the third, they hopt through the 4th, they do a John Cleese silly walk through the 5th, when they get to 6th, Eomer ask how many further doors are there, and why can't we just walk in. Boromir says ~ "One does not simply walk into more doors"


message 32: by Andy (new)

Andy Bird | 13 comments Just heard this one:

What do you call an ensemble of Orcs?

An Orchestra


message 33: by L (new)

L | 132 comments Time for some funny punny to lighten' up my dull evening..

"Jeez Ryan, you don't have to be so Smaug about it!!"

Hahaha Lol!

'you know -- bad puns can be Hobbit-forming!' :D Hahaha... really my bad! jeez


Hey! Heads-up.. listen to this folks! Beorn to be wild!!!

Oh Jeez, I'm such a lame duck Lol

'What?' 'To coin a phrase, I wasn't Tolkien to you!'


Okay, time for me to hit the sack, as I am all tuckered out from writing and thinkin' so much!!


message 34: by Gloria (new)

Gloria Sun (sunrequiem) | 9 comments These aren't mine, but are still brilliant!

I'd talk about all my Tolkien ships, but Feanor & Co. burnt them all.

I can't do this test, Sam.
I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be in this class. But we are. It's like in the great lectures, Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. Sometimes you didn't want to know the ending, because how could the end be happy? How could I think again, after all that studying? But in the end, it's only a passing thing. This final, even darkness must pass. A new class will come. And when your grade shines, it'll shine all the clearer. Folk in those lectures had lots of chances of dropping out but they didn't. They kept going because they were holding onto something.
What are we holding onto, Sam?
You still have a GPA, Mr. Frodo. And it's worth fighting for.

You were slapped on one cheek, yes...but what about the second cheek?

Gandalf: You shall not pass
Obi-Wan: I shall pass
Gandalf: You shall pass

Far over the big fridge-freezer cold.
To cupboards deep, and pantries old.
We must avast, ere break of fast,
Eat all the things-the grumble told

The hunger roaring on the height.
The stomach moaning in the night
The thoughts were spread, with chocolate spread.
Our eyes like saucers glazed with light.

You know THorin, Fili and Kili, Dwalin and Balin, Oin, Gloin, Ori, Dori, Nori, Bifur, Bofur, and Bombur
But do you recall
The most famous little one of all?

Bilbo the little hobbit
Had a very shiny sword
And if you ever saw it
You would even say it glows

All of the other dwarves
used to laugh and call him names (like incompetent!)
They never let poor Bilbo
join in any Dwarvish games (like slaying orcs!)

Then one foggy Misty Mountain eve
Gandalf came to say:
"Bilbo with your ring of might
won't you sneak to Smaug's cave tonight?"

Then all the dwarves loved him
as they shouted out with glee
Bilbo the little hobbit
Share this gold with me

I call my phone J.R.R. Tolkien.
Because it's the lord of the rings. (ba-doom chi)

Ring around the dwarvesies
Pocket full of orcsies
Axes axes
They all fall down

You're as useless as a shoe shop in The Shire.

Frodo: I will take the gig to Mordor.
Aragorn: You have my chord
Legolas: And my bow
Gimli: And my sax!

These jokes are Kili'n me :D

Have a great day everyone!


message 35: by Mary (new)

Mary Herceg (aerelien) Gloria wrote: "These aren't mine, but are still brilliant!

I'd talk about all my Tolkien ships, but Feanor & Co. burnt them all.

I can't do this test, Sam.
I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be..."


These had me laughing, Gloria, thanks for sharing! :D I thought the second one (with Frodo and Sam's test) was particularly hilarious - and it especially resonates with me right now, since I'm in the middle of midterms, haha! :)


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