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message 1: by Jen (new)

Jen Hi everyone my name is Jen and I enjoy writing (obviously). Mostly I write poetry but I might post links to some of my other novels I am currently working on. I apreciate all critiques so please be honest and tell me what you think!


message 2: by Jen (new)

Jen Here is a poem I just wrote today, I hope you like it!
*Bleeding Ink*
Warily,
I pick up the
Jagged
Pieces of my
Broken heart,
Not wanting to cut myself
On the fragile
Tiny bits of crushed
Red.
The doctors slowly
Stitch it back
Together
But with thread
Black as ink.
They must not have realized,
Ink bleeds.
Now my heart,
Once sparkling red,
Has black
Seeping
Into every
Crack and crevice
Which were formed
When he
Ripped it out,
Shattered it,
And left the pieces
On the floor
For the wind
To blow
Away.


message 3: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments I really like all those metaphors you stitched into your poem, and how you sort of "broke" the poem into short phrases. I love it!


message 4: by Jen (new)

Jen Thank you! And the "broken phrases" style is called free verse:)


message 5: by Jen (new)

Jen I also write poems with rhymes like this one:
*Happy Ever After*
I don’t know why I asked
About who you loved last.
I guess I just wanted to make sure it was me
Before I went and set you free.
Secretly I may still want you
But I should know that we are through.
I realize I’ve already had my chance
At our happy-ever-after romance.
No longer is it my turn,
And you aren’t looking for me to return.
Just give me the chance to say
I’ll never forget how you carried my heart away.
And our memories I’ll always remember
And you will always be my defender.
So now my knight
Think of me tonight.


message 6: by Talia (new)

Talia | 605 comments Jen wrote: "Thank you! And the "broken phrases" style is called free verse:)"

Oh haha, I'm not very knowledgeable in poetry sooo yeah


message 7: by Jen (new)

Jen thats ok! I don't know much either. I only know free verse which means you can do whatever you want and Haiku which is in the first line 5 syllables, the second line- 7 syllables, and the third line- 5 syllables.


message 8: by Jen (new)

Jen *RAIN*

I stand here listening to the pitter patter,
Wondering how such tiny drops of water can create such clatter.
And as I watch, each one splatters
And as I watch, each one shatters.

I stand here with an umbrella in the rain,
Letting the wind blow away my pain.
I watch sadly and in vain
As each drop hits the ground and is slain.

Then suddenly the water is pouring
And the sky starts loudly roaring.
Into me the fast coming droplets bore
Since a gust of wind made my umbrella soar.

Now drenched and entirely wet
Coming out this far from home I regret.
And in this chaos, the way home I forget,
But then hope fills me when I see a silhouette.

I try to call to make my presence known,
But by the whirling wind my words are blown
And the opposite direction they have flown.
So since the person cannot hear I am left in the rain alone.


message 9: by Autumn (last edited Nov 07, 2010 01:14PM) (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Jen wrote: "Here is a poem I just wrote today, I hope you like it!
*Bleeding Ink*
Warily,
I pick up the
Jagged
Pieces of my
Broken heart,
Not wanting to cut myself
On the fragile
Tiny bits of crush..."


The emotion of this poem was so raw and beautiful. It took over my entire being and literally left me breathless. Now I just want to crawl in a corner and cry. Excellent! :D


message 10: by Jen (new)

Jen Thanks!A reaction like that is always appreciated by a poet:)


message 11: by Autumn (last edited Nov 07, 2010 01:17PM) (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Lol. No problem. And I understand. I am quite obsessed with poetry myself.


message 12: by Jen (new)

Jen really did u post any of it? I'll have to read it.


message 13: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments OHKAY! Ha ha. I recently compiled the majority of my poetry here: *shamelessly advertises linkage*

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 14: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Jen wrote: "*RAIN*

I stand here listening to the pitter patter,
Wondering how such tiny drops of water can create such clatter.
And as I watch, each one splatters
And as I watch, each one shatters.

I ..."


I like it. The feelings are strong and real. But some of the rhymes feel a >teensy< bit forced. BUT JUST A LITTLE! And I still love it! :D


message 15: by Jen (new)

Jen Yeah its that I write one poem a day so I just wanted to get over with it today and I probably didn't pay as much attention to the rhymes as I usually do.


message 16: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Ha, I understand. Rhymes can be a pain. It's still good though!


message 17: by Jen (new)

Jen Thanks! I read a few of your poem and I'll be sure to read the others. They are AMAZING-- you did a really great job on them, well done!


message 18: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Thank you! :D


message 19: by Jen (new)

Jen no problem:) If you would like to read more of my poetry (i have a LOT) here is the link:

http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/6...


message 20: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments YAYY. More poetry! Ha. I'll read it once I finish my poster ;P


message 21: by Jen (new)

Jen LOL 8D ok thanks so much i really appreciate it!


message 22: by Jen (new)

Jen *Crowd of Mistakes*
I am singled out,
Made visible
In a place I wish to go unseen
In a place I don’t want my presence known.
She pulls me out
In a crowd of mistakes,
When no one knew anything.
I am made a fool
As she tries in simpler terms
To explain what I already know.
Frustrated I obey and repeat,
What she has instructed of me
But I end in failure,
Again.
She doesn’t realize
I understand
But am unable to do
What she commands.


message 23: by Jen (new)

Jen Yeah so I'm not really liking the way the poem above turned out. so here is todays POTD and it is much better i think:)
****
Each and every day I see him
And everyday loneliness fills my heart to the brim
Because he sees,
Right through me.
But for some reason today
He finally looked my way
And whispered a single word
But I acted as if I hadn’t heard.
Then he asks why I didn’t respond
(And this is the first time that he’s talked on and on).
But I quietly do
And he would have heard if he really wanted to.
I whispered to see if by chance
He would look at me again and not just glance.
He may not remember what happened
But two years ago is when my heart blackened.
It seemed that we would always be together
But he was as unpredictable as the weather.
And for that short period of time
I really believed he was mine.
But I guess good things aren’t meant to last
And though he might have, I will never forget the past
For my heart was shattered like glass.


message 24: by Jen (last edited Nov 09, 2010 12:37PM) (new)

Jen **CHAINS**
The real me they do not know
For the real me I do not show.
Through my laughter they do not see,
The broken girl that is me.
All of them sit and listen
But not to the real me, who is hidden.
I can’t explain to them
How heavy the sadness on my heart has become.
They cannot see how shattered I am inside.
They can’t see the truth lurking behind my lies.
And when I want to be quiet
They will not allow for me to have time that is private.
Instead they sit there begging
But I stay quiet while my heart starts slowly tearing.
And the continuous pain is unbearable
And the damage done is not repairable.
For my heart and its jagged pieced are scattered
And explaining that to them, they wouldn’t think it mattered.
So now I am a girl in tattered remains
And to my heart, sadness is chained.


message 25: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
Jen wrote: "*Crowd of Mistakes*
I am singled out,
Made visible
In a place I wish to go unseen
In a place I don’t want my presence known.
She pulls me out
In a crowd of mistakes,
When no one knew anythin..."


I loved that.

I'm going to give you the same advice my dear friend Kim once gave me. You are much better at writing poetry when you aren't trying to rhyme.


message 26: by Jen (new)

Jen Thank you, I really appreciate any advice I can get:)


message 27: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
I just think that the free verse poems you have up here have so much more emotion and depth than the ones that rhyme. But I like free verse poetry better personally already, so that might have something to do with it.


message 28: by Jen (new)

Jen I agree with you completely, while i do write with rhymes sometimes, i think you feel more depth in the emotions if it is in free verse


message 29: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
Exactly.


message 30: by Jen (new)

Jen **Forget Me Nots**
I open my door and see forget-me-nots
Their periwinkle petals perfuming the porch as they sit in a pot.
A tear wells in my eye
But this is just like him, sending me lies.
He is the one who forced us into goodbye
So now what do these imply.
He is the one who walked away from me
And now, ‘forget me not’ he pleads?
I don’t know what changed his mind
Or if he thinks this will remind
Me of our happy days
When by him I was always amazed.
But no matter the reason I do not care,
For by him I will not again be ensnared.
I think to myself, it is only a trick
And decide to forget him by giving the flowers a kick.
And down my steps they went flying,
And I was hoping it was the end of his lying.

((happy national forget-me-not day! ))


message 31: by Jen (new)

Jen **Trapped**
You paralyze me with your icy eyes
And whisper to me your secrets and lies.
But you don’t know I don’t want to hear
About all the innocent people you made disappear.
I close my eyes not wanting to see,
The key on your neck that could set me free.
I never saw you coming
But when you appeared, so did the struggling.
I tried my best to breakaway,
For I did not want to become your prey.
Now I am tied up and missing
And behind these closed doors I am desperately wishing
Someone would come to my aid
To help me out of this place, to help me evade.
For I have been kidnapped.
For I have been entrapped.
And behind this closed door
I will not last much more.


message 32: by Jen (new)

Jen **LOST**
I am being blown away,
But am not tightening my grip to stay.
Wind is whipping my hair behind my head
Blowing away the words that I said.
I scream, I shout
But still the sound is drowned out.
The rain has started slapping the ground,
Drenching me and everything around.
I am terrified and shaken
But no one cares about a lost girl’s worries so they leave her forsaken.
I am told ‘grow up’, ‘stopping acting like a child’,
Making my emptiness grow and compile.
I don’t want their attention,
Only help and suggestions.
But no one wants to take the time
To hear about the troubles that are mine.
I only need one person
To listen, so the sadness overtaking me won’t worsen.
People see how lost I am inside,
But guidance I am denied.
So instead they leave me to my thoughts
Still entirely distraught.
Alone in the wind and rain
My everlasting pain
Is the only thing keeping me from blowing away
But I do not wish to stay.


message 33: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
Jen wrote: "**Forget Me Nots**
I open my door and see forget-me-nots
Their periwinkle petals perfuming the porch as they sit in a pot.
A tear wells in my eye
But this is just like him, sending me lies.
H..."


<3


message 34: by Jen (new)

Jen Thanks:)


message 35: by Jen (new)

Jen **BLOOD**
Down my finger
Flows a sliver
Of bright red blood.
It drops
Onto my white,
Pristine paper.
The liquid puddles,
Then seeps,
And spreads further
On the blank sheet.
A red
Blossom
Flourishes
As petals
Peel back and reveal
An intricate design.
Then tears glide
Down my cheeks
And sprinkle the flower
With my despair.


message 36: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Jen wrote: "**BLOOD**
Down my finger
Flows a sliver
Of bright red blood.
It drops
Onto my white,
Pristine paper.
The liquid puddles,
Then seeps,
And spreads further
On the blank sheet.
A red
Blo..."


That was creepy.


message 37: by Jen (new)

Jen yeah a lot of my writing is creepy


message 38: by Jen (new)

Jen **What Lies Beneath the Surface**
Her deep eyes wash over me
And I know she can see
Right through my false façade
Filling me with guilt and making me flee.

She knows I am lying through my teeth
To keep the real me underneath
Because I am truly shattered
And I can’t show my broken remains beneath.

Continuously into me her eyes bore
Waiting to see sight of the me from before
But this is now who I am
And the old, broken me is no more.

No longer will I be pushed and shoved
Even if it means leaving the one I have loved
She has to understand
Though I’m not with her she will always be my beloved.

But now with her eyes burning
I worry about her hurting
And I realize
For her I will never stop yearning.

Leaving her was a mistake
And I wish she would stop making my heart ache
Because every time I remember leaving
I see her heart crack and break.


message 39: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Jen wrote: "yeah a lot of my writing is creepy"

But it was in a good way. Ha ha.


message 40: by Jen (new)

Jen lol yeah. hey, if it keeps people coming back for more than the creepier the better!


message 41: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments YES! :)


message 42: by Jen (new)

Jen :)


message 43: by Jen (new)

Jen This is the link to my new story and I would love to know I you like it and what you think!
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/2...


message 44: by Jen (new)

Jen Should Have Known
I should have known.
Being with you would get me nowhere but alone.
I am broken hearted
Now that we have parted.
I gave you my soul. I gave you my love.
But when you saw her, you gave me a shove.
Never have I been more hurt and in pain
Than when you left me for her in a vain
Attempt to get something new
Because I wasn’t good enough for you.
Trying to stop you, I grabbed your hand
But you already had your mind set to disband.
Repeatedly I called and called
But you didn’t listen so I bawled.
Then he came along to help me
And I let him because, thanks to you, I am free.
When I was with him and saw her laughing with you
I would wonder if you could, would you undo
What you did to my heart so fragile?
Would you return to your damsel?
But then I remember, I have someone else too
And he helped me get over you.
Then in just a while
I see you without her. Without a smile.
It just goes to show
You reap what you sow.
When you take hearts and make them brake
Yours too will be filled with ache.
So now you walk alone.
You should have known.


message 45: by Elliott (new)

Elliott | 22636 comments Mod
Jen wrote: "**What Lies Beneath the Surface**
Her deep eyes wash over me
And I know she can see
Right through my false façade
Filling me with guilt and making me flee.

She knows I am lying through my te..."


It's a rhyming poem! That I LIKE! :D Nice job.


message 46: by Jen (new)

Jen thanks! i am really proud of that one :D


message 47: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments Jen wrote: "Should Have Known
I should have known.
Being with you would get me nowhere but alone.
I am broken hearted
Now that we have parted.
I gave you my soul. I gave you my love.
But when you saw her..."


The times a day I wish for a like button are far too many.


message 48: by Jen (last edited Dec 01, 2010 02:29PM) (new)

Jen what do you mean? there is a like button at the bottom of my writng page. here is the link:
http://www.goodreads.com/story/show/6...

these are all of the poems i have written:P


message 49: by Autumn (new)

Autumn (flwurautumn) | 4987 comments I wanted to like it here :)


message 50: by Jen (new)

Jen oh lol. that would be nice if there was a like button here as well ;p


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