Chicks On Lit discussion


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message 1: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
As our group continues to grow and develop I wanted to add a quick heads-up sort of post.
There have never been "rules" here and I truly don't think they are needed as long as we continue to show respect for everyone. I believe if that is done then rules aren't necessary.
I do want to post some reminders and thoughts and welcome all of yours as we continue to develop and the personality of the group is etched out.

* Text is hard to relay and read emotion into. What you read as someone being snide may actually be someone making a joke. What you intended to be informative someone may takes as rude. It is so hard to tell and relay emotions and intent through text when you don't know the person and cant hear the inflection of their voice or see the smile on their face as they type. Assume the best and try to insure that your intent is clear.
* We are all women at different stages and on different paths in our lives. Some of us have been there done that and others are carving their path down their road. We all have something to teach and something we can learn. Be open to it.
* Make your voice heard. Start threads and feel free to participate on any of them. In a group this size be prepared for someone to disagree with you or have a different opinion but there will also be those that agree with you and rally around your thoughts. Our different prespectives and thoughts make us unique and should be celebrated even when we disagree. You will find friends and make bonds when you share of yourself.
* Not everyone is going to get along. In a group of this size it is unrealistic to expect everyone to get along. Sheesh half the time I can barely get along with my siblings and there's only two of us. You are not going to like everyone and as wonderful as you are there is going to be someone that you likely rub the wrong way. That's okay. It's okay as long as we keep it respectful. There is no room for petty or personal attacks here. Take it to private discussion or better yet don't engage in them. The only thing I believe we can not tolerate are public attacks on one another. I can't and won't moderate what happens between members in private emails and discussions but I can insist that insulting remarks about each other are not on the board. That goes back to the respect issue of course and it is the one "rule" that if broken will mean another group is probably more suited to you.
* We are women. Let's celebrate that! I truly think the biggest fight we have is often ourselves. We tend to tear each other apart long before society or men get the chance to. I also firmly believe that the bond of womanhood, if embraced, is one of the most poweful forces on earth. Let's find opportunities to celebrate each other, to support, to teach and learn from each other and to work together in building an enviroment that fosters and grows strong healthy female relationships, because I believe that is a powerful tool to have in your life.

Those are some of my thoughts and I welcome all your thoughts and suggestions as we go forward.
Thanks to everyone who has already made this an awesome group. I am so excited to be part of you and look forward anxiously to see how things continue to grow.

message 2: by Holli (new)

Holli I wholeheartedly agree with and love what you wrote here! This is fantastic and I hope everyone takes a second to stop and read this post from you. Thank you for establishing boundaries for the group as only a woman can!!! Men could never say what you said so eloquently ;)

message 3: by Amanda (new)

Amanda (randymandy) | 467 comments Tera, rock out, sista!
R-E-S-P-E-C-T, right?

message 4: by Meg (last edited Jul 22, 2008 08:06AM) (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments
Very well said. I thing group norms are important. I hope everyone reads this thread and abides by it. Perhaps a group email to all our members so no one misses it?

message 5: by Emily (new)

Emily (ejfalke) | 576 comments Right on, woman, right on. The information age brings us a lot of good things (like getting to know wonderful women that you wouldn't ordinarily get to know), but it has its challenges. I so love that you said we all have something to learn from each other. I have really learned that - where would any of us be without some guidance from someone who's been there, or a fresh thought from anyone who can give us one? Heaven knows we all get stuck in our ways a little too much! (Well, maybe I should speak for myself only, but I know I get stuck in my ways!)

message 6: by Sandy (new)

Sandy (sandila) | 75 comments I've don't get to post much but I've really never found anyone to post anything rude. It seems like everyone is positive and trys to get along. I'm sure you see everything here though. I hope we can do just what you said. It's refreshing to come here and talk about books, learn about new books and be able to discuss things in a nice kind manner. I don't have access to a local bookclub and none of my friends have time to really read nor do they read the types of books that I like so I'm glad I found this group. I appreciate you're taking your time to organize all of this Tera and keep it going. What you wrote is very lovely.

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) Thank you and kudo's to you Tera! I am a proud member of Chicks On Lit & look upon this group fondly! Through the group you've created, I'm meeting amazing women and making wonderful friendships!

There are many instances (not that I've seen in this group) when posts on Goodreads turn into something along the lines of MySpace, which can be frustrating to those who of us who are trying to have a real discussion on a topic! (I've seen it happen many times in the writing groups here on GoodReads & it's a shame). There's a time and place for that kind of banter, of course! Just not in amongst a legit topic!

Of course in a group this large, comprised of strong women, there's bound to be differences in opinions! That's to be expected & makes things interesting and is completely not what I'm referring to above! (Just so no one mis-understands me!)

Love ya!

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) I like your way of thinking Teri!!! Good thing Tera is a bit more reserved than we are!!!

message 9: by Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (last edited Jul 23, 2008 11:08AM) (new)

Bloomin’Chick (Jo) aka The Eclectic Spoonie (bloominchick) I'm Jersey Girl too!!! ;)

message 10: by Meg (new)

Meg (digiart) | 6 comments Your wisdom in these remarks is wonderful. Thanks for the comments.

message 11: by Meg (new)

Meg (digiart) | 6 comments I think there are two Meg postings and group members. Luckily, we seem to be on the same "wave length." I will change my username since I believe I'm the new member. This seems like it will be a great group to join.

message 12: by Meg (new)

Meg (megvt) | 3069 comments Great Megs think alike, err.............or is that minds?

message 13: by Hillary (new)

Hillary (hillarydm) | 13 comments I have found this to be a lovely group of women. As we grow, there will probably be the need for guidelines, so it's great they're out there now and not later.

I have been so busy reading I haven't had much time to respond. Thanks to all for re-igniting my interest in all things books!

message 14: by Laura (new)

Laura (apenandzen) | 1445 comments I'm new here and just found this thread, but I agree w/everyone's comments. Tera said that very well, and her comments have inspired me to invite a friend and two of my sisters to this group!

message 15: by Hannah (new)

Hannah (hannah7299) | 303 comments Well said, Tera! Thank you :)

message 16: by Kathy (new)

Kathy  (readr4ever) | 111 comments Tera, I was looking for a good place to post this comment, and I think this thread will do. I just wanted to say what a great group of ladies this group is. When I click onto this group, I immediately get a warm feeling of kindred spirits who love books and are just genuinely nice people. Not to bash any other groups in particular, but there are some snippy comments and participants in some other groups. All I see here is enjoyable discussion and good will towards all.

message 17: by Holli (new)

Holli No snippiness here Kathy....who needs that in their life!! ;) We're all about good fun and great conversation!

message 18: by Laura (new)

Laura (apenandzen) | 1445 comments This is a nice group. Goes to prove that women aren't all meow's and beeeches.


message 19: by Laura (new)

Laura (apenandzen) | 1445 comments That makes my Grinchy heart grow three sizes!

message 20: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
You know we are almost one year old and I can honestly say I have never seen a cat fight here. I am so happy to be part of this group of women and really proud of what we all have created here.

message 21: by Laura (new)

Laura (apenandzen) | 1445 comments And you deserve to be proud!

message 22: by Cindy (new)

Cindy (cyndil62) | 1774 comments Yes Tera! (pat on the back and a hug for you!) and Kathy, I know just what you're talking about!

Shelby *trains flying monkeys* I'm agreeing with everyone here. This is where I come to feel good. I don't have many "real" life friends who read and this wonderful group of women who have become my friends fills that void in my life.

message 24: by Kathy (new)

Kathy | 66 comments I always feel good after reading through the discussions here. They are thoughtful and everyone is respectful of one another.
I'm going to need another lifetime to read all the great books I'm being exposed to. LOL

message 25: by Mary (new)

Mary Crabtree (boonebridgebookscom) | 88 comments Tera and everyone: You know I really really like - okay - love this group. I'm pretty new to Good reads and only into my first week with the Chick Lit Club, but I've checked out other book clubs and none of them have what you all have here. I want to give a big high FIVE to Tera....You are so diligent in your involvement. This thread is such proof of that! Also, there are lot of boring clubs out there that don't have the spark and fun that this one has. The threads are all interesting, offer something for everyone and girl, you know how to write! I like that this group doesn't get stuck in long drawn out pontifications that aren't really club friendly. You guys are just great and I'm going to end this with a BIG THANK YOU TO TERA!

message 26: by Holli (new)

Holli Mary...isn't this group cool? I love it here. I look forward to logging on here every day and saying hi to all of my new friends. This group has meant so much to me in these months since I've joined. Friendly women, caring women, considerate women...and we have fun! I couldn't ask for anything more in a group of friends. These ladies always come through for me and I'm glad you have found us too! :)

message 27: by Debbie (new)

Debbie | 415 comments This is a great group - I'm glad I found it!

Now I have a question about - I went into my profile, I think it was, and it said my email address had been bounced so I had to verify my email address before I would start getting emails (again) from goodreads. I was wondering why I wasn't getting mail anymore with updates from what my friends were reading or TBR, etc. I was still getting email as to what new postings had been added and by whom. Just curious as to whether you have any ideas???? So I went in and verified my email address.

message 28: by Laura (new)

Laura (apenandzen) | 1445 comments I've had problems w/my email where people have gotten bouncebacks. For me, it's been a temporary Comcast issue that they had to fix. May not have anything to do w/you at all, Debbie, but I wonder if anyone else who is sending you emails may also be getting bounces.

message 29: by Felisha (new)

Felisha (sunkissedthoughts) | 4 comments Tera, this is a great post. I'm new to the group but I definitely agree that celebrating being woman and embracing positivity when reading or writing makes things most enjoyable. We as woman have an amazing opportunity to nurture those around us. This group is another one of those outlets that exist.

message 30: by LinBee (new)

LinBee Amen!

message 31: by Cathie (new)

Cathie (countrygarden) | 95 comments this is a wonderful post! i think i will go start a thread, i've been wondering...

message 32: by Tressa (new)

Tressa  (moanalisa) Right on, Tera! I have only had positive experiences here at Goodreads. But mainly it's because I stick to literature boards. I've never met such a large group of people who love literature, love to discuss it, love to recommend it, and respect different opinions about books.

If I'm making a joke, I usually put a smiley smiley or a winking smiley to convey my joking manner.

message 33: by Erika (new)

Erika I love this group! Groups of women who all respect women are hard to find - and this one has so much verve! I am very excited to start reading with you all.

message 34: by Angela (new)

Angela Holland (bookaunt) Well said Tera. Thanks.

message 35: by Gayle (new)

Gayle (gayle_h) This is a great group! Discussions are fun and reviews are terrific! I can't believe how many interesting books Chicks have mentioned here. How will I ever find time to read them all? Great job, Holli and Tera.

message 36: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) Tera, when I come here, I always feel relaxed, and everyone is friendly and accepting, even if they have different opinions. I've wondered many times what the world would be like if women were in charge. Anyone else wondered the same thing?

Elizabeth (Alaska) Scout, I think Tera has managed to perform some sort of miracle here. I doubt under most circumstances if we would find such a calm and friendly atmosphere. Working with all women, for instance, can be nothing but traumatic, and I've been in other groups where the atmosphere is tension filled.

message 38: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) Here's to Tera, then. If we had champagne glasses, we could clink:) I know what you mean about working with women - hasn't been so pleasant at times for me, so maybe this is just a place where Tera's spirit rules.

message 39: by Tera, First Chick (new)

Tera | 2564 comments Mod
You're giving me too much credit. This group is more member run than moderator run. The members make this place special and our common love of books and reading is a binding tie. There is something about sharing the love of a book or discovering the love of a new book with someone that bridges gaps created in an internet world. I just opened the door, all of you walked in and made it a home.

message 40: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) Maybe that's part of it - the common love of books. But it's obvious that there are guiding spirits here, who draw good people here. We did walk in, and we made it our home, and it's a good place to be. Thanks to you and Kathy.

message 41: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) Well, here's a thought I had today, after spending three hours with three lawyers in an insurance mediation that profoundly affected my future: Some lawyers do serve justice and help people. Anyone else had a positive experience with a lawyer?

Elizabeth (Alaska) How do you mean positive experience? My nephew is a lawyer and my daughter's boyfriend is a lawyer.

message 43: by Barbara (new)

Barbara (auntbarb) | 164 comments I myself am a lawyer. I represent indigent criminals on appeal. So I know lots and lots of lawyers, and it's true there are unbelievable jerks in the mix. But they're more visible to non-lawyers because, being jerks, they're also the loudest. There are far more regular, nice, hard working, (also well-read great story-tellers) people in the profession than not. That said, when we're working, we're obliged to advocate for our side and our side only. It's not unusual for people to take that personally, but from our point of view, there's nothing personal at all. With the possible exception of the jerks, who have control issues or whatever and have something to prove other than their cases.

message 44: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) This is what I posted. Read it carefully. It wasn't a criticism.

"Well, here's a thought I had today, after spending three hours with three lawyers in an insurance mediation that profoundly affected my future: Some lawyers do serve justice and help people. Anyone else had a positive experience with a lawyer?"

I was impressed with the attorneys and asking if anyone else had had a positive experience.

message 45: by Barbara (new)

Barbara (auntbarb) | 164 comments Oh, yeah, I understand. I didn't take offense. I just entered my comment because I know most people have a negative take on lawyers, and I thought I'd share what I know from the inside. But no, please, I wasn't complaining. I meant no offense.

message 46: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) No offense taken. I know what it's like to be the object of unfounded criticism, as I was a high school teacher. I did have a positive experience with Allison, an insurance attorney. She was prepared and competent, and she had guts.

message 47: by Jayme (new)

Jayme (jaymetheghostreader) | 4858 comments High school teachers get criticized?

message 48: by Irene (new)

Irene Hollimon | 28 comments I was glued to the O J Simpson trial a few years ago. I watched the lawyers on the screen a lot. After the trial, EVERYONE who even breathed the same air as Simpson during the trial wrote a book. I read several of those books that came out during that time.
Since then, I've come to know a few lawyers in a nonprofessional setting.
Lawyers are people too- they come in all the same versions that regular people come in- there's good ones and bad ones, tall ones, short ones, thin ones, fat ones, smart ones and lawyers you want to ask the question... You went to school where? How the hell did you even get into that place? And then you graduated too? black ones, white ones, girl ones, boy ones... you get the picture...
From what I've seen- Judge and jury if there is one really don't have much to go on to make a determination. I've been seeing a lot of custody cases over the last few years. And think about it- everyone is dressed up pretty and they've all got their story, their evidence dressed up pretty too. They can only work on the evidence that they're given. When that evidence is all prettied up and skewed, how does the judge make a fair determination?
And people we hire lawyers to pretty up the information and skew it in our favor.
"If it doesn't fit, you must acquit"
Now, is that a good lawyer or a bad lawyer?

A bad lawyer is the one that takes all my fees. I get a second mortgage on my house so I can pay my lawyer AND I don't get the outcome I want to see... I lose my case. BAD bad lawyer- I'm stuck paying this person and so and so criminal is still walking the streets. or I'm in jail because my lawyer sucked. or demon spawn has custody of the kids- the grandmother hired some hot shot attorney

I think it's not the lawyers- it's the justice system that's flawed. Now as soon as I come up with a solution to that problem and fix the justice system- I'm going to be rich and famous and win a nobel prize
oos, I was just off in a daydream.

Hiring a lawyer is more stressful than finding a good car repair place. How do you find a good lawyer? Who do you trust?

message 49: by Jayme (new)

Jayme (jaymetheghostreader) | 4858 comments I think you have a valid point Irene. It seems that the case that wins is the lawyer who has the better argument and not necessarily because it is the right thing to do. My experience comes from the lawyers I watch on tv as well. I have not had any need of a lawyer right now.

message 50: by Barbara (new)

Barbara (auntbarb) | 164 comments That's exactly right. It's like finding a good mechanic. If you don't know anybody personally who can make a recommendation, ask your local bar association. They have committees for all the specialties, and they will make recommendations from the pool of people who specialize in whatever you need.

I once represented a woman who killed her daughter, but the whole situation was just next-door to an accident. Instead of hiring a criminal defense attorney, she went to the guy who did her will, a "good ol' boy" in a small county. He apparently thought it would be fun to defend a murder case for the first time in his life, so he took her life savings, and the daughter's college fund, then did the worst job I've ever seen. She got shafted. Fortunately, the appellate court agreed with me and she at least got some sentencing relief. Very sad case.

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