Young Writers of the Future discussion

12 views

Comments Showing 1-8 of 8 (8 new)    post a comment »
dateDown arrow    newest »

Iviana (The Sign Painter) Mʘ‿ʘP (thesignpainter) Warning: Sensistive topic/issues/themes.

Is there a death scene in your writing that you're willing to share? Post away.



message 2: by Shayla (new)

Shayla (shaylaalexander) I'll post a really good one later.


A fox in a snowstorm Yes, it's the death of Rufas. The old collie

Pip set paw into the woods where evil attacked them. "Good gravy flavored dog kiblets." Sally looked at a bush, her eyes filled with familier horror. "There he is!" The Canine Killer shot out of the bush like a bullet. It crashed down, not a nose from Sally, it took off it long sword. "Die." It spoke for the first time, it's morphed voice sounded ugly and horrific. It jumped onto Sally, "what are you doing!" She cried, "you are the game." Came the morphed voice, "he thinks we are the game, like deer to a hunter, or a fox to the hound, or the fish to the bird." Night squeked. Pip flew up in the air, and he landed on the Canine Killers head again. He tore at it's cheeks. "Aroo!" The dog snarled. Pip got thrown off and hit a tree, he growled and stood back up. He saw Flight growling, and tearing at the dog's back. He perked up his ears to see Sally sliding away. "Good, now to attack." Pip snarled and lept into the air. The Canine Killer smiled, it threw Flight off, then Flight hit Pip. Night and Rufas jumped onto the dog. The dog took it's knife by the string and held it in it's razor sharp metal teeth. Then the knife swung, hitting Rufas. Slicing his belly so that blood dropped out like a bomb. Followed by a limp thud to the ground.
"God no!" Night growled and bit the Canine Killer's muzzle. Pip darted over to Rufas, blinded by tear. "Rufas?" He looked into Rufas's eyes "Pip my boy." Rufas coughed out the words, "you are a good puppy, stay that way." He gasped for air. "Oh Rufas, you shouldn't of came." Pip sighed. "Yet, I wanted to. Now Pip, Flight loves you." Rufas smiled a bit. Pip blinked. "I love her too, but Rufas we can't live with out yo-" Rufas cut him off. "As my dying request, please be mates with Flight." Pip blinked, "but Rufas." Those were the last words. Rufas's eyes went glazy. Glazed with death. Blood poured out of him and washed up onto Pip's paws. Pip's eyes widened, "no, no," then he stopped. "I had enough!" Pip bared his shiny thorn sharp teeth. He pounced onto the Canine Killer. Ripping at the dog's legs so it would collapse. As expected, the beast collapsed and snarled. Pip jumped onto it's back and bit down on it's spine, hoping to break it. The blood shot out like a pistal. The beast closed it's eyes, forever. "You killed it!" The Princess's shreik made him jump. "You actually killed it!" Flight stared at the lifless body. "Yet, Rufas died." Pip felt tears stream down his face. Mixing with the blood, the tears turned red. "Let's go home." Sally breathed for the first time of the journy. "You can't! Look!" Night pointed his snout to gleaming yellow eyes, with a pair of green eyes beside it. The dogs came out, young dobermans, with metal teeth, metal claws, and the knife hanging off their backs. "Oh god." Night snarled. (You didn't think I would kill her that quickly did you? The blood bath is just beginning.)

I added a bit extra lol


message 4: by Shayla (last edited Nov 13, 2010 01:46PM) (new)


message 5: by [deleted user] (new)

Here's mine. Kinda long, I know.

“Did you give it to her?” He asked. His voice was too sugary. It was sickening to Harlow's ears.
Lee-Elba nodded and Harlow asked, “What? Give what to whom?”
Ian and Lee-Elba turned to look at Harlow, smiles glued to their faces. “Your medicine,” Lee-Elba said.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, Harlow’s throat felt like it was on fire. It burning and melted, sending molten heat throughout her body.
She moaned loudly, holding her neck. “M-medicine,” she choked out.
Lee-Elba nodded and Ian shook his head. Lee-Elba looked at him. “Yeah, it’s medicine. You told me it was. That’s why I agreed to it…” Ian continued to shake his head. “Then what is it?”
Ian sighed and said, slowly and quietly, “Poison.”
Lee-Elba said that she couldn’t understand him, so he repeated himself.
“Poison?” Lee-Elba asked. Ian verified, “Yes, poison.”
Harlow coughed, her throat still smoldering. When she covered her mouth with the back of her hand, she pulled it back with little, tiny specks of red.
“What is it doing to her?” Lee-Elba asked as she watched her sister kneel down as she coughed and burning internally.
“The poison will seep into her bloodstream and make her experience exsanguination.”
“What?” Lee-Elba asked as she knelt beside Harlow, trying to find a way to help her dear baby sister.
“She will bleed to death,” Ian clarified.
Lee-Elba’s mouth hung ajar. “Harlow…you…you wanted to kill Harlow? She was right about you!” Lee-Elba cried. She looked at her sister, coughing up more and more blood. Harlow screamed.
“It’s so hot!” She wailed.
Some people from the dance floor were making their way over to see what was going on. One looked familiar…it was Cat.
“Cat,” Harlow wheezed. “It’s Cat…”
Lee-Elba looked up. “Cat, Cat! Ian’s a murderer! He killed my great-grandparents and his sister and Galilea and now Harlow! Help me, help me, help me…” Lee-Elba began to sob and howl and Cat bent down to see if she could do anything. While Harlow’s mouth began to send out steady flows of blood, Ian backed away, across the room, toward the beads. But then people from the dance floor stood in front of the door and blocked his way. He frantically looked for a way out, sweat beading on his forehead, but all of the members of the club blocked every exit.
Harlow’s blood was pooling on the floor, and she was beginning to feel dizzy and wonky. She couldn’t make words out of Lee-Elba and Cat’s words. She couldn’t recognize the blurry shapes floating around her. She couldn’t define smells that wafted into her nose…grapes, fire, and lots of pennies…
A small bright light appeared before Harlow’s face and she tried to focus on it, but she couldn’t. She thought she heard Catastrophe mumble some numbers…a nine and a one and another one…but she couldn’t be sure. What was sticking to her hands?
That was it. Harlow couldn’t hold herself up anymore. Lee-Elba’s hands were firmly gripping her arm, as if telling her to hold on to something, anything, but she couldn’t anymore. It was too hard.
Harlow put her hands out to hold her. She was on all fours now, but there seemed to be a weight on her back, pushing her down, down, down, down, down, further and further, until she couldn’t resurface. And then she went down completely, her right cheek submerged in the red puddle. She opened her eyes, though they were heavy, and stared at what she thought was Lee-Elba.
“Sing for me,” she demanded with a small voice.
“Sing what?”
“Green swans…” Harlow asked, her eyes closing again.

Groene zwanen, witte zwanen,
Wie wil er mee naar Engeland varen?
Engeland is gesloten,
De sleutel is gebroken.
En er is geen enkele smid in het land
Die onze sleutel maken kan?
Laat door gaan,
Laat door gaan,
En de laatste zullen we vangen.
Green swans, white swans,
Who joins us to sail to England?
England is locked,
the key is broken,
and there is no blacksmith in the country.
Who could repair our key?
Let them pass;
let them pass,
and the last one we will catch.


Lee-Elba’s voice cracked many times and she sort of butchered the Dutch, but it was still pretty to Harlow.
“One more time…” she asked. A tiny, weak smile was upon her lips.
Harlow heard Lee-Elba’s sobs as she tried to sing it again, then she heard vague footsteps coming closer. Then Cat was screaming and Lee-Elba was bawling harder than ever. Harlow closed her eyes as more footsteps came toward her.
She was barely aware of being lifted onto a stretcher and taken outside. It was very cold. Harlow made her hand flop over the edge, searching for Lee-Elba’s hand. Harlow’s hand was held, by Lee-Elba or not. She didn’t know whose hand it was for sure, but the hand was warm and she liked the substance as she slipped out of it.
They hoisted her up, and the warmth in her hand was gone. Harlow was confused. Why had Lee-Elba let go?
It didn’t matter. Since Lee-Elba had let go, so would Harlow.
And she did.
There was a steady beating, then it slowed, and then it was just one note, playing and erasing all silence. But she was gone.


A fox in a snowstorm :( I cried :( D: but very good :D


message 7: by [deleted user] (new)

Thanks a bunch.


message 8: by Ella (new)

Ella (ellarosewood) | 238 comments Mod
I said I was only going to be gone an hour, but when I got home my sickly daughter was still in the bath. I knocked on the bathroom door. "Hunny, what soup would you like?" when she didn't answer I turned back around. "Scwish Schwish" I looked down, the floor was wet. "You need to stop the water Hunny!" I walked over to the kichen, and started some Tomato soup. After awhile I walked back to the bathroom, ad knocked again. "Hunny i am going to open the door if you don't answer." After ten minuets I foud the key, i opened the door and sloshed through the inch high water. To find that my beautiful daughter was laying limp in the bathtub, not a drop of water on her face.


back to top