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Writers N-T > Nyghtfall/Laura's Writing

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message 1: by Nyghtmare (new)

Nyghtmare Yeah, let me find the link here.

message 3: by Nyghtmare (new)

Nyghtmare Post comments here.

message 4: by Nyghtmare (new)

Nyghtmare Here's my prophecy:

First there's sprains
Then sickness
Bruises and breaks
Cutting and stabbing
Ends in death

message 5: by Amina (new)

Amina  (journalistam) mmmm....

message 6: by Carina (new)

Carina Laura, you MUST write more! You really caught my attention and now I'm dying to see what happens next :D

I caught just a few things:

'I saw the deer and lept, my weight crushing the deer.'- The second use of the word deer is kinda repetative. It's not a big problem though. Just a suggestion.

'"Sometimes I worry about you. Here' go give this to Erin," he told me...'- After 'Here' you need a comma.

First' she started day-dreaming...- After 'First' you also need a comma instead of an apostrophe.

I'm was really intrigued by the whole thing, Laura! Awesome job :)

message 7: by Nyghtmare (new)

Nyghtmare Yeah, I made some typos and it gets better, I'll post more on a slow day when my depression aint so bad.

Thanks for the comment, it helps a lot to know that this one is not that terrbile.

message 8: by Carina (new)

Carina When will you write more, Laura? I really want to read the rest :)

message 9: by Amina (new)

Amina  (journalistam) wow Carina... how d'u keep up wiv evry1's riting? lol

message 10: by Carina (new)

Carina XD I kind of have to since I'm a mod. Plus I have an AWESOME memory :D

message 11: by Amina (new)

Amina  (journalistam) oooooh, prasing urself are we? :P

message 12: by Carina (new)

Carina XD you know it ;)

message 13: by Amina (new)

Amina  (journalistam) Haha. totally!

message 14: by Carina (new)

Carina XD

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