**help with life**

[Lizz (Beer, Books and Boos)]

make a new topic and ask away

[Melissa]

Is this group active? I just joined and am new to goodreads, not real sure how the groups work

[The, I feel dead and alone]

Not anymore. It was active a month or two ago. Groups are where you post on whatever the topic is. There are book groups, fun groups, every kind. Just decide on which you like best and then try it. It's pretty easy to get the hang of it.

[Melissa]

Andy wrote: "Not anymore. It was active a month or two ago. Groups are where you post on whatever the topic is. There are book groups, fun groups, every kind. Just decide on which you like best and then try ..."

Thank You!

[The, I feel dead and alone]

You're welcome.

[Morgen]

Should we make a suggestion topic to suggest other groups to join? It would help get a dying group some new members and help people new to goodreads chose a few groups to join

[The, I feel dead and alone]

I think we need a suggestion topic just for you. You're putting a suggestion in every topic almost! :)

[Morgen]

Thanks? :)

[Kat]

Umm, I have a question but I'm not sure where to put it so I'm just gonna.. ya know... :)

My cheeks and head are really hot, I think I have a fever. Any suggestions? :D

((Is it just me, or is it sorta weird that I'm still happy even though I'm sick? :P))

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

Are your hands/feet cold? Are you still sweating?

[Kat]

My feet are. Sweating slightly.

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

I don't think you're sick, so much as tired in a warm area.

[Kat]

Yeah, I've had a stuffy nose ever since I had bronchitis like 3 weeks ago. *shruggies*

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

Ooh that sucks. >,<

[Kat]

Yeah...

[Kat]

It started with French. Encore packets came home last quater, and at lunch me and my friends collaborated and decided we would take French for our foreign language, since none of us did band. No big deal, I could change it next year, and plus the first year doesn't even count towards college requirements because you're learning the culture. No big deal, right?
Well apparently my father thinks differently.
We were sitting at the dinner table, and I casually bring up the subject. I had asked my mom earlier and she agreed as long as my father did. So I started off, "So, me, Anna, Kelli, and Re are gonna take French for our-" My dad instantly interupts, with disapproval and denial. "No," He says. "Your taking Spanish. French was of no use to me." I explain to him what I said up there, but he just repeats himself. I tell him that I'm not him, nor will I ever be. I want to be a nurse, or a ultra sound tech, not an engineer. He gets all mad and starts talking about logic, and being me with my temper, I yell back with how logically it doesn't matter since it doesn't matter with college anyway. In the end there were tears, an oddly quiet brother, a comforting mother, and a protective temperamental father.

I brought up the subject again, and my father made the same argument about logic and crap. I told him, "Too late!" And laughed because I already turned in the form for next year.

Tonight, I brought up the Nook. The iPad just for books with a nonglare screen and a backlight that doesn't hut your eyes. I had 100$, and I wanted to buy it before we go to Florida for spring break. I get 15$ a week, and there's two weeks 'till spring break. Mom said she'd make up the difference. Dad looked at me like I was insane and said: "Bring a book." I told him it hurts my eyes to read with a flash light, since we'd be traveling in the dark because we're going by car. Though I never finished because he interrupted me and was all: "What if you lose it? Or get sand in it?" I retorted by saying I think I can keep track of it, I kept track of my DS whenwe went to Mexico and my phone when we went to Yellowstone. Once again he interrupted me with his 'logic lecture'.

Why can't he let me do what I want? Why won't he let me finish a sentence? He does this with a lot of other things, and always puts stuff on me that's an exaggeration of what I actually did. Does he hate me? Just let me make mistakes, and learn from them old man! Let me live!

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

:/ Kat... I don't know what might be going through his head, but it might be that he's being a bit insecure in that he doesn't want you to grow up. He wants to hold some sort of power over you that he had when you were younger. It's a part of human nature.

[Kat]

I know but it frustrates me!!! He didn't do this with Michael! My dad made me wait till I was 11 to mow the grass, but Mike got to do it when he was 9. It's always been like this,

[Kat]

I have o go to sleep, thanks Ivs, see ya tomorrow

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

Well, I don't mean to sound like a smart-Alec, but you're not your brother. :/ He thinks differently of him than you.

Night, Kat.

[Kat]

Why? (Not that you should know)

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

I assume its because you're two different people.

[Kat]

I know that, but we're both his children. Why would he treat me differently than him?

[The, I feel dead and alone]

He's a dude. Guys think that boys will be ready sooner than girls. It's a part of the battle of the sexes. Men think gals are inferior and need to take longer. Well, most of them do anyway.

[Kat]

Well that's incredibly labeled. Everyone's different, and in most cases girls are more mature than boys.

[[deleted user]]

Kat, try explaining to your father how you feel. You both had/have different dreams and expectations for your life and his past. Tell him that what you want to be and what you want type of courses is entirely your own business. However, as a father, he should just help you out on the voyage of becoming a beautiful, intelligent and mature woman.

[Kat]

Thanks Frege. It's hard to talk to him, I'll try though.

[[deleted user]]

No problem. My father interrupts me a lot too.

[Kat]

Yeah, it gets really frustrating. >.<

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

K.A.T (Kismeted Analeptic Tafia) wrote: "I know that, but we're both his children. Why would he treat me differently than him?"

Again, you're two different people. You're you. Your brother's your brother. Your dad's your dad.

[Kat]

I hate it. I hate my inability to be perfect. To be smart. To be normal. I hate my sandy blonde hair, how it hangs in front of my eyes and mocks a imperfect side bang. I hate my strength, the ability to punch as hard as most boys at my school. I hate my glasses, how they block the only perspective of myself I wouldn't change. I hate how I can't make Nick feel better, Ihate how I complain about my life when he has a reason. I hate feeling helpless against his desperation of the death of his friend. I hate how it rains. I hate how I'm so mean. I hate it. I hate tears. I hate perfection. I hate decisions. I hate myself.

[Lyla]

Wow Kat. :\

[Kat]

Exactly. I feel better now after hanging out with J and Nick, but now that their gone I feel like crap again.

[The, I feel dead and alone]

*hugs Kat* We're always here for you and we all know your not perfect (which, after reading that, is what you apparently want because you hate perfection) but we still care about you. You're a great person and no one can ever change that.

[Kat]

Thanks Andy. It really means a lot.

[Lyla]

The thing I don't really understand is how you hate your inability to be perfect but hate perfection at the same time.

[Kat]

That's why I'm so desperate. There's no solution. I hate perfection because very few people posses it, so I can never have it. I hate my inability to be perfect because I always let the people I care about down, and screw everything up. There's no solution but to become the image of perfection which is different in everybodies' mind.

[The, I feel dead and alone]

Kat you're perfect enough. You're a kind hearted person. It doesn't matter if others think you're perfect as long as you think you're perfect.

[Lyla]

Kat, despite what you think, NOBODY is perfect. The only Definition of "perfect", in my opinion, is to YOUR OWN satisfaction. Nobody can tell you are are perfect or not, because they aren't perfect either.
You must learn to live how you want to live, not how other people expect of you. They can't live your life for you or make your desicions. You're the one who has to die when it's time for you to, not them. So why act like they control your life?

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default." (J.K. Rowling)

Stop beating yourself up, Kat (how ironic it is that I'm saying that). And as cliche and utterly cheesy and annoying this may sound, literally no one is "perfect", considering it doesn't freaking exist.

I could point out every single Goddamn flaw about myself. Oh wait... I've done that.

"The only way out of this labyrinth of suffering is to forgive." (John Green; Looking for Alaska)

Forgive those around you for being incredulously stupid, forgive yourself (and the human mind for wanting to have the impossible goal of perfection).

[Kat]

Dammit. I'm always the one using the topic, so don't even bother to reply because you're going to tell me the same exact thing. I just need to vent.

Over the weekend I went out of state with some girls from our troop to a rural town and stayed at Shay's house. Me and one of the girls were talking in the loft and Haley came up and she got mad because we stopped talking because we were dicussing her depression, and she was uncomfortable about the topic around other people. She thought we were gossiping about her.(Not Haley's) Then she was mad at us and then we caught her later complaining to her mom about it (Who is also the troop leader) and then Shay decided to walk around naked while getting dressed just to get attention. She's a serious pervert. Then we were out at the lake and she kept shoving us off the raft, and we kept scraping our hands. (I bruised a rib and scraped up my arm) So what was I supposed to do? I'm the only one who's stronger than her so I forcefully shoved her off the raft. She shoved me back and I went in a backwards flip into the water, almost hitting my head except my arm got stuck on the raft and scraped off the skin. I didn't cry as my ribs got slammed against the side of the raft. I never cry.

Or so I thought. So after that stressful weekend I go to math class (I take a summer course) feeling proud because after a stuggle with the homework I finally understand the material. But then we had a test and I couldn't get any of the answers and I was exauhsted and confused and I was already late and my mom had to go to work so I should've already been in the car so I started to cry. Sobbing. My teacher told me it was okay, it was only one test. But it wasn't okay. I was doing so well, I had gotten A scores on the rest of the tests. I was doing so well. But I was just overwhelmed. We were doing two units a day at the least, had an average of two tests a week and quizzezs the day before those tests so I just started to cry. Cry, cry, cry I just can't stand it. I never cry. Not when I sprained my ankle so bad they couldn't tell if it was broken and I couldn't put weight on it. Not when I bent my hand backwards. Not when I fell off my bike into a tree, not when I slammed my hand in a car door. I never cry. And now I'm crying over a test I flunked. I'm not smart, it was bound to happen one day. I knew it was coming. But now I'm crying again.

[Kat]

Bright Side:
That unit is over, we're doing fractions now. Something I rock at. Along with integers. So, I guess it's alright. Also- I'm reading Gone and Paper Towns

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

Kat Goes Rar wrote: "Dammit. I'm always the one using the topic, so don't even bother to reply because you're going to tell me the same exact thing. I just need to vent.

Over the weekend I went out of state with some ..."

Kat, you are smart and a total badass. That stuff happens. You just have to keep going and learn from whatever mistake you made. Mistakes are there to teach you what you don't know completely so that you can learn it.

[Kat]

Yeah. But I just froze. I didn't know what the answers were. They were just there.

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

It happens, Kat. Just let it go.

[Kat]

Thanks Ivi

[Iviana (The Sign Painter)]

Any time.