Language & Grammar discussion

Streams of Consciousness > Something's Living in My Britches

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message 1: by M (last edited Sep 10, 2010 07:17AM) (new)

M Something's living in my britches. I communicated the fact to my neighbor Maud, who retorted, "I always said they looked like somebody had moved out!" and she added, "What makes you think something's living in there?" I said they had put up a mailbox and set an old commode in the front yard and planted daisies in it.

message 2: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
And are they doing shade tree mechanics under the old elm?

message 3: by M (new)

M I suspect that's next. Hi, Ruth!

message 4: by Ruth (last edited Sep 10, 2010 11:56AM) (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
Hi back. Welcome to L&G. We have a few shade tree grammarians tinkering under our old elm.

message 5: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Do you mean you have fertilizer growing in your pants?

message 6: by Debbie, sardonic princess of cheerfulness (new)

Debbie (sardonicprincessofcheerfulness) | 6387 comments Mod
Hi M! Sooooo...Maud had been peering through the lace curtains then......

message 7: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) she saw the moon over miami, as he was bending down to pick up his newspaper that the paper boy dropped in his driveway.

message 8: by M (new)

M So, that explains why I always encounter Maud in the morning! I figured it was just coincidence that she went out to fetch her paper at the same time.

message 9: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) That's a good one, you never know who you will meet wearing only your bathrobe. LOL

message 10: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
Nobody wears my bathrobe but me!

message 11: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Yes, Ruth, I should hope no one else wears your bathrobe, I was just referring to Debbie's observation of Maud peering out of her lace curtain, I was just elaborating what I thought she might have seen. Is your bathrobe chenille, or cotton.

message 12: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments There are stranger road side views in Texas.

Cadillac Stonehenge Pictures, Images and Photos

message 13: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Carol where do you get your pics they are hilarious. Funny. LOL

message 14: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments Photobucket

message 15: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Yes, the good old Photobucket. Still hilarious. Tee hee.

message 16: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
Robin wrote: "Yes, Ruth, I should hope no one else wears your bathrobe, I was just referring to Debbie's observation of Maud peering out of her lace curtain, I was just elaborating what I thought she might have ..."

It was a joke, Robin. Riffing off your sentence structure.

message 17: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
Carol (Kitty) wrote: "There are stranger road side views in Texas."

That's Cadillac Ranch, a sculpture by the art group Ant Farm.

message 18: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Cute, Kitty never saw that when I was in Texas. As for Ruth, none taken. I reckoned that was what you were doing. You guys are amazing, I love this goodreads site, I am addicted. Keep up the good work. Amazing.

message 19: by M (new)

M Hey, that's my car! The one that was stolen and never recovered. I'd recognize it anywhere.

message 20: by Robin (last edited Sep 10, 2010 07:26PM) (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Which one? there are a plethora of cars on display there. tee hee.

message 21: by Robin (last edited Sep 10, 2010 09:47PM) (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) I have no idea, M's? Honest,.

message 22: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) This is a funny article, thanks Gabi.

message 23: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) M, I agree that you're indifferent to plot and seeking insight into characters.

message 24: by M (new)

M Thank you, Scout! That's the nicest compliment I can imagine getting from anyone.

This morning I went out to get my newspaper. There was Maud. I said, "Maud, it seems to me that every morning when I come out to get the paper, there you are." She smiled enigmatically and said, "Um hmm." Feeling a little uncomfortable, I said, "And Maud, it seems to me that every time I bend over to pick up my paper, you have your eyes on me." She considered me for a moment and said, "Um hmm." So I said, "I can't help but thinking those two things are somehow connected." Approaching me across the drive, Maud said in a tone of voice that did nothing to relieve my rising anxiety, "I think maybe we should have a little talk." I backed away awkwardly. "About what, for instance?" I hadn't backed away fast enough. She put her hand on me--I won't embarrass the reader by saying where--and answered, "Oh, for instance, about why you're wearing my bathrobe."

message 25: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
M wrote: "About what, for instance?" I hadn't backed away fast enough. She put her hand on me--I won't embarrass the reader by saying where--and answered, "Oh, for instance, about why you're wearing my bathrobe.""

...when pink is just not your color."

message 26: by M (last edited Sep 12, 2010 05:26AM) (new)

M Gabi wrote: "Someone is going to have to explain to me, in words of not more than 6 syllables, how the name of this page came to be.....?"

Out here, you never know what you're going to find in your britches when you get up in the pitch black to make coffee. One morning our medical records clerk arrived, not looking too well. She had gotten up in the dark and put on her pants, only to be stung twice by a scorpion that had crawled in there during the night.

message 27: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments My friend had to go to the bathroom really bad one day at work. She didn't look in the commode before she sat down;she heard something splashing in the water, she jumped up mid stream , there was a rat in the toilet, she waddled screaming out the door with her pants around her ankles. Moral of story look before squatting.

message 28: by M (new)

M Carol, that's one of the funniest things I've ever read! I'm still laughing. I know it's not supposed to be funny. I think it was the she waddled screaming out the door with her pants around her ankles part.

Look before you sit! That's the real moral of Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. Someone at our office told of a neighbor who, during a drought, had discovered a snake in her toilet. Would you believe a story like that?

message 29: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments Of course, I am gullible.

message 30: by Jan (new)

Jan (auntyjan) | 1259 comments In Australia, snakes are often found near water,so it's possible, though I haven't heard of it. However,green tree frogs often inhabit toilets...I've seen that.
We also have a very poisonous spider called the redback, which was a real hazard in the days when the toilet was separate from the house. There's even a song: *singing*

There was a redback on the toilet seat
When I went there last night
I didn't see him in the dark,
But I sure felt his bite...

You might be able to find it on youtube or something.

message 31: by M (last edited Sep 14, 2010 06:27PM) (new)

M That was Jan, reporting from Australia.

My thread has turned into an anthology of toilet horror stories! My wife is over there doing her accounting homework and laughing. She said, "At least they don't have to take out the key to start their commode!" We have the only one in the county that won't start unless you take the key out.

message 32: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) M., there's an outhouse here where you have to pay admission to go in and experience the olden days. The real thrill is that visitors are told that there's a snake in the pit underneath. To add to the excitement (unknown to the participants), a boy is hired to stand behind the outhouse with a long feather. Yeehaw!!

message 33: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Yikes, why is this thread up and running again, I thought we exhausted all the toilet and bathrobe jokes. . .. .I guess not. Don't look into your toilet bowl, you may see something staring back at you.

message 34: by Scout (new)

Scout (goodreadscomscout) I thought this thread was always up and running. Posts are in keeping with its title "Something's Living in My Britches," don't you think?

message 35: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Ah yeah.

message 36: by M (last edited Sep 15, 2010 06:22AM) (new)

M Robin, what about the guy in the little motorboat? Do you remember those ads?

Scout: I had to rescue a snake from our well last fall. I was trying to kill him with a hoe, and he retreated among the broken brick, then fell in. I lowered a gnarled pineknot down the shaft. He got tired of swimming, and wrapped himself around it, and I hoisted him up and chopped him when he tried to get away through the grass. It was a rat snake about six feet long, harmless, but I was afraid my wife might encounter him in the carport. That was a scream I didn't want to hear.

message 37: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments Speaking of varmits, my Aunt lives in the Mojave Desert and she hates mice. Her husband and her had been in an argument so she went to his truck to cool down. She was sitting in the back of the truck when she jumped up and ran to the porch where he was sitting and said where's your gun. She came back out with the 350 magnum and headed for the back of the truck with him chasing her. She is standing there ready to shoot into the side of the truck. All the while she is muttering#*#*&%#$. He finally understands the word mice,then he sees the nest of mice in the truck ,and grabs the gun away from her. She was aiming at the gas tank.

message 38: by Carol (last edited Sep 15, 2010 08:20AM) (new)

Carol | 10390 comments They jump on you and invade your space.

Another aunt was cleaning out an old shed . There was an old recliner she was wrestling out the opening. My same aunt who was shoot em up Sally started yelling mice! mice! This aunt took off running screaming bloody murder with the recliner, not knowing the mice were on the recliner.

message 39: by M (new)

M I love that! All the while she is muttering#*#*&%#$.

What is it with women and mice? When I was a kid, we took refuge in the storm cellar during a tornado, and Mom panicked when she saw a mouse. My wife isn't afraid of mice, but she may be exceptional. There isn't much she's afraid of.

message 40: by Ruth (new)

Ruth | 15767 comments Mod
I have no idea about women and mice. I thought that was just in the comics.

message 41: by M (new)

M Ruth, I'm beginning to wonder if I've had a comic-book life. How horrible! Will I ever start living the way people do in serious literature?

Carol, you have a talent for writing! I'm thoroughly enjoying your anecdotes.

message 42: by Carol (last edited Sep 15, 2010 11:48AM) (new)

Carol | 10390 comments I got a million of them. hee hee Thanks for the compliment.

message 43: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) I cannot stand mice, either, just thinking of them gives me the heebie jeebies. Even big cockroaches irk me to no end. We had one in the house one time, and my husband wa trying to trap him in a gallon jug of milk, without the milk , of course, and taped it to the cabinet, I am sure the mouse was snickering to himself, saying I am not going into that contraption. That;s my story of mice and men.

message 44: by Carol (new)

Carol | 10390 comments I did not know that cockroaches travel from house to house, until I seen one trying to get in the front door with his little bag. We sent him packing to the land of no return pronto.

message 45: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) We have some humongous ones here, we call them B-52's they click from wall to wall, and they are disgersting. At least he brought his bag, we went on a trip once and we thought we had a mouse, but apparently we have cockroaches housed in our stove, and they come out at night and party. One chewed a cracker through the cellophane seal, Gross!

message 46: by Jan (last edited Sep 15, 2010 11:11PM) (new)

Jan (auntyjan) | 1259 comments A mouse doesn't bother me but there's something terribly ugly and primitive about cockroaches. Especially the large dark brown ones! Even worse the large tropical ones that can fly! Aaaargh!

*Damsel in distress seeks knight in shining armour!*

message 47: by M (new)

M I'm just a peasant clad in a potato sack. When a damsel needs to be rescued, I hock my hovel and rent a suit of armor.

M circled a newly placed ad:
"Wanted, handsome knight, armor clad,
to save damsel from dragon."
M's trusty speedwagon
backfired, then the starter went bad.

(I wrote that on my way back from the Donut Pagoda early this morning.)

Robin, That was funny, about your husband and the gallon jug! Especially your comment, "That's my story of mice and men."

message 48: by Robin (last edited Sep 16, 2010 12:09PM) (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) thought you might like that, I am here merely for peoples amusement. LOL
What is a donut pagoda, a bakery M, why aren't you sharing your baked goods?

message 49: by M (new)

M Robin: One of my unrealized writing projects is a series of mystery stories based on the experiences my wife and I had operating a medical clinic. The Donut Pagoda is the fictional name I came up with for the little donut shop here.

Sometimes when I wake up, my stomach insists on kolaches. We live out in the country in an old, A-frame weekend house by a lake, but it's only a ten minute drive from here to the heart of town. I get up about 4:30 every morning, make coffee, and iron clothes. Now and then, about daylight, I head for the Donut Pagoda. The elderly farmers hang out there, trading stories and news, and at times it seems as though some sort of white-headed congress is in session.

message 50: by Robin (new)

Robin (goodreadscomtriviagoddessl) Cute how very quaint and picturesque. You do have a talent for writing and should follow your dreams. I giggle every time I read your posts, very humorous.

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